19yr old- w/ panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and suicidle thoughts

[Justin88]

  Hi everyone, my name is Justin. I am currently a student in college for web design and graphics. I live with my family which is my dad, mom, and 16 year old brother. We all have a great life, excellent house to live in, we have computers, dirtbikes, fourwheelers, a pond, cabin, tractors, mopeds, my favorite dog ever Maxx which runs about 2 miles beside me while I drive the four wheeler around our 40 or so acre track. We also have two other awesome dogs, but their pretty much house dogs and are spoilt... but really.. we live in like a dream world thanks to my dad and mom trying their best all their life to make that. Our life is great and an adventure I believe~

  But here recently is just been really depressing and a little bit frustrating. Due to basically me : (  I am 19 like I said, and I owe my father over $80,000 for what hes done for me my whole life. More than that.. I wish he could get anything he wants.. This 80k add up from the car he bought me, the fines and court costs hes paid, overdraft payments from the bank, and he has really saved my *** soooo many timez.....

Anywayz, on to me and my problemz. I have always had anger/depression/anxiety and panic attacks all my life, and even suicidle thoughts.  This all also runs in the family unfortunately. But when I was around 15 I was introduced marijuana by one of my budds, and it made the symtoms go away so I started smoking it every single day. Just to keep my sanity and to keep the daily happy routine going.

After 4 years of so, the buzz of marijuanna didnt effect me as much as it used to...Then I started going back to my old problems. So I went to my doctor, and I was diagnosed with ADHD, and was put on 10 mg of instant release adderal, and was told to take twice a day. It was to help out with my ADHD problem, which it did for about 8 months or so..

But after  few months, I started noticing, I would start twitching out of no where or where I get nervous. I would also have fast heart rhythms and sometimes it would be off beat, and it would take a few minutes for me to catch my breath and calm my heart rhythm back to normal. But anything simple thing could cause the anxiety or panic attack.. But also I almost felt almost invincible sometimes, and I did'nt like.. could lead to a bad car crash or anything.. I started taking half of was I was prescribed, and it seemed to make my symptoms basically half was disappear. But it still helped me to stay focus, and calm my ADHD problems. I to this day still stay 5 mg of adderall (adderrall) twice a day to keep me motivated and like a said stay focused. But my nervousness, depression, anger and anxiety and panic attacks to come an go...

I have already talked to 2 psychiatrist, and they will not prescribe me what I want cause what I want they say is too addictive for my age, which is Xanax or Valiums. But I have bought them illegally before just to see if they will treat my symtoms, and what ya know. It did cure the problems like anxiety, panic attacks, nervousness, and my depression. I finally felt like normal self again, and was motivated to do my homework and complete it successfully, and was finally able to talk with fellow students and beautiful girls without having problems. But of course I ran out, no doctors will prescribe it to me, and I dont want to do it illegally again cause I am in enough trouble as it is. I just want to be a normal person, with out feeling like I am a weirdo or freak or emo or whatever..  

  I just am lost, and need anyone to talk too, and just give me some advice, comments, or questions and I would so much appreciate it. Thank you very much for any support~

~God Bless All~
Justin

[Bob641]

Hi Justin, welcome to this forum.I really can't stress more the warning: DO NOT  take Xanax or Valium, those are benzos and highly addictive, specially the Xanax, which is the strongest one. You can become addict in a matter of weeks even in a small daily doses, that's a sad fact, even if you are no psychologically dependent, your body will be and the withdrawals effects from quitting them are really nasty, the more and longer you take them , the more difficult to withdraw. Google into xanax withdrawal symptoms and take a look, go ahead.
My personal advice-since I'm a Xanax addicted-is to talk to your doctor and go into a more profound search for a medication that will suit you and that is no so addictive.
Good luck
Bob  

[DevilsDoor]

Hi Justin, the worst thing you can do is become addicted to benzos or any other drug.  Im not an addict but the partner of a recovering one and believe me life is hell for all those concerned.  I agree with what Bob said, talk to your doc, medication isnt always the answer, therapy/counselling could help, but you MAY need a short term course of anti depressants, NOT valium

[pbear14]

Have you ever been put on an anti-depressant/anxiety medication? One such as Paxil? I have severe anxiety and depression, and the only thing that has ever helped me is Paxil! I have tried many anti depressants and Paxil works wonderful for me. I know that since Paxil came out, there have been many more to follow in the foot steps............some i hear work better. I just personally love Paxil. I have been on it for nearly 7 years! But i remember feeling just like you at exactly your age.... Tallk to your Dr.

[Justin88]

Hi Bob, thanks for your response first of all. I have done a few hours of research on  Zanax, and you are right. I know this old girl that around mid 20's, a stripper, and that illegally use them for mild anxiety and panic attacks and even for recreation. But they drink and smoke weed a lot too. They do have the side effect, like vomiting, and nautious, etc.. like the side effect says for Xanax.


