2 Years Later and Terribly Depressed

Question

I was addicted for 6 years and I have been clean for 2 years.  Since than I have been struggling with depression and I am wondering if anyone else has this problem?  Is it possible I changed the chemistry in my brain and need anti-depressants?

dgmr · Answer

PS -- you guys are awesome, thank you for taking the time to read this and respond.  Please keep it up, you all are very knowledgeable and the more I know the better!

dgmr · Answer

Thank you everyone!  The depression comes and goes, it has not been consistent but I have also never returned to the place I was before I was addicted. 

Right now I have been struggling with a breakup that happened 4 months ago and I am in a strange depression that I just can't pull out of.  I feel as down as I did when I first stopped, I spend a lot of time crying big tears and just can't get up.  I am also a few days away from the 2 year anniversary. 

Because I have never been back to where I was I wonder if maybe I did change my brain chemistry.  The last two years have been hard and I have never really been happy.  I have been in therapy as well.

vicki595 · Answer

Wow...thanks for that info...You know,I've noticed that around the time of my refill date
I've been "out of sorts". I thought:"How can my brain know the date???"   But it does!

I've pushed through this every time.  I've been clean for over 4 months and otherwise doing great.  Opiates were not my DOC;it was butalbital. I guess it doesn't make a 
difference.     
And,yes,I'm in aftercare.   :)

Vicki xo

Bad_Obsession · Answer

I agree...2 years is pretty far into recovery to feel PAWS for the first time...but it can strike even 5 or 10 years after you are clean. Or that's what I read anyways. Maybe what I read was it can last 5 or 10 years.

GA Guy · Answer

Not necessarily that it's too late...I've seen people with many, many years get into a funk on their year birthdays. It's just that the pattern doesn't qualify it as PAWS. PAWS usually hots on anniversary dates...30, 60, 90 days...6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 2 years...that's why AA and NA have chip systems revolving around those time frames. They saw it happening long before the medical research could confirm it.

vicki595 · Answer

Ga Guy~  I thought it was a bit late for PAWS,as well.

V. xo

GA Guy · Answer

By the way, PAWS is more of a cyclical condition. You'll feel good only to feel worse in a cycle...ups and downs. Some research even point to a correlation to moon phases. A researcher I've been in touch with says that PAWS hits "pill" addicts more than others and feels it's because of the usual 30 "cycle" between refills. The ups and downs of binging and withdrawals makes a learned response in the brain. When you starve the brain of the opiates, it revs up the "bad" feelings around when your brain perceives that "new" drugs are coming.

GA Guy · Answer

PAWS wouldn't hit you every day for 2 years. Other drugs such as hallucinogens, alcohol and even benzos can cause very real changes in brain chemistry. Opiates can cause a lot of changes as well, but they rebound fairly quickly, and you should be feeling close to normal by now. Did you have a history of depression before you started opiates? That's why many people become addicted in the first place...self medicating a depressive episode.

vicki595 · Answer

Hi~   In addition to the above great advice,I'd ,also,suggest a complete check up. You
may very well need an antidepressant.
Keep posting~
Vicki

Bad_Obsession · Answer

Yep..PAWS sounds about right.  Cleanmom has given you some great info.  Check out all she suggested and we are here for support too.  Good luck to you and congrats on your clean time.  You should be very proud!

cleanmom · Answer

Hi and Welcome,

Have you ever heard of PAWS? You can read about it in the Health Pages at the top right of this page. It stands for post acute withdrawal syndrome and it sounds like that might be what you are experiencing and is actually very common.

Are you working any type of program of recovery? This really is a life-long process and getting our brains 100% healthy again can take a while. I would recommend talking with your doctor about an anti-depressant to help you for a bit.

While you are on that i would look into some meetings and maybe a substance abuse counselor. You need to have support. This is hard and almost impossible to do alone in the long term.


You have come to the right place. We are here for you and can offer lots of support also. Keep posting.......

Jacky