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16 year old addicted to street drugs
My son is 16 years old. He was quite the athlete from 3-13 years old. His dream was to make it big in hockey. One of the more expensive sports but he was a natural and his self esteem was high. At 13 he started meeting older friends. Hockey was no longer his main priority. He started smoking weed and drinking. I forbid him to hang out with older people but he did at school. I've been working with his teachers trying to get a handle on it. I've failed. Now at 16 he lost interest In playing hockey as his addiction has taken him to street drugs. I don't think he's using meth but has done cocaine, oxy, perc, morphine, MDMA, mushrooms, ketamine and Ritalin. These pills go for $2-$5 each.
Crushes and snorts them. I've taken him to the dr, police station, had police at my home to remove drug paraphernalia. My daughter is 7 and I can't have her exposed to this stuff. Police cannot take him in for small amounts or pipes and whatever else. I've had him speaking with a drug counsellor through school. I've expressed our pain of possibly losing him to the drug. I've called CFS, AFM, treatment centres, crisis units and hospital. Now he went to live with his bio dad who uses as well. Nobody has any solutions. I've heard from all professionals that I've exhausted all means and have to let him go. How??? He's my 1st born. Scared for that phone call. I know it's coming but not sure when. I don't eat, sleep and my 7 year old doesn't have her mother emotionally as this consumes me. I'm obsessed trying to find something or someone that will tell me that I can still have hope. HELP!!!
Crushes and snorts them. I've taken him to the dr, police station, had police at my home to remove drug paraphernalia. My daughter is 7 and I can't have her exposed to this stuff. Police cannot take him in for small amounts or pipes and whatever else. I've had him speaking with a drug counsellor through school. I've expressed our pain of possibly losing him to the drug. I've called CFS, AFM, treatment centres, crisis units and hospital. Now he went to live with his bio dad who uses as well. Nobody has any solutions. I've heard from all professionals that I've exhausted all means and have to let him go. How??? He's my 1st born. Scared for that phone call. I know it's coming but not sure when. I don't eat, sleep and my 7 year old doesn't have her mother emotionally as this consumes me. I'm obsessed trying to find something or someone that will tell me that I can still have hope. HELP!!!
You said:
"I've heard from all professionals that I've exhausted all means and have to let him go. "
I dont know what professional told you to just let him go especially since hes only 16 but that hardly sounds like "professional" advice. I didn't read anywhere that said hes been to treatment before....only that hes talked to a drug counselor at school. So Ive worked with kids ages 12-17 at an intensive outpatient program. I will tell you from my experience on what seems to work with these kids. The kids that I see making it are the ones that start off at a residential treatment facility and then do 90 days with us at the intensive outpatient program. The teens that have a harder time come straight to us without going to residential. So here in California, there is a program that will come and grab your teen in the middle of the night and take him to treatment. The parents sign all the paperwork and its legal. This program is in the middle of nowhere. Once arrived, staff takes the teens shoes to discourage running however since its in the middle of nowhere kids that do leave usually come right back as theirs nowhere to go. So they typically stay 30 days. They are initially angry however after meeting there peers ect, they get over it pretty fast. After the 30 days they come to us and do 90 days. Ive seen this formula have the best success rate with the teens. Intensive outpatient is where the teen comes in 3 times a week for treatment. If you tell me where you live, I can give you information on programs.
You never just give up on a kid.
I was a teen who did all the really hard stuff. I injected heroin at a really young age. I grew up in boys homes and juvenile detention. I was in multiple treatment too. I even did the scared straight as someone mentioned above which was a complete joke. That stuff scares you initially but you get over it as soon as you leave the facility. It makes for good TV....just not effective treatment. Looking back to those teen years, when I was sent to another state to live with my grandma, that was the best thing for me. I got clean and stayed clean. Then I was brought back to CA and started using right away. Some of the teens Ive worked with tell me they want to get out of it and its not the drugs so much as the peer pressure and not being able to say no. A lot of people say moving doesn't fix the problem because its internal and I think there's a lot of truth to that FOR ADULTS. But for teens just getting started....I think removing them from the situation is a viable option. Your son is with dad now who is using....thats not good. You need to fix that.