But does this happen for all people?
I have bought Zanax Illegally before just to try them, and I had 10 blue .5 Xanax, and I would break them in half and take it with my adderall (adderrall), and then take my zoloft at night. I had a great 2 weeks, and had no with draw symtoms, beside my mind telling I would like another after they ran out... Could it possibly be different for some people with the withdraw effect?

Thanks again for your input Bob~

Appreciate you,
Justin

[Justin88]

Hi pbear14, and thanks for your post~

*I have tried Wellibutron XL when I was like 12>>
*Then I tried Ridilen when I was 13>>
*I swore I would stay away from pills, ciq, and pot... 2 years later...>>
*I started smoking pot and getting drunk after I quit school due to no motivation and I felt like I was against the world and : (

I have heard of Paxil, isnt that the med that makes girls suicidle sometime o.0?

But everyone knows, everyone is different, and we all react different to everything.
I have been to so many doctors and psychiatrists I couldn't count. I am not bad kid, abusive, treating, or anything bad thing like that. I just know this is just a chemical imbalance in my brain, that need to be fixed, cause I've had it all my life and myself and my family are tire of it. I just cant move on with life like this. I just want to be myself. But I gotta just wait till Dec 5th to get a appointment with a psychotherapist and hope get the Xanax or Valium subscription Ive been waiting for a while. Hope After I get this script and take them like said, everything me will be going betting.. back to smokin pot and doin what I do. Thanks for everyone postings honestly. You are good people~

Thank yall very much,
Justin  

[Mandapanda17]

its different when you take them for long periods of time. Benzos are a short term fix! At your age, I wouldn't recommend them, nor to anyone for that matter! I'd only taken them for 10 months and I've had some pretty rough w/d's during my tapering. I wasn't at a high dosage either. bob knows what hes talking about as far as the xanax, I know hes having a h3ll of a time with them. SO, you didn't have w/d's because it was only two weeks. Does the zoloft seem to help with your anxiety? sorry you're having a hard time. hang in there, you're so young!! :)

[Justin88]

Yes I agree with you, but that was I want is a short term fix to get me off the marijuana so I get me a good job, and get my life straighted. Right now it feels like I in a 100ft pitch black dark well with no food or water, and no way to get out. 2 months is so far away to POSSIBLY  get a prescribtion.

I went to the Lewis Gale psychiatric place today, and all they said, is that that could put me in this like house thing with couslers and I can stay up to like 4 days or so, but whats weird they said all door are always unlucked they said which made me really skepitcal of going... never know who right next door that might be completely out of their mind....

But still the same problem I have is the anxiety I get, when I get these panic attacks  just want to get up and walk away immediatly. I know its addictive, but what else works? That s were I am really lost. Benzos only seem to work for me because they work immediatly and they make me feel like I said, my self. Any other medications suggestions, or suggestions period, comments, or whatever I would greatly apprecaite it. Thank you all so much once again, nice to have people to chat with alwayz~

[HelpinUtah]

I think you might want to talk to your doctor about Prozac or Paxil.  They seem to work for both depression and anxiety.  I used to take Paxil and it took away my anxiety and depression when I was in my mid-30s.  

Is your doctor easy to talk to about all this?  

You're in my prayers!!!!

[flmagi]

I was put on Cymbalta for severe depression and it starting working within 4 days.  It really worked great. The only problem is once you're on it for a while you can't just stop, you have to wean off it. But I think that is pretty much the case with all anti-depressants. It definitely sounds like you need an anti-depressant. One of the reasons your doctors may not be giving you the valium or xanax is because you asked for them specifically and some people use them to get high, and they are addictive. You'd be much better off with an anti-depressant.
Good luck to you, I know how miserable depression can be.

[pbear14]

Haha....you watch too much tv. lol. Paxil is actually a really good anti-anxiety medication. But yes, there have been people who have had side effects such as suacidal thoughts.......but it's not really common. And those thoughts can accure from any anti depressant /anxiety -even xanax!
Paxil was specificaly created for people w/anxiety problems. Unlike prozacand such, which were mainly created for depression. Although Prozac can help to treat anxiety, you have to take a much higher dose to achieve the same relief that you would get from Paxil.
Paxil took about 3 weeks before it started to work for me.
But just because it works for me does not mean it will work for you! You just have to talk to your Dr about what you and him think would work best for you..........and what you want to give a chance!
Good luck!

[liscamdave]

Welcome to Medhelp Justin. Hopefully, this will be a good place for you to get the advice and support you need. I have dealt with depression a few times myself, and never got help for it, it just seems to come and go for me. My husband died 2 years ago and I was severly depressed after that. As well as when I detoxed from Oxy Contins. Anyway..I hope you find what you need to get better. You have your whole life ahead of you.

One more thing...mid 20's is NOT old...lolol...

Welcome!!!

