21,stuck.. pill and other abuse

[aloneinthisfight]

Hey everyone.. This is long. I dont know where to start or what to do. Since I was about 17 I've been struggling with pill abuse. I started taking lortab 10mg. At first, it was just a half every other day.. Then gradually I worked my way up to 5 a day. In 2012, I had an MRI done on my back. It turns out I have degenerate disc disease along with two bulging disc in my upper spine. This had me very depressed for a long time. I didn't get any pain pills prescriptions until a year ago. My doctor gave me Norco 7.5 twice a day... Of.course this made me smile because I  was already taking them for a good feeling. I gladly got the prescription filled. This is when my addition got worse. I started take 6-8 a day. I finally got upped to 3 10mgs a day and then I started to take 10-15 a day. In July, I asked my doctor to switch me to pain patches. I had tried them before and liked them
he did. Now, I dont get another script until the 11th.. And of course I'm out. I was cutting the.pain patches and eating them as well as wearing them. Now, here I am hours away from withdrawal. I finished off my last patch about an hour ago. I'm at work right now. On weekends I work overnight 11pm thru 7am. I'm stuck
and im so lost everyone. I can get my hands on some.methadone but I don't want to take pills that I don't even know.much about. I've been depressed for years and this.is the first time im asking for help. I'm so tired of the struggle. Its my own fault.. I'm so tired of feeling sick. I'm so tired of everything. I dont even know where to start. If there is anyone who could help id greatly appreciate it. Thank you all

[deafwhitecat]

You have your whole life ahead of you. And regardless of your medical issues, that life will be immeasurably better without addiction. I'm 60 and just quit a nasty 5 year hydrocodone addiction. I'm not out of the woods yet, but sure wish I could have just those 5 years back. All the money I spent, things I missed out on... Reach inside yourself - get proud and get angry and fight this thing now.

[clean_in_ks]

Hi there and welcome to the forum~  I am so sorry your very first post sat for so long....that happened to me when I posted for the first time.  Reaching out and asking for help is HUGE and a great step for you!
And now you don't have to be "alone in this fight", ok?

I can relate to your tolerance increasing and chasing "that feeling"....we all can.  I can also relate to DDD and disc problems.  But there IS hope and you don't have to live like this anymore.

Have you been using pain pills along WITH the patches?  I'm assuming you mean Fentanyl patches?  

This forum is full of wonderful people that can share their experiences.  Help and support is what we're all about.

Your age, overall health, length of opioid use, and the amount you are currently on all play roles in our recovery.  Many of us came to this forum worn out from chasing the dragon, scared and seeking answers.  Keep posting, keep asking questions, and we'll help you any way we can to put your addiction into remission and help you with your recovery.

P.S.  I would advise AGAINST the methadone.....it has it's own set of problems and would just be adding to what you'd have to w/draw from.