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2nd day from1.4 mg...NEED HELP
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2nd day from1.4 mg...NEED HELP

Hello.  Any support or help would begreatly appreciated.  I am 34 yo lady who used heroin for 4 years.  I got on methadone 6.5 years ago and my life changed for the better.  

I was at 30 mg for like maybe a year but it literally made me high and sick. So I went down to 15 mg for a little bit then 5 mg for th epast 4 years.  I went to 2.5 mg very easily for awhile.  On Monday I went to @ 1.4 mg and felt like I hadnt taken any at all.  I did that until Wednesday and thought, f^^^ this and just stopped.  

During the 1.5 mg days, I cried had panic attacks and very very strong urges to just give up!! Same way I feel now.  I woke up in a panic this morning.  I called into workthis morning bc I just couldn't.  I have been taking a cople 7.5 hydro to be able to get up and calme down.  I am very healthy and very emotional person anyway.  Methadone never really numbed my feelings.  I am so scared right now.  I just feel so emotionally depressed and I am just a wreck emotionally.  I have a couple valium and I take like half during these extrme panic attacks I have.  The panic attacks are what are getting to me.  Every couple hours I freak out literally.  

ALso, to add, my methadone never held me 24 hours when I was at 5 mg.  I have felt horrible waking up the past many years.  

ANy advise or support or stories would help so so much.  Thanks.

I have a full time job, husband, 12 y/o, and a bunch of dogs:)  

45 Comments Post a Comment
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4810126_tn?1409496012
Welcome & Wow!  I've got to hand it to you! You were on a very low dose for quite a while. Congratulations on your taper! What you are going through is completely normal. - (I've been clean off Methadone [20 yrs,]/Heroin [almost 30] for 3.5+ mos.) - From what you've told us of your history, I'd say that this is very doable. The 5mgs for years is great because it allowed that stuff to come out of your bones and tissues. It's very usual to be on an emotional roller coaster at this time - laughing one minute - crying the next. Don't worry , your emotions should level out.  May I ask if you ever had panic attacks before the drugs or during?
While I completely understand the need for benzos in acute Methadone withdrawals, I'd caution you that if you use them consistently - even for a matter of weeks, you'll most likely build a tolerance and it will complicate your recovery re: sleep. I know as it happened to me after only 2 mos. of off and on use. You might want to ask your Dr. for some Clonidine which might take the edge off. Also, check out 'The Thomas Recipe' (search box - upper right hand corner.)
I won't lie Methadone can be a rough kick but you've got a lot going for you. Sounds like you've got your hands full. The thing you've got to do is to try to plan ahead. Get some help in at home if possible. Why not sit your family down and explain what's going on.
You can do this. Have patience w/ yourself and the process. You're body/mind needs time to re-regulate. Keep you're eye on the prize and try to stay in the moment. The acute w/d's should be over anywhere from 5 to 7 days, though I suspect in your case it will be closer to 5. Hang in there! This site will help you get through this.Please let us know how you're doing. Wishing you strength & patience. We're here.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you so much for responding.  I have never really had panic attacks normally.  I have not smiled or laughed since Monday when I went down to 1.5 mg.  Just a huge depression like never before.  I feel no hope no happiness which makes me even sadder bc I am always happy.  THis utter depression must end.

When you say acute withdrawals, what do you mean?
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4810126_tn?1409496012
Girl, I hear you! That was a big jump you took in dosage. The thing is. We don't even metabolize all of our dose and - if you're like me - you might be a 'rapid' metabolizer. Great to hear that you've never had panic attacks. That makes this so much easier. Just to reiterate, what you're going through is normal. Your neural pathways have been changed to accommodate the opiate and it's greatly lowered your natural endorphin production. In the meantime your stress hormones are running riot - unmediated. I promise that this gets better. Stick with. Hold fast. You can do this. Stay with us.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks for your kind words.  As I look around my home, I see a clean house, food in the fridge, money in the bank (not alot but livable:)) and I feel a moment of hope.  My husband rocks and is so very helpful and he would be here if he could but work calls!  I honestly cannot tell you how much your post made me feel better.  It wierd :)  I am hopin by Mondaym when I have to go back to work ( office job, have to deal with a chatty boss and clients ) what I will not be on the verge of tears every second.  

