34 days without methadone.. feeling weak

Question

Why now??? I'm through most of the physical ills... now I just feel like ****. I've been masking ME for so long with methadone and other drugs that now I don't know who the hell I am. It's freaking me out. Wide eyed, sleepy eyed, insomni-eyed, teary eyed... uugh.i know it wants back in, it's knocking every time there's a lull in  my day or my thoughts. I jumped off at such a high dose to spat in the clinics face and to prove to myself I can do it. Now what?? The energy crash is really hitting me hard today. The mood swings , man I hope I'm not like this forever. I will admit that this is heaven compared to the hell I was walking through two weeks ago. I need to keep my eye on the prize...

kleighn · Answer

I'm alright. Still struggling with sleep. It's like I'm super sensitive to every little noise and I get so agitated about it. Also the past 3 nights I've been getting these migraines only on one side of my head. has anyone had problems with headaches during all this? I know it's a process and I'm doing pretty well with keeping only positive thoughts. I've been having some trouble with cravings, it kind of freaked me out when I first got one. I was sure I wouldn't crave methadone or opiates again. Distraction has been my friend and when these cravings come I pick up a book and push the thoughts away. Oh to be an addict. Still trucking though. Some days are worse than others which I've learned to hold on to the good ones, it makes me remember there's light on the dark days and reminds me that more good days will be in tow.
-Kristen

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hey girl been a wile since you posted how are you doing ???
..................................Gnarly..............................................

Sweetness91 · Answer

Just know that nothing worth having comes easy...and sobriety is most definitely worth having! It's hard...really freaking hard! But life without methadone is so much better than with it in your life...believe me...I know! I have close to 15 months off the junk, and never..ever..would I go back to that life. I'm not saying my life is all extravagant now that I'm off it, but I am saying that I'm happy with my life and the path I'm now on. That stuff was taking me down a dark road, I couldn't see where I was going, and the end seemed like it was always at my doorstep. I didn't even abuse it..didn't take my full prescribed dose (which was only 50mgs), and I was still living in a fog. It was terrible. 

My withdrawals were tough...and some days I just didn't think I was gonna make it. But the big thing was to take one day at a time. To treat the symptoms you have...just like you would if you had the flu. And if I felt bad...well I just had to deal with it because I knew there had to be something better waiting for me. Otherwise, why would there be so many success stories here?! 

You can do this...I'm sure you can. Don't fret over how long you're gonna feel this way..it only makes it worse. Instead, think about how far you've come...which is mighty far my friend!!! You're doing something that a lot of ppl can't do...something a lot of ppl won't even TRY to do! For that reason, I know you're strong and will come through this like a champ!! Keep rockin' it!! You're doing great :)

Dryan8313 · Answer

Don't think I can put into words how incredibly strong and determined you obviously are!! Love coming on this site and reading/seeing SO many inspirational journeys and stories! Gives me hope when I'm doubting whether I can do this myself!!
WAY TO GO!!!

jugglin · Answer

I'm so sorry to hear about your stones....enough to set many back a few steps.  God love you for going forward on ibuprofen alone.  You are one tough cookie and a proven fighter.  Keep moving forward and it will get better with time.  Congrats on your clean time!

kleighn · Answer

thank you... you're inspiring for going through what you did! We all have our eyes on the same prize, sobriety. I had a set back today. I have been having lower back pain this entire detox and I went and got a cat scan done of my kidneys, as I semi-frequently get stones.  Just got the results back and I've got one stuck in my ureter.  Right away my head screamed beg them for some pain killers do something. But I didnt. This will be the first stone I pass on ibuprofen alone, hah maybe I've been passing them all along and the methadone just covered up the pain? I don't know but all I can do is keep on pushing. It is a 2mm stone so hopefully it passes with as much ease as possible. Everything always hits at once.
As for the antidepressants, I am diagnosed with bipolar and antidepressants have adverse effects on me, as I've found out the hard way. I have been trying to get in to see my CD counselor but she's been crazy busy and can't see me for a few weeks. I don't want to see someone new because she knows my history and well, me.  I'm just making excuses I know I need to get up and get to an NA meeting. I'm stubborn what can I say.  
As far as depression goes, I have battled that almost my whole life, I quit taking my prescribed medicine for bipolar (lithium and seroquel) about 2 years ago. I know part of this mood stuff is the methadone but I know it will trigger me into a dark place so I need to be cautious.
Anyways today was a better day despite the damn kidney stones, but at least I found out what has been causing me so much pain.

