why must we always be given ! pill to get off another Pill?

[deweyboy]

HI, I have been reading post on here for awile and I'm in the same boat. I was on roxys for 3 1/2 years then thought methadone would be the answer to my prayers no pain and no sick. Right that was the biggest mistake in my life ever. I started the methadone treatment and ended up at 120 before I knew what happened. After a year of being spaced i made the decision that I was going to get off the meds totally and started the road of dropping the first 60 mill. was so easy i was dropping a mill. a day and so on and so on. I got to 45 and decided i was super man and was going to quit on my own and that worked till about day 5 and was in so much pain i ended back up at clinic and as soon as i walk in how much you want this time. I was like WHAT! they put me up to 50 I was there for about 3 months and that whole time I started looking for ways to get off and every doctor i talked to told me same thing they know what they are doing do what ever the doc tells u. This pissed me off for the fact that the methadone clinics are private owned and they are just out to make money. I called detox and they told me it wasnt safe to detox till i got to 40 for 2 weeks. So i decided to do that. they told me to do a mill. a week. This also pissed me off even more. I did it in 2 weeks. and turned my self into detox. Another joke if you ask me, I was more dopped up in there then I was before I went in. I was on suboxin 3 pills first day then took 2 the next day. they also had me on sleeping pills 3 stomach things tring to get my stomach to stop bothering me and then tylonial for aches and then if i wanted i could start volume for anxity. i lasted 2 days and could take it and AMA from the detox. I went home and my girl and her mom was so up set cause the people at detox told her if i didn't do detox i would die. So i had her cousin come over that had just went through about the same thing but he had also been shooting for 3 1/2 years of herion. He came over looked at me and said you want to go to a meeting. This is not even 2 hours out of detox. I could barily sit there. But i did. It's been 8 days now since i been out of detox and i am 8 days clean. I have been to a meeting every day and found a sponsor. This is the only way I see any one getting off the drugs. You dont need other drugs to do it, its just going to make you have another thing to get over after you where tring to get off one thing in the first place. I know it ***** and you feel like you are going to die. You wont it takes time i still have a hard time in morning and hard time going out during day right now. I just keep doing what my sponsor and meeting tell me to do. I eat as much as possible even if its 2 chicken nuggets every few hours what ever i can eat i eat as much as possible, I also take HOT HOT showers ever hour or as much as needed. I promice you that its not easy by any means but if you chase your cleanness as much as you chased the drugs you will be good. Just remember 1day at a time. Each day I feel a little better, I mean I wish i felt good now but hey you have to remember that you didn't take pills or drugs for a few days or a month. We been doing this for awhile and it is going to take awhile to get back to felling like your normal self. But it is possible to quit if you really really want it. It will probilly be the hardest thing you ever go trough in life, but remember that the next time you go to pop a pill or a drug in your body. Each time you go back and use and then try to quit it that much harder and that much worse of detox you have to have your body go through. i only have 8 days clean and I already feel 1000 times better then i did last week, not that I'm  out running or jumping all over the place with tons of energy to waste. Its very very hard i been out today and yesterday and got sick with headache and had to come home. I come home take a excidren lay down for a few minutes and then force my self to get up eat and take a shower. It seems the more I'm up and tring to at least sit instead of laying down the more and more I feel better. I'm only 27 but if I'm able to do this any one can. I dont know how much you used and it dont matter I could tell you how much i used towards the end. The only thing that matters is you fight this like it is life or death cause if you dont it will end up in jail, institutions,death. I dont know about you but i dont want any of the 3 I just want to feel normal and if that means i have to deal with pain every day of my life so be it cause i'm not going to be on pain meds my whole life. Anyone ever needs some one going through same thing and is doing it the clean way you hit me up any time and i will talk to you no matter. I dont care if your still using eather cause i know for me I wasn't going to stop till I wanted to stop and eather will you. Nobody can make this decission for you but YOU. One last thing that helps me is every time i feel like using or I feel so sick I dont think i can take it any more i sit knell down don't matter you can stand with your eyes open what makes you feel ok and i say    GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. Also going to NA meetings helps more then anything, I meant his is a group of people that are or went through them same thing or worse then what we went trough. I don't know about you but I will get help from people taht care and know what is going on cause they have been through the same thing. Cause it seems the answer in today's time form the doctors is a pill for everything that happens. When really what you need is a good support system and people that actually care about you 100 hundred percent.

