7 days behind me now..

[sad1258]

started a new post...I need all my supporters who have helped me make it this far to follow....end of day 7 and I am feeling pretty good...

[LeaAnn807]

You guys are doing so good.  I am so glad to see y'all so positive.  Do beware of the xanax.  It can bite you really quick!  

Keep plugging along!  It gets so much better!!! : )

[sunshine1109]

Well well see what I told you, all that anxiety for nothing. A good Dr. will not throw you out.  Be careful my friend with the Xanax, please please be careful. As you know that and vicoprofen was my drug of choice.  I am happy you are doing better, I checked on here all evening just waiting to hear from you...my day was good went shopping with my hubby that's always a treat LOL he's funny to shop with, went to lunch and came home and spent time with my 5 and 1 yr old granddaughters. I hope you have a great night and Ill be checking in from time to time....You sound fantastic...Sunshine

[sad1258]

Hello all!  Day 15 and I am doing well...Went to my new doctor today...aired my dirty laundry and my God she was wonderful..she did not throw me out was understanding and said it could happen to anybody...she kept me on the prozac..raised my dose to 20mg gave me 15 xanax to finish this anxiety off...I know I have taken this on and off for years and I only take this when I absolutely need it..it takes the edge off and I don't even like the drug/sleepy feeling so don't worry my friends...I feel so much better just getting that behind me!!!! So thanks for all the prayers because God got me to the right doctor!!!!  Hugs to everyone and let me hear from some of you..I miss hearing from you!!!!
Vikki-congrats on day 18..keep me posted on how you are doing!!
Sunshine--Hope you are having a great day...keep me posted on how you are doing too!!!!

[sunshine1109]

Thinking of you today, Good Luck at your Dr. appt. we will be waiting to hear how things go. keep you chin up...Tricia
Cantdo....Congrats on day18...Tricia(sunshine)

[Cantdothisanymore]

Good luck at your appt today. Let us know how it goes.
Day 18 for me !

[sad1258]

vikki..I am so proud of you for turning away..I know that had to be hard...yes the cravings are still taking up large parts of my day..I keep pushing through it but my God IT IS SOOO HARD...sounds like you are doing great!!!  Will keep you posted about the doctor appt tomorrow...Love Audra

[Cantdothisanymore]

hi sad. i have been really busy this weekend and through it all i have had cravings. i was out last night after the fireworks with the guy i am dating and first off i was feeling guilty that i wasnt with my daughter who was home with my mom. i know she wanted me to be home but i needed to get away.  the story behind my family dynamics is rather lengthy and complicated and very much contributes to my stress and anxiety and part of why my pill abuse came to a head, but that is a tale for a different day.  while i was sitting at the bar with mike ( i do still drink beer occasionaly but i do not depend on it and i rarely if ever drink enuf to get "drunk") there were a couple of folks sitting there and the woman was on her cell phone. i could hear her and i know that she was setting up a meeting with someone to sell her vics. sure enough an hour later a guy walked in and this girl went outside with him. i actually went outside to have a smoke ( and be nosy to see if i was right) and i was. i had a pocketful of cash and was soooooo tempted to make my own deal and buy his poison. i didn't though.  it was hard. when he left i almost went runnning after him screaming hey - me too - i want some too. BUT i did not.  these things are going to happen. we are going to see others using and seem to be having a great time while we sit with our addiciton and stew., but guess what? all the while i kept thinking, she is gonna enjoy those pills for a couple days, and then she is gonna run out, her money is gonna run out, and she is gonna be in the same place we were 16 days ago. once she gets the cash i am certain she will just make another deal and the cycle will continue. but not for us. i believe we are done making those deals and we are done with the vicious cycle, right?  point of my little story here i guess is that i have learned and i have progressed and i am in pain over it. but i did not give in to it. your plan to seek out medical help with humility and honesty is the only plan that will work for any folks like us. hang in there and keep your resolve strong ( as strong as you can ) and by the next 4th of july you can look back and be proud. i am sending you all my strength and good thoughts to help you. i think of you often and care very much so please keep us posted.  love vikki

[sunshine1109]

I'm happy you had a good time and you will find you can have fun without pills, eventually those pills would begin to make you feel worse as they did me, I in the end took them because I had to they no longer made me feel good but without them the withdrawals would start i put my body through torture. Listen, you are having alot of anxiety about this Dr appt. which is having a negative affect on you but let me tell you if this Dr isnt understanding to you and especially you going in there being honest and open with him then he isn't worth your time at all...All my Dr's and my Denstist know about my past I have told them all and they have been great showing me respect and are so caring. My first dentist appt. I told them I cannot have any narcotic pain meds..I told them why, and when I had my tooth pulled I took advil and I did fine, sure I had pain but I could tolerate it...Wow never thought I could before. They have never shunned me or looked at any differently because of my addiction...You dont have a ugly story what we suffer from is this disease called addiction, it's not our faults, this was drilled in my head till finally I realized they were right it wasnt my fault and I can now live with myself free of guilt.  Your gonna be okay, your gonna get through this and tomorrow regardless on how the Dr responds you will get through it, what can he do but either treat you or not, the worst of it is not, and you know what you will get through it and you will find a Dr who will, so dont stress on it, it's not the end of the world...Your gonna have ups and downs, dont we all, but you will survive...You keep being the strong woman that you are, I am happy you had fun last night..I had a good time despite the rain...You just hold your head up high and go out and tackle the world..You can do it..You just keep on keeping on..Love to u...sunshine..Trica

