6 things that will lead you to relapse...

[GA Guy]

Here's a list of 6 things I came up with that I know may people have relapsed over..

1. Keeping secrets…Trying to keep your addiction under wraps will only allow you to hold on to things that will rationalize your using. I think everyone I know with significant clean time has tried keeping their using a secret and tried to stop on their own. However, the disease of addiction is a powerful thing. You simply can’t do it without support. Keeping your problems a secret will only eventually lead to relapse.
2. Not using aftercare...Here’s the real secret of how to gain long term recovery-It has absolutely nothing to do with the drugs of alcohol. They are only a side effect of the disease. The true problem is the way we think and rationalize our actions. It’s all centered in our brains, not our drugs. Aftercare of some sort gives us a new way of living, choosing to deal with every day’s problems…not numbing them out.
3. Not changing your playgrounds, playmates, and playtoys…I’m sorry, but you will not stay clean if you continue doing things that remind you of your using. This includes hanging around bars, visiting places where you used, hanging around people you used with, or frequenting doctors who supplied you without telling them about your addiction.  You must essentially change your behaviors to gain recovery.
4. Relying on willpower…Willpower is the absolute worst thing you can rely on. White knuckling it through recovery doesn’t work. Your disease will ultimately talk you into using again. This is where recovery and aftercare helps the most. Take it from someone who know…white knuckle sobriety isn’t fun.
5. Trying to control your using…This was my favorite. I had legit pain and wanted to just control my using. If you’re a typical addict, it just doesn’t work that way. I’ve had to find new ways of dealing with the pain. I’ll also say this, you will not succeed in this fight if you have a bottle of pills in the house “just in case” the pain gets too bad. Your disease will ultimately talk you into draining the bottle.
6. Changing your drug of choice….This happens more than you know.  People get off oxycodone or hydrocodone only to get hooked on tramadol. They quit painkillers only to keep the occasional drink in their life. They give up the opiates but take ambient or benzos for sleep or anxiety. If you are an addict and you take any addictive substance for any length of time and you will either become addicted to it…or it will lead you back to your drug of choice.

These are just a few of the things I’ve learned. I’d love to hear from people about what caused them to relapse…or if you have any stories that relate to some things I’ve listed…

[juzhappy2bme]

