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A real question...
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A real question...

All. This may seem weird, but my addiction counselor asked me this and I thought it was interesting. She asked me, if I could, spare one addict that I know, be it me, or either of my parents or my husband and take their addiction completely away, to which they were never addicts at all, which one would it be. Would it be my mother or father, who were heroin/crack/addicts and every day hard core alcoholic's. Who would literally leave both me and my brother home alone for days on end. Or with complete strangers for days on end. Both choosing their addictions over their children. Would it be my husband, who overdosed at 26 from Oxy Contins, after only being married for 8 months we were both addicts for almost our entire relationship. Or would it be myself, who right now, I am still struggling with all that I let go while in active addiction and fighting everyday to stay clean and not turn back. And I thought about it all night, who would I take the addiction from. And I still have no answer. I feel like if I had my mom here things would be so much easier. And if she was never an addict she would be here. Same with my father. But he was never really in my life. Then I think maybe my husband, because he was so very young. And I know he would help me to get clean if he were here. ANd then what about myself, I mean, I hate that I am like this. I am so afraid that my daughter is going to lose her mommy and i am trying as hard as I can to stay clean. Well, to anyone that knows or has another addict in their family, what would you do?

Hope all are well..

xo, Lisa
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34 Comments Post a Comment
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214607_tn?1287681159
I know this is hypothetical and no one has to answer, I was just curious.

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340590_tn?1290955741
wow, its not that i didnt want to answer lol i just dont know the answer.  there are good reasons to save each oneof us.  uuuuummmm  i dont know
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390416_tn?1275188687
WOW....that is a GOOD question..

my mom was a recovering alcoholic and she died 3 yrs. ago...i think i am the only addict in my family .. LOL...   so i guess i would choose me....

but if I had to choose in your scenario...that would be hard...i think you deserve to choose you...so you could be there for your daughter!!

I CHOOSE you, Lisa....YOU!!!       Don't they say AA/NA is a selfish program?  ~hugs~
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Avatar_m_tn
man, i have been thru soo much, it would be so easy to say me... but i know i am a strong person, mentally and physically....
i dont have ne other addicts in my family, except my bio father, and he chose his own road long ago. but there are several people on here i now consider family!!! i would gladly take my personall angels addiction, so she and her family wouldnt ever have to worry bout it again :)
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Avatar_f_tn
if i was YOU and faced this decision...i would chose to save you (myself)...because you are here lisa...you are still here and alive...and your daughter needs YOU more than anyone, in the here and now...

i couldnt answer this for myself right now...i would have to think about this one for a while...
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456069_tn?1206082748
Catch 22 question, and too hard to make definitive conclusions. Each door opened closes another. Each decision made may be the right one or the wrong one. You must decide for yourself what is good for yourself and your children as that is the path you are on and you are the only one who can make the decisions for yourself. You cannot control what has passed. Your parents made their decisions and that cannot be changed. We cannot control the paths taken by others, only those we take for ourselves.

Seems to me you have seen a lot of heartache due to addictive behavior. In my time on this earth, the only conclusions I have been able to make from the hard paths I've seen others take is that experience it the best teacher, and the best thing you can do is to learn from other's mistakes, and to not make those mistakes for yourself.
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306867_tn?1299253309
WOW !   This is a really tuff question.  All my siblings are addicts. Alot of you probably don't know that flmagi and I have another sister that is addicted to pain killers also. I guess I would chose her for many different reasons. Magi and I are seeking help and are working hard on beating this addiction, unlike my other sister. I worry so much about her.  She just isn't the type to seek help. Her addiction is a big secret, where Magi and I were very open about ours. She often pooh pooh's us being on this forum. It's very hard to explain her personality.  
I'm guessing the correct answer to this question is to choose yourself, but I would pick my sister Dee.  
Magi I know you won't take offense to this.  You know I didn't choose you because when your determinded, you always succeed. I know you will beat this, but not Dee.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think the day you can say "yourself"  is the day you may come to terms with the fact that only you have the power to change yourself.  You couldn't make your parents stop, or your husband.  It's all about accountability for ourselves.  Letting go.....not blaming your parents or feeling guilty about your Husband.  No what if's.  That is an interesting question, but being on the outside, I can only see one answer.......YOU

Nauty.......<3
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Avatar_f_tn
I always got you and wait (Amys) name mixed up it nice to see your both here.
Lisa thats an interesting tatic one that I'm not sure of her motives but I would pick you.
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401095_tn?1351395370
I would choose you....that is the only person you have control over....glad u r hanging in there girl
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452063_tn?1324078516
I agree with worried. You need to save yourself. You can fix your own addiction but not ever anyone elses. I'm so sorry you had so much addiction and heartache in your life. Save yourself and help take steps to try to prevent your daughter from ever even trying drugs or alcohol. NARNON has programs for famalies and teens. With such a strong famaly history she is more likely to become an addict from just trying once. I got books off of Amazon for my granddaughter to begin understanding addiction at age 6. They make them for kids that young. If your interested PM me and I can dig them out and give you titles. Good luck, Corey
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280102_tn?1208880822
I used to hate the fact that I am an addict.  Today I am grateful that I am an addict because NA brought me to God.  I've never had a reletionship with God like I do today.  I'm so thankful for the steps which I use today as instructions for living.  I don't think I would pick one person, because I think God has a plan for us all, and I am not one to interfere with His plan.
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454371_tn?1221300985
That is tuff, But I would have to go with myself!! (meaning you) That way you could be strong enough to help the others.. If they wanted the help...
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209656_tn?1272300665
Lisa,

I must say, that is a very intriquing question...but what I think what your counsler was getting at, is would be willing to suffer and take the place of the bondages of others who you love...