The thing about these panic attacks is they last long and my mnd starts tricking me into thinking I have psycosis and will end up in the psychiatric ward of the hospital.  But right now I am less sad so the panic attack has passed for now.

Congrats to you on being clean and sober for so long!!!  You rock.  

It gets scary reading online about people suffering and being depressed and having no emotions for months on end.  THis is unacceptable to me.
I guess I have made it this far but 2nd day with nothingbut I swear Monday at 1.5 mg felt just like this.  It never got better.  I wonder if I can count those days for real withdrawal?  

Maybe some is in my head.  I took my dose the same time everyday.  It was my crutch.  If I knew I had my little 2.5 or 5 mg I would be fine.  Withdrawals have been my biggest fear for years!  

The reason I am getting off isto have a baby.  I am not pregnant now but we plan on it by the end of the summer.  We have already waited too long really bc of methadone.  We have a 13 y/oso big age difference :)

Sorry I am typing so long but it feels good to get it out and feel a lil hope even if it is until the next panic attack!  
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Hi..I just wanted to give you some support here..It does get better..I know people get sick of hearing that and want it now..I am in my 7 month on many, many years off the methadone and 2 other meds..I got way up and came down to 30mgs and went c/t...I had anxiety (benzo has a lot to do with) that just shot to the moon..The so called panic attracts might just be the anxiety that most of us have..The body is trying to rid the poison and methadone is one of the hardest to get out of the system. You were at a very low dose..You should bonce back very soon..You just need to try to re-direct your self from your self..Try to go for some walks..Stay hydrated and drink some drinks that have protein in them and the ones that help keep the electrolyte up..Envolver gave you some good info too..OK Hang on tight and ride the wave..You will be up on the beach real soon...
vickie
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you!  I call them panic attacks for lack of anything better really.  Just overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and crying.  Been feeling that since Monday at 1.5 mg.  

Congrats to being sober
I finally turned on the tv today for the first time sinceMonday when I started feeling bad.

I have not had a valium today and feel at thisminute okay, I mean I am not crying,  but I can feel the depression trying to sneak back up on me.  The way I have been feeling is so scary.  I have never been that hopeless before ever that I have felt since Monday.
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Avatar_m_tn
One thing that is wierd, I am able to sleep at night.  SO wierd.  It is like all psycholigical stuff.  
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4522800_tn?1405696702
I know what you mean..I experienced so many stages I have never ever felt in my life...It was a bit different this time compared to my other opiates..I was always a happy person on or off the drugs..But this one just took me for a loop..You just need to understand that it is not you..I promise it does ease up..We just have to take it min by min..Day by day..Every morning when the Sun comes up, you feel that much better..The emotions are a normal part of the process..We have altered alot of the brains transmitters that need to balance back..There is alot of information on this out here in the cyber would..It really helps me to understand more..I have some videos too!! My husband watched them a few times over..He gave me time to heal..Look up the "Disease of Addiction and the Pleasures Pathway" It is some Hot Stuff..Are you planing on going to any meetings like AA/NA..They are very, very supportive and you learn alot about the tools in life so we do not run back to the drugs/alcohol..Just hang tight and fight the flight..OK
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4810126_tn?1409496012
Hi,
Just to clarify - (I don't want to take credit here for something I haven't yet earned) - I'm 3.5 + mos. sober from 20yrs of Methadone and almost 30 yrs. of Heroin. So, I'm still in rather early recovery.
Yeah, that 1.5 mgs. is mainly psychological. The other thing that's psychological is your fear, which I'm sure has been inflated by what you've read about M. w/d's. The trick - and I know it's difficult, particularly at the stage your at - is to realize that chemicals in your brain are causing this panic. In addition your 'habit' - the ritual comfort of it - is calling it's siren song to you. Don't listen to it. Recognize it for what it is. Ask yourself: "Now what's it trying to get me to do?" - each time it rears it's head.
So glad you're house is stocked and you've got a bit of security and such a supportive man. These things will all aid you. I'm not so sure that, realistically, you'll be ready for the office on Monday - (I'm thinking sleep here) - but it's possible you might soldier through it because of you're very low dose. You're doing all the right things. Stay w/ us and breathe, my friend.
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Avatar_m_tn
I will attend NA once I am able to be around people if that makes since.  The thought of heroin makes me ill.  Yuck.  

