12 step approach

[lulu475]

I have a son who is addicted to oxy. He has been to rehab once and relapsed just recently. How do you approach an 18 yr old that the 12 steps are more than just about leaning on God. He spent 13 years in catholic school. I am looking for advice on a different approach to the 12 steps so it is not coming across to him as religion based. I agree with one post that it is for everyone...not just addicts or alcoholics. It can be a self inventory....
Please let me know if anyone has thoughts or if I am just plain wrong in thinking there may be a different approach to the 12 steps

[jrfk]

If something didnt work for you then you should just say that. What may be a bunch of **** for you may save another

[lulu475]

I can imagine how hard it was for you to write me about your daughter. I know how hard it was for me to even begin the process of  getting on line and looikng for "answers" because you do not know where to turn. We just finished at the psychatrist and my son is now on suboxone. He has been trying to get into see this specific psychatrist to meet with him about suboxone but could not get in until Jan and ultimately relapsed. He did not tell us that he was craving he was trying to solve it on his own.Which is good and bad. Once he told us he had relapsed, I got an appt with in a few days. What we did find out today was that the rehab we sent him to was probably not the best for opiate addicts. While it is a stellar facility it is more focused on Alcoholism. The doctor we saw today is a specialist in opiate addiciton and said it is very different addiction. What we learned at Father Martin's Ashley was addiciton was addicition. My son stayed the full 30 days and was eager  ( so he said) to stay clean....which he did for 40 days after coming out of rehab. I agree that we need to be vigiliant about drug testing. As the doctor reiterated today it is changing people, places, and things in order to stay on a clean path. Drugs are everywhere and you can't run from them. If you move and are craving you will seek out the people who can get you high. My son, like your daughter, is a smart, wonderful guy. He was not able to go away to college because he was addicted.
I know I can't do it for him. The worst part about being the parent, especially a mother, of an addicted is you really are helpless. I hope that he is really serious when he says he wants to kick this demon. He has come to us twice for help. I do not want to be naive but I am hoping that it is a good sign.   We have three other sons and we do not want it to effect them any more than it has. We are lucky that two are away at college. It is hard on our son who is a high school junior. He is pretty angry with his brother. I do not want to make him my "project". I did that with our oldest son and his ADD and learning dissabilities. I was successful with him but did I neglect the other boys during that time??? Parenting is hard and there is no perfect way.....wish there was a manual!

Thank you again. I need all the help and insight I can get.

Again, thank you for your story. It is so helpful to me. As I said, I am a social person but not a group person when it comes to this particular issue. It makes me feel like a bit in denial because I do not want to go to group meetings but I have only been a member of this forum for a few days and have gotten a lot of insight, solice and help.

People are so kind in willing to share their stories to help others. I hope at some point I can help someone.

[lulu475]

Thank you.

[worried878]

I have always looked at it that my higher power is within myself....the strength i find when i need it...if i reach deep inside it is there...everyone's higher power is different..for many it is GOD...being somewhat religious I have no problem with that..but that is the reason they call it the "higher power" as it is intended not to be religious altho the term makes people think of GOd...it is whatever u reach for when u need strength...when i do a yoga class i feel my inner self and the power that is within me..for some it may be something else....to me it is vague but i know what it is...it is inside of me

[LateAugust]

I am the mother of an oxy addict.  She has been to re-hab 2 times,  the first was the traditional 12 step  which she left after one week.  The second one she completed,  and it was a completely different type of rehab center.  We (her family was willing to try anything!)  checked out a lot of places ,and it was very expensive,  but we were fighting for her life.  She relapsed 2 wks  post recovery.  That was the end of August  and she has been clean (drug testing) for the past month now.        What I can tell you,  is that I never expected to be the mother of an oxy addict,  secondly, I had absolutely no clue of how hideous this drug is and the mental ramifications.  My daughter smokes it   and when she has had a bit too much she is looking for Meth to bring her back up.       Prior to treatment  we got her an addict councelor,  a psychiatrist,  intentensive out patient care,    dragging her to NA ,AA    for a year we did this.     Gosh I went to Al Anon  had a councelor  and had a lot of people here tell me       she had to want it  let her hit bottom   and I fought it all the way.    My daughter was a college student, worked at a bank  and had an incredible life and opportunities............  high functioning addict  until  it all came down around her.     As a mom,   we fix things,  I wanted to fix her and I couldn't.       I don't regret what was tried.........but I will tell you  that it took  her never ending lies, a few times of her stealing me blind,   the last time was when I had surgery and she stole one of my bank books  and wrote  thousands of dollars of checks.     Yes  my baby,   when I was sick,   emptied one bank account  and didn't bat an eye  until she was caught.     I was at the end of my rope...........       and I made her leave the house.  She spent 72hrs on the street  before she was calling my sis for  help......     For the first time  she realized that the unconditional love I had and have for her,  has some limits due to self dignity and no longer being a fool,  and most importantly realizing I was paying for her d*mn drugs that were killing her!

I am sorry this is so long   and I did try to condence the saga.      But I can tell you,  with an oxy addict  while there is a way, a means,  they will play you like a fiddle....   I can not explain the true and raw hatred I have for this drug and what it has done to my child and our family.     I will strongly recommend tho  that you monitor and drug test the heck out of your son,   and you take every drastic step that will have the most impact on him,  because this addiction is hard to beat..   my daughter is 21.   Not much older than your son when she started.   I regret  I wasn't stonger a year ago......  but my stregnth was put in the wrong direction, trying to save her from something I couldn't control.

If you ever want to chat  pls  PM.....    This has been hard for me to write,  but I hope maybe  it will shorten your pain  and that of your son.

[lulu475]

what I meant by have time is.....not having a set time to go to a meeting if that makes sense...I can get on line early in the AM or late at night.....thnxs again!

[lulu475]

thank you what you responded with......  makes total sense. I know that I can't help him aka do it for him but want to hear other peoples thoughts. I am having a hard time going to a group because I tend to take on everyone elses stories and emotions. I will get there but for right now I prefer to do it on line when I have time. I have a fairly demanding job, husband and three other boys.

thanks again...

[Scootch]

Have him find a young people group.  We have them in my town.  A lot of people have trouble with god when they first go to meeting because of the word.  I did for I had a catholic back ground as well.  It is just a word they use for higher power.  It can be anything.  I heard a speaker last night say for him it was the spirit of his father.  Some use nature or anything more powerful than themselves like crashing waves.  It could be a happy thought or warm sun.  He just has to stick around long enough to figure out what it means for him and not worry about it.  He may just not be ready to be clean and if that is the case he will find any reason to stay out of recovery.  Someone told me you will use over a burnt piece of toast if you want to use.  It is true.  Most important is you can not save him.  Find a support group for family members of addicts.  You will be surprised at how much it can help you.
Scootch