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1ST DAY ON CHRISTMAS
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1ST DAY ON CHRISTMAS

Why wait for New Years. I want to stop now.Problem is I have to hide it from my family. I am 48 years old living with a husband who would not understand. 2 teenagers I need to be an example for. A job I just started and an 84 year old mother who lives with us. I hid my usage very well for 2 years now. 12 - 15 a day Norco 10-325. Although it certainly helps me with my pain it is not fair to them. The money spent, my health if it doesn't go well.
Sorry.. to the question. Anyone hiding it from everyone and anyone? No support system? What do i do?
I,ve tried before but the symptoms just got too intense and everyone was questioning everything. If I could go hide under a rock for a week, I am sure I could do it. I know i can handle it. It's been since about 5:00 PM yesterday, already a runny nose, cold,chills and many aches, but I know that this is nothing yet. Last time I started again after the 3rd day. restless legs, severe irritability, mental confusion, definately no sleep.Any advice is much appreciated.
Tags: 1st day, day 1
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52704_tn?1387024397
i tried for years to keep my secret and to get better, in secret, all by myself.

i not only failed, my addiction got worse, and worse, and worse.

i was really serious, and the stakes were high, so i tried harder.

i got worse.

i didn't know it then, by my self-help attempts to get better in secret were doomed from the outset.

secrets keep us sick.

they say that anything put in front of our Recovery will be lost anyway.  i found this to be true.  every single thing I tried to protect by keeping my addiction a secret was lost -- not only lost, but lost in worse and uglier manner than i would have thought possible.

a HUGE part of recovering is coming to understand that we are not bad people trying to become good again, but sick people trying to become well again.

sick people don't need to hide, they need to ask for and accept help.

CATUF
2027
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52704_tn?1387024397
i tried for years to keep my secret and to get better, in secret, all by myself.

i not only failed, my addiction got worse, and worse, and worse.

i was really serious, and the stakes were high, so i tried harder.

i got worse.

i didn't know it then, by my self-help attempts to get better in secret were doomed from the outset.

secrets keep us sick.

they say that anything put in front of our Recovery will be lost anyway.  i found this to be true.  every single thing I tried to protect by keeping my addiction a secret was lost -- not only lost, but lost in worse and uglier manner than i would have thought possible.

a HUGE part of recovering is coming to understand that we are not bad people trying to become good again, but sick people trying to become well again.

sick people don't need to hide, they need to ask for and accept help.

CATUF
2027
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Avatar_m_tn
Please don't stop cold turkey when you're taking that many a day. Gradually build it down.
Most of us have to hide to a certain degree, especially the dosage. I completely undertand what you're going through. Right now, try not to compound all which you deem negative, 90% of it probably isn't. Have you tried talking to your husband about it? If he really loves you, he would understand. It seems the vibe I'm getting from you're writing that you feel like you're not good enough, for your husband and kids. Of course that is not true, none of us are perfect and are deserving of acceptance!
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1416133_tn?1351126817
Catuf is so right.  I tried to keep my habit a secret too and it only make me more sick.  I had no choice but to come clean to my Dr.'s, the pharmacy's in my area, and my husband.

It's just too hard to try to do this alone.  As soon as I realized I needed real help, everything changed and I stayed off the drugs.  (151 days clean today!!!)

I know how difficult it is to tell the person you love more than anyone else in the world that you're not perfect.  But you know what?  They already know that and love you anyway.  So trust them with this too.

Hope this helps.  You CAN do this!!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am also in the process of quitting at first no one knew and they are right it will make you more sick! Then this time around I have told a select few people that has really helped! I still haven't told my family or my boyfriend but I am looking for some aa or na meetings for me to attend (I am on day one off oc 80-120 Mgs a day for 6months) I Will be on suboxone the first week and then I will have to come off suboxone as well... Support and being around the ones you love helps the most if you need someone to talk to I am on somewhat of the same timeline as you
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank You,
I was afraid of that answer but knew it to be true. I have to let people in on this..at least those that are supposed to be closest to me and then let the chips fall where they may. One way to know who your true friends are whether they are related or not huh?\Going to see meet the Folkers tonighgt. I already feel pretty bad. Oh well all i have to do is sit there I guess
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank You for your post. Yes, i beleive though that my low self esteem is part of what got me in to this mess. i try to be the best wife, mpother, daughter so on and so on. i feel like I fall short in all those categories and yes i am under a doctors care just not for pain meds. That was my own doing. God blees that you care enough to write
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for your post. I have thought about my doctor or seeking out an AA group or something. i guess I need to do this quick  in order to follow through. Thank you for taking the time to respond to someone you don't know and yes it does help
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank You and best of luck to you as well. Stay strong and hang in there
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Avatar_m_tn
Momschillin, everything in life eventually needs a dose of positive thinking for it to be enjoyable. It's hard to master this art, for myself included. Not all of us are blessed to have the tools to stay positive. That's why we self medicate. There is no shame whatsoever in what you've done. Shame is futile because it encompasses the past and all we have is the present.
I you have to hide because you are afraid, you're trapped. The ones who are supposed to love you, need to do so unconditionally. When you come out you are free and if those that need to accept you don't, that is their problem. But in freedom you're less likely to relaps or to need an escape.
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52704_tn?1387024397
AA has been instrumental in my recovery.  the conventional wisdom is that a "newcomer" should go to "90 meetings in 90 days."

