Hello everyone!!!! I dont have a question just wanted to say thank you to everyone tht has helped me along the way!!! Tomorrow is day 90 tht im heroin free. If u were to ask me 90 days ago if id b clean i would have said no way bc i didnt think i had the strength to do it. Here i am at 3 months and feelling soooo alive. I haven't felt thus good in years amd i owe it all to u guys and my loving family. I am still on the suboxone program but im happy to say im down to 8 mg every day instead of 16mg. In a cpl weeks i feel ill b ready to begin a slow taper down to nothing. Im so happy im able to live again without having to stress abt my next fix. My life was heading nowhere and fast. There is NO doubt in my mind if i didnt get clean i would have either lost everything i love or would have been six feet under in a matter of months. The path i was on was a bad one. I hope to inspire others thinking abt getting clean or ones tht r just starting their journey tht they can do it and u can live a normal life!!!! Anything is possible when u want it bad enough! Again thank u everyone for ur kind words amd ur help!!!!!!!
Congrats! kepp trimmin them down. My Doctor wouldn't give me suboxone when i asked for it. I thought he was being a bit tough on me, 2 weeks later I found this website and am on it constantly.. I spend as much time on this web as i was spending on chasing that feel good feeling. It's easier and cheaper to catch it here, and i can still deal with the public.
Thank u guys and bama i keep telling myself tht if i use ill let my husbsnd and children down and he will leave me for sure. I also have a picture of myself from when i was using and i wrote on the back all the bad things abt heroin and the last thing is how would u like to look like this again. ( i weighted 90 pounds, face verryy pale, and i was soo out of it all the time) tht keeps me going. Also i cone on this siye every day and it inspires me to stay clean!!!
Buddy. Keep it up!! Im kinda wishing i didnt go in the subs but if i didnt im not sure i would jave made it this far. I get cravings every so often and i had one abt two weeks ago and if it werent for the subs i think i eould have broke down and used. I thank god everyday for all the support i have fromy family and here! It is such a wonderful feeling tht ppl i dont kno at all are willibg to help me and im glad i can do the same for ppl starting out or who are having a tough time!!
15 years ago, i was selected to be on a jury trial that was appealled to state level. Being 'gung ho' the way I am, the other 11 voted me 'forman', I was amazed how close us 12 strangers came. Still staying in touch with two of them to this day.
Humans have so much potential, when we are willing to reach out to another.
I agree with u!! If everyone was like this the world would b a much better place!! Someone said to me an addict could b ur best friend bc we are caring and compassionate. Not tht non addicts arent but we understand what each other is going thru. Im sooo thankful i found this site. I love talking to ppl here. It helps me to kno when i have a question i have someo.e rooting for me and when someone else has questions im rooting for them!!!
Way to go Maria!!
No more "H" seeds getting planted by "old" playgrounds and playmates...
that's seems like when you went thru the last "rough" patch, huh?
You are doing sooo good.....have a plan working on coming off the subs, too. Good for you!
Still going to your outpatient group?.....and you added meetings too, didn't you? It all works together......and you have thus far shown you are willing to go to any lengths to get clean and want to stay there. Are you still giving meetings a priority?
The only thing that "nudged" me was your answer to what motivates you to get/stay clean. You said you "keep telling yourself if you use you will let your husband and your children down and he'll leave you". I have heard you express this very same fear more than once. Are you just getting clean because you are afraid of "letting someone else down"? Or out of fear of being alone and losing your hubby and kids? That motivation may not pan out for you long term. If you look at that motivation, maybe you can find a purpose, a reason to do it for Maria......because you love yourself that much. I know after a lot of my own mistakes that I cannot be totally free of anything that "binds" me if I am doing it out of fear our FOR someone else. That motivation just never lasts for ME.
I have stopped and started smoking cigs about a hundred times in my life. One of the gazillion times I quit I did it for "someone other than me"....
another time I put up a huge poster of this ugly, old, wrinkled woman with a cig hanging out of her mouth........eventually, I smoked again AND all I had to do was take down the ugly picture. Just sharing a pattern here.
Keep on keepin on!
Your post reminded me of how excited I still get when a big clean-time milestone is approaching. I, like you, couldn't wait until the actual day so I had to post that in a week or tomorrow I'd have x time clean.
Enjoy and be proud of what you've done and what you're doing. You are an inspiration. Many, many congratulations...Now on to 120 (posting on 119!).
Thank u everyone for ur support! Connie , im still doing counseling and my group and i feel like im really starting to get somewhere with it. U gave me something to really think about and honestly i couldnt help but cry a little reading ur post and the main reason being is i guess i was doing this for all tje wrong reasons at first and i didnt want to lose the ppl i love the most. It first started out tht i quit bc my husband found out what id been doing and said if i didnt stop he would leave with my kids so i saw no other choice but to stop which at tht time i didnt want to or i wasnt ready i cant tell which it was. Within the past few weeks ive really been looking at the major change ive been going thru and i have to say i love them new me. Im staying clean for my family yes but at the same time now im also doing it for me. Ive learned throughout this journey tht i have to want to b clean for me and not my family or ill either end up relapsing or bei g resentful towards my husband and i dont want tht at all. My main goal now is to live a happy clean life. One thing i really scared about is im havi g surgery on nov 21 and ill b on pain meds for a while but we have a plan in place where my meds will b given to me when im supposed to have them the main reason for tht is i dont trust myself yet. Im doing so good but in a situation where i have them in hand idk what id do. Abt the ppl i used with i blocked all their numbers thru my cell provider so they can no longer contact me. I havent heard for any of them in a while and id love to keep ot tht way. I did tell my husband if i hear from anyone again im changing my number for my own sake. I have a plan in place to come off the subs but i dont want to rush it so im going to do a very very slow taper after im healed from the surgery probably February. Im hoping to b off of everything by summer if not sooner. I just dont want to rush it bc i do still have some cravings and i kno if im on the subs i cant use. I try and play tricks on myself when i have cravings to say whatever i have to to make them stop, sometimes it works sometimes not but i guess tht all part of this journey im on to get myself back to who i used to b before the drugs got a hold of me. I want to thank u again for helping me. U and all the others made it possible for to get and stay clean!!!! I cant believe its 90 days already!!!! I must say i am proud of myself i didnt think i could do it.... i kno its far from over but its a really good start! :)
Guess we'll just shed some "happy" tears together, cause I teared up reading your post.....you have come SO FAR in 90 Days!! Yeah you!!!
For me, listening to all the changes in you is like watching a tender, young flower coming out of the ground, reaching for the sunshine, and growing into this beautiful, colorful, and amazing flower!!!
(What is it with me and all these "planting" analogies?? LOL!)
Anywhoo, I'm just so happy for you.....and you're taking action in all these healthy ways and reapiing the juicy fruit!! HA (see there I go again)
Your surgery, Nov 21st?? Do they have you stop the subs so the pain medication during and after surgery will work? I can see where you want to be so cautious....but you're talking and asking and getting good advise on how to get thru this. The "tickling" of those opiate sites might be tricky for me. But you have a plan; you're being so honest and straight up!
I'll remember your surgery date for sure as my bday is 11/22. Hey, so you're having the surgery the day b4 Thanksgiving, huh?
Keep letting us know how you are doing......
Love and hugs to you, Maria!!
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