A Disease??

[njshar]

If drug addiction is a disease, say like diabetes or cancer, why does the afflicted person feel so much shame and rejection??  I have been on again, off again addict.  My family has been there when I have needed them.  Now that I am "on again", why are my loved ones excluding me from holiday get togethers??  Or family parties??  It hurts so badly.  I feel as though they are sick and tired of my relapses, and truly dissapointed in me when I have relapsed in the past.  This time they are excluding me from the holiday family get togethers.  It hurts so badly.  

Back to my quesiton, If addiction truly is a disease, why is there so much shame?????

[merrymaria]

i feel everyone here has there own feelings about this.  i see myself in so many of your answers.  i personally feel from knowing myself for 51 years, i am a bonafied addict.  all my life i have grasped on to something be it good or bad.  my dad was a terrible alcoholic since i was very young.  his father was the same way.  my mom...nothing.  somehow i feel like i have my dads gene cos i have been addicted to many things through life.  no one caused me to use...it was just me grabbing on to something.  i have managed to get rid of most of my addictions except cigs.  these are just my personal words but i do think there is an addiction gene and unfortunately i got it.  i did realize i couldn t go on with the pill addiction so i had to get over it by making the choice.  hope this makes sense.  very interesting post....maria

[worried878]

agree with flmagi...being a nurse i have seen it too many times...children of alcoholics especially...i am not but 2 of my grandparents were...one on each of my parents side..their childhood was enuf to make it to where they do not even drink...either parent...so perhaps i am lucky as i did not grow up around abuse....but i see people who did grow up in the environment and it is so much harder than it is for me/and it is hard for me/dont get me wrong/but to watch them abuse everything they touch/agony over and over...and being in the health care industry i see people withdrawing from alcohol all the time and it is a painful thing to watch much less endure

interesting topic but addiction is painful and i really do not believe any of us "chose" it...just dont

[worried878]

agree on the painful part...many addicts/99% experience a pain that is not the same as a cancer patient...but so very painful in a different way...it is a lifetime and it never ever goes away..wouldnt compare it to someone dying of cancer and will be gone next week...but then again i do not know..we can kill ourselves in a heartbeat...did u know "thomas" who wrote the thomas recipe died this year of an overdose..addiction is deadly for many..it is painful...not curable...and an affliction that takes will power long after detox is over..some people have done this over and over numerous times....i have a back that is screwed....but i would choose that pain over the pain i have experienced due to my addiction...anyday of the week

[pyewackkett]

--Njshar,
    
First of all, I remember all the feelings that come with being involved -and in love- with   someone in the grip of active addiction. I recall the anger, that came from the manipulation and lies. There was always the worries as to whether there would be money to pay the mortgage, etc. Then, of course, the pain of rejection. I couldn't comprehend why the children and I weren't 'enough' to fight to for ... Why did the drugs and alcohol always 'win', I asked myself? Fear was my constant companion. Perhaps that WAS the worst of it, the fear that IT would never stop.  And "IT' became an entity, in and of 'IT'self to me. A rival for my affections ... a 'mistress' that I could not wrestle from him. But always the enemy that I could not battle. -- I may not have trusted the promises and long speeches about how, "..this time.."  Much may have finally lost the capacity to move me, but I did hurt for his pain. -- And I never, never, forgot how to HOPE - WISH - and want to BELIEVE!  
                               Your family hasn't forgotten either njshar!
They may be afraid to dare to hope but that's the wonderful thing about optimism ... we all have so much of it! No matter what, it simply continues to create more of itself! Often, those that have experienced the most frustration and disappointment, need to be  allowed the time to learn how to trust once again. I read in my husbands 'Big Book' (from AA - and please forgive my paraphrasing!) ... that the substance abuser needs to accept that the behaviors they engaged in while using, those things which they have done and have not done, should not necessarily expect to be forgiven for in ones lifetime... -- Don't place a timeline on others feelings. Although I believe that forgiving comes sooner and perhaps easier than forgetting - either way, sobriety won't come with any guarantees when it comes to people we have let down .. or our own feelings of being mistreated.       While you must place staying clean FIRST, working on your relationship with those you love is an emotional priority. As you learn again to love honestly, you will (with time) become honestly loved once more!  -- Njshar, I know this was 'wordy' .. but it was no attempt to be one bit preachy. I should end this by telling you that I eventually became the 'monster' which I so feared and hated. Kim's first post above is as close to my own story as any I have read recently. So I have been both the 'abused' and the 'abuser' ... both such a struggle! But now I am married to a lovely man .. and sadly, my first husband (I spoke of above) passed away several months ago, from heart complications, due to all his years of drinking. His parents are coping but inconsolable. Not a happy ending ... however, they never gave up on the love of their son ... or their HOPE!
                                                   .... Prayers and Blessings Njshar!...

[flmagi]

I think addiction is a disease, maybe not like diabetes etc, there needs to be a different classification for this disease. Some people may start taking drugs recreationally and others for pain, but taken long enough, we all get addicted. If it is not a disease then why are babies of addicts born addicted? The baby did not make a choice to become addicted. The disease was passed down.  Although we have a choice to stop the drugs that feed the disease, the disease will just lay dormant in our systems, waiting to be feed again so it can become stronger.

[Tiger39]

GREAT  DISCUSSION!   I, too have pretty much been dropped off the Holiday Christmas get together due to being an Addict... and if it IS a disease...like diabetes....would I not be invited because I had Diabetes?   I don't even think so.

In My opinion... and this is just a small part of why I think people think this way...  Addiction is a disease of the MIND, like Metal Illness....and we all know the stigmas that comes along with that!..

I think people consider Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, etc... to be (TRUE DISEASES) because they affect the BODY.......  I don't know....just my ywo cents