THe fear of this day in and day out puts me into a downward spiral!!!  SO I aam just not even worrying about Monday yet.  I am trying to do what I can now.

My goal now is to not cry for another hour.  And not let that "siren song" get ahold of me and bring me down to that low low point of depression that i have been at since this past Monday.

2.5 months is somethingto be very proud of!!  Ya'll give me hope.  I am trying to hold onto that.  



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4810126_tn?1409496012
Yeah, the NA thing can wait until you're feeling a little better. You're doing all the right things. You mentioned that you're feeling hope. Great, you're kicking in the right season: "Hope springs eternal" , "season of rebirth", etc. If it's sunny where you are, try to get outside. It's great for mood. Sending a smile your way.
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Avatar_m_tn
It is sunny here and i also have a treadmill and am thinking once my husband getshome, i will walk with him or on the treadmill.  

THis is so different from detoxing off heroin.  I just dont remember being so freaking scared and depressed.  More physical.  Like I've said I have been sleeping.  SO that is wonderful.  I do not wantto jinx myself though.  

I just never realized how freaking psychological this was/is.  I gotta keep fighting my own mind which gets to me.  I can deal with anything aparently but my own mind.

I now realize, at least forthe moment, that I will not end up inthe locked ward of a hospital.  As silly a sthat sounds, that has been popping in my mind alot.  I now realizeI won't as of now.  Hope that feeling holds!.  

Love and respect to ya'll!!!
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4810126_tn?1409496012
Wow! You're sleeping? Another really good sign, my friend. I so agree that Heroin is a lot easier. As you said Methadone is a lot more 'physical'. I've never experienced anything quite like it. You are not going crazy. You're going to be fine. Deep breathes - one moment at a time. Just keep telling yourself that it's an imbalance in your brain chemistry that is doing the talking here and that it will end soon.
The treadmill is a great idea, btw. If you can manage to do that every day for a little while it'll help flush toxins, improve your mood and aid in sleep. Another thing you might try are hot salt baths. They're very calming, have a slightly sedative effect and will calm you down. Put on your I-touch w/ your favorite music and soak away. Also, very important, Hydration -- (2 to 3 litres per day.) Treat yourself well. You deserve it.
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Yes Methadone is very synthetic.It just lives in the parts of the body..It just loves to hang tight..If you know what I mean..Like I said I have never felt any thing so emotional in my life...I have experienced some up & downs even in my 7 months..But it was only for a day or two..I just had to re-focus and I vented to my friend Envolver and it just went away after.. So you just hang in..It helps to vent it out and get Support..A big weight is lifted day by day..OK
You will see that the Grass is Greener on the other side...
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Avatar_m_tn
All I can hope is tomorrow is better.  It literally makes me sad to watch tv or even talk to my husband bc I am just reminded that these people are happy and fine and I am not.  I know that sounds wierdbut it just depresses me more.  

Physically I am okay.  Feel like a dead weight really As I said,I took a 7.5 hydro to help.  Maybe thats mental too.    I am just doing what I can to get throuht every minute right now.  