If you need any information, do not hesitate to ask. You can send me a private message if you want. If you tell me what state you live in a can give you resources and options. Theres hope!
"I've heard from all professionals that I've exhausted all means and have to let him go. "
I dont know what professional told you to just let him go especially since hes only 16 but that hardly sounds like "professional" advice. I didn't read anywhere that said hes been to treatment before....only that hes talked to a drug counselor at school. So Ive worked with kids ages 12-17 at an intensive outpatient program. I will tell you from my experience on what seems to work with these kids. The kids that I see making it are the ones that start off at a residential treatment facility and then do 90 days with us at the intensive outpatient program. The teens that have a harder time come straight to us without going to residential. So here in California, there is a program that will come and grab your teen in the middle of the night and take him to treatment. The parents sign all the paperwork and its legal. This program is in the middle of nowhere. Once arrived, staff takes the teens shoes to discourage running however since its in the middle of nowhere kids that do leave usually come right back as theirs nowhere to go. So they typically stay 30 days. They are initially angry however after meeting there peers ect, they get over it pretty fast. After the 30 days they come to us and do 90 days. Ive seen this formula have the best success rate with the teens. Intensive outpatient is where the teen comes in 3 times a week for treatment. If you tell me where you live, I can give you information on programs.
You never just give up on a kid.
I was a teen who did all the really hard stuff. I injected heroin at a really young age. I grew up in boys homes and juvenile detention. I was in multiple treatment too. I even did the scared straight as someone mentioned above which was a complete joke. That stuff scares you initially but you get over it as soon as you leave the facility. It makes for good TV....just not effective treatment. Looking back to those teen years, when I was sent to another state to live with my grandma, that was the best thing for me. I got clean and stayed clean. Then I was brought back to CA and started using right away. Some of the teens Ive worked with tell me they want to get out of it and its not the drugs so much as the peer pressure and not being able to say no. A lot of people say moving doesn't fix the problem because its internal and I think there's a lot of truth to that FOR ADULTS. But for teens just getting started....I think removing them from the situation is a viable option. Your son is with dad now who is using....thats not good. You need to fix that.
If you need any information, do not hesitate to ask. You can send me a private message if you want. If you tell me what state you live in a can give you resources and options. Theres hope!
Well first of all get to WHY he started using? Was he bullied or depressed? There is always a reason why someone starts using maybe not one that is good enough in the eyes of a parent but there is a reason. Im 31 and started at 13 with drinking smoking cigarettes and weed then at 15 cocaine. I was a heavy drunk for many years up til I was 22 with a break when I was 17 because I got pregnant. I was sober off everything for about 5 years then started using pain pills which led to heroin very fast. My aunt died from cancer and my grandmother who raised me til my mom was ready to be a mom died as well I loved that woman with all my heart and I would of gladly laid down my life for her. I stole lied and fought with everyone spent about 7k in 2 months on a binge before I realized I had to face reality. I starting using be cause of depression my dad was never in my life my mom was only part time....then everyone around me getting aick and passing away brought up old habits because I was medicating myself to cover and hide the pain.
When you fight an addict your fighting the disease not the person. He needs therapy and needs to find himself again and how to be happy without the drugs and how to deal with life and problems without the drug as well otherwise this will be a lifelong battle for him if its not already.
in my area the prison has a scared straight program for teens who do drugs fight lie or steal and they show them what prison is like and sometimes include tours to the funeral home and make the kids lay in a casket with the parents in a room so that the kid can see how the parent acts. Maybe you can call around and find out if a prison local to you does this?
