A New Design For Living

Good morning all. Just wanted to share with those of you who see no way out of the life of active alcoholism and drug addiction. There is a new design for living. On 6/28/07 i almost died from an overdose of alcohol and prescription drugs. I have been abusing both for over a year. I went through bottles of Norco (100) in 2-3 days, and also abused soma, xanax. fiorinol, and temazapam. I had no idea what it felt like to feel. I have been an addict/alcoholic for a big portion of my life. In my earliest days it was heroin, and since that got me into so much legal trouble i havent shot dope in a very long time. But being the addict/alcoholic i am i convinced myself that i could drink like a lady. Not so. When i relapsed after 4 and a half years in NA it has taken me this long (15 years) to finally get the concept that i cannot drink or use anything that keeps me from dealing with life with a clear mind and soul. I had good reasons (excuses) to justify my using, I have had 6 knee surgeries and a fractured L2. And the best excuse was that my 16 year old daughter died last year. My abuse accelerated 10 fold after that and of course i surrounded myself with great co dependants who understood (justified) my "PAIN". On that last day (6/28/07) my hubby came home from work and found me in a black out from the combo of drugs and alcohol i had been consuming all day. He tells me that when he tried to take my pills away from me i fought him and when he dropped some of them i grabbed them and took them. By all medical means i should be dead or totally mentally incompetent. When i came to the next morning i was of course very, very ill, but there was also a clarity that i no longer wanted to live the way i was living. And being the coward i have always been i knew i couldnt kill myself, and medicating my feelings was no longer an option. God did for me what i couldnt do for myself all those years of misery. He removed the obsession to drink and use. I attend 2 AA/NA meetings a day and am a happier woman than i can ever remeber being. I know there are difficult times ahead, dealing with all those painful things in my past, most of which were a product of my drinking and using. But i do know this much, that if you CHOOSE not to drink and use today, you dont have to.
Take care,
Cherokee Gal            

[VOsRose]

My spiral into addiction was a result of my father's death.  I cannot even imagine losing my daughter.  I'm sorry for you for that.  My heart goes out.

You are right...we can decide not to use or drink today and then we don't have to.  It's the right message.  Thanks and God bless.

Rosie

[cherokee_gal]

Thank you. You are doing so well. Nine days is a big deal. :)

[VOsRose]

Thanks!  It would have been 130+ had I not recently relapsed!  But...such are the steps to recovery.

[cherokee_gal]

Dont look back at what you had. Look at what you have and see if there is anything that you learned. I have been told that this disease just sits and waits for us, and it gets stronger everyday. So what that tells me is that i need to fight this disease with all the energy that i put into practicing my addiction. Just keep being a part of the solution.
Deb