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Avatar universal

95 hours and counting and....

Thank you to everyone to is taking the time out to write me. YES, I deleted my contacts ph. # I am broke for right now anyway and my supplier is dry anyway (fate?) So, I know I have no way to get any even if I wanted to. I don't want to. I just want to feel better. My energy is not good and a little shaky. This ****** *****!

I've been to NA (and will be going back, plus years of alanon), I know all the lingo etc. I just want a damn life. Or my damn life BEFORE opiates. I cannot believe MOST of my life has been drug free yet once this **** grabs you, it feels like a life w/o it is a fairy tale.  But, back to the now: I am almost out of the woods, yes?  

I know I keep asking for encouragement, but that's is what helps me the most. I read EVERYTHING (2 and 3 times plus lots of other's posts) and the encouraging stuff is what helps. And when I'm reminded that I don't need to go back to worrying about this crap if I chose. So there ya go.

ALL and I mean ALL responses are appreciated. No...needed! Thank you.
Best Answer
5420258 tn?1406906657
I don't know what it is about you but something about your words has touched my heart. I feel a connection to you & the way you express yourself.

I have been where you are right now MANY times before with the dealer's number in my phone's contact list and most often I have been so weak that I've caved. Or I end up in the ER begging for more meds because I've convinced myself that I cannot live without them. It is the closest to hell I believe any of us will ever feel and I am SOOOO envious of people who have never touched a pain pill because they will never have to go through what we have to.

If you'd like to "friend" me and send me a message any time, day or night, please feel free, my friend. Cuss if you'd like - rant and rave, bear your soul - I promise it will ALL stay between us. :)
I'd also like to share with you my own story to be maybe distract you and give you a warning of how things COULD turn out if you continue down the wrong path. Suffice to say I just finished up my one year's probation because of pills.

Look forward to hearing from you! :)
18 Responses
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5420258 tn?1406906657
Hey, honey.
Friend request and private message both sent. ;)
Check the top of the page for the notification of your message from me.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That's so nice of you to say. I'm either too weak or too blah to figure out how to do a personal message: would you mind doing it? I would love LOVE LOVE to hear your story. I NEED to be reminded constantly why I'm doing this!!

Thanks!!!
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
You know we all do this one day at a time ,no matter what anyone says there is no guarantee of anything. If you got up before me today then you are just as sober as I am my friend and judging by where you are maybe even moreso :)     great job Keep it up Don't cave    It will get easier !!
Helpful - 0
5518617 tn?1372430882
This site is what kept me clean, honeslty.. this people didn't know me from jack, took me in, cheered me on, checked on me, and did pretty much all they could do besides come over and take care of me (and Im sure if we were close enough) they would have!! Encourgement is something we all need, we need to know were not alone, that someone else has walked this path and surivived, I know its not an easy one but you are threw the thick of it now, theres no were to go but up!!
Be proud of yourself! Its an amazing thing your doing, and don't be hard on yourself, rest and take it easy for as longa s you want!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Vickie, your user name is appropriate- would you mind telling me how in hell you are staying so positive after 40 yrs in the "rinse cycle" (made me laugh), I mean, THAT is a damn miracle.

How long has is been for you now?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Jifmoc, Limodan73 is correct !! for many of us the happiness comes in the smallest things.. like noticing the birds singing for the first time in years Our what a gentle breeze feels like when it moves your hair, food taste better and we notice the smell.. Colors are Brighter.. Everything is alive when we tap into the Nature around us.. Happiness will find you if you allow it too !! Congrats on Choosing to take your life back !! Summer is here You are Free !! Attitude is very Important when dealing with our Addiction !! Hit up some meetings and Good on you for deleting the number !! lesa
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
your next high could result in your death.....no one is exempt from overdosing.............
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal

Well, thanks to ALL!!! But, Limodan73, you wrote that some weird, unexpected happiness will come at some point soon. Lemme tell ya, I would KILL for that. Kill for it. That's what I want now. I can't even imagine. How sad is that.
Helpful - 0
4341997 tn?1514588688
congrats on deleting that number!!!!  you can do this...you ARE doing this....just remember when things start feeling funky....every one of us...ALL of us have been right where you are at this point in your recovery....you have to get thru the bad stuff to get to the really good ok?  keep posting for support...we can help you...so don't be afraid to PM us as well. :)
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
Hi and Good Job..I have to stay away from everyone that uses..I went around a couple the other day because I thought maybe I could talk to them since I have known them for over 40 years and it had been 9 months almost..Well They were Spun!! I just looked at them and said: "Thank You Lord and Keep me in the right Direction because I want to Live" This diseases is very serious and can nab us in a flick of a eye.For me it has to become a New World and a New way of Living since I have used off and on for over 40 years..Maybe then I could walk away but I always returned back to the party as each decade went by. It is like being stuck in a washing machine on the rinse cycle..It just spins out of control never ending..Support is a MUST..This journey into our Recovery was not meant to be walked Alone!! That is a fact!!! Keep it up..You have a great Positive Attitude but it takes alot of work to keep it this way!!
Bless
vickie
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
Very proud of you. I'm sure deleting the phone number was hard. But such is recovery. Just be on guard - unless your dealer is the exception to the rule, s/he will be giving you a call at some point in the future. That will be a test; let them know that you are no longer interested and want them to stop calling.
Again, be prepared. That call is waiting for you. Hopefully you will have put a solid recovery plan in place before you get it.
K
Helpful - 0
4614494 tn?1368356385
Great job!!!!!!  Keep on trucking!!!  We are all cheering you on!!!  
Helpful - 0
511409 tn?1373395178
Awesomeness! You're doing it! And congrats on deleting that number! I know just how hard it is to cut ties. But you won't regret it, and you CAN AND ARE DOING IT! So great to hear. You're almost at the turning point.  I guarantee that very soon, something's gonna happen. And you're gonna be like "Wow, I haven't felt this in SOOOO long!" And that's what you're fighting for. REAL feeling. Small spurts of REAL happiness. It may be something small, and you may be able to quite explain it. But you'll know it when it happens. Here's to you, for having the strength and courage to overcome a demon. Stay strong and keep going. That light is getting brighter by the minute. Keep posting. We're all rooting for ya!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks you guys. Damn, I NEED to hear all that. I am craving encouragement so badly it's unreal.

Anyway, I'll be here all days, folks, don't forget the 2 drink minimum and to tip your waiter. (Sorry, need some levity!) Someone wrote something funny in another post, I realized I haven't laughed in God knows how long.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Great news and congrats to you for deleting those #'s and your 95 hours clean!  You just made the best decision of your life - you wont regret this!  You should be through the worst of the 'nasty' w/d stuff very soon. You want the pill free life; well you got it....just stay on track here.  You can do this; deleting that number was HUGE.  You are going to start feeling better real soon.  But the pills don't let go without a fight.  I battled with it for 15 years; quit several times only to relapse days or weeks later in a moment of weakness (and they will come).  So please, you need to protect this new sobriety with your life - cause it really IS your life.  Cut that number and any other sources you have.  Tell someone - a spouse, friend, anyone that you will need to be accountable to.  And you mentioned meetings - can you get started right away?  And keep posting here; this place was and is, literally a life saver for me; the support and people here are unbelievable!  So happy for you; hang in there....you ARE doing this!
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
I am so proud of you for pushing through! Yes, the physical part is probably almost over. Now comes the mental battle. It sounds like you know the drill. Just focus on your plans for aftercare. You are doing great!!
Helpful - 0
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