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1st day at work since 2006 without pills!
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1st day at work since 2006 without pills!

WHat the hell am I supposed to do?  I've relied on those poision pills for so long I'm not sure I can make a decision.

I run a multi-million dollar business and specialize in contract negotiation and am scared to death that I'll make a costly mistake.

So far all I've done today is sit at my desk and stare at my computer. This is day 5 and while I know I'm healing I can't focus and these waves of anxiety/fear/pain hit me out of nowhere.  

What a ride this is going to be. I could not stop crying the past two days which has now turned into me being afraid to make any type of decision.
The "not knowing" what's going to happen next with me mentally/emotionally us by far the biggest struggle for me.

Someone hep a Brutha out and send me some good vibes.
18 Comments Post a Comment
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3225128_tn?1347137598
No more going to stop , You have stopped , The day#5 things you are haveing will ease . Your over t6he hump , You will start to get your head back in a day or 2 . Make sure you rest , eat , take your Vit's . Don't stress it took months of drugs to F*** you up . It will only take a few more days to get your life back . Your off the crap , TAKE PRIDE Bro .... Ron
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Avatar_f_tn
u r more likely to make a mistake on pills honestly i kno it dsnt feel like that i completely understand. but if u didnt make a mistake all those yrs on pills i think u will b ok
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284451_tn?1354974227
It's sounds like we have very similar stories. I'm on day 14 of being clean. I too  work in a professional setting and have been high on one thing or another for the past 15 years. I'm an engineer and have to design complex concepts and then work closely with manufacturing, cust. ser., sales, etc. Right now the last freakin' thing I want to do is even look at another person, much less discuss the intricacies of new technologies. When someone walks in my office I cringe because I know they need something and I have to get up from my desk and this website. I took last week off from work thinking that would be the worst of it, and it was. However as of today I am still very anxious and uncomfortable. I can handle it, but barely. Today is better than yesterday, a little. My last drug od choice was suboxone and I sadly did not taper properly, so I hear I am in for a long drawn out w/d. Shame on me for not investigating that sooner. But I will make it. I am on the other side of it. I have made the decision that this is my time and I really feel as though something has changed and I will do well this time. I too am a family man with a 16 year old son that is just as athletic as I am. I went through the crying stage last week while my he was home sick with me. Of course i had to hide my pain as best as I could, he doesn't know his dad is an addict, as it would crush him to know.

I don't know if you have a chance, but N/A meeting really help me to feel better. Something in those meeting makes you forget your body is so much agony and for a few hours you might feel really well? At least I do.
Just want to let you know that you will make it through this even when you think you can. Stay busy and active, drink lots of fluids, and banana's for the restless and painful legs.

Have you started sneezing yet?
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4019906_tn?1349419544
aloha, i too am going thru a horrible time. my husband and i just moved to texas form hawaii where i was born and raised for his work offer. at home i began taking vicoden 5, 7.5, percocet 5, 7.5, 10/325. it all started with a broken jaw which was wired back crooked and now causes me horrible headaches, my dr faithfully wrote me 150 pills a week. i was tired of not being able to make it to the next dose with out wds so i asked him to help me taper. the farthest i got to was 12 pills from 15. when i came to texas i wasnt able to fill my refills my dr sent me with to continue my taper, so i had to send it home, have it filled and in the mean time he called in norco 10. wow what a huge jump. i went thru hellish wds, but i think going without the percocet for a week helped a great deal getting me over that hump and the bad part of wds. at the moment im on the thomas recipe for opiate detox. it suppose to be for ct off of it, but some on my other site say if im continueing to the lowest dose which i have 2 pills of vicoden and not 4 at a time. and get down to 1. the thomas recipe will releave the worst wds. then when im down to none, its just the thomas recipe. i try and promote sleep as much as possible to get thru the wds. i had some left over xanax which i use for that, but now i have 4 left and will rely on benadryl. look up the thomas recipe. all the items cost me under 30 $, instead of the epsom salt baths i use detox md that you can buy at a wholefoods or health store. that helps alot too. this is whats getting me thru the wds at a bareable state. so i hope you can try it. get better and know you are not alone, we are all here for each other. take care, and mahalo Ke A Kua, for getting me thru this. aloha, leanne
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Avatar_m_tn
The sneezing has begun full force. I do suffer from seasonal allergies so I'm blaming allergies.

Half way through the first day at work and am very uncomfortable but so far no major hurdles to speak of. A lot of what I do is routine so I'm able to rely on habit to get me through. It's when a client thinks they can renegotiate that is going to test my resolve.

For the past 5-6 years anytime a client called asking to renegotiate I knew it would be difficult and that would trigger me to pull a norco out of my pocket for protection.  I'm hoping I can make it through this week without that happening.  

Im so looking forward to the 30 day mark and being able to put this all behind me.