I just want to commend everyone regardless of where they are in there recovery (day 4 or 4ever). Willpower and Strength: Hmm; I have read and read alot of posts and have been troubled with the fact that AA/NA tell us that the next fall off the wagon again will be worse and progressively get worse with each fall; which the latter part of the statement stands to reason. The problem that I have is that we, as humans, are negative creatures. The negative not only stated but strongly suggested a set up for failure..??... Our minds are the most powerful healing agent that we have. However, the addict's brains, I read, have crossed the pleasure sensor threshold and the chemistry has been altered. In a previous post someone was in day 4 and was going to make a point that willpower, strength and refraining, of course, was going to be how he/she got through with water intake and hot baths; which is ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!!!!  A few others thought that was a naive' approach taking a different route; or "non-traditional" route and some remarks, however nice and even encouraged were SuggestivelY negative (not purposefully), but just as the first meeting of AA/NA suggest "failure" as if everyone is going to keep falling repeatedly; surely not to suggesting that if one does not "latch" on to those meetings and keep them "sacred" the success rate is slim to none. I am hoping to see a post from the person that was going to make a point. I thoroughly believe in a Higher Power!! I certainly believe in the Power of our WORDS and thoughts; however faint their voice; positive or negative. I wished that we, whether in AA/NA, Al-Anon, or in a Hot Bath could completely deafen our ears to the negative, even the subconscious negative suggestion.  I ALSO believe in YOU, ME, and all before us and our families!!! I believe that if we could believe in ourselves as much as we believe in someone else or their success (from this disease to the keeping up with the Jone's success) or try to remember that we are usually harder on ourselves than the rest of the world. Despite what friends, family or the ones that are most important may have said or done they are usually not as hard on as thought or believed or just because we believe they should be ("suggested" negative to ourselves). Regardless of which program chosen or how many an individual chooses or needs this disease, dis-ease, would cease if we could choose to BELIEVE !!! Retraining the pleasure sensor??? How can we do it??? Cancer and Diabetes are often used as comparisons to addiction, but are not very good examples of this disease to really compare with addiction. Lou Gehrig's Disease (ALS): compare it to that!!!! It has a genetic disposition, the onset of symptoms, however are btwn 40-60. Addiction has no "standard" age. In addiction there is no "OBVIOUS" weakness. ALS patients do have some similarities of addiction and withdrawals: cramping, twitching, stiffness of affected muscles, tripping and stumbling, slurred speech and nasal character, uncontrollable laughter, crying, or smiling. Both diseases present themselves with frontotemporal dementia (FTD) affecting social behavior/conduct, the ability to focus, inappropiate speech/actions. FTD a symptom of ALS sometimes presents delusions with paranoid ideation, but rare are psychotic symptoms; patients do sometimes get into trouble with the law. Semantic dementia is depression and losing inhibitions and exhibiting antisocial behaviors which ALS patients may or may not suffer.    ALS patients do not have much chance for recovery. They usually die within 3-5 years after the onset of symptoms. 39 MONTHS IS THE MEDIAN SURVIVAL RATE FROM ONSET TO DEATH. ALS Patients lose all muscle control and go through all sorts of different rehabs and do not have the opportunity to CHOOSE!!!! They do not lose their senses meaning they are very aware of the tracheotomy supporting their breathing and the feeding tube supplementing nutrients; by passing the palate; no longer able to please the taste bud; fear of aspiration. They do not have the choice to stop the progression of their disease-- today or tomorrow; and their only rock bottom is rock bottom. Family, friends, and loved ones suffer from the same feelings of an addicted family: the sadness, disappointment, guilt, the loss is near, but the when is unknown and often hoped it was here and gone. A slow painful death and not by choice!  "Pleasure" sensors???  vs. Muscle control???? Diabetes is not a good example for comparison to addiction because people so easily say that they chose a poor diet and their poor choices made them that way only really trying to justify the reason for their own dis-ease, not understanding the true nature of juvenile diabetes. Cancer: there are so many types and forms and it is a bad example, but is used simply to use the word, disease and try to rationalize that people are more empathetic or sympathetic to those patients than they are to "me."  The difference in cancer patients and addiction is that cancer patients usually never want sympathy or empathy. There are choices, options, prevention and possible "cures" to cancer and the cure is really just remission. An addict has a choice to come out of "remission," but the term is relapse. The cancer patient tries not to ever think about the "relapse."   We have to think differently, positively, hope, love, forgive not just each other, but ourselves and re-train our thoughts with any disease from negative to positive. Laugh on purpose and practice in private or dare to be different and bravely do it in a crowd!!! Try Acting "drunk" and silly and you can be;  all without ingesting or injecting drugs purposefully to feel alive. A Lou Gehrig's patient wished he would never have to inject or use a machine just to merely breathe; only hoping to live life for another chance; a pleasure sensor that strongly differentiates ALS from addiction. ALS Clings to oxygen from a machine while addiction takes every breath of air for granted while able to run, walk and jump.
Stay Positive, Be Grateful, Push out the Negative, Give Life a Chance, Let your loved ones In and give them the same time you expected from them even if forgiveness is not overnight try to understand. Don't make them a part of the problem, but let them be part of the solution with the same terms and support you think an ALS patient would or any person with a disease.      

[Pat1956100]

I know this is an old post but I wanted to bump it up.  There is some great reading here for people like me who keep relapsing.

[Htownnofrown]

It is a disease, not just my opinion but the belief of the scientific community as well. There are changes in brain chemistry that go along with the disease. Self inflicted or not, diabetes can come from being overweight and bad diet and so can heart disease. Check out the APA's statment about addiction as a disease.

[kiki003]

Jessica, I hear you.  You are here, right?  If you read this thread you will know I am a novice at recovery.......but I think both of us being here has to count for something......

