11days sub clean & just had 2 bury mans best friend.I'm hurting

[Familyman239]

So I've been waiting for the breakthrough where I can get emotional. And this cloud stops following me. Btw seriously I'm numb to emotions. Haven't cried in years. Think from the years of subs.  We'll for the 1st time wed and Thursday I was crying like a little baby. Confused Not sure if it was a breakthrough or just a sad moment n my life.
It really helps me tremendously to talk to people that's been thru this withdrawals and going into recovery.
Now If I may, this is a description of how my last day with my dog "Drama" went. He was 14 years old mixed
w/chow, pit, and lab. Wish I could upload a picture of him he was a beautiful dog. So again im writing this to vent and hopefully will be therapeutic for myself because I can't get this out of my mind!!?!. And still haven't figured out how to tell my kids.
PLZ keep reading

So I feed him 2 filet steaks, mac & cheese and a whole slab of bacon he ate it all, except a little Mac was left. He had nice full belly! Then we went to the beach took a lot of videos and photos. Then went home laid on the couch like pals together on our couch watching TV held my boy close! I called around for a veterinarian days before to do it at my house I paid a little less than $600 for the vet to come to my house and do it peacefully at home on his couch! As we Layed together. Seriously.
I lost my mind so bad that the vet went outside for a while crying herself, this is the saddest thing I've ever been through and I'm telling y'all I've been through a lot! ALOT! He was like my 1st son.
(Truly Mans bestfriend). He was with me close to half my life. As sappy as it may sound, he was like my 1st son.
It's been really rough for me. He was there thru my addiction and now helping me get thru this, especially the past 6-8weeks. U no chillin w/me thru the wds, walking, etc. Got a feeling that he helped me heal before he left. I'm Now Vowing to myself to never ever do an opioid again.

Now this is what is haunting me more than anything. They ****** up!!! They told me over the phone days before that they would sedate him and I'd get to say goodbye for a few min then give him THE SHOT - we'll they didn't, instead they gave him THE SHOT (gone n 5seconds) no sedation, no last goodbye. I didn't get to say goodbye no kisses nothing this is going to haunt me for years. On top of all that I then had to bury him under a nice blooming tree in front of my house. Hole was already dug. Bought a big a*s toolbox pillowed it up and had to bury him by myself. I had to take a lot of whiskey to get thru all that. It just *****! I try and think of the positives. I got 14 gr8 years with this dog. He'd ride shotty with me almost everywhere. He was and is irreplaceable. I Will Never buy another dog in my life. He was truly1 of a kind!!! Such a beautiful breed.
Any1 want to c what he looked like. U can see us onT-W-I.TTE.R Under "bostonloyality" just sayin. Sorry for venting. Just Hoping this helps me. Also Sorry if to detailed.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to tell my to boys 5 & 2 where he went. They were also very attached. Know I gotta explain heaven to them but Do I go as far as where he's buried?Any ideas?
PLZ help. I'm going thru enough with the kickin the Suboxone 11 days ago.

[dominosarah]

I too understand your loss and my heart goes out to you.  I had to let 2 of my best friends go within a short time.  I know they are running free of pain and disease at the Rainbow Bridge, all the while knowing they were so loved by me.  Your boy is doing the same.  You did what was right for your boy and he knew how much you loved him.  In time you will feel that.  Let yourself feel your emotions now and it IS okay to cry.  You are human.  You are doing great with having 14 days under your belt so keep it going.  Stay away from the whiskey, you dont want to go down that road.  Sending comfort and hugs~

[Familyman239]

Thx u 4 askin.  I'm definitely getting better, one day at a time. 14days clean. So my 5year old now understands death. Which is sad but can also b a good thing. Over heard him explaining to his 2yr old brother where he is, Which makes me proud. Yesterday morning when I woke my oldest son up, I found a pile of pictures of him and the dog scattered in his bed. He's taking pretty good

[snakejones]

Just checking in to find out how you and the boys are doing. I saw your and Drama's picture on T__TT_r. Such a handsome pair! Know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your sons---

[clean_in_ks]

Beautiful post, Snakejones~

[snakejones]

Your message was both sad and just beautiful. God gives us our animal friends as a foretaste of heaven. They are the only chance you have in this life to have a perfect love relationship. You had it with this dog and you are an incredibly rich man for it, even in the midst of your sorrow. I hope most of all that you can let the pain go regarding the bad mixup with the euthanasia plans. Please remember that you gave this pup your life and all of your love, and his last day with you was perfection. That's what he remembers for sure. What could you have told him except the word goodbye? He knew everything else! And it is most assuredly NOT goodbye, for you will see him again, and you will never be parted again. Thinking of you and praying for strength and peace for you and your children as you go about the painful---and joyous!---work of love and remembrance.

[clean_in_ks]

Sorry to read about your poochie and best friend.  I had to do a very similar thing when my girl, Happy, was 14 yrs old.

While your boys are quite little, they (at least the 5 yr old) may readily grasp the idea that as we get older, our bodies wear out....can become sick, etc. and it's the same for our doggies.  

I hope in spite of the emptiness that not having your best friend around will leave, that you will redirect your love.  Getting some additional support as you recover will help fill "some" of that emptiness.  You've done an amazing job getting free from addiction.....12 days SUB FREE is GRAND!

[Familyman239]

We'll gotta say that was good.  Thx u for that.  I gonna play my boys the all  dogs go to heaven. Gr8 idea! Much appreciated for the detailed comment

[Jinx_777]

now i am crying like a baby.  so, so sorry.  you gave him the best life possible.  14 yrs is amazing.  to pay extra so he could be home saved him so much anxiety that i would not worry too much about the sedation.  i sure would be calling the vet and venting, but he didn't feel anything but love.
you could watch 'all dogs go to heaven' cartoon with your sons.  i would also let them put a picture they color for him or a little toy at his grave.  just tell them the truth, he was old and in pain and it was his time to go. they will see him again someday.  he will be wagging his tail at the pearly gates.  

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[luvdolphins58]

Hello family man. I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand losing best friend. I had to go through that few years ago. It's so tuff. Hang in there  I'm praying for you.