3 years and time to quit

Hi,
  I am new to this forum, but I have been reading it for about the past week-week and a half. All i have to say is the stories on here give me hope. My name is Alex and im 19 years old. When i was 16 I was offered a good paying job at a pharmacy and I said hey why not. Well needless to say I started to take vicodin. It was the best high I ever had. Way better than smoking pot or anything. I was the happiest person in the world. I could talk to anyone and i was always so friendly. I started out only take 2-4 5/500's a day. needless to say my dose increased every couple days. I would take an extra one just to get my desired high. This vicodin addiction went on for 2 and a 1/2 years. Everyday I would take them when i woke up and went to bed. On my 18th birthday i was taking 20 10/325's every morning before work and another 20 everyday i left work. During this time period I had 4 seizures related to the opiates. One day i woke up and said im done taking these and then my next drug of choice came into play. (oxycontin). This drug was amazing, i felt even better than what i did on the hydrocodone. After a year of snorting oxy's I had enough. I was sick of these pills running my life, it was like i wasnt even in control of my life anymore. I lost everything I had. All my friends(true friends). My vehicles (2003 Mustang Cobra, 2005 2500HD duramax diesel) and my apartment. I finally said I had enough and now at the age of 19, I finally admitted to my parents that I had a problem. I was so used to being on these pills everyday and all day. At the end i was snorting 4-6 80's a day, just to feel normal. My parents never new i was on these drugs because i was always so happy and just full of myself. I quit cold turkey it will be 2 weeks ago now. The first 5 days all i wanted to do was kill myself. I couldnt even move out of my bed to take a shower. All i did was throw up and I just wanted to kill myself. I cant believe I did this to my body for 3 years. The worst withdrawls ever. My parents kept me on lockdown and wouldnt let me get methadone or suboxone. I didnt want these either. Replacing one drug for another is just another addiction waiting to happen. I was doing better after day five. For a couple days i considered suicide because of the way I felt. I was clean for 12 days and I moved to my aunts house so she could keep an eye on me. One day I was going to the bathroom and I opened the drawyer and found my aunts prescription to hydrocodone. I stole 15 7.5/500's and sat in my room looking at them crying because i knew it would be a mistake. I let this f**in devil take over me again and i took all of them in one sitting. I got my high back and i felt so good, i actually slept that night and had no dirreah, it was heaven. Needless to say i woke up the next day, and felt like ****, and I still do. I was doing so good, i was starting to feel normal again and i went and did that. Now I am waiting for her to get her refill so i can grab more. My heart is telling me no, but my body physically and mentally just craves them. I havent taken anymore since yesterday. I know i did wrong, but i promised myself that it would be the last time. I just want everyone to know out there who has a problem that it can be beaten. I never thought that i could do it, but i did. My aunt got her refill and i refused to take them. Im better than that and so are you guys. I know it can be hell with W/D's, but once they are over there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mine is starting to shine. I cant wait until i can get back to my normal self and be happy without taking medication. I know all of you out there can do it. Im just glad i realized when i did at my age. I know its hard, but it can be done. My heart goes out to all of you with an addiction. Just stop the madness now when you can, dont let these devils run your life like i let them.

[CinCee]

Wow, you are lucky to be alive, kid.

[1234betterlife]

i have to say i am very impressed, almost shocked at your mature attitude towards your addiction. you are speaking what most do not realize until much later in their lives. i truly want with all my heart for you to succeed with this. you have lived the madness before you lost your career, family, children, mortgage, etc. take this lesson you have learned and strongly reinforce it with a program. i beg you to do this. you have done this early and later down the line you just may let it take you again. have you thought of what kind of follow up counseling or programs you might do to continue your sobriety for the rest of your life? you have won the physical battle. but the other, it will be back, off and on forever. i think you are speaking like one that has won the battle. believe me, you have not won the war. your story is very inspiring and eye opening but you need to finish this story with aftercare. i do not want to take anything away from what you have accomplished. i just want to add to your success. congragulations and good luck to you.

[CinCee]

Extremely well said.

[SEMPERFI312]

I am going to attend my first NA meeting tonight actually. I am really looking forward to meeting people with the same problem as me and telling people my story to inspire. I know that its not over. I still get the worst cravings ever and I just tell myself i can do this, because i know i can, i used to be happy without these pills and i know i can do it. I know it hasnt been that long, but i am just looking at it that I am glad that I am alive still. There is still a lot of battles i have to overcome. I thank you for believe in me, it really makes me feel like I am doing something right in my life for once. I know the mental part will stick with me for years to come, i just hope I am strong enough to battle it because i never want to put my friends or family through what i put them through already. The lying and stealing from them just makes me so upset that i would do that. I thank you for you responses, they are truly inspiring. I feel like i have nothing now, besides a very bad alser. I had a girlfriend for 4 and 1/2 years and i thought that she was the one, but after my parents told her, i havent talked to her since, i just hope one day she will forgive me for what i have done.

[1234betterlife]

you have a great running start at this thing. you need to work that program for all that you are worth. and you are worth everything! i strongly believe in you. as i said, you are acting like most should act everyday of their addicted lives. you can do this. i just know you can.

[SEMPERFI312]

Thank you I am trying to look at this in the most mature way possible because the past three years of my life I dont think i could have been more immature. Thank you

[GoingToMakeIt]

Look at the Thomas recipe. There are ingredients in it to help with mood, energy and the cravings. Good job so far. You have taken your life back. This is a very good thing. I am proud of you. I am also glad to see you doing follow up with NA. It will be good to get at the root of why you feel the need to use.