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A question for the addicts

What is the mental process when your lying or cheating on your spouse ? Do you think about the pain that those action will inflict?

I am not tryin to be mean. It's  an honest question that I can't get my wife to completely Exsplain to me.
20 Responses
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are spending so much time trying to figure her out that you are forgetting what is important here and that is you and the children.  If you dont do something to change the way you are living real soon all he!! will break loose.  Those children need you.  There is nothing you can do or say that will change your wifes behavior right now.  She has to be the one to do this.  You can take charge of your life and protect those babies of yours~~
Helpful - 0
2218783 tn?1357571081
Yes Kitty is right Ultram is very addictive and harder to wd from can cause seizures during wd is you dont taper down.
many members have had an extremely hard time getting off Ultram.  Please read on it and talk to your Doctor.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
actually Ultram is extremely addictive and even harder to come off of than some narcotics. We have a lot of members here that aare addicted to ultram. Its a synthetic opiod and reacts that same as an narcotic, hence it is a controlled substance.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If your smart you would ask for ultram it is non narcotic and the best way to go it you every try to get off pain pills you can take 2 ultrams when you feel like the world is ending and it completely takes away the withdraw symptoms just tell your doc you read some articles on the web about non-narcotic pain meds and you would like to try it too I promise it helps I've had 11 surgerys and I'm 25 years old and you need to take vitamins and make sure you are eating good meals too keep your strength if you have to go to the doc and sprain your ankle or whatever you got to do to get her some ultram to take instead I'm telling you it's gods gift to pain pill addiction
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you are going for full custody,,I just went thru all this with my husband. Keep a record of anything and everything! If she is on your insurance get copies of any drugs that she had filled at the pharmacy, bank records if she withdrew money. What hung my husbands ex actually was her FB page and all the pics that she had on there that showed her drinking and partying-even if some of the pics were a little old. All of that was used against her. Cell phone records,,etc..test messages. Affadavids from any friends/family that have seen her doing drugs and as character refrences..mu husbands ex also accused me of being abusive and mean and even called DFS on us. All of that backfired on her. It all came out in the wash in court. She got up there and lied her a$$ of and we nailed her in every lie. We too had a PI. If you have any questions feel free to message me-I just went thru this!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with Vicki. Get a test from Walgreens. If she is not hiding anything she will gladly take it. I just went thru a court custody battle in which my step daughters mother was on drugs. It really looked bad in her that she didnt get a drug test and try and prove that she wasnt on drugs and she skipped out on the court ordered on as well. That cost her custody of her daughter. My husband won hands down. You are in a tough situation right now. As an addict we can be manipulative cunning and baffling. Unfortunately sometimes at the expense of others. I never cheated on my husband or had any intentions on cheating. Actually it was the opposite-I got married and was so high that day that when I sobered up I was like "Oh Sh*t im married!" Hang in there((hugs))~Bkitty
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I honestly don't understand that!! I did pills for 12 years ...in the last couple years I was taking 20 a day!! It NEVER made me cheat on my husband!! Even on pills I would NoT want to mess up my 10 year marriage..I still don't know how pills could make you cheat??
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
The beauty of this is that your wife will be given the opportunity (once you've played hardball with the custody) to become well through a loving intervention, to come clean and be a good mom, but she will have to hit her bottom. If you allow her to walk away with your kids, they will hit bottom too, and never ever forget it. But, i do think that you should talk immediately to a lawyer about playing hardball.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Listen she is only thinking about herself and getting her fix, she's not thinking about you or your children and that's not a good environment to have children in. You need to speak to a lawyer and even if you don't file for divorce right away you can get a legal seperation and custody of your children. Maybe that will wake her up, if not then you will be able to give your children a chance at a normal childhood. You're going to have to be selfish and think about you for once, you've done more than alot of others would do, faced with what you've gone thru. And if she was prostituting herself, please get checked, hopefully you didn't get any diseases from all this. If you stay and do nothing it's not going to change because thats not what she wants. She's not a little kid, brushing her teeth and telling her to take a shower even after rehab, sorry she's way gone. Get to a lawyer who can tell you what you should do so that she can't turn this on you. You'll be in my prayers, but dig deep inside and know that your children and you deserve better. Good luck
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
what i meant to say, was consider it!
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I'll say it again dominic, you need a chain of custody, you have to report every single questionable action that she takes to a counselor at work or in the private sector, I absolutely would get a private detective for proof everytime she goes missing, it would be better for you if she should she regularly goes out it would be easier to get a detective to follow her. You have to assume that she will go to court and pull the abuse card. You don't have a choice but to set her up. (again, from an addict) And, i agree, when i wasn't thinking properly my husband would be my enemy but the moment i came to my senses, my husband would be my hero. Be your kid's hero. Please, get a detective.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
She will probably pull the ur bein abusive card on me
Helpful - 0
2218783 tn?1357571081
the way you said she guards her purse and has hides stuff in car I know that behavior IT was me its what I would do all the time and I would hide my car keys so he would never get in my car and I always Hid my purse.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I suspect your wife is lying her head off. Get a drug test at Walgreens and tell her to pee in a cup. Just watch her freak out and argue with you. You'll end up feeling like the bad guy!

Get the test and,tell her to do it. No discussion. Do it right now. That will answer your questions.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sorry I meant, "I have NO control over it, even myself."
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
Pay back won't get you anywhere...You'll only feel guilt. It sounds like you both need to get some professional help; if she's not willing, then you should, if just for your own mental health.
You are dealing with several very difficult issues, any of which could cause serious damage to a marriage. I don't know how to help; I can only suggest that for now you take care of yourself and try not to do anything you may regret later.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
A common way we describe this phenomenon in my NA group is that it is like a knee jerk reaction of the drug protecting itself. I would swear up and down that I was not going to lie about it ever again, but I would lie anyway. Then, I would think, "I can't back out now." and so on and so on. Part mental, part instinct. I agree with vicki. I did not get my act together until it was obvious that my wife and kids where going to leave me. They already had in their hearts. Hopefully your wife will have a wake up call soon. I describe my opiate abuse to my wife as being half awake and half asleep. I know what's going on around me, but have control over it, even myself.

I'm sorry you and your children have to go through this. I know how horrible it has been for my family. If I wasn't getting clean, I think it would be better if my wife left me. Harsh, but the truth.

Good luck and take care of those young ones.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
She  claims that she is off the pills  but she still babysits her purse and hides stuff in her car

Even now she doesn't get how hard it is to deal with knowing that she cheated on me with many different men  it's  devistating I had it in my mind that I was going to go tic for tat but I cant go through with it
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
The mental hold of addiction is strong, and in your wife's case, is winning.
Over the 15 years that I used I did many, many things that hurt my wife and my children. I won't go in to detail, but believe me, to this day I try to avoid thinking about some of the things I did. I will eventually face them, but little by little.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
To answer your question simply: NO.  The mental process is all about the addiction and not the consequences of any action employed to feed the addiction. It's awful, families are torn apart, more than enough hurt to go around, and it's very hard to live with.   I understand what you're going through and in my own opinion, your wife is far from ready to get clean. She may some day but it's just not happening right now. I think the time has passed for you to figure it all out. Save yourself and the kids and leave her behind.  She'll never realize the impact of her behaviors until she's off the pills/drugs.
Helpful - 0
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495284 tn?1333894042
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