Each day since Monday has been just as bad or worse.  No relief.  Maybe for a minute earlier but not now.

I wish I could count Mon-Wed as detox days even though
i took 1.5 mg's.  It feels as bad as this.

  
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Yes I would try to stay away from any medications right now..I do all natural..There is alot of vit/min to use to help build the brain up..Magnz is one of the best..It helps detox the s**t out and it also is one that helps in building the brain up...I know it is hard and we want it NOW..But I promise it is so short lived compared to the Years we used drugs..OK..You are doing great..Hey you kicked the H...And the no interest in any thing is part of the detox state..That was a very strange one too..It all just go away as the body heals..Then we always remember the experience and never want this again..I personally could handle the body thing..But the mind thing just floored me...
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea.  I'm just laying here like a rock.  I just have to get better.  I have my job, which while i do not like it,  I cannot loose it.  How Imanaged to work this week is just a miracle.  

I put on a brave face for my child.  He has no idea I feel so bad.  His routine is uninterupted.  He sees me as I normally am, bc, when it comes to him, I gather all strength and do what I gotta do.

Hope tomorrow is better.I am praying it is!!!

I don't crave methadone, I crave how I felt last Saturday.Normal, happy. Just doing my thing.  

I honestly feel flu like which is good I guess.  Could be alot worse physically.  I literally feel like I have the flu.  I do not know if this is good or bad to be feeling like this.

I just wish I knew if the worse is here and I am improving or if the worse is yet to come!!!

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4522800_tn?1405696702
No..You are at the top of the hill..It should be all down hill from here..What a Blessing that you do not have to work this week..Just take it easy and be good to the body..The flu like symptoms is a good sign that it is going to be better..I am going to break away from this addicting site and go eat and try to clean the house a bit..So you keep coming back..Other people will come in..They come and go in waves..Just like they join here...I will check up on you..We always do..OK..You are doing just fine..This here will Pass..I will bet my life on it..
May the Lord be with you and your family...
vickie
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks!!  I appreciate your kind words and advice.  I need to stop reading al these horror stories out there.  This is living hell but I am holding onto that I was on a low dose for so long that I am better off than stopping than if I would have stoppedon a higherdose!!  Keep me in yourprayers!
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Avatar_m_tn
I have gotten up and showered and changed into a clean pair of pj's :)  I am not tryin got think about work on Monday but I made it through this past week by God's Grace and did not just quit.  

Feeling rouh as h^^^ but physically it could be worse.  From waist up I am hurting.  My head eyes arms.  Just achy.  My legs are suprisingly fine as of now  and they have been.  No restless leg syndrome.  THe great intense depression is right under the surface.

God I pray this ends soon!!!!
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4614494_tn?1368359985
Hey sweetie.  Just wanted to lend my support.  Vickie and evolveru gave u some great advice.  We are all methadonians!!!  I'm 30 days clean today!!  You can do this!!   Yes the mental games is tough!!!!   Try and focus on one day at a time!!   Don't worry about tnrw (ficus on right now). This minute.  U can do this !!!  

I had to think minute by minute.  Excercise was really good for me. I have a treadmill and videos.  I would make myself get up and get some endorphins pumping   That will def make you feel better.   Praying for u!!!!   Don't give up.  This forum is awesome.  
Christina
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks and congrats on being off 30 days!  Im jealous :)

I am really struggling at this moment both physically and mentally. I have to work monday, no choice no option not too and I am trying not to think about it but its hard.

I am holding out as long as I can so I don't take a valium or hydrocodone bc I just want to wait until iti is unbearable and the hydro upsets my stomach.   Plus I don't want to become depemdant on that.

Everyday has been h*** since I went down to 1.5 mg on Monday.  What a wate of three days.  I am still holding on that those were actual withdrawal days also.    