Jenelle2020 · Answer

Hi there, wow you jumped CT off a high dose! And you are 34 days in to it, congratulations. I know the he11 of methadone after being on it for 7 1/2 years at 130mgs.  I have now been off for one year. I totally can relate to the horrible intrusive thoughts, they were making me go nuts!  Everyone has a different experience coming off meds, we both know that methadone is a BEAST to come off of. I want to tell  you that in my experience, I was very sick for a LONG time coming off, not to scare you, as I said this was only MY experience. I got so depressed and it lasted for 8 months until I couldn't take it anymore, I was also extremely nauseated everyday. I did all the things I was supposed to do, like exercise and vitamins, healthy eating etc, but was still sick. My doctor kept putting me on different meds to help me but all they did was cause side effects so I went off everything and still I was really sick and I  had to end up going on an antidepressant, it was a GODSEND! Within 2 weeks the nausea was gone and in about a month the compulsive obsessive thoughts were gone, I wish I had done this a lot sooner and I wouldn't have suffered as much. I am not suggesting you go on an antidepressant,. I declined them at first as I did not want to go on another drug but eventually I ended up taking them as I had no quality of life and each day was a struggle. I hope this does not happen to you but if it does, you might consider to do what I did. I think you are a hero jumping CT at a  high dose of methadone! Please keep posting for support and I am open to a PM if you feel you need to talk. I know exactly how you feel and I really feel for you! Take care. ,

motye51 · Answer

You are so right, good days and bad days! There does come a point that I've reached just recently where there are more good than bad! Your so in the right direction! I hated the thoughts in my head b/c it was totally the drugs talking in my head and I needed them to shut the hell up! Keep pushing yourself forward. Are you going to any meetings or talking to anyone? I did find that helped.

kleighn · Answer

I was definitely having a day. Thanks for the support. I know it'll take time, everything good does. Thanks for the support friends.

CRSeaside · Answer

You said it yourself. Anything is better than the way it was. Sometimes you're the windshield & sometimes you're the bug,right?  Happy days. Pamela

Amandag78 · Answer

Also i read you feel 1% better everyday....

Amandag78 · Answer

Congratulations on 34 days, great, great job!!
I asked myself the same thing when i was about 30 days clean " who the hell am i ".
The energy is a killa !!!
Like Debbie told you " amnio-acid " etc. to help your energy.
You will take time to heal, but nothing is forever, so i agree by about 90 days or so, you should be feeling great.
Well done again : )

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hey girl go to see you good to see you clean any body that has detoxed off methadone will tell you the stuff is evil....remember what I said about it being very cyclic just when you  think your better BAM your down again  try not to get discouraged it was just one of those days tomorrow will be better you just got to roll with it and as far as your emotions go they will be all over the place for a wile I cryed at sad songs on the radio and wept profusely at church during the songs you just got to tell yourself ''im winning one day at a time'' I highly recamend getting yourself to a N/A meeting you will be welcome with a hug and the people there will know what your going threw I say this alot but the only way to do this wrong is to try and do it alone there is no substitute for human interaction  keep in mind your really doing remarkable for jumping at sutch a high dose keep posting for support we all want to see you get well it just take a bit longer on methadone good luck and God bless..........Gnarly

dirtydirk · Answer

its crazy why us addicts find comfort in opiates many for reasons usually its our tramatic life experience(s)  yes i got addictied from surgury but i think i was trying to cover up other issues that ive been sweeping under the rug for many many years and now im clean for nearly 2 months the memories i thought were gone foreva are starting 2 pop up  usually  ri after when im yawning tired watching tv and go 2 bed, which means i now am not tired im fully awake reliving my childhood demoms.....but nonetheless i gotta face them at some point or time ....... it gives me the chills that thoughts i havent thought in over a decade are now flowing into my exiled part of my brain .......whether good or bad im happy to think and feel them again  take the good with the bad....dont be sad GET GLAD......like meeg said methadone can take a considerable amout of time to get feeling great i not even better but you said it yourself its heaven compared 2 the hell you were another day sober is another day closer to you EDIN!!!    congrats on staying strong

atthebeach · Answer

Congrats on 34 days. That is great. 
Are you eating, staying hydrated?
Moving around as much as possible, drinking protein shakes?
Taking vitamins and amino acids?

You are healing  each day.
No going back. That isn't an option.
Keep moving forward.
Be patient with the process.
It takes time to heal. Your brain chemistry needs to heal and begin
To make its own chemicals again.
Keep the faith.

meegWpaw · Answer

I was not on methadone, but 34 days seems really early to me in any case ... I came off a very high amount of pills, and it really took me the 90 days until I was feeling noticeably better ... especially mentally and emotionally.  Those mood swings are going to dwindle, just give it time, and the energy will come back too ... hang in there!  you're doing great!