this is my second day of withdrawal from painkillers, which i had been taking for 4 years. along with the phisical hell i am experiencing a terrible psychological turmoil. the question on my mind is for whose sake should i stay clean? what is the meaning of life?
somebody, please, help me to answer these questions!!
Welcome to the forum and congrats on day 2. I know this is the worst day of w/d's.. What were you taking and for how long. We are all here to support you. You are going to feel a lot of depression and anxiety for a few weeks. The worst of the w/d's is over in 5 days. You aren't going to feel like running a marathon, but you are going to start to feel better. Are you taking anything to help with the withdrawals? Please let me know. Your question is a very powerful one. I am going to have to think about how to word what I think the meaning of life is. Hang in their Daisy and we will help you through this.
I could not have put that better myself. I agree with you everything you wrote. Their is a plan for all of us and we don't know what it may be. If we try to live our life in the best way possible, I think one day we will know the meaning. I think Tammy Faye in her last interview really showed how important life can be. She made me think of my mortality and I wondered if I ever could be so strong. I complain about my w/d's and then see the agony the poor woman was in. She wanted to say goodbye and she did it with dignity and grace. She had a purpose and found the true meaning of life. She showed me that no matter how bad the pain, you can get through it. She also showed me the importance of having a positive attitude.
Congrats on day 2, it is tough but like Tim said it does get better after about day 5. You will still have depression and the cravings. Maybe talk to your Dr. and see if he can give you something to help with that. I also was taking for over 4 years, percocets about 10 or so a day...
You stay clean for your sake...
As for "The meaning of life"... We are all here on this earth for a purpose, this is what i believe, some of us are still trying to figure out what our purpose is, but soon you will figure this out for yourself. When you use the pain meds, it does NOT help you to find out what the meaning of life is, cause while taking the meds, our brains are somewhere else. So therefore, leaves us wondering "who we are" "why we are here" "what good are we to others, let alone ourselves" See this is what we start and believe, but it's not us it is the drugs that make us feel that way.
What i want to say to you is, when you beat this thing, and you will, but then and only then will you begin to realize who you truely are, and why you are here, and what your purpose is in life. I am still trying to figure mine out, but i know i will one of these days.
Please, stay here and talk to us...We will help support you and give you any advice that we can. I know this is tough, but it is beatable...
You took the first step b admitting that you have a problem. So cause of that, you WILL beat this.
Stay strong, and take one day at a time...Hour to Hour if you have to.
I have a list of a few things that has helped me get through the w/d's, if you want me to i will post them to you.
thank you for your support, i really need it especially now, when it is only my second day. i had been using painkillers containing codeine for more than four years...every single day...some days i took as much as nearly hundred painkillers a day. life was easy then. i felt no responsibilities, i didnt have to make decisions, the drug took it for me. my mental developement was frozen, i "solved" all the problems by taking a pack of painkillers, and it went on like that till one day i collapsed in a supermarket and was taken to a hospital to intensive care unit. i was attached to intravenal drips and i couldnt get up to get more painkillers....so i was forced to think...i suddenly realised that i am dying slowly but steadily...
i have tryed to stop using for many times, but i always fell back. i was too scared from the pain, and not as much the physical pain as the mental one.
i know, we all CAN recover. i know, i can also stop using. but how? how do you guys cope? i am scared from the tomorrow, what if i relapse again? i am scared to talk to people, i am scared to be normal, because i dont remember what it was like to be normal. i feel like i have just been born and thrown in this life without any knowledge of what life is about. what are the people about? how do they live? how to be normal?
i would really apreciate a list of a the things that has helped you to get through the w/d's
any idea you, guys, give me is something to hang on...i feel stronger knowing that there are people like me and that they stay clean, for if you can stay clean, maybe so can i...
You are going to take one step at a time. Do not worry about tomorrow and just get through today. I am going to post the Thomas Recipe for you. I have heard to helps many. We will help and support you through this.
PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas
If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.
For the Recipe, You'll need:
1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.
2. Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store).
3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store.
4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper, Magnesium and Potassium (you may not find the potassium in the same supplement).
5. Vitamin B6 caps.
6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available).
How to use the recipe:
Start the vitamin/mineral supplement right away (or the first day you can keep it down), preferably with food. Potassium early in the detox is important to help relieve RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). Bananas are a good source of potassium if you can't find a supplement for it.
Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5.
During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.
Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.
At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.
Continue to take the vitamin/mineral supplement with breakfast.
As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.