My sns birthday is in 3 weeks and I just have to be fine for that.  Sh**, I need ot be alot betterby Monday.  Here's hoping my low dose helps this speedup.
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Avatar_m_tn
Here's hoping I can actually make it to Monday.  
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4614494_tn?1368359985
Sounds like your anxiety is pretty high....  Relax.   You will be ok on Monday.  One day at a time!!  Not sure if this is ok to say.... But at this point w anxiety being this high maybe taking a small Amt of a Valium would take the edge off.   Bf your thoughts go to crazy!!  Try and slow your thinking down.   I bet u will be much better than u think by your sons bday!!!!  
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your kind words.  I am doing what I have to do to get by each minute.  This is so hard.  The anxiety is really getting to me.  My mind keeps racing and my body just feels wierd!!  I am trying ot save my valium for Monday so I took a hydro.  It takes the edge off.  

I have to get by and to the end of this.  I just have too.  

I hope my my son's bday I can sit and behappy and smile and laugh and not just fake it.  I pray by Monday I can goto work bc if I have no choice not too.  

I have a question, i had a urine test about month ago and they said there was barely any methadone mtabolites in my urine.  Is that good bc that means th methadone will leave my system fast or is that bad?
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4614494_tn?1368359985
I'm not sure about the urine test.  Maybe someone else will know.  

Yes the anxiety was the worst part for me.  I didn't have many other wds that I couldn't handle.  And actually being at work was better for me and my mind than staying Hm is !!  For some crazy reason staying busy helped me ALOT!!  Just a thought
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4810126_tn?1409496012
Under 25 mgs. - depending on your metabolism - your Methadone metabolites tend to register under 100. At 5 mgs. they'd be negligible. That's a good thing, btw!
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Avatar_m_tn
Work did help a little but it was h^ll on my back sitting at that computer all day this past week.  I have the most comfortable couch in the world at home so I really think that has helped with back pain.  My couch is my "safe place".  

I took a hot bath and I have calmed down a little.  Hoping to stay calm for a bit.  

I really need to walk on the treadmill but one thing I am nervous about is I have lost 3 pounds this week and when I lose weight it is noticible.  And I am scared to burn the little calories I have had today which was a bowl of cheerios.

Everyone's comments have helped me trmendously.  I read them over too.  I am a little ocd if you cannot tell.  So God Bless All of You.

I am trying to keep Monday out of my mind.  Who even knows what tomorrow brings.  

I can say my anxiety yesterda was really bad and today I went really low at 6am.  and alot of other times but these phases of utter anxiety and hoplessness seem to pass quicker.  

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Avatar_m_tn
Good!  One positive thing I guess.  I am assuming the m'done will pass through me quicker.  Here's hoping.
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4614494_tn?1368359985
Lol. That's ok. I'm OCD at times too. Haha

U can do this!!!!!!!  
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Avatar_m_tn
Well, I put some laundry on, cleaned up the playroom so when my son comes home tomorrow (staying with g-parents tonight) he can just play his x-box all day like he likes.  Heck, I even made his bed for him.

My main thing, and I know I sound like a broken record, is the fear of what is to come tomorrow, sunda, the dreaded Monday! It appears that my anxiety will be the fall of me unless it is controlled.  I am doing what I have to do to control that.

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Avatar_m_tn
I can still feel that pesky dread feeling rising up trying ot make me lose it.  I am fighting it really hard.  I feel very manic.
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4614494_tn?1368359985
You did great by keeping yourself busy.  Please please try to think about today.

I always get really anxious if I think about things coming up that I'm
Worried about.  What if u wake up mon and feel great!!!????  Then u wasted all this time stressing over it for nothing!!   Seriously. Think about it!!   Enjoy right now!!!!!!! Today!!!!!;)
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Avatar_m_tn
You are so right.  I just teared up a little.  I just spoke with my dad and son and laughed.  THis is something even on hydro or valium I have not been able to do since Monday.  Gotta keep that anxiety down.  I am trying.  

Thank all of yall again.  


