3 Weeks Under My Belt!!

[G'Kar]

I just wanted to say thank you to all those who responded to me and who post here.  I have been done for just over three weeks now.  I have some physical symptoms remaining, but they are fleeting.  My emotional balance is returning and I am becoming the happy guy I used to be.  I know it has not been that long, but I have a visceral knowledge that I will never go back.  It feels great!!  Far too much pain involved with giving it up to go back.  Time to get on with my life, Warp Drive is back on line!!  I almost have forgotten what it felt like when I was doing my thing.  Thank you, good luck and god bless.

G'Kar

[Witchywoman]

Woo Hoo!!!
You sound as if you have found your way through the tunnel back into the light. Way to go! It does feel great to have your normal self back, doesn't it?  I've been through for over a month now and while I'm out of the initial early recovery glow, I'm feeling more stable than I have in years.

Congratulations G'Kar..I do hope you stay with us.

love,
WW

[Shea]

g'kar

Congratulations..everyday is a 1000 steps furtherfrom the Dragon. Good Job..And what a wonderful attitude you have...

Shea

[Shea]

I have to apologze G'kar for hijacking you thread. (i know we have been made aware of this :) BUT I AM FREAKING OUT. Tomorrow morning I go to my doctor with my husband in tow. We are going to try to get him to agree on putting me on a minimal dose of something to ease my chronic pain. Considering I lied to him twice and broke "the contract" he probably won't. I am going to use your advice WW and tell him i am willing to take weekly scripts. But I am SO SO SO nervous. I feel like he is going to think i am a fucken nut or something. after everything now I ask again...but my husband is very respectable and he knows that so hopefully that will help. I am going to read your post to me again WW. the other option would be finding another doctor but my insurance won't let us change till Nov. 1st. And then how many will i have to go to to find one to agree. so I feel like I have to be on my best behavior tomorrw. Like I said I could med seek and go to several doctors but I want to try this legit. I am just so afraid he will reject it and then I will be suffering until i can find another doc and hope that one will agree. Any last minutes words......Thanks all.

May you find peace

Shea

[Witchywoman]

Shea my friend,
I hope it goes well. Just be as straightforward and honest as you can. He should be well aware that some forms of pain are only alleviated by narcotics, that nothing else works for some forms of pain, and that included intractable back pain.

Remember to tell him that your goal is to use the meds appropriately and that you are comitted and willing to follow whatever course it takes to do that.  

Best of luck to you. Everyone deserves a chance to grow, and no one deserves to live in pain when there is a way to eliminate it.

Huge hugs to you Shea...I can't wait to hear how it goes.

lots of love,
WW

[Shea]

Thank you once again for your words of encouragement. you are a rare gem. I will let you know how I make out.

shea

[Frank Lee]

Please walk in there with your head high. You got strung out on drugs that some *doctor* persribed. You didn't wake up one morning and say, hey I wanna be a junkie, ruin my health and family. You have a medical condition that needs treatment. He is a vendor, a provider.Not a god, not a father figure and not someone who will sit in ultimate judgment on anyone. You made a mistake. He's made them too or he is not human. You owned your mistake and you have come up with a reasonable solution, 1 week's worth of meds with your husband supervising. You do not have to suffer in pain because you made a mistake, OK?

You are a worthwhile person who is insightful enough to be asking for help. If this damn doctor doesn't help you, you let him know he is not doing his job, not meeting you half way and then you take control of your life and find someone who will. They are not all jerks. This is not an easy road to hoe for those of us who have substance abuse problems, but we don't have to be treated like dirt and we don't have to be ashamed. We just have to be human and ask no more no less of those who deal with us.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

Peace,

Frank

[katie r]

Where is Thomas? He hardly posts anymore. I miss him.
Thomas!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you read this.....come back. We need you!

[Shea]

Thank you so much for your post to me. I am getting ready to leave for the doctors and I sure needed that boost. Both you and WW have given me a lot of insight and courage. Thank you.

Shea

[katie r]

Hey folks. I had my appointment with my dr yesterday. He's had me on 3 lortabs a day for quite awhile. I mentioned that there were days I had to take 4....so he wrote me a new prescription for 120 pills and 3 refills. But the bad news is.....he said after I have my surgery (either in Jan or Feb) I need to get off them. He said "I'd hate to see you get addicted." That ship has sailed, doctor boy. But he did say that we would do it the taper way and he would prescribe things to help keep me comfortable during the detox week. He was very understanding. But him thinking I "might" be addicted is like saying the elephant man just had a pimple.
He also prescribed sonota for sleep. I took one last night and it seemed to help.
SHEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did your appointment go? I'm thinking of you, my friend.
Thomas still hasn't posted. I hope he hasn't deserted us!
WW? Still hanging in there? I've been meaning to write you and explain the surgery I'm having......check your email later. It's too much to go into here.
Hope everyone is doing well. I think about you guys often during the day. You've all become an important part of my life. :)
Bye for now!

[Shea]

Hi,

Okay, i had my doctor appointment today. first let me thank you again. i don't think i could have handled it without the insight and encouragement you all gave me. We (hubby and i) went in and talked to him. discussed me finding a good Ortho doctor. Which i need. My doctor agreed to put me back on Vicoden with my husband monitoring them. 2 a day. But they are only 5. i was hoping for the ES which are 7.5 i know my tolerance is down but **** not that low that a 5 is going to work. but i am willing to try it. i considered making the adjustment on the script by adding the two needed letters. the old me would have in a heartbeat. But I want to play this straight. (devil on one shoulder, angel climbing on the other). So we will see how it goes. I handled it just as you suggested and i was happy with the outcome.

