ADHD wife, on Ritalin (and alcohol) just turned 40, cant accept blame, or responsibility and is volotile

[losingmysoulmate]

My wife and I have been married for just over a year. She takes Ritalin for ADHD; I take Dex amphetamine for the same. She runs out of pills, sometimes by 5 days .She would then help herself to mine. She had a traumatic experience of abuse and betrayal as a teenager which I feel has not been fully resolved. She is always demanding, is unable to resolve disputes, or simply let go, she must win. Attempt to compromise are pointless, demands became more frequent: I started to say no. net result: usually a huge confrontation. She is unable to apologise and is promiscuous. !  I believe that she does show all the characteristics of ADHD but is it possible that the diagnosis was false (she self medicated prior to diagnosis) and that the symptoms are closer to amphetamine induced psychosis/paranoia. She is becoming worse. When out at social events, she can explode with anger if her needs are not met, she will look in her compact mirror 20 times a day to check her

[losingmysoulmate]

Thanks for your offer, I would love to understand more about the process towards recovers, is it a combination meds and therapy? what kind of epiphanies or revelations were instrumental in your acceptance of there being something wrong? this is the big problem with my wife, she is in utter denial of any problem. I feel that once she has found a pathway to acknowledgement, that she will be able to start recovery, at the moment people come into her life (she is a very attractive petite woman) for various reasons, men are drawn to her, but non stay, as her immovability becomes more clear.

[dorothyEL]

i agree with the others that it sounds like borderline. for a breath of fresh air, i have borderline but have gotten great treatment and am doing a lot better. if you'd like to know anymore let me know.

[losingmysoulmate]

Thanks I will get that book this week perhaps 2 copies

[losingmysoulmate]

I am really moved and extremely grateful for all your remarks and input. I have felt very alone in this battle, I have no family in this country and its difficult to continue raising the issue with friends. I had to cut my question down from around 4000 characters and thought that I wouldn't get the point accross. You are insightful and considerate people to take the time to respond! Big thanks. I have been in tears for the past 2 months feeling utterly helpless not knowing where she might be or who she is with. She has litterally run away. This last week I have been much better and much less tearful as I have started to think that she is just a selfish and mean person.(this is helping me deal with it) but after reading your replies, she is exactly like many of the remarks posted. BPD for sure!!! this has motivated me to continue with my first plan a little longer which is to stick at it with love and positivity. Thinking she's bad or mean makes it so much easier and seeing her as sick really tears me appart when all i have ever offered her is unconditional love and support. I have never had such closness in my whole life and it so hard to let go. I have children, this is like watching my 5 year old fall and hurt herself except the comfort I give is thrown back at me and I am blamed for the fall. I have tried everything I can think of, I recently, and at great expense and huge difficulty, managed to get her to a really good, gentle and approachable pyschiatrist who does have concern. she is due to see him again soon. I just hope that she will listen to him.... if she does not like what she hears, he'll be "incompetant" or "wrong" or convinced that I have tainted the truth by talking to him. She forbids me to talk to her family who are all really concerned. I talk to the anyway as covertly as possibly as they do to me to discover usually 2 completely different versions of events or reality. I know she is in there. This change in her is so dramaitic, she has always been fiesty and argumentative and I used to give in alot. but I too am a strong, diverse and creative person and just cant do it for ever. Once again my thanks. I have never been to a forum like this before, is the protocol for a continuation of discourse her pretty open. if its ok I would like to continue contact through this medium for a little while longer. fresh air !!!!

[emilyanne]

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER!!!!! I am currently working on my masters in psychology, and in undergrad ( bach in psych) I focused on borderline personality disorder ( bpd) and narcisstic personaltiy. I did my senior 200 pg paper on bpd....before I go any further, a small disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and am not attempting to diagnose your wife, but am just giving you an insight into this personality types behavior. There is a book, a great one, and I have it in the attic. I'll pull it out later tonight to get you the exact title and author, but it's something like " Get Me Out of Here", written by a girl who suffered from bpd, and her symptoms sounded EXACTLY like your wifes. READ IT!!! There is hope!! This woman, through years of behavioral therapy, is much better, and is happy and living an "normal life", whatever that is!!! LOL! A  borderline is usually unable to keep friends, and sometimes even husbands/wives, family, etc. because everything is black and white with them. One minute someone is great and wonderful, then the next they are horrible, and "out to get them". They are completely incapable of taking constructive criticism, and you cannot have rational arguments with them. They go through periods of loving themselves, and thinking they are the most beautiful, perfect person, and hating themselves. They are paranoid about people being out to get them, or talking about them, etc. They blow up for no reason, have "tantrums", etc. This is only scratching the surface of the characteristics, but google bpd, and look up books about it, I'll bet you that she has it. Drug addiction/use is VERY common among bpd patients, because they are trying to self medicate. Usually, the drug problem escalates the behavior. There is hope!! I promise you. Make her read that book. She will blow up and explode at you suggesting she has a problem or needs to read the book, but leave it out anyways. Let her blow up. Keep trying. If you love her, try and be patient, at least until you can get her to agree to get help. If she DOES get help, ( and it may take moving heaven and earth to get her there) she WILL get better if she sticks with it. If she flat out refuses, after repeated attempts, to get help, then get the hell out of there. It won't go away, this disorder only worsens!

[Mis Take]

Wow, I am so sorry and this is really hard to reply to.  But, I wanted to say something and hopefully make u feel a little better or at least give u a place to vent when u need to.  Drugs (whatever the kind) can really change a person, and it sounds like she is a different person than the one u fell in love with.  Im afraid the only answer may be tough love.  I think if u really want her to get better, if there is a chance for that, you have to get her to go into treatment.  Honestly and sadly, i dont think u can do this alone.  Please post here for support and remember that u need to be happy too.  This is not what u signed on for and not what u deserve.  I hope that u will really consider getting help for her.  She may not take it, in that case u may have to consider leaving.  She is not thinking of u when she does these things.  Im sorry I could not be more help.  I wish u the best of luck with whatever u do.

sincerely,
mis take

[dyblue]

  I'm sorry but I can so relate to that behavior with this riend o mine.  Your situation is much more serious she needs help but how much can one person take.  Sorry about being judgmental  I don't even know her but the drugs can change who we once were.

[dyblue]

  I'm not a doc but sounds like a borderline personality disorder these people are extremely hard to live with or even deal with or that matter.  I had a close riend that was and she inally just got pissed at me or not doing what she wanted and will never speAK to me again the she stole a very very expensive piece o jewelry o mine then disappeard out o my world, she is 60 byears old a real strange duck i she is borderline  say get out now.  they are nuts . I don't have patiene or that shiat anymore. don't give her any o your pills  screw that you don't deserve a lie sentence like that.