Lisa

[Lynn79]

"Hope After I get this script and take them like said, everything me will be going betting.. back to smokin pot and doin what I do."


I have bad news for you Justin.  If you are just looking for a quick Xanax or Valium script, and intent to go back to smoking pot, you will only be masking your problems and will have them all over again when you eventually grow out of smoking pot.  As I read your story, it sounded like I had written it.  I was a pot head, every day, for about four years as well.  And then I decided to stop one day due to needing to get in shape for tennis. I woke up the next morning with a feeling that hasn't gone away in four years.  It was anxiety and panic attacks, and horrible "breathing" feelings.  Basically, my head was f*cked up, and I was in h*ll.  I, like you, had a need for a "short term fix" to help me feel normal again.  The problem is that each time I found a drug that helped me feel "normal," I then became addicted to that replacement drug.  It's a never ending cycle, and will continue to manifest until you get to the real root of your behavior.  This is only my opinion, but let the Xanax idea go.  You really don't want to deal with that addiction and withdrawal when it comes time.  From what I understand, you don't really have an addiction right now, so you are one step ahead of the game already.  Don't give yourself one just because you want to feel better RIGHT NOW.  Believe me, I felt the same way.  I would have tried anything to get rid of the way I was feeling.  I finally had to come to terms with the fact that my psychological addiction to marijuana set everything off, and the horrible anxiety and panic attacks I was having was the withdrawal from being on drugs.  In your case, you had the depression and anxiety first, and self-medicated with marijuana because a friend turned you onto it and it seemed to cure your problems.  But if you think about it, we all aspire to feel normal, and I eventually realized that I really want to feel normal all on my own, without drugs.  The more you take drugs to feel good, or to just feel normal, the less your body produces the chemicals needed to make you feel good on your own.  So now that we have spent so much time preventing our bodies from naturally helping us, we have to get those motors working again.  The best way to do this is with a longer acting med like Paxil, Cymbalta, Celexa, Lexapro... anything that works to get your natural chemicals flowing.  Anything else will fix the short term, but cause more problems in the long run.

[Justin88]

Hello everyone,

First of all, thanks for everyone input on my topic. But I just got back from detox, and they got me on some good medications that make feel good. I take 5mg of adderall (adderrall) and .25 Klonopin every few hours at the same time when needed. 100mg of Zoloft at night and 50mg of Trazodone before I go to bed. This seems to be a good combination for me, and helps me complete everyday challenges without getting panic attacks and anxiety. Does anyone have any comments, suggestions, or questions? Would appreciate any~

[Fergman]

Sounds like you're moving in a good direction.  You know, Justin, we all have to learn to be comfortable in our own skins.  Easier said than done.  The chemical imbalance in the brain stuff is highly questionable and a great rationalization for me.  The detox is weaning you off the klonopin and adderall (adderrall).  That's great.  I don't know much about zoloft, but I have had experience with trazadone.  It's another another anti-depressant along with the zoloft.  You know that, no?  I hate the anxiety and will reach for just about anything to relieve it.  I'm taking this stuff called lexapro which is also an anti-depressant, but it relieves the general anxiety state I find myself in daily.  because of that, I was able to get off the klonopin.  I think we're both moving in the right direction!

[highbp]

I have high blood pressure,anemia and they cause me to have really bad anxiety and panic attacks so my doctor perscribed zanax and they calm my attacks as soon as i take one they maybe addictive but i only take one a day and i feel so much better and i dont have any bad symptoms i think that they are the best for the problems you are having.

[kris123]

I had everything that you say you have.  Talking to a psychiatrist is really the best thing.  I would try to go to one more or even go talk to your family doctor.  Zanax will calm you when you are having attacks.  I have bipolor which caused everything that you are having - Most of the meds a psychiatrist puts you on will take a while to work, but with the right doctor and the right meds, your moods can be better.  Sometimes it takes a while to find the right one, but it is your metal health that matters so it is worth taking the time to figure out or your doctor to figure out.  I know it is hard on you, don't give up there is a doctor out there that can help you :)  I went through four psychiatrist before finding the one that I liked the most.  This is my experience and only what I think :)

[terryBFLO]

I jave been taking  1mg lorezapam 3 to 4 times a day for the past  4 years.  along with  a list of other meds. the dr. at the clinic took blood and urnalisis and said there was no trace of it. So he is going to stop prescibeing to me. HE thinks I am lying I am 57 years old... What am I to do. Is there any chance this could be wrong? or something is stopping it from being detected....anyone please help... I have chrones diease.
TY...GB

[nick30]

hi terry,

this post is an old one and not really monitored by anyone.
you would be best to post your own question in the appropriate forum.
as for the test results, that seems to happen quite alot and you certainly aren't the only one it has happened too. I'm not really sure what you should do about it.
I'm not sure if chrohns disease can alter the outcome of your tests.
please talk to your dr again and get a 2nd opinion if neccesary.

Nick