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5204799_tn?1365460384
hi.....i just got caught up with all your comments. i deal with anxiety and ODC and i SO appreciate how your mind is working OVER TIME right now. for me, this really helps...if you could....just try this. take long deep breathes and let them out really slowly. breathe in as much as you can and then right back out nice and slowly.
i know this sounds really really lame. but it really does help!! it will just remind you to stay in the moment...this moment right now and your mind is not on tomorrow or monday at work or your sons birthday party.
just sit on your comfy couch...and close your eyes and start breathing. dont think about ANYTHING but the sound and feeling of your breaths going in and back out.
do this for several minutes and see if it helps you center a little bit and calm some of the "crazy" as i call it, that is keeping you amped up inside.
i hope it helps...i know it helps me a great deal (when i remember to do it)
stay strong....you are doing GREAT!!
Paige
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4614494_tn?1368359985
You got this girl!!!!!!!!;)
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks to both of you.  I will try this now because that dread is coming up I can feel it.  With anxiety comesphysical symptoms and then more anxiety.  I am going to just breathe now.
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Avatar_m_tn
Still holding on by a thread and have been since Monday.  I cannot see how this can get worse!  Honestly, I read about people who it doessnt get worse than five days in and I am 2 days in about to loose it!
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1855076_tn?1337118903
I've no experience with methadone but do get anxiety attacks.  Valerian root has helped me a lot and it's all natural.  It works at least as good as Ativan for me.
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4614494_tn?1368359985
Positive thoughts will get u a long way!!!  Try not to think of what might happen.  Cause what of it doesn't happen.  You know?

For me ....  I actually did really really well the first few weeks off of methadone.  The last week or so I've been really anxious and somewhat depressed.  But learning how to deal w certain things that come
Up.  I am extremely OCD and of u let yourself u can drive yourself crazy thinkin of all the things that might Happen.  Heck I still drive myslef crazy sometimes w anxious thoughts.  

You can do this!!!  I think u had a nice long slow taper.  Slow and steady wins the race.  The anxiety is no fun.  But I found keeping busy, excercising if I could make myself , praying and the forum.   All helped tremendously!!!  


Think good postive thoughts!!!  I can't stress that enough!! I know it's hard and I know sometimes all you can think are bad thoughts.  But u can do this!!!!!!!!
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4522800_tn?1405696702
How are you doing???Since this afternoon????
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242912_tn?1402547092
Hi there...marycarmel mentioned Valarian Root.  Please get some...450mgs.  She is absolutely right, it works just as well if not better than a benzo w/o the side effects.  Also get some Magnesium and L-Theanine.  These are Amino Acids that work well together.  Also a Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc combo.  There is no need to suffer so badly; these supplements work very, very well for this type of anxiety.  You feel like you're buzzing inside, yes? These will help, I promise.  It would be best to get away from the Hydro and Valium for sure, as they will prolong your  nightmare.  

Keep hanging tight, it will get better soon!  I recently went thru the same anxiety, and what you'll find is, today you feel like it will never end, then tomorrow you are waking up and you've turned the corner, it can happen that fast.  

Deep breath and stay strong!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your replies.  It is 4:15 where I am.  I fell asleep at @ 10 pm with a lil help.  No methadone though.  I am freezing but it is not cold in my house, I checked the thermometer.  

My mental state is not well.  I was hoping I would wake up and feel better but have not.  

I am trying not to be a downer andbe positive but this is hard.
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4614494_tn?1368359985
Slow deep breaths.  You can do this !!

Praying for u!!!
Christina
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Avatar_m_tn
hi......well first off your low enough to quit  as for coming off methadone it can be done  I was one 150mg for around 7rs  took me 8 1/2 mo to taper off  with methadone alot has to do with how long you wher on it when comingg offthe longer the use the harder it is  most will recover in aroud 90 days the phyical part will be over in a week to 10 days keep posting for support...............................Gnarly
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