Katie, what kind of surgery may i ask.

Shea

[jennyfla]

My husband goes to see one of his old doctors tomorrow.  He just can't handle the pain of his back anymore.  He missed two days of work last week, and is hurting real bad while trying to work this week.
I don't know what else to do.  I told him that I WILL HOLD THEM!!!!  That's like letting a kid loose in a candy store.  Oh what a pair we are!!! :(
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Hi Katie..oops I hadn't checked my email in a few days..sorry I had not answered you till today.  What kind of surgery are you going to need? I'm not sure I've ever heard what your pain is, whether it is back pain or something else.  I hope that now that you are through the physical withdrawals, you can maybe at least take Thomas's suggestion to moderate your use so you don't get physically addicted again.  Going through that detox so many times must really be hell on the body and soul.

Shea, I'm so glad that your doctor was responsive, but I agree with you that the 5 strength is pretty low for the level of pain you must have.  But, at least this way you can establish trust with him again, and when you let him know that you need the stronger ones he may listen. Good for you Shea..you are an inspiration. Fighting this demon is such a bear.

lots of love,
WW

[Thomas]

I'm still here. I haven't had much to contribute to the discussions lately. Hope you're detox is going OK.

Thomas

[Milo]

I'm glad to hear you got through your dr. appt's OK and that you're getting some relief, though I know there are issues remaining for both of you. I know I get too caught up in wondering what my doctor is thinking, desiring approval, afraid he thinks I'm doing something wrong (well, sometimes I am, but anyway...) It's hard for us to seek the treatment we need, esp. if we are beyond "innocence" as far as meds are concerned. So I commend you both & wish you luck working this all out in the future. -- Milo

[SHOTSY]

Hey, I've missed you words. Just anything you write is interesting to me. The last time we interacted was about my father. I want to thank you for helping. He's doing good, still on the med, but the dr. seems to be real understanding and will help him.I'm also feeling a bit more positive now. How's things with you? Shotsy

[Frank Lee]

Shea,

You did it, congradulations. Stick to it for a week or two then tell that idiot MD that 2 5mgs of vicodin won't do more than relieve gas. Let him know you are cooperating then ask for a reaonsable dose. We are seasoned sitazens when it comes to hydrocodone. He needs to get real. I know what pain is and so do you. So, after you've been a good patient go back with hubby and, if you are still haveing pain ( not cravings :--/) tell him you want a reasonable dose. 10 mgs 3 - 4 times a day is accepted dose for moderate pain. If that doesn't work, time to really Docshop and, kudos for going through with it. You are stronger than you know.

Kept/ing you in my thoughts.

The Frankman

[Beth]

<font face="arial" color="navy" size="2">Hey y'all...I didn't post here for quite awhile...I found even reading the names of the drugs over and over was too much! But now that I have almost 6 mos clean on me, I wanted to say hey to you all and let you know that I'm here for anyone needing an ear or two. Using made me overweight and lethargic...now I just had new "skinny pics" made!!! (Attached is one, as I am so pround since I didn't have this flat a gut BEFORE the meds LOL)

If I can do it, ANYONE can...the pain is hard, yeah. But being in control...nothing beats it!
<P>
<img src="http://tatmar.net/liz04.jpg">

[jule1]

Congratulations!!!  Ithink you left as I came here so I vaguely remember you.  You look fantastic.  I am so close to being clean its this last little bit of tapering that has been really hard I guess I fell like I am losing a good friend by giving up the Ultram. I didn't gain weight from using but I see in my face a different look I just don't think I look good.  So you give me lots of hope!!  Take care and please stick your head in here we could use your stories to help.  Julie

[Shea]

Thanks, I agree with you. i will give it time so it shows i have tried that amount. but truthfully it doesn't do anything for the pain. i appreciate you keping contact and showing concern for my si

[Shea]

my post posted before i was done. I was saying....thank you for showing concern for my situation. you are a kind soul.

May peace find you.

Shea

[Thomas]

ooo la la!

[Milo]

Beth -- Way to go! You indeed look happy, healthy, and ready to face the world! Your story is an inspiration to us all!
Others -- I've tried it all. Psychologist. Then Psychiatrist, w/ various combos of benzos & SSRI's. Another psychologist (who is excellent, by the way -- just wish I hadn't wasted so many years before seking him out). Legitimate MD for ligitimate pain & other problems. Ole Milo has given it serious effort. Why do I feel like I'm giving up and just letting myself sink into a swamp of addiction? Some of you know my story. Any thoughts at 5:23 AM? -- Milo

[Shea]

I was just reading th eposts here and i realized one of mine was deleted. Anyhow I wanted to acknowledge your support and thank you. It is so true about seeking help when you are beyond innocence. I know how many time I have went to doctorS with a sob story just to get more meds. And I needed them at that time too but i was abusing. Now I just want to ease the pain. your post was really true to how i feel. Thank you again for your support.

May you find peace

Shea

[Milo]

And you, too, shea -- it sure helps to share these feelings with folks who can understand! And I do. Bless you. Li'l Milo

[Frank Lee]

You got a lot of virtual and real folks and feelings with you friend. No pain, no drugs will stop that solidarity.

Peace, your pal, F. Lee.