AHHH

[prettywings1031]

Ok, My boyfriend who im am absolutly in love with and so blessed to have in my life has suddenly picked up an addiction to roxies/blues.  actually i cant even call it an addiction just yet becase its a new habit and not used regularly, YET. i know the drug and i am familiar with it, even though i never tried it myself i have lost alot of friends to it. I know he is playing with fire right now and it kills me, he has already starting with the lies and the money issues and although when he is on them i can tel becuase i know what to look for, im trying to figure out a way to help him stop before he REALLY starts (and thats saying IF its not already too late) i have a great paying job, we live in a beautiful house, and the man i know is fading. he even told me that he was doing pills oocasionally (which i already knew) and told me to help him out by basically "babysitting" him. going everywhere with him, and i didnt mind that because i love being in his company when he is sober. but when he is on it he is a maniac. his temper was borederline unbearable before, but ever since this started its been worse. Not only do i want him better for HIM, but i NEED him better for me. Basically what im asking is to all of u who were previously addicted or currently are. besides LONG talks about how much i love him and hate seeing him high.... what can i do? or what can i say? this is an opportunity to look at it from outside what ur used to. u dont know me but i cant stand watching him hurt himself anymore, and i know its only going to get worse. so whats ur best advice for someone who is genuinely trying to help? how can i help him?
please write back soon....
thanks.

[prettywings1031]

well. last night was another night high. and u can tell its starting to become a REAL problem because he woke up sick to his stomach this morning. i cant even believe this is happenening to my life. the circles around his eyes are gettin bad... and he is already a small guy... getting smaller.. i cried to him again last night..... he brushes it off. it just doesnt matter to him like it matters to me. his own words were "why the **** do u care so much? im not hurting u im hurting me"...
well i disagree very much so. not just because i love him and dont want to see him do this to himself... but because no one likes getting lied to on a daily basis about the who what when where why and hows of ur day...
i work all day to keep food in the house, to keep money in the bank so we can go out and have a good time... im the ******* sole provider in our relationship and i dont mind it... but i do mind getting lied to and toyed with....
and on top of everything, his PO came by the house @ 7 this morning....
there watching him.
AND. still no period.
i know there is not much advice anyone can really give me anymore. but im using this to vent....

[prettywings1031]

ya trust me, i kinda wanted him to go too. good news is he is supposed to go to boston. with his grandma and his mom for 2 weeks. that will keep his happy *** sober LOL. i just dont know what to do anymore. i guess ill just put up a wall, act like i dont care and save up some money so i can move into my own place... i cant go home unless i want to lose my job, and i have a great job so i gotta do it smart. i dont wanna leave him. i really dont. thats my heart right there, its all i got. but i cant let him do this to me anymore. at first its his fault, but then it becomes mine for stickin around.... hmmm.. i guess i have lots of thinking to do.
and age isnt anythin but a # lol. :) thanks for all ur help. im sure ill keep updating lol. i use this as like a journal now... its nice <3

[Dav125]

Hey,,I'm single and looking! I cook too! Real good..You'd just have to put up with my son's 18 and 15,,and daughter's 13, and 14,,(chuckle). Heck, Now that I think about it,,I'm probably old enough to be your dad from best I can gather..Doesn't mean I've turned into some old guy though..Still quite playful actually :)...And not a gray hair in site!

I was kinda wishing they would have tested. It would have put him in a position of guaranteed detox..I don't know pretty. This might just reinforce him to continue to use while pretending in his mind he's doing better..I just don't know.. Maybe pull up "Jayeye's" post for him to look at. He was using the same exact pills..It can't hurt for him to just look. Jayeye made a huge decision yesterday and is in the first day of getting away from them..Here's the direct link.. David

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/dont-know-what-im-trying-to-prove/show/1283988

[prettywings1031]

hah. this mother ****** is so lucky. they did not even **** text him even knowing that he failed his last one. i mean dont get me wrong im happy that i get to keep him in my life but now its somewhat overwhelming. i was almost hoping he would get like 30 days for the VOP just to get his head strait. but no, now i get to deal with it... alone. and once again last night with all the promises of a "good night" with him... he leaves again and conveniently claims he got "pulled over" as his excuse for why he took so long. i love that i sleep in my boyfriends house and i sleep alone in the back bedroom. maybe i over reacted last night because he did come in and i dont think he was on blues ( he probably went to get weed) and was like "baby dont sleep in here" "please let me hold u" "come here let me make u something to eat and well watch a movie" but at that point it was too late. i seriously sat in a chair in a silent house (u could hear a pin drop i swear it) for 40 minutes waiting for him "gas station run" that i was not allowed to go on with him (again) and then took myself to sleep. i work in the morning he does nothing but get ****** up and jerk his **** off. (not litterally LOL) i dont know. i feel like his problem is affecting my temper. and im usually pretty good about controlling it.
i dont know what the hell to do anymore. i cry, i scream, i talk, i compromise, i help,... NOTHING i do is ever good enough. and its sad that there is always something that makes him happier then i ever could whether it be weed pills or drinking... he is never satisfied with just laying around watching tv and eating dinner with me... and thats ALL i ever want. i get home from work every day and PRAY that we can just eat and lay down together...
i think i might move back home :(
but i have to get my period first... and well no sign of it yet.