[sad1258]

Thanks again for being there...yes I have stayed busy today it got better but I thought at one point I was going to lose my mind...I can't seem to reach that thankful stage yet I still want a pill to make it all go away...my family and I went with my brother, his wife and kids and met up with some friends for fireworks...I really had a great time and I didn't have a pill so..I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel..I just want to be in the light always..(don't we all?)  Yes I am going to look into NA meetings I am just trying to get through this doctors appt. Tuesday without him throwing me out on my rear...when I tell my ugly story..lot of anxiety about that appt....anyway...I hope you had a very good 4th of July and are doing well...thanks again for being there...will check in tomorrow and praying the little demon doesn't rear its ugly head as bad as it did today!!

[sunshine1109]

Just a reminder you might want to look into finding a N/A meeting in your area, this could really help in your recovery. It's just a suggestion it wont hurt to try one, its a hour out of your day, give it a shot I think it would help you out alot...Sunshine

[sunshine1109]

I'm sorry you had a bad day and I understand your angry, I was and still am very angry at what this has done to myself and to others, be thankful that you have gotten out of this mess now, it took me ten yrs of abuse I lost so many years of my life its sickening but all I can do is be thankful to God for where I am now and for giving me a second chance. I pray that you are feeling better and I hope you have a better night tonight....You hang in there things will get better and better for you ..It is the hardest thing I have ever went through but the most rewarding.....Sunshine

[sad1258]

thanks I needed to hear that...it is a bad day I am angry and sad....I keep looking for something to make me feel better...its like I am turning in circles.....IT IS SOOOO HARD!!!

[sunshine1109]

Yes it is normal. This is going to happen, there is alot going on in your mind right now, take a break for a minute you need to re-group, take a few deep breaths. This will pass, yes its day 13 but remember you didnt get addicted overnight, remember 4 long yrs of putting pills in your body, it is gonna take time, you will have cravings and they will pass. The depression and anxiety is all a part of the process, your have detoxed your body but it takes time for the mind to detox. So many people have said its the mental part of this process that is the hardest and most prolonged.. Your gonna be okay and your gonna get through this. So take a break for a minute, sit back take some deep breaths you can and will conquer this...Your a strong woman YOU CAN DO THIS.....Sunshine..

[sad1258]

Having a bad day, my God are these cravings or what...I am so depressed can't shake this anxiety, impending dome feeling...its the 4th of July..I am supposed to be having a great time and my insides are empty...It is taking everything I can just to cook and be part of the festivities..is this normal I am at day 13...wanting to rest but can't, trying to keep busy but still want to start screaming!!!!!! Need some advice please!!!

[sunshine1109]

Good to hear from you and you sound great. I feel ya, I to suffered alot in my life, my brother had a massive stroke at age 44, we got hit hard by hurricane andrew, my dad died suddenly in 93, my son had a tumor in his spine age 5, by 1999 I was starting on the pills and for 10 yrs I hid behind pills (xanax, vicoprofen) I lost my job, then my mom in 2003, she passed in her sleep she was my best friend. It goes on and on....Depression, yes I started that at the end of my using and while detoxing I was put on a anti-depressant, suddenly everything in the past comes back, I cant let it eat me up I have to let it go, aftercare taught me so much on how to deal with certain issues in my life. You to will learn how to deal with such issues without the use of pills. Your gonna love life so much better now that you are free and clean of these drugs that are nothing but a cover-up and make us numb. I just celebrated my 49th birthday and I had fun for a change, and im enjoying all the little things in life again, as will you. I am so very proud of you, you have done a amazing job. Keep your head up and go and and enjoy this life, its a great one...Love to you, Sunshine

[shrimpman]

Hey sad----The depression was a problem for me too-----it is part of wds especially if you were not depressed before withdrawals -------anxiety is usually there too-------the mental stuuff is tuff after you are over the physical part------that is why some type some type of aftercare is important for the majority of us to stay clean------The longer you stay clean the better you will feel as your mind and body heal-----I'm 8 months free of percocet and continue to feel better week by week------Have a great 4th!-----Jon

[gnarly_1]