When you fight an addict your fighting the disease not the person. He needs therapy and needs to find himself again and how to be happy without the drugs and how to deal with life and problems without the drug as well otherwise this will be a lifelong battle for him if its not already.
in my area the prison has a scared straight program for teens who do drugs fight lie or steal and they show them what prison is like and sometimes include tours to the funeral home and make the kids lay in a casket with the parents in a room so that the kid can see how the parent acts. Maybe you can call around and find out if a prison local to you does this?
COMMUNITY LEADER
I feel for you.....b/c it's totally exhausting and crushing watching someone we love flush everything away for dope. But as addicts...we do that! Until we see it, there's not much you can do. You can protect your daughter, but addiction is a disease. If his bio dad is an addict, then there was a pretty good chance he would have the disease of addiction too.
I was put in in-patient treatment at 16, but there was no way you were going to convince me to stop, not that young! B/C at 16, you know, we know everything!!!!
I have 4 children now and 3 of them have experimented with drugs. My husband and I watched them to see where it was going. I know why you did what you did (meaning all of the attempted interventions) but they didn't work. Because until he's ready to stop, you can't do it for him!
Keep being strong and advocating against drugs and maybe check out al-anon??? I myself am a 43 year old mother of 4, business owner, PTA board member, football mom, booster club board member, and it wasn't until 41 that I woke up from addiction. We all learn at different times....
I was put in in-patient treatment at 16, but there was no way you were going to convince me to stop, not that young! B/C at 16, you know, we know everything!!!!
I have 4 children now and 3 of them have experimented with drugs. My husband and I watched them to see where it was going. I know why you did what you did (meaning all of the attempted interventions) but they didn't work. Because until he's ready to stop, you can't do it for him!
Keep being strong and advocating against drugs and maybe check out al-anon??? I myself am a 43 year old mother of 4, business owner, PTA board member, football mom, booster club board member, and it wasn't until 41 that I woke up from addiction. We all learn at different times....
Hi honey,
I'm sorry you're going through this. Addiction is such a beast, and it starts young sometimes. I have alcoholism running through my family like a blazing fire, and I am also a mother.
I worry all the time about my one child, a daughter. When she was in college, the big drug was Ecstasy. She was at an honors college, with kids who were practically geniuses...I think that made it worse, because they rationalized their partying and drug use. To this day, I don't know what drugs she took, but luckily now, she is in a good place, good job, (got her BS.)
But that doesn't help you. I don't know what words to say, so I'm just going to send you positive vibes, and say a strong prayer for your boy.
What does HE say? Does he ever talk about playing hockey? Do you guys ever look at old pictures, videos, etc of him playing?
He's so very young...I can understand your fear. I'm going to go out on a limb here and I hope this is okay to say, but have you ever considered an intervention?
My cousin died of alcoholism at 48; she was my best friend in the world...in 2 weeks in will be 2 years. She started drinking at 14 and was a full blown addict by 16. I spent my whole life watching her spiral downward. I only mention this because: I tried to get an intervention together with the family. It didn't work, for a lot of reasons (mostly because everyone in her family was a drunk too.) But at least I tried, and I think when someone's life is at stake, we need to try everything. There is that show on TV, "Intervention" and I watch that sometimes. I know its' a drastic step, but if your son is snorting street drugs, and taking Ketamine, I don't think it is necessarily an unreasonable option to consider.
I dearly hope I have not offended you or crossed any boundaries. If so, please accept my apologies. We are all fighting a battle with drugs here, so we really understand.
Final thought: I found this website...it is for parents of teens who are using drugs. Maybe it will help?
http://www.drugfree.org/
God Bless, angel. Keep up posted...we really do care.
Hugs,
-Robin
I'm sorry you're going through this. Addiction is such a beast, and it starts young sometimes. I have alcoholism running through my family like a blazing fire, and I am also a mother.
I worry all the time about my one child, a daughter. When she was in college, the big drug was Ecstasy. She was at an honors college, with kids who were practically geniuses...I think that made it worse, because they rationalized their partying and drug use. To this day, I don't know what drugs she took, but luckily now, she is in a good place, good job, (got her BS.)
