15 days clean, the first time I felt like the old me for a moment.

[Letitgonow]

On pills, I'm a needy, insecure, out of control idiot.

Today is day 15 and for the first time in a long, long time, I felt like me... it was fleeting, it didn't last as long as I'd like. The strangest thing is, even though up till this point I thought I'd had a few moments of normalcy, it was nothing like this... Hello old friend!

But there was a 30-45 minute period where I got in touch with my old self... it was AWESOME!

Makes me wonder how day 30 will be?

I hope that returns more and more!

Keep going strong everyone, keep the fight up to stay clean.

The moment I had today made all this suffering and struggle worth it. I will keep pushing on and hope you all will too!

[Innerstrength67]

That's awesome. Addiction thrives on lies, secrecy and self loathing. Being brutally honest will set us free.

[Letitgonow]

Something new this time for me that I hadn't done before either...

I've come clean and honest with the people in my life about what I'm going through. In the past I would lie (no more dishonesty) but with my closest loved ones and friends knowing about this, it keeps me grounded and removes the temptation.

Unlike in the past, I would go back to pills because I just wanted to be normal with them. Now, they understand if I have a bad day and help me see that it's just the withdrawals.

Plus, honesty about this has been such a weight off my shoulders -- no more lies.

[Letitgonow]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice.

I'll look into something more concrete -- NA isn't for me. But everything else around here costs a good deal of money I can't yet afford.

My aftercare so far has been based on growing as a person. Exercise has become my new addiction -- I've been getting back in touch with my spirituality, working with some cognitive behavioral therapy material to re-frame my thoughts and learning how to deal with stress and triggers in a more mature manner.

I've been re-reading a lot of philosophy about the virtues and living a good life. I'm patiently going to continue to build off these and become the person I want to be -- pills aren't a part of that anymore.

I do think it'd be nice to find a real support structure in person but I've got to work with what I have available for now.

I'm not going to slip back up this time, there is no one more pill.

[Innerstrength67]

Congratulations on your clean time. I agree with Gnarly about aftercare. Do whatever you need to do but make sure you have support. It makes a world of difference.

[jlannaa]

congrats on day 15 ,i also have 15 days without perks i feel the same way as you i get this great natural high for a little bit then it goes away but 2 weeks ago i couldnt even get 5 mins of feeling good so i think we are doing great tryand  have a great day :) p.s. makes me feel good to know i'm not nuts and everyone goes through this

[Tattoo67]

Great Job on 15 days!!!  I know it is rough at times becasue I am on day 17 myself.  But like you I am starting feel like myself.  Keep up the good work.

Tattoo

[littlebit667]

15 days is huge!  I started seeing things differently around that time and by week 3 was clear headed and beginning to enjoy life again.  Great news.

[gnarly_1]

Hey congrats on 15 days clean your off to a great start good to here your starting to feel better that can take a wile for some are you getting any aftercare yet??? please dont try to skip this critical step in the healing process good luck and God bless,......Gnarly

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 15 days!!!  Those moments you had today will come more and more now.  Hold your clean time sacred.  You are doing great!!       sara