Which means, if you reverse it...what would they be willing to do for you?

Very Good Question!

I miss you, and hope you have'nt left work yet!

Todd
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444932_tn?1273984397
If I were you, I'd go back and kick that counselor in the butt. Just kidding. Man, that question is tough. I think we all want to be altruistic to some degree and say we would save someone else, but I don't know that is the best answer in reality.
The only person you can control or save is you. You have to choose you b/c it's not just about you anymore - you have a child to think about and she needs you to beat this addiction. You can make a choice at this point in your life to end the cycle of addiction and raise your child in an environment that isn't full of drugs, abuse, neglect and all of the horrible things you suffered through as a child. You won't be able to control what she does when she is old enough to face those tough choices about using or not, but you can give her a start on a healthy, happy, responsible life by leading by example.

You have to choose yourself so that when it's time, your daughter loves and respects herself enough to choose herself.
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Avatar_f_tn
When I was practising psychotherapy, this question was invaluable to the therapist as well as the patient (eventually).

You are meant to choose yourself.
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306455_tn?1288865671
My answer to this is the same as Marys answer. It would be my sister, Dee.  I have more confidence in Mary and myself to deal with and overcome this problem. I know Mary and myself will always put forth the effort to better ourselves, but my sister Dee will not. My sister Dee will do anything she has to, to fix or help others, but has never looked at herself and tried to improve or fix problems. Shes always to busy trying to help everyone else.
Perhaps the right answer is to remove it from yourself, but since this is a fantasy question. I wish my sister Dee never was an addict.........I also wish I had 10 million dollars..........since we're dreaming.  lol
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Avatar_m_tn
I would choose - none of the above - I would choose my children. As a Father I would gladly give all I am, all I have and all I will ever have or be to protect my boys. Even though they are grown they are part of me, my wife and the love we share. Maybe that is where I and some of the others here differ from our parents, we care more for our kids than ourselves. Now with that said, if we care for our kids don't we owe them to have drug free, loving parents? I think so, I want to be the Dad that my boys say, I want to be like you Dad, someday I am going to be like you.
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306867_tn?1299253309
Nice post.  I am still up for adoption if your interested.lol  You sound like a great dad !
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340590_tn?1290955741
awesome answer....thats the kinda mom i wanna be too.
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340590_tn?1290955741
i think most missed the point of the question.  it was not what lisa should do but she was asking what would YOU do.  
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306867_tn?1299253309
Yippee  I got that one right !  LOL  ( I often read through too quickley and miss the real question)  
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393709_tn?1295968016
Wow, thats a tough question.   your counselor really got you thinkin.....I am thinkin there was a good reason for that question....and that you have already learned a lot from it.  
I hope you stay strong.  I know you can do it.  You are doing the hardest part right now with your counselor.  Thru that, you will be better in so many ways.
I wish you well.
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Avatar_m_tn
Well, if you have seen the movie "Failure to Launch" at the end Terry Bradshaw has his naked room. I am proposing a naked floor at our house in August when our youngest goes OSU, are you sure you would want to be adopted?........LOL
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306867_tn?1299253309
LMAO   I was hopeing Daddy would buy me a sports car. LOL
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Avatar_m_tn
Nope, That's what the wifey gets. I know what side of the bread to butter....
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Avatar_f_tn
When my Ex said that to me........I got something, but, it wasn't a sports car......;-)
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Avatar_m_tn
After 28 yrs, if I did any different, she'd get the gold ione and I'd get the shaft, but I think we are getting off track for this thread.
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Avatar_f_tn
i totally agree.........
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214607_tn?1287681159
Thanks so much for all of your insights. I was just so happy to read everyone's responses. Even though this was purely hypothetical and I am assuming there is a reason she aksed this and I need to have some sort of answer for her on Wed. But I mostly wanted to see what you would all say. And i have to agree with VicUser. I would choose none of the above and instill the NON-ADDICT in my daughter. I pray that throughout this experience I can gain the knowledge to help her make the right desicions. I don't want her to ever go through what I have gone through and am going through right now. It is a nightmare. And i just want to stay clean and be happy. In any event, I would give this gift to my daughter. Hope all are well..

xo
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217599_tn?1202854552
that's a hard question, but i think i would choose the mother, cause your living with and addicted parent probably made a big part of your becoming an addict.  if she were clean, and you said your father wasn't around, you probably would never have become an addict yourself.  you know the old "generational sin" theory. passed from one generation to another?
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214607_tn?1287681159
You are right. I remember being young and literally watching my mother and her many boyfriends and all the drugs. Both me and brother, literally, being drug from bar to bar, strangers houses to strangers houses, being left with people we didn't know. It was nothing short of a nightmare. And as I got older, I swore to myself I would NEVER become that. And I had actually managed to steer clear of all drugs and I mean ALL, my entire adolcent life. It wasn't until I was 24, and ignighted from a toothache, that my addiction actually started. So I don't know. I guess I always knew the addiction devil lived inside me. And I knew that if I ever even tried drugs I would get hooked, and sure enough all it took was one. Its amazing. But thank you for your input...Hope you are well..

xo
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Avatar_m_tn
the answer to this question is easy.
you are alive and have a daughter that needs you.
so i guess i would say to choose YOU.
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214607_tn?1287681159
I thought it was an interesting. I guess she was trying to show me patterns?? Not really sure where she was going with that one...

xo
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