The cravings aren't as bad as anticipated. It's the routine of taking a pill about the same time each day that I'm struggling with the most.
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4019906_tn?1349419544
have you ever tried the thomas recipe? thats what im on now, day one, and it seems that it does help some of the withdrawls. look it up, it cost lest then 30 dollars to buy everything. hope all goes well and take care, im on day one of the thomas recipe. after a battle of 3 yrs of abusing percocet 10/325. my dr would give me 150 weekly for my tmj. well as i know it fd me up. i was able to get down to 5 pills a day from 15, that was pure hell so i know that the worst of the withdrawls is gone, then i was able to get vicoden to help continue to lower the amount of opiates in me just to get by the worst part of the wds. i have only a few left, and a refill which i refuse to pick up. when in out its just the thomas recipe. get better and have faith. aloha, leanne
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4019906_tn?1349419544
i so understand the routine part. like for me the minute i awake i reach for my bottle. ive gotten thru the worst part of wds. and am taking about 4 a day vs 15 percocets. i hope you feel better, take care, leanne
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Avatar_m_tn
Dude, calm down, u got this.  This is just you doubting yourself... You didnt get to where you are solely by the grace of those pills, and in fact when a situation that your referring to in terms of a renegotiation with a client, just focus on what you know your good at, letting your natural ability take control.  Those are the kind of situations as scary as they may seem, that actually, at least I think, help you through moments in the day. Kinda like helping u distract the brain, maybe its just me.  But, pills or not, u know ur job, u know what is needed, and how to accomplish providing what is needed.
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284451_tn?1354974227
I'm also using the thomas recipe, with valarian root for relaxation at night. The vitamins all help, but nothing completely eliminates the discomfort. I've been guzzling water which seems to help as much as anything. I'm trying to flush my system as fast as possible. My dr. also gave me some trazadone to help with the sleep. That helps a bit, but also adds to my "lack of ummpphh" the next day. Earlier last week I had 8-10 chlonidine left from a previous failed attempt. These help a great deal to reduce anxiety and slow your "roll". These are NOT a benzo, or valium, they are blood pressure med's that some dr's will prescribe for opiate w/d's and they helped me during the most anxious/stressful of the w/d's.
Today if my mf'ing 14 day without anything in my body. I'm stoked. Now if I can just start to feel a little better. I can only hide for so long.
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284451_tn?1354974227
I started sneezing about a week ago and haven't stopped. I too have seasonal allergies, but never sneeze this bad. I snap off 3-4 blasters every couple of hours no matter where I am. Really fun in a meeting with our owner's. Especially when I have watery eyes and can barely stay awake as it is. I have to wonder what is going through their minds. I can't pretend to be sick much longer without with some reason or diagnosis.
Hang in there brutha, you're gonna be just fine. Don't think about tomorrow, or the next day. Just worry about 1 hour at a time. I'm guessing you're quite a warrior and can do this.
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1970885_tn?1385151576
First, congrats on what you've done and what you're doing. Now, if anyone says anything just tell them that you're fighting some sort of bug.
As far as your decision making, have a bit more confidence in yourself; rely on your experience and expertise. When something comes up, take a little more time. As stated above, if anything the pills were fogging up your head, not really helping. Tomorrow will be better, as will the next day, etc. Go slow.
And be very proud.
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2116781_tn?1337040479
You are doing amazing and every day is going to get better. I too went thru the depression crap, i cried so many tears i probably could have filled the bath tub. I was also unable to think clearly, make decisions ect. Being a nurse and being surrounded by drugs most of the day, was really a challenge. However, i made the choice to reclaim my life..........NOTHING wa going to get in my way!!!! Continue the fight, it will only get better. I am now 35 days clean, and loven life!!!!!
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2116781_tn?1337040479
You are doing amazing and every day is going to get better. I too went thru the depression crap, i cried so many tears i probably could have filled the bath tub. I was also unable to think clearly, make decisions ect. Being a nurse and being surrounded by drugs most of the day, was really a challenge. However, i made the choice to reclaim my life..........NOTHING wa going to get in my way!!!! Continue the fight, it will only get better. I am now 35 days clean, and loven life!!!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Professional here too... and negotiate million dollar deals. Same boat buddy! But i did get through it and now kicking butt again in a much more thoughtful and strategic way. Just to get through a call I prepped with a pill, but now it's an energy drink and some gaba if it's time for it. Used to dred going to work with gnawing anxiety when I was on oxy... i had to take it in the morning just to function. That's all gone now!
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Avatar_m_tn
The doubt, the anxiety... everything you mention is normal.  You're breaking bad habits and creating new ones.  I once read that it takes 21 days to break a habit and 21 days to create a habit.  

Each day off of the pills is a day further away from the habit.

Keep after it!  Relax a bit....I know its easier to say than do, but I took myself way too serious and was having a hard time listening to the little addict voice in my head when I was trying to quit.  I had to keep the bigger "I want to be sober" voice on at all times.  When I learned to relax, to occupy my mind with anything else, my life got easier.

Good Luck
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Avatar_m_tn
Ya, I have the very same thing happen to me every time I have quit in the passed or even tapering, never fails, I start getting these gnarly sneeze attacks, constantly throughout the da, everyday.
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4019906_tn?1349419544
good for you. yes the thomas recipe helps. yesterday was day 3 and i thought  was gonna die. my head felt as if it was gonna burst. i finally got my dr to call me a small refill of my xanax to help with my out of controll anxiety and no sleep since my rapid taper. i hope today is better for me. im so glad to read all these posts and see all the support and love. aloha , leanne
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Avatar_m_tn
I have not mentioned this before but I'm unable to use Benzos to help with any wd symps.  Doctors had me on those for years and I stopped those cold turkey last Sept and have not looked back.

I was on those for years and slowly they began to take my life away.  I had so many surgeries and a few of those were life or death that in order for me to sleep they were my only option.  The rest is history.

Prolonged use of Benzos does catastrophic damage to the entire body especially the digestive tract and mental status.  I

I'm a year off Benzos and the average time for complete healing is 14-16 mths.  As hard as it has been quitting pain pills it is nowhere near the nightmare Benzos are.
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