Hey good to see you finely made it to the other side....im so happy for you...you have proved to be a fighter and have fought a difficult but worthy fight...now that your on the other side things will start to smooth out a bit....I know what your saying when life
isent what you thought it would be at 43...for me its coming up on 48 here in a few days
and this will be my first birthday narcotic free in 16 yrs...with aftercare you will learn how to deal with life clean and sober...it takes work when everything is right there in your face
but as you work on the real issues of why we use in the first place you will find that life can become a beautiful place once again..hang in there your doing great now its up to you to push threw and work on your recovery...good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[want2bme]

I have been thinking about you today...Not seeing you on here made me think you were doing something keeping busy:)  I look at myself and see the same triggers as to why I have numbed myself...The hook line and sinker is that my dad who I so dearly love was ill for the past few years..He died from cancer in May a year ago. I am so afraid to deal with that even today..I just try to push it aside for another time.  Finances....hahaha  Oh boy..where do I begin.  I will tell you that we were very close to loosing our home and found out on Tuesday that the modification I worked so hard to get has been approved!!  This is huge and only encourages me to push forward and make things better.  Be the strong financially sound couple we were not too long ago.  I can tell by how your post sounds that you are feeling better.  You might not see it so clearly but I can see it in how you wrote what you did.   Hang in the little Lady...it only gets better and better... Kris

[sad1258]

to all of my Angels!!   Wow! Day 12...who would have thought...not me!!  I have been doing alot better... staying busy...yes cravings are hard but I beginning to see why I continued to take the pills even after my physical pain went away...over the past 2 years of losing my Grandmother, who was like a mother to me...living with a mother who continues to feed her addiction with pain meds, went through financial issues, and other family sh--... I think I tolerated it shoving the pills down my throat so I wouldn't have to feel anything....well now I am feeling it..it is staring me right in the face and it hurts...and I isolated myself in the midst of it all....so now starts the part of having to put it all back together...I feel overwhelmed, depressed, and never thought at 43 my life would be like this...I hope alot of this depression is from withdrawing?????anyone????    
vikki--Day 15-girl I knew you could do it!!!!  Look how far we have come sister!!!!  Just keep pushing through those cravings and the depression, me too...Don't you think it is just another step in getting better?  You have my support girl, soul sisters, right?  One day in this journey of life we will meet...we don't go through something like this and me not be able to give you a great big hug!!!!!!!
sunshine, gnarly, tramahater, mom309,Dav125,quitinoxys,want2bme--from the bottom of my heart thank you for being there...I am not going anywhere..just wanted to let you all know how much you mean to me!!!!!!

[Cantdothisanymore]

hi all, day 1 for me. i have been unable to get on line receently due to my laptop issues ( thank God I was able to check in from work yesterday) I sttill need you all so much and sad I worry about you so. you sound so much better - I swear I see you peeking around that corner at me - hurry up - I am hungry - we'll do lunch :)  seriuosly I know you're going to be okay. I have taken a little downward slide and am also thinking of seeking out some ad and professional help. i have gotten through this largely because of you folks. going back to work has also been a life saver but i feel the cravings 24/7 and that is the worst part for me. recently the cravings are so strong that i feel myself slipping into depression but i am fighting it hard.  so glad to hear that you are all supporting sad so wonderfully and sad so glad to hear that the panic and desperation has been more subdued in your recent posts. i am so flipping proud of you sister!  Day 15 - can you believe it?  need all your support to get me to 16.  love-vikki

[LeaAnn807]

Hey!  Just checking in on y'all!  Sounds like things are going better!  I am so glad to hear that.   I am so busy today and the last few days that I feel like my head is spinning.  

Just wanted to see how you all are doing!  Great job on your clean days.  Keep it up!

[sunshine1109]

Good Morning, Im feeling more and more positive vibes in your posts and that is FANTASTIC. you are on the right track and your gonna feel better and better each moment. Tomorrow will be my 11 mths clean, I think back and its hard for me to believe that I was just beginning my journey to a new a fulfilling life, I to went thru H E L L  but let me tell you it is sooo worth it, and you to have this great new life ahead of you..listen to gnarly YOU CAN DO THIS you have made wonderful progress and I am so very proud of you...Keep up the positive attitude...like I say to myself everyday Im gonna Keep on keeping on...Love to you...SUnshine

[gnarly_1]

HI well todays posts are starting to look like your coming out of this...there will still be moments but overall things should start to get better for you soon...its that way for most coming off pills just keep in mind everyone is different ..dont get ancsus or upset if your progress is not as fast as someone else's your doing great...no panic in your post today
thats progress it shows your healing...YOU CAN DO THIS just keep telling yourself that
and try your best to keep a positive attitude even when you dont feel like it...im really happy things are starting to turn around for you keep up the good work I will check on you tomorrow ......good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    

[quitinoxys]

Congrats on day 9 by now, I knew you would make it. Just keep up that great attitude and you will be on track for the rest of your new life. Sorry I haven't been posting much but I have been on the road alot for work. Again I am sooooo proud of you for getting so far and getting your wonderful life back. God bless you and keep on keepin on