[Dav125]

Yes, I'd say he will test positive..10 to 14 days is the standard time for that to clear ones system but with hight amounts it might be longer..Maybe they will do one step better. Order him to a rehab..Let me know what happens...David

[prettywings1031]

well... looks like his time kinda ran out. he has probation today and well... hes not gonna pass a **** test... and i know his PO will give him one since he failed the last one and gave him a "chance"....
well see what happens. but maybe jail will be a good place for him for a little while. it will clean him up and give him a better perspective on things... i just hope he doesnt go away for a long time.... i need him :(

[jayeye]

gl let us know how it goes

[Dav125]

Best of luck Prettywings. Do your best to appeal to his heart....

[prettywings1031]

well wish me luck, tonights another night and im gonna sit down and have YET another discussion( that will probably turn argument) about how heavy this is burdening me. thanks for all your help everyone. ill keep updating. it feels good to vent. i dont have anyone except him to vent to....
xox

[Dav125]

Sent you a note about that Jayeye...I hope prettywings is making some progress here..

[jayeye]

i dont want to highjack this post

do you have a post of your progress?

[Dav125]

Not necessarily a pill problem, a back and then surgery problem. Surgery was two weeks ago but the results now are not very encouraging. I'm trying to believe what my surgeon is telling me about the nerve recouperating and pain I still am having in bursts, but it seems to be getting worse.I had this done 5 years ago so I've got something to reflect upon..

.But I guess in answering your question,,yes,I have a pill problem and my meds were taken by a third party recently..Had to do a super fast taper the past 4 days from a high dose of oxycontin and percocets..I am in forced CT at present..The level of wd's I'm having tell me I'm in deep..Not too good..Had an 8 day taste of this once..Trying to see if I can endure this and walk on. I'm so sick of being sick and tired..Somethings got to give.

[jayeye]

thanks dav

did you also have a pill problem?  How are you doing with it?

I'm so sick of being stuck in this cell.....i just dont know how to open the door!

[Dav125]

Excuse me,,Not Jaycee,,,Jayeye's comments..Wishing you the best with this..

[Dav125]

He's nearing breakpoint Prettywings..There was not hesitation in throwing the wall up with all the reasons this site is the wrong place, not the right place..About the best you could do is try one more time and tell him that this site is the safest place he could ask questions without fear of reprisal..Its the closest thing to a counselor he could get..Virtually everyone in here is fighting a battle with something. It isn't a site full of drug counselors in a rehab facility. Its a group of people dealing with substance abuse problems just like he is.. Many are dealing with the same as he is. I for one.. The difference inbetween him and us though is we "are" trying to find that way to turn things around..You have to be the judge on reapproaching the subject though..He's really flip flopping there. His outbursts worry me some..

Jaycee has made some very valid points..The only other suggestion I can think of is approach him with this..If you know what its doing to you and want to change it,,then please search for help..If he doesn't want to look here, then look somewhere else.....I'm afraid if something doesn't change soon, you may have to leave for your own good..

[jayeye]

after going back and reading some  of your post sounds like hes doing a lot more then you think

the nodding out the fight and than the breaking down....he is getting the the cross road....i know im at the same fork.

i either take the road to reocovry or i take the road to darkness.....there is no inbetween...i either clean myself up or i end up in jail or dead......sounds like your BF isnt far from where i am...BUT he needs to come to where i am mentaly and take baby steps and realize he HAS to stop if he wants to live life....it really is that simple....your life or the drug....does he want to be the guy who ran into hard times and was able to get past it or does he want to be teh guy who ran into hard times and gave up and willingly accpets to lose the battle.

i know what road i want to take

[mellie4]

You are not being selfish if you put yourself first.  In fact, you'll help him.  I wish I hadn't helped as much as I did and maybe things would have been different.  It hurts to see someone you love destroying themselves.  And addiction is progressive ... it doesn't get better.  Before you know it months turn into years and you're still playing the same game.  They are really good at manipulation.  And when they tell you "This is it.  I'm done.  I'm gonna stop."  They sound so genuine and you believe them.  And then they use again.  And you get mad at yourself for being such a fool to believe him yet again.  Thing is, he sounds genuine because he is.  At that very moment he probably does want to stop.

