60 mg morphine everyday for the past year

[Jjb333]

Hi I'm 22 years old and I take one 60 mg morphine pill a day. Yes I'm aware of how horrible it is I feel like such a failure to everyone around me I've never told anyone I take it every day for the fear of people judging me. I have no one to go to or to tell and Its been eating at me for the past couple months. Each day is a battle if I'm going to get up and do something or just lay in my bed and feel like my legs are going to fall off from the muscle aches.. I've tried going down to a half a day but I couldn't stand the way i felt. I'm a very active person and being down like that for a couple days just doesn't sit well with me. I hate the fact that I put my self into this situation. Not using it as an excuse but I had braces put on around the time where I was raped. So the feeling I got from it not only took the pain away from a physical sense for my teeth but also a numbing feeling for all the emotional stuff I was going through at the time. Now I feel like I'm trying to better my self but i don't know how to start... I've heard of the suboxone stuff but i don't know if it's right for me.. I wouldn't even know where to start with any of this if anyone could point me in the right direction I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.  

[Sonrissa]

Ah Hon, I truly understand the guilt and bad feeling you are having. But seriously, this problem is so much more common than you think. I would bet that if you were in a room with 100 strangers, a large percentage would have or have had experience with addiction. This disease does not discriminate. Movie stars, CEOs of huge companies, politicians, rock stars.......  I bet everyone I know, has been in some way shape or form been affected by addiction of some sort. Please don't drive yourself into the ground further. This will only impede your recovery. It's time to be honest, strong, and get yourself on the road to recovery. You can do this! We can help you with advice and encouragement every step of the way! Take care!

[marycarmel]

What about your mom, can you tell her?  Honestly, as a parent I would be so sad if one of my kids wouldn't tell me something like this.  Most parents would move heaven and earth to get their child help.  Since you are still on your dad's insurance you could go to an inpatient facility.  You would have nurses, doctors and counselors workingnwith you.  They would give you comfort meds for the withdrawals.  You could also start dealing with the trauma of the rape.  Do your parents know about that?

[Jjb333]

My biggest fear is the people that look at me and see what I've been through and think I'm this strong person for where they think I'm at today and than them finding out it's only because I've been taking these stupid pills that I've been medicating myself to this point with and than them thinking I'm this weak little junky girl who had to do that to get this point.. I feel like such a loser, failure and It's honestly ruining my life.. I never thought I'd ever say that but I've never confronted this situation till today. Thank you so much for trying to help me and trying to give me advice you do not understand how much it really means to me...

[Mook11222]

Oh my goodness. Please do this for yourself, call a doctor. Tell the doctor exactly what you've indicated here on the forum. I can fully understand the fear you have of confiding in your father. I get that. I haven't come clean yet to my husband either. At this moment, he thinks I have some sort of flu. Fessing up is the hardest part. I can't offer you advice there because I haven't taken the steps yet myself. Whatever led you to where you are, you did it with the best of intentions... you were led astray by what seemed to be an easy solution. Take pride in the fact that you were only trying to fix something that was broken. Now you will have to take and even biggest step to fix the fix. Life offers us a lot of band aides but without allowing the wounds access to the open air, many of them will never heal.  

[Jjb333]

No ma'am they didn't know that... At the time I was seeing the therapist I wasn't on it.,. It was like 6 months after I stopped going I started with the morphine. I just don't know where to start with getting help.. All I know Is I want my life back I want to do things without worrying if I have it or not.. I'm sick of this everyday struggle. I want to be the strong person every one thinks they see in me but I'm afraid I won't ever be that person. If I go to my regular physician that my parents go to I'm afraid they'll find out and never want to talk to me again.. I'm on my fathers insurance still and if he finds out I might as well just move out of state. I'll never be able to live that down with him.

[CRSeaside]

Darlin , that's all right. What are we going to do about it now is the real deal.
The therapist may have noticed your sad feelings & wanted to help with
medication.   Did they know you were " Selt Medicating " with the morphine?
  It will always still lead back to you need to heal. It's easier healing with help
from other people who can offer love, empathy & guidance .
   Morphine will only hurt you more. It can never heal you.

[Jjb333]

Oh no sorry I didn't specify that they did not perscribe me that. I buy them and yes I went to a therapist and all they did was want to put my on medication for depression and aniexty and I took that for about 6 months and started taking the morphine and it made me feel like a different person. I wasn't afraid anymore cause I was numb. Now I take it just so I don't feel withdrawal and I know I want it to end I don't want to wake up each morning and feel like I need to take something to go on with my day. Again the dentist did not perscribe me this. I looked for something because I was in pain.

[Mook11222]

Hello,

Welcome to a great place where you will feel comfortable and able to share information, ask questions and get support from people who are there now and who've been there and survived.

First of all, don't beat yourself up. These pills have an insidious way of sneaking into our lives and taking over. All of us have been there. The pills came across as great friends but have ended up being the biggest of enemies.

So your originally took the pills for pain and ended up relying on them for the "all is well with the world" feeling that they gave you. And you haven't been totally honest with the people in your life who count. I think that pretty much sums up my life story too. What you do from here on out is what counts most. You have already acknowledged the problem and publicly stated your need for help here on this forum - that's an awesome first step.

Now, you really need to consult with the one who has been prescribing you the pills to seek their advice. Failing that, consult with your primary care giver or family doctor to find out what they feel is the best lead up to quitting program for you. You may also want to address the psychological side of the equation too. Find someone you trust and lay it on the line. Having a least one tried and true human being backing you is really essential.

Let us know how you are doing.

Cheers,

[ROSYouralright]

Oh wow! They prescribed you morphine when you got braces?

[CRSeaside]

Hi & welcome. Help is on the way!  
You need to heal from what happened to you. After, were you able to get
someone to talk to about it ?
When we get emotionally damaged, it's important to have support.
Do you know there are free group therapy groups all over the U.S. ?
If your dentist is prescribing this drug to you, do you feel comfortable
to discuss how he/she would like to proceed in your recovery.
I know it is hard not to feel guilty. Concentrate on positive good things
about yourself. It would be great if you can talk this over with a
Psychiatrist . Let us know how you feel. You are important. Pamela