60 days clean

[Hogssmelllgood]

I still take it one day at a time but the last 24 hours I have had a very bad feeling like I want to end my life . It makes me feel very crazy and lonely my wife thinks that vicaden  should not be a problem for anybody and I should grow up ? I am almost 50  in feb. and I just don't want this Hurt inside me anymore . My family is better off with me . I have no money and I work hard it just all goes to bills, so I have 0 left for gas and  chew and I need both to life .    Thanks for listening and u guys r my life line !!

[motye51]

I think it must suck to have a spouse that doesn't get it.....but i sure do admire your days clean!

[Merri12]

If you are feeling depressed, maybe going to a meeting - AA or NA - will help. You can talk about how you feel and others can help with their experiences etc when you break into small groups. Keep going. It will help. Talk to your doctor about the depression. And get some addiction counseling. All will help you so much now and into the future. All this will pass. It is part of the process. Our brains have to reboot themselves. Serotonin levels get right again  

Any non addict will not understand what is happening. How can they? After 60 days, they think you are ok and over this. All is fine. They don't understand how you can become addicted at all. Why you would "want" to or why you do that to yourself. You can't expect her to get it. It's not that she doesn't love you, she can't understand what is going on. Maybe involving her in counseling or bringing her to open meetings will help too.

It will get better. Give it more time.

[BearsFan1966]

I also have a spouse that is not very supportive! He was in the beginning but as time goes by, 143 days for me, it gets worse! Unless you have been an addict they just do not understand what we are going threw! I use his bad attitude to motivate me to keep on! Its hard as my son is having surgery next week and I asked him to keep his meds and just leave what he needs for the day..He flipped out on me and told me that if I can not control myself we should not be together! Wow what a jerk but I am going to use that to make me stronger!
He is perfect (in his mind) and everyone else just lives in his world!
I relate with you so much! You can do this!

[ROSYouralright]

This made me so sad to read... As a daughter "left behind" I am telling you now with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that your family will NOT be better off without you! That is a very hurtful thing to do to the people that love you!!
Money comes and goes.. We all want/need more of it but their is only ONE YOU in this whole world and you are here for a reason!! Get the suicidal thoughts out of your mind! Throw them in the trash where they belong!!
Pity parties will only push you deeper into depression! Find the positives in life and  be grateful for what you DO have.
You are doing GREAT staying clean! I'm really proud of you and have been rooting for you since day one.
It does get better..

[weaver71]

Yeah, what Vicki said. It took a lot longer than 60 days to feel like I was building a new life. I wondered how I could ever overcome over all the obstacles, quitting drugs opened a whole can of worms. I just kept waiting and waiting for something to give. It didn't happen all at once. I was still trying to do things like the addict me, but without drugs. In case you are trying it, it didn't work. It was like being born again. Learning about conscience, socialization, motivation were like new things again. I found non-addicts ways to cope, still discovering new ones. The journey never ends, it does get better though, much better than it ever was on pills. Cognative Behavioral Therapy
Helps me most. I like group meetings and addiction classes a lot too. Keep searching, venting, and reaching out. It will get easier and so worth it.

[Sonrissa]

Hi there! Gosh I am so very sorry you are feeling like this. Please understand that you and your life are very worth it! Nobody would be better off without you. Do you have children? If so, please think of them, and how much they would be hurt. It would devastate them for the rest of their lives!

Please reach out for help! Do it now! Call a suicide prevention line, go to the ER, call your doctor, just do something. You are 60'days clean from Vicodin, right? That is great. You should be very proud of yourself. Please, please don't think about ending your life. I care! Keep posting and let us know if you are ok. I'm praying for you! Hugs!

[VICourageous]

OMG!! Your wife still does not get it..As a RN she should go and talk with some Drs that deal with Addiction..This makes me so darn mad..She needs to be supporting you not cutting you down..You might have a deep issue with depression that needs to be addressed from a Professional. There are alot of us that are RNs and never would I cut some one down that has a disease. I wonder if she belittles ones that have diabetes or just had a stroke..All disease are real and need to be helped. I am sorry to say this about her, but YOU posted this before and it brought up a lot of Red Flags for all of us. I sure wish you could go some where and just focus on YOU & only YOU. Please seek some REAL professional help. If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself get to the ER ASAP..This is not worth taking your Life. When you get some people on your side and understand all of this you will feel stronger and a big weight lifted..You have alot of days in now and WE are SO PROUD OF YOU..DO NOT LET ANYONE BELITTLE YOU. Everything will work out in its own time. Just PLEASE get some SUPPORT so you can have some others on your side. I wish you PEACE & COMFORT..Go talk to a GOOD Professional..OK? WE are here for you all the way..WE all know what it is like and this is a very awful disease..NO ONE IS WEAK..WE DID NOT ASK FOR THIS DISEASE..Please Hang in..lol
Bless & may God be with You and maybe show her some light on this too!!!