That might seem a bit over-the-top, but it's actually a really good idea.  the first year of recovery is no doubt the toughest and the first 90 days of that year are rocky.  As was noted in a fairly recent article in Time (How We Get Addicted http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1640436,00.html), getting to 90 days represents a huge milestone:

"One important discovery: evidence is building to support the 90-day rehabilitation model, which was stumbled upon by AA (new members are advised to attend a meeting a day for the first 90 days) and is the duration of a typical stint in a drug-treatment program. It turns out that this is just about how long it takes for the brain to reset itself and shake off the immediate influence of a drug. Researchers at Yale University have documented what they call the sleeper effect--a gradual re-engaging of proper decision making and analytical functions in the brain's prefrontal cortex--after an addict has abstained for at least 90 days."

This is not to say that we're out of the woods at 90 days, we're not, but things are different in a very real way . .

CATUF
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Avatar_n_tn
Be honest with family. You won't be able to work. It's miserable going cold turkey.
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Avatar_m_tn
HI....by now your in acute withdrawals and feeling it.....look to the bottom right of this page and look up the thomas recipe pick up the things suggested you should also pick up some stuff called highlands restful legs...its helps with the restless legs I took 2 ever hr till it went away it homeopathic so  you cant od on the stuff....right now it all about attitude we are all uncomfortable doing this but it is a choice to suffer a positive attitude goes a long way
this is 1/3 physical 2/3 mental be ready to fight on both fronts keep in mind the symptoms are only temporary get comfortable with the saying....''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' and tell your self that when you feel out of sorts  the best overall therapy is a good hot soak you may need several a day for the first few days....if you can get out and rent some movies it will give you something to do wile you up all night if your reading this tonight let me be the first to congratulate you on quitting and encourage you to push past the pain the prize is worth it if you believe in God prayer helped me hes all you got when it 3 am and your up shaking....keep us posted on how your doing I wish you the best of luck God bless,,,,,,Gnarly    
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey there moms, I know how you are feeling.. I had kept my addiction a secret from all of my friends and my family, and everytime I was going through WD i would have to lie about it. I recommend using suboxone to help wean yourself off of it. I know there are mixed opinions on suboxone, but if used properly like i did it can make quitting SO much easier. THe great thing about suboxone is that it doesnt get you high, but it makes you feel much better. There is a catch with subs obviously. For me this is how i took the subs.

Wait till you feel ******, wait as long as u possibly can until the WD symptoms get pretty bad. then take 3/4 of a 8mg suboxone. You will probably still feel weak, but the chills and overall shittyness will subside.

Try to get as much sleep as possible and eat plently of potassium rich foods like bananas and i recommend vitamin water the revive flavor. its rich in b vitamins and potassium. When you wake up on day 2, take only a half of a 8mg suboxone and take a quarter of an 8mg suboxone before you sleep. day three do the same thing. Day four dont take any subs and see how you feel, you should feel MUCH MUCH better by this point. THE KEY WITH SUBOXONE IS TAKE AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE TO ALLEVIATE YOUR PAIN AND THEN STOP TAKING IT within a week at the most.
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1198767_tn?1299640001
To answer your original question... Yes..I am where you are at.. none of my family knows about the pill jail I have lived in for 3 years now.. my husband does but it is because he takes them too.. my in laws have a very judgemental attitude toward it I know.. I have heard them talk about one girl they know and she obiviously is chained to the Lortab.. my DOC.. and I have heard them say how horrible of a person she is and what not.. so I have always chosen not to tell them about me and my husband taking them.  My own family doesn't know, as I have alwayse kept it from them due to the issues we have in our family with other addicts.. my brother is in prison for meth and I have a nephew who is also crazy about pills... not just Lortab.. but pretty much anything he can get his hands on.. this is why I have to a point always minimized my own issues.. I have not went to any lengths to get pills.. my husband gets a script monthly and when they are gone.. they are gone.. that's it.. occasionally he will have a friend he works with or something that will offer him some and he supplements that way occasionally but other than that .. when they are gone that's it.. I have always looked at myself as somewhat of a conscious usuer in that I never took more than the maximum daily dose as to not cause myself any physical issues .. but I know deep down that they are a slippery slope.. I started off taking just one every once in a while to one day to two a day and so on and so on... so over the last 3 years it has been a progressive thing for me as many others I am sure.. all I can say is what so many others have said to me at times.. your will to quit has to be stronger than your will to use.. and although I am in no position at all to give you any real good advice right now as I am on this ride myself at this point.. I just wanted to let you know that I too am in a similar position as you.. my family doesn't know and I am determined to keep them out of this loop.. good luck to you which ever route you choose to go and keep on posting to let everyone know how you are doing..
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