[jessiekauai]

I'm not sure having a sponsor would be the right thing for me, because truth be told...I am a @sshole. I have to do things my own way. I know that is a problem with 12 step, but I can't go there. I can't go to meetings, I tried it when i had a run in with the cops for pot. The judge ordered me to do the whole meeting thing...when I left I just wanted to use more.

I just don't think that there has to be this one way everyone should go through it. Trust me, I fought the process in group in my outpatient also. I even looked up exercises on the internet to prove there was another way. My counselor just took it all in, and she was glad that I was serious in my convictions enough to pull up paper work and bring it in. Not to mention, I would just bull s h i t   a counselor. I've done it before.

Anyway, I think I'm on day four from a 10 plus year addiction. I'm feeling tons better and I know I can kick this!!!!! I've had a craving once, and took a loratab 10. When I took that pill, it was at that moment I knew this stupid addiction would not get the best of me again. It may suck for a while, but I think I can deal with it. I would like to give TONS AND TONS of thanks to the people here on this forum. Everyone has been so thoughtful and kind. It has helped me to be accountable to what my actions are.

jessica

[kiki003]

Disease, problem, issue.............we HAVE all got it.  Lifewithoutcoke, I went down that road, too.  Ironically, just STOPPED one day.  Just DONE.  Same with drinking.  It's these damn pills.  But I have also done a lot of swapping out one for the other over the years, so I am not sure how steady I will be able to walk without my "crutch".  But I do want you all to know how much hearing everyone tell their stories and explain their feelings is SO helpful to me!  This is my first attempt EVER to say any of this out loud....even though typing...lol.  It feels good.  Day 1 almost down.....

[lifewithoutcoke]

WOW, can I ever relate to your story. I have been using my addiction as a crutch for years now, doing what I love. I used almost everyday, not to go out drinking and partying, like I used to. But instead to push through the mountain of work I had to get done at home. Just to give me the energy and motivation to get out of bed to work. I make jewelry, and metal sculpture. It takes a lot of focus, and energy. And orders are orders that have to get out. I have so many other random health issues that make me tired in general. And it really is hard to get out of bed and get going. I also had a bout with Eptstein Barr and developed mono before I ever did coke, and as a result I am always still tired. Even though the infection is gone, I have one very swollen lymph node that will never go down. I have a low grade fever every day of my life, and my body is always constantly fighting what's left of this infection from 16 years ago.

And the coke, for me, was my medicine. I used in while doing the same exact daily activities that I do now, sober. I have no choice. This is my livelyhood. And I really do love making art! It keeps me sane! When I was diagnosed and treated for eating disorders, I was told during therapy that this is one of the hardest diseases to get through. Because it's not like alcohol where you can avoid it every day to get better. You HAVE to eat! You MUST have a relationship with food, there is no avoiding it.

It's similar with our situations, I think, where we used our drug of choice as a crutch to do what we have to do everyday anyways! There's no getting away from a reminder of cocaine for me, because every single day from the time I have to crawl out of bed is a reminder. I feel tired everyday, which is a reminder. Because now I don't have my crutch anymore to fix that feeling. Just like your daily activities, and especially the ones you can't avoid are also a daily reminder. And the pain you suffer from, as well as the weakness and lethargy I suffer from, are always there to remind us. It stinks! It's FREAKING HARD!!! Stay strong! You are NOT ALONE!!! We can all do this!!!

[lifewithoutcoke]

I absolutely understand where you are coming from. I too, feel on some level that this is not the same as someone who has, let's say, an uncontrollable disease such as cancer, diabetes, etc...The very guilt from my feeling that this is a selfish disease that I brought upon myself has probably helped me relapse more than once. But the folks who posted after you, especially what Laurel said about smoking being the cause of lung cancer, or eating crappy your whole life being the reason you're dying of diabetes. That is all true as well.

I guess certain people are more susceptible to certain illnesses, be it diabetes, cancer, or even addiction. If you eat like crap but don't have a predisposition to diabetes, you may by dumb luck be able to avoid it your whole life. Or if you know cancer is prevelant in your family medical history, you should try especially hard to avoid smoking. Just like, if you know there to be problems with our disease, addiction, we have to strive harder to avoid any substances that can lead us straight into the destructive path.