But that doesn't help you. I don't know what words to say, so I'm just going to send you positive vibes, and say a strong prayer for your boy.
What does HE say? Does he ever talk about playing hockey? Do you guys ever look at old pictures, videos, etc of him playing?
He's so very young...I can understand your fear. I'm going to go out on a limb here and I hope this is okay to say, but have you ever considered an intervention?
My cousin died of alcoholism at 48; she was my best friend in the world...in 2 weeks in will be 2 years. She started drinking at 14 and was a full blown addict by 16. I spent my whole life watching her spiral downward. I only mention this because: I tried to get an intervention together with the family. It didn't work, for a lot of reasons (mostly because everyone in her family was a drunk too.) But at least I tried, and I think when someone's life is at stake, we need to try everything. There is that show on TV, "Intervention" and I watch that sometimes. I know its' a drastic step, but if your son is snorting street drugs, and taking Ketamine, I don't think it is necessarily an unreasonable option to consider.
I dearly hope I have not offended you or crossed any boundaries. If so, please accept my apologies. We are all fighting a battle with drugs here, so we really understand.
Final thought: I found this website...it is for parents of teens who are using drugs. Maybe it will help?
http://www.drugfree.org/
God Bless, angel. Keep up posted...we really do care.
Hugs,
-Robin
Hi mom....
great post Vicki.
I'm a mom of a recoving addict, first of all I believe you'll find great support here from BOTH sides. It's just as important to understand addiction from others that have been there, they can help you understand his struggle. Its equally important that you too find support for you on the mom end, your right now feeling the struggles of his addiction. Vickie mentioned your post might be move to the living with an addict forum, I hope it stays here too If it isn't moved please copy it to that forums also, both forums will benefit you right now.
We're parents that have been there done that, while we may not have the answers. ..we understand your pain, and will give it our best shot to help you not feel so alone.
It has to come from him mom, but you have the benefit of his young age. ..you do still have some control.
keep faith ...change can happen ;)
Hope to see you in the living with an addict forum too
Deb
great post Vicki.
I'm a mom of a recoving addict, first of all I believe you'll find great support here from BOTH sides. It's just as important to understand addiction from others that have been there, they can help you understand his struggle. Its equally important that you too find support for you on the mom end, your right now feeling the struggles of his addiction. Vickie mentioned your post might be move to the living with an addict forum, I hope it stays here too If it isn't moved please copy it to that forums also, both forums will benefit you right now.
We're parents that have been there done that, while we may not have the answers. ..we understand your pain, and will give it our best shot to help you not feel so alone.
It has to come from him mom, but you have the benefit of his young age. ..you do still have some control.
keep faith ...change can happen ;)
Hope to see you in the living with an addict forum too
Deb
I am SO sorry to hear this. First I will Bump this back to the top. Also if you do not see this in the "Substance Abuse" forum then they had moved it to "Living with a Addict". They will send you a E-Mail if they move it.
I am a 59 yr old woman who just came clean at 56. This POST of your really, really hit home. I did the same thing at 14 and continued on & off for yrs & yrs. The when I finally stop it all, I got the opiates prescribed which lead me up to a stronger one called Methadone. I too was snorting it my illegal Adderral and taking a Benzo at night. The same old bad behaviors but with a prescribed med then..OH! I do feel for Him & You!!
