why the need to compare use?

My AH has a problem with pills and his brother is his main source. AH does his best to no let me know that he even takes any pills let alone how many. I in turn try my best not to let him know how many of his stashes I have found and that I know he has branched out from the hydros to roxys and xanax on occasion. So while I do think the brother is leaps and bounds worse on these pills than my AH is but I am getting so sick of hearing about how the brother is really messing up with these things. Why does AH seem to have this compulsion to point out how bad 'so & so' is on pills or 'whos-it' is on coke or whatever and how worried he is about them. Is this some kind of addict brain, reverse psychology version of a pi$$ing contest?

[IBKleen]

If he points the finger at his brother, it takes the focus off of himself. Classic.

[StillLost21]

It probably fuels his own denial to tell himself that so and so is much worse off than him and helps him to rationalize his own use to himself, and by verbalizing it, it helps him to continue rationalizing his using and as IBKleen said it takes the attention away from his using and puts the focus on another person's using.

[el_em_en_oh]

IBKleen & StillLost21 absolutely NAILED it.

a) Takes the focus of him
b) Fuels his own denial of the problem HE has

I'm not sure I can add a whole lot more to what they said.

Never underestimate the mind of an addict/alcoholic. We are capable of being more sneaky, devious & conniving that you think is possible. Just when you think you've seen it all, we'll find another way to try and pull the wool over your eyes. That being said, we THINK we're being very top-secret about it, and we THINK that no one's onto us. Little do we know, that EVERYONE is onto us.

I guarantee you that he thinks he's got you fooled into thinking he's not doing anything at all.

[sway1]

what is HA?

[notgoingdown]

AH = addicted husband

[vicki595]

LOL
I thought AH was a$$hole husband...Geez!!!!

[notgoingdown]

lmao... that fits too sometimes

[rafecu]

I suggest you confront your husband in a caring way. Because if is addicted he is only goin to get worse.

[wishful1]

Yah i agree with rafecu, you should bring up the subject and tell him how you feel. If you guys truely are in love and want to live a happy life together, honesty comes first. He is lieing to you, but also u are lying to him by not telling him you know. U know what I mean?

[notgoingdown]

I have confronted him. He always has an explanation. Yeah, I know that I am lying to him by not letting him know how much I know but he blew the whole honesty in our relationship to bits long before I started biting my tongue about his usage. He is in denial. I have went to some of his family members hoping for some support in trying to talk some sense into him and he denied it all to them and made me out to be crazy paranoid. The whole deny a problem long enough actually makes it not a problem is a family trait it seems.