I knew full well my mother had a WILDLY addictive personality and that was just from smoking, drinking, and her relationship with food. And she is bipolar (which I also am). If I knew then what I know now, maybe I would have had the strength to have stayed away...or maybe not. It's very easy to fall into the behavior patterns you grew up with, that were essentially beat into you from the day you were born. I don't blame anyone but myself, don't get me wrong, but we can't give up on ourselves because we don't feel worthy.

And I really believe the one thing all of us have in common is the predisposition to being addicts, no matter whether it was due to the environment we grew up in, or if it's a genetic flaw within us, or both. This IS a disease.

[laurel453]

:) you are welcome.......and  i bet you would seek treatment for any illness/disease however you got it ? self inflicted or not ?

detox and recovery with aftercare are our best bets here, following some directions and never letting our guard down is the way to change the outcome, kiki. As we talked yesterday, there is nothing more important than our life itself... and you can do it, trust yourself.

[kiki003]

Laurel, fantastic analogy with lung cancer and smoking...another of my horrible vices!  Excellent point.  Again, I am here to learn and that is a plainly obvious point that makes incredible sense to me.  Thank you.  

And to you, DAV, I am so sorry to hear of all of the misfortune you have had to bear witness to.  I truly feel for you.  I am sorry if you misunderstood me.  I was never trying to lay blame on sadness in my life as the cause of this.  This all started because I like having a party going on in my head and I know it.  The party has long been over, trust me.  I was trying to say that THAT was what disease was to me.  But Laurel has turned that thinking right around.

[mikchez]

"Disease"  a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms :
......according to Websters dictionary
We have a disease that can be arrested by not using, some people are not addicts some people are, funny thing is real addicts have a way of telling themselves (well maybe I'm not and try it again some know to let the voice know the truth,I am what I am . Maybe it all comes down to "What ever gets you through the night?" John Lennon  Peace/Love
PS Thank you  Ga Guy

[laurel453]

hey, no offence at all :)

it is not that some  people would not like or would disagree with what you are saying. It just puzzles me the way you look at it. I'm not sure if you think that as it is self inflicted the consecuences are not as important or it is "less real disease " because of it ? or what is your point when saying it is self inflicted ...as if it were less real.

many diabetes are from a lack of care and bad diet through the years, lung cancer could come from smoking, is it less real ? i don't see what you are meaning, sorry :)

[Dav125]

Ok, then, "problem" works for you..Thats a step in the right direction :)

[Dav125]

My brother's lovely wife disintigrated over a 10 year period before brain cancer got her. My grandmother was roared over by a concrete truck when I was 14. 2 of my brothers died within 6 months of each other when I was 17 kiki. My 13 yo brother drowned in a 1/2 inch of water and I found him...

Come on,,I can justify anything I want with my sorrow..But I don not, because I know its a lie and an excuse..Think about it...

[kiki003]

yes, DAV, I like "problem" alot better.  I can live with that and readily admit it is true

[kiki003]

Oh, I have no doubt that I have issues and a big, big problem on my hands.  But self-inflicted misery....don't know.  Like I said, watching death from real disease puts a different spin on things.  That is all that I meant.  I know alot of people will not like what I say and will not agree with me.  Just wanted to know if I was alone in feeling this way....that's all.  just trying to learn here, not to offend anyone.......

[Dav125]

"Disease"?

Then call it a "problem" kiki,,,,Whatever works for you..Fact is, things ain't working too good..Only you can make some sort of change to re-stabilize things..And the biggest red flag in the picture is pills..A great place to start..

[laurel453]

your words " .. I only have one issue with it.  I have such a hard time  convincing myself I have a "disease".  The reason....I watched my father die a slow painful death from diabetes.....  Horrible. ..."

please, do you have any doubt that your addiction is damaging your physical and mental health, your social life, your relationships, your job, that you are suffering every day from its consecuences ? that your state of mind, your organs, your brain , your life are being damaged by your addiction and it is affecting your whole life ? don't you  think yet that active addiction is taking you to a slow and painful death from it ?  