This is a Progressive Disease. The few things I can say, is that the one who is using is the ONE that has to want to come Clean. There are MANY reason we go and get high. It does not always mean we have a Mental thing going on either. When I was young I just Hung with people and partied too. It did not seem like it was wrong. My ara comes from the 60-70 and it was all about peace, love and all the above..NOW I know so much more. I have looked this up in a more Scientific way and now understand what drugs do to the Brain. It will whack out all the neural Chemistry and knocks down the serotonin, endorphin, and the dopamine play the biggest role as so does the mid-brain (survival part). There is So much more to it and they learn more & more everyday..Even some of us come from family's that drank or used and we could have that Addictive Gene which is the low dopamine (D2 cell) from what I have read..However, this is just what and how I read it..I am NO DR or a Brain Scientist. Ha! I wish I was!!!! This will NOT save him but maybe if he understood more what he is doing to his Brain and let alone some of the organs and other parts of the Body he would step back a bit..Who Knows because I ask myself if I would of at that age?? It seems like you are Saying and Doing all the right things. So this is the only reason I mentioned learning all you can about Addiction. Other then that maybe he can hits some meetings or so forth. He can get involved with some clean friends he can meet there. Having user friends is the Hardest and I still have a few. I Do Not hang with them but I do talk over the phone with them now & then..Living with his Dad is only going to make it seem OK.
I am a BIT lost with words. I never had a child who used, I just know how I was at a young age. The only thing I can really harp on is that HE has to be the one to want to stay clean & sober. Kids seem to think they have to hang with a certain crowd so they can fit in.
I am sure many others will chime into this Post. I do wish You all the best and do look this Disease of Addiction up. I will Pray he will see the Light SOON! He has such a LONG FUTURE ahead of him. This just breaks my heart for You.
Just keep checking back. I know this post was put in 9 hrs ago. It has been slow out here lately. Keep checking in & out or stick around and read some of the other posters. Maybe have him check in here. We sure can give him lots of hope for a better future.
Sending a Prayer Out!
Vickie
I am a 59 yr old woman who just came clean at 56. This POST of your really, really hit home. I did the same thing at 14 and continued on & off for yrs & yrs. The when I finally stop it all, I got the opiates prescribed which lead me up to a stronger one called Methadone. I too was snorting it my illegal Adderral and taking a Benzo at night. The same old bad behaviors but with a prescribed med then..OH! I do feel for Him & You!!
This is a Progressive Disease. The few things I can say, is that the one who is using is the ONE that has to want to come Clean. There are MANY reason we go and get high. It does not always mean we have a Mental thing going on either. When I was young I just Hung with people and partied too. It did not seem like it was wrong. My ara comes from the 60-70 and it was all about peace, love and all the above..NOW I know so much more. I have looked this up in a more Scientific way and now understand what drugs do to the Brain. It will whack out all the neural Chemistry and knocks down the serotonin, endorphin, and the dopamine play the biggest role as so does the mid-brain (survival part). There is So much more to it and they learn more & more everyday..Even some of us come from family's that drank or used and we could have that Addictive Gene which is the low dopamine (D2 cell) from what I have read..However, this is just what and how I read it..I am NO DR or a Brain Scientist. Ha! I wish I was!!!! This will NOT save him but maybe if he understood more what he is doing to his Brain and let alone some of the organs and other parts of the Body he would step back a bit..Who Knows because I ask myself if I would of at that age?? It seems like you are Saying and Doing all the right things. So this is the only reason I mentioned learning all you can about Addiction. Other then that maybe he can hits some meetings or so forth. He can get involved with some clean friends he can meet there. Having user friends is the Hardest and I still have a few. I Do Not hang with them but I do talk over the phone with them now & then..Living with his Dad is only going to make it seem OK.
I am a BIT lost with words. I never had a child who used, I just know how I was at a young age. The only thing I can really harp on is that HE has to be the one to want to stay clean & sober. Kids seem to think they have to hang with a certain crowd so they can fit in.
I am sure many others will chime into this Post. I do wish You all the best and do look this Disease of Addiction up. I will Pray he will see the Light SOON! He has such a LONG FUTURE ahead of him. This just breaks my heart for You.
Just keep checking back. I know this post was put in 9 hrs ago. It has been slow out here lately. Keep checking in & out or stick around and read some of the other posters. Maybe have him check in here. We sure can give him lots of hope for a better future.
Sending a Prayer Out!
Vickie
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