19 year old son still depressed and has been clean for 2 months

[Foursonz]

My 19 year old has had a rough 7 months. He withdrew from college in April and came home a regular user of opiates. He's been clean for 2 months but has no job or school and is withdrawn and defiant.  I am grateful for his progress but am sad to see him depressed, without friends and  hurting because he lost his college scholarship. He won't talk to us, does n't laugh anymore and rarely sees his psychiatrist. I need someone to tell me this will pass. Any thoughts or advice?

[motye51]

I have to agree with everything said above. The physical part of w/d was a ***** but the mental part afterwards is even harder. Aftercare is going to be a must if he doesnt want to relapse! I dont think this point can be stressed enough! We fight it...and we fight the good fight, but addiction is a disease and we need to figure out how we got in this mess in the first place, aftercare helps us do this. Right now he needs to try something, anything, to continue getting better, i found it in N/A. Its not for everyone, but i found surrounding myself with people that truly understood me gave me relief! If u read long enough on this site u will see that 99% of the people on here that are staying clean practice some form of aftercare! Its not a coincidence!

[gnarly_1]

Hi...well as for the depression and lack of motivation it can take a wile for the brain to reset itself for me it was a good 90 days b/4 I started to come around  opiates are a tuff nut to crack the receptors are use to getting there stimulation from drugs  it is kinda like this when you use opiates it is like punching your endorphin centers wile natural endorphins is like a light touch them the brain will recover with time I would not be quick to put him on antidepressants one thing that would really help now is going to N/A meetings no mater how much you try to be there for him only another addict can actually know just what he is going threw for me my wife was a great supporter but I still got that ''deer in the headlight stair'' another thing that would help him is coming to this forum we will support you going threw this so post all you can  we raised 5 kids but only had drug problems with 1  so I know first hand what your going threw please feel free to message me just hoover your mouse over my nic name and a box will appear just click on the message good luck and God bless..........Gnarly....................

[ActingBrandNew]

Being depressed after  a couple months clean is very normal. VERY normal. Depression and anxiety can last a long time. 6 months...2 years....it varies. Like the above said, he needs to be proactive in his recovery. Recovery is taking care of his mental health too...seeing a therapist, psychologist/psychiatrist, etc. The brain needs time to heal. If he lives with you and is just sitting around...set boundaries and rules. If he isn't participating in his recovery then ask him to leave. Letting him sit around the house idle all day being depressed is a recipe for relapse. Be a part of his recovery, not his addiction. Anyways...thats my 2 cents. I hope and pray your son gets it. I wish I had got it at 19...boy oh boy. Take care.

[Foursonz]

Thank you to all who responded. This is a wonderful supportive forum and am grateful to be here. Yes, we are a close family of 6 and this has affected all of us. I want to add that I believe if his emotional issues had been handled in high school (with therapy) and if we had been stricter with the pot use, this may not have happened. I'm not blaming myself- at the end of the day it was my sons choice to use BUT parents please don't underestimate the lure of pot, especially heavy use. If your kid is self medicating,you have control under 18 and can take him to therapists,etc.  After 18, it gets tricky especially with a defiant young adult. This has been the hardest parenting experience of my life
(He's the 3rd of 4 sons close in age)  I love him and pray that he finds himself. Thank you for letting me vent.

[marycarmel]

I'm  sorry your son is dealing with depression.  It's so hard as a mom to see our kids suffering and not be able to fix it.  It sounds like he needs to be seeing his psychiatrist more often, not less.  Do you know why he hasn't been seeing him as much?

Depression seems to be pretty common when coming off opiates and brain chemistry is also altered.  It's also been shown that boys under the age of 25, in particular, have changes in brain chemistry that takes quite a while to return to normal after stopping.  How long had your son been using for, how much and what was he using?  

Other than the psychiatrist, does your son go to AA or NA?  Aftercare is really important.  Having a sponsor is a great resource.  And he may meet other kids that can relate to what he's going through.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

You and I must have been typing at the same time.  Great minds thing alike right?  :-)

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Hi!  Depression and anxiety go hand in hand with the recovery process.  It can last days or even months.  Since he is so non-communicative I don't know if you could get him into Aftercare quite yet because that really has to be his choice.  Why don't you give him the link to this forum, tell him it is filled with nothing but recovered addicts, addicts who are recovering.  Tell him we are a huge family here and there are no judgements.  

Tell him he is welcome to come and vent, talk things out and especially tell him there is a lot of support here.  There are many, many people here who can help him figure out support groups and how to get started.

You are an awesome mom I can tell and you love your son.  Outside of trying to encourage him to open up there really isn't anything you can do.  I would strongly urge you to go to some Al-Anon meetings where you can meet others who are in your position.  You are more than likely depressed over this whole situation too and could benefit from talking to others who are in your position.

Wishing you the best of luck!

[jifmoc]

Hey, there. If your son is actually clean, his depression is normal. He must, he MUST go into aftercare (which is 12 step meetings usually and a few others.) He won't stay clean if he doesn't do this. However, and this is the biggest piece of advice of all: there is nothing anyone can do to help anyone get clean. This is your son's life, his journey, his decision. You just need to take care of yourself! You may not realize the stress and chaos your son's addiction causes you. But it destroys families (that's why it's called a family disease.) Please go to an alanon meeting. It is support for the loved ones of addicts. You need support!!!

You may also need to consider that your son may be using. Of course I don't know, but this is where alanon comes in for you. It's a crazy making disease and you, as the parent cannot handle it alone.

Others may chime in as well. Good luck to you:)