[kiki003]

Great post....lots to think about.  I only have one issue with it.  I have such a hard time  convincing myself I have a "disease".  The reason....I watched my father die a slow painful death from diabetes.....followed 9 years later by watching my mother die from ovarian cancer.  Now, THOSE were diseases!  Horrible.  And let me tell you, throughout all of it, I was numbed to the hilt on pain meds.  Never once did I think, poor me, look at MY disease.  i consider everything I read to be valid and respect everyone's opinions, especially as I am way new to this.  But am I the only person who has a hard time buying the "disease" thing?  

[ilvmakindolls]

The is a huge part of my recovery that scares me a lot....changing the things I do.  You see, my true love is porcelain dollmaking.  I started making dolls about 12 yrs ago.  After my surgerys back in 2005, I was put on some pain medicine for after the surgery.  I did well with them ones and even had a lot left over afterwards that I didn't take...instead, I threw them out.  However, once the pain returned and I found out another surgery was not an option and my Doctors took me off work, all I had left was my craft and the computer....so when I was put on pain meds for the long term, I began taking the meds so that my hands felt well enough to work on my dolls....knit.....draw.....just any art and craft project.  Then I noticed I was taking one whenever I had to go somewhere....it helped with my anxiety about driving (yes, I have a lot of panic attacks while I am behind the wheel....so I would avoid driving at all costs...but the pain pills calmed me down and I have been able to drive myself around all the time without the panic attacks for the past couple years).  Then I noticed I would like to take one before I cleaned the house....helped with the pain so I could get the house clean.....these are things I don't know how I will do without some kind of pain medicine.  OTC medicines don't work...I know....I tried them many times...especially before they put me on Vicoden.  Having to raise a 13 yr old is tough enough...but when you have to drive her 4 miles each way to the bus stop every day....drive her around for school functions all the time.....cook dinner every day.....keep clothes done for school....the list goes on and on.....these are the things I really worry about.  How am I going to be able to do all this when I am in constant pain?  I have talked to my Doctor about this and he said if we couldn't find some other form of pain medicine that works, it may be a fact of putting me back on the pain meds...but that I would have to be monitored very closely...he said maybe we could do something like one week on, one week off...things like that to where I can't get out of control with them....but I worry that I will anyway.  This is going to be a whole lot harder than I thought but I know I can do it....I just need family, friends and support!  God Bless us All!!!!

[pillfree21]

I agree with life, this was an incredibly insightful post.  I am glad that you pulled it back up.  I think GA guys original comments were very on point; however, I also think the comments from the others were helpful as well.  What it did for me was reinforce the idea that everyone has their own path to walk and can take bits and pieces of advice from other's experiences, but in the end, everyone must develop their own personal strategy.

I compare it somewhat to church...many people role play with it and just follow the words of the preacher, but the goal is to develop a personal relationship with your Creator and just use the church and church folk as support systems and guides to get there.

There is no one clear and plain path that everyone can walk, we were all created different (and the same) so that will hold true in our battles with addiction.  Some of us are geese, others are ganders, but we all are addicts.

[lifewithoutcoke]

I know this is an older post. But being new here, I was researching and stumbled upon it. What a great post. Man. G A Guy, those 6 reasons...the reasons i have relapsed all those years. This time I am seeking aftercare. First time ever. Been addicted for 15 years and quit more times than I can think. At least one if not all of those reasons were always a huge part of it if not all of it.

Going to try NA at the end of the week. If that doesn't work, a counselor or addiction specialist will be tried. My knuckles are tired and weak from trying to push my way through and failing all those times with nothing but willpower. If that's enough for someone, great. But not me, not enough for me. Never has been.

I am really happy I found this post. I have a feeling I will becoming back and rereading it again :)

[butalbee]

Stress also is a major factor for me. Usually job related, lol.  But it's also because I have been relying sooooo long on this med to pull me through.

[leeisgettingclean]

I think you are putting to much thought into this. we are drug addicts---we are here because we all share a common bond-----addiction, dependentcy, pharmacy robbers blah blah blah.....the mai thing is the desire to stop and seems that you have that so you should be on the right track