[deweyboy]

Well i dont think i will be going any where but my NA meetings and work. I dont care about the headacheas eather I will deal with them cause I know they will go away soon enough. Made it through day 10, and just got back form a meeting. Feeling pretty good now. I am starting to see I'm getting head aches due to not eating as much as i need to eat. I got so use to not eating but 1 time a day at night after the methadone wore off and I had it in my head that I wasnt hungry unless I was smoking first and while eating. BUt hey I;m taking it one day at a time and just not using at all nothing. I mean it is diff.  beinf clean i mean it has to be 12 years since i have had 10 days clean. And I agree with every one that said it gets better and better each day. I still get aches I still get headaches. But they are not so bad and i'm able to get through them with out using anything which  is awesome. I start step 1 on tuesday with my sponser and I meet with him this week to talk about WHO IS AN ADDICT! Which I know I am I dont need any one to tell me this. I KNOW I"M A ADDICT WITH A DISEASE THAT IS TREATABLE. I cant be cured but I can be given the choose not to use. I hope all out there that is trying to get right are doing good. And for those who arnt sure what they want right now I hope you the best and will always pray for the addict that is suffering in and out the walls of NA. GOD BLESS you all and will be in my prayers.

[whitie]

thanks for sharing.

you can go to the betty ford clinic for 10 months, it wont mean squat if  YOU dont accept that you can no longer use pills.

I know I finally decided that I was either going to die trying or be clean, and I won so far and am convinced I will continue to win,all the time without replacement opioids or any other crud, regardless if I got the worse migraine ever or WHATEVER !!


another example of the system.........more like system of a down !!!

[deweyboy]

Well today is day10  and wow it does get better. I'm not saying I'm completly 100% but I was able to get up today without feeling sick went to bed with the worst migran in the world. But hey 1 day at a time is all we can do. Well I checkj back in later going to go work for 2nd day  woohoooo  

[leeisgettingclean]

awsome story, be proud and keep sharing, i am sure you help many..

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

What an inspiring story!  Be proud of yourself!  

It is soooo interesting to hear your story about our system/government/health care professionals WANTING to PUT us on SOMETHING ELSE to get OFF of SOMETHING ELSE!  MY GOSH... we hafta be the most DRUG ADDICTED NATION in the WORLD!    

"Here... take THIS TO GET OFF  THIS!"

And... also frightening to hear your story about your Rehab experience.... that they just put you on MORE DRUGS in order to GET OFF DRUGS!  I just don't GET it!

Thanks for sharing your story and PLEASE keep posting.. as you are an INSPIRATION to many!

[deweyboy]

Thats awesome glad to hear you are working the steps. My self my sponser told me to start by not using at all. Day 9 clean. Its not easy but every day it gets bettter and better. I mean today was first day back to work and it was hard. But I keep telling my self its ok one day at a time. He also has me reading Who is an addict from the na book. Its crazy you never thing you would be an addict just cause you used meds gave by the doc. But that is where we are in life I guess. Its all money I think. Why else would they give us synthetic heron or synthetic  meth to us for pain. Then on the other had think of this Who invented methadone? HITLER thats some crazy stuff. And to think that i was told they want to change methadone from the treatment to recovery for addicts to the actual recovery. What!?!?! Ya thats what us addict need meds given to us for life for no reason other then you where addicted to pills of heron. I dunno someday maybe this country will wake up and get off alll the pills.

[mtgoat911]

i agree, i also tried methadone, suboxone, laam, revia, anyi-depressants
aa chemical peace of mind never last, soon all of us must face our demons
congradulations on your new life, you are a great inspiration, i have started a 12 step forum here at med help that will include information on several types of 12 step recovery, i hope you add something

[deweyboy]

I agree I mean I looked for it and it was not there and then a few minate's  later there it is that is awesome. thanks for the feed back and i will make sure I keep in touch with the postings.

[Ella789]

wow!! did this get moved quickly or what!!!!!!!!!!!!?

[Ella789]

This is an awesome story.!  Thank you for sharing it with us,  good advice/information also.   I am glad for you and I think you show alot of determination, which a person must have in order to make it.   Best wishes to you with recovery,  I am glad you made it through detox in spite of what others were telling you!
There will be others' on soon,  sometimes the weekends can be slow.  

Ella