Aftercare programs work.  If they work the program.  If not, it's only a matter of time before they pick up again.

Walk away now.  Before you have kids.  Because then you'll use them for the reason to stay, and believe me, it is no reason to stay.  I stayed thinking it was better for them to have a dad.  Finally left 3 years ago.  Now they're 18, 15, 12 and 11.  Guess what?  They wished I had done it way before.

I never had any alcohol or drug addictions.  As a matter of fact, I rarely drink; I just don't care for it.  

You know in your heart that he's a mess.  People without addictions aren't on probation, taking urine tests, etc.  Staying with an addict will break your heart and you will never be the same.  You'll wake up and be middle-aged and you'll be doing just what you're doing right now.

[prettywings1031]

i told him about the website.... instead of thinkin it was atleast an idea he flipped out on me. i told him no one knows who i am or who he is.... but he flipped out. saying "im puttin our business all over the computer and i know what im doing to myself. i have sold thousands of pills... i know what they do to people!" this is so frustrating. i seriously spend more time crying at home then i do smiling or anything else.....

[jayeye]

im currently addicted and i can tell you there really isnt much you can do to help him right now....if he thinks he has it under control then there is nothing your gonna be able to do to convince him he dosent......the only way he is going to stop is when he is ready to stop......i have been in realationships while i have been an addict.....and roxann also come b4 the other lady in my life....i know its sad and its pathetic but its the way it is......if i had a fight with my lady who cares let me just get fcked up and forget about it......some much easier for us to walk away then deal with the proble because we know we have lady roxann waiting to be our support.

being that you know i guess its a little different cuz the two girls i blew it with and i say that because they were both awesome girls that in a different time or place i would have been crazy not to fight for them.....didnt know i had a problem i kept it to myself nobody knows.

there are other factors...how much is he using???? how often??? and do you think he uses more then he says he does?

[dominosarah]

We have a member here who has been where you are and she always says "support their recovery, not their addiction"......

[6stringrock]

I think mellie4 couldnt have said it any better. An addict is going to do what they want to do and wont quit till they have had enough. Addiction is very selfish. You have to save yourself. Have the talk with him and let him know where you stand. Sometimes loving somebody means letting them go and getting rid of your need to need him and then thats when you can get back to really loving him.

[prettywings1031]

thank u guys so much, u have no idea how much i didnt expect to get anything out of this website simply because i didnt know what it was about. it helps so much and i look forward to checkin up on it daily now. its crazy how i dont have a drug problem, but in a sense of its own.. i DO have a dependency issue. not to roxies themself but to my boyfriend. i really just want to help so bad it kills me inside to see him like that. ill probably continue to use this just to vent and see where it gets me. im def. gonna have him check it out for himself and maybe him expressing himself and his feelings will help him to get a better understanding. i know what i have to do. i have to be selfish for the first time in 3 years and put me before him. were not a team anymore. he has a new team mate and its that little blue pill. i wish all of u the best as well... and for real thank u so much for taking the time to respond to my post.. it really means alot and it def. helps me to get a better understanding. xox

[dominosarah]

I have a feeling he is using more than you know as you mentioned him nodding out.  Until he is ready to give this up there is nothing you can do for him.  Dont enable him in anyway.  You have to take care of you now.  Check into Alanon.  The worst thing you can do for an addict is enable him.  He has alot riding on this also by the sounds of it with him on probation.  Hopefully he will get the help he so desperatly needs.  Just please take care of you, you dont have to go down with him.....sara

[IBKleen]

I feel for you but you have to wake up. You started this post by saying he doesn't have a problem yet. The more you spoke, the more problem was revealed. He is on probation, he failed a pee test and he sits in the dark smoking cigarettes. that is not normal behavior.

Love him or not he will bring you down before you can get him clean. The reason is, you cannot get him clean. Until he admits that he has a problem, that he is in trouble, and seeks help, he will continue. It will not get better, it will only get worse.  You are at a cross roads and have to make a decision. Holding his hand and babysitting him will keep him in his addiction. You are simply enabling him.

I am so sorry that no one was able to give you better news.

Please stick around and listen to the members here. There is tons of advise and suggestions to be had. I wish you the best and will say a prayer for you.