I really feel your pain. I am slot like you in so many ways. I was taking alot of pain killers, not as many as you but enough...I was taking percocets, and if i couldn't get them i would pretty much take whatever i could get my hands on. I hated living this way. I couldn't go anywhere unless i knew i had enough pills to take with me, i have cancelled family vacations and so many other activities. If i didn't have my pills i couldn't talk to anyone, i would hide in my bedroom with the phone in my hand, wondering who i can call to get some more. I had 5 family drs. and would go to the ER so many times just to be able to get 10 or so, then BOOM they were gone just like that, and once again i found myself in the same situation time and time again. I hated who i was, for living my everday life around pills. I couldn't survive without them, I really couldn't!
There is so much more to my story, but you get the concept of it! They took over me, and made me feel like sh** inside...One day i ran out and had no way of getting them, so i had no choice but to quit. This was on June 3rd this year. I started feeling awful, cause i had no pill in me...My last pill was at 5AM that morning and around 1 that afternoon, it hit me...I had pains in my tummy and just felt shaky and just awful. I thought i had the flu, had no idea what w/d was like...Then it hit me, maybe i am going through w/d, so i looked up on the internet the signs, and Yup this was what i was going through.
I stayed in bed for a week, i felt so depressed and did not know how to be around others. I wondered how people can smile and do their everyday activities without a pill in them, Was this normal? I still ask myself, how do others smile everyday, how do others laugh, how do they be that fun person that i see them being? Was this normal? Can real people, be happy and feel good without pills? It still amazes me when i see people that are just high on life, without being high on pain meds. I want so bad to be one of them. Anyway, ii quit cold turkey on june 3rd, and went through all the w/d's and i made it 14 days without taking anything...I had NO energy what-so-ever, and felt sad, and just wanted to be alone. I couldn't be around anyone, not even my kids...This made me so sad, but i knew i had to fight this and stay strong. So i made it 14 days, then i relapsed, I am now taking 3 pills a day. Slowly cutting down. It is very hard, but i make myself do it.
I know this is so so hard to do, but if you really have your heart set on it, then you can beat this nasty thing. It takes time, and you need to be strong. The major w/d will last about 5 days. If you can just stay in bed, and don't think about tomorrow. Take one hour at a time...
Here are some things that will help you a little bit to get through this:
Imodium - for the stomach/runs
Bananas - has potasium, helps with the restless leg syndroms
Vitamin B Complex - will help a little with depression and energy
Heating pad - used behind my neck at night and on my legs
Long hot baths, help so so much...
Womans One A Day For Energy
Melatonin - it is an over the counter sleeping pill, it helped me alot!
This i think was one of the hardest things, i could not sleep at all for the first 14 nights, i was so tired, but my legs just wanted to keep going and going. I hated this so much!
I didn't have my sleeping pills then, but i wish i did...
Drink Lots of water, and most of all this Forum, i know that for me and for so many others, this site has helped me the most. You can come here anytime, and vent, or just say how you are feeling...It helps in so many ways.
I know you were taking alot of pills in a single day, It will be a huge step for you to give them up, but sweetie, let me tell you, you will begin to feel so much better, just make it past the first 5 or 6 days, and if you can do this, then you CAN beat this thing.
If you can talk to your Dr. and see about getting something for the depression, i just recently got Ativan, it does help. Calms me down when i am feeling depressed or stressed...So see if you can get some of that. Be honest with your Dr. I am sure he/she will be proud of you for making this decision and will give you something for the depression.
Also, on my day 4 or 5 can't remember which, but my husband kinda made me get out of bed and go for a walk. It killed me, it really did. I had no energy and going for a walk was the last thing on my mind. It took all i had just to be able to walk from one room in the house to the other, but i made myself go, the first few evenings we walked was hard, but i must say it really did help me. I forced myself to do this every evening, i would walk about a mile each night, and i did feel better when i got back home. So as soon as you can, try to do this. It is hard, i know...but you will feel better!!!
Please stay posting here, and if you need anything at all, just let me know...I am here alot, but sometimes have things to do, so if you post and i don't get back right away, don't worry i will ASAP...
Be strong, Stay focused, Talk to your Dr., and most of all one hour at a time.....It is only 5 or 6 days for the main w/d...You can do this!
thanx for taking your time to help me with your tips. i find them very helpful.
i am feeling excatly as you are describing, feels like you know me better than i do myself.
thank you for your support, it makes me feel stronger and i kind of start trusting myself...
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