ANXIETY about WD

I have so much anxiety about WD I feel like I am sabotaging I have been crying so much last two days just trying to wrap my head around this. I havent even started yet!  I feel so ashamed of myself i am so weak. I know this is going to happen it has to. I am so worried about how it will feel if I can hide it when i should just be concentrating on recovery. I am all over the place.  My day 1 will be on Sunday working that day and then having days 2 and 3 off possibly calling in day 4 i dunno But I am the boss so I have to make up something believable Its got me so anxious.
MY DOC id percs i take about 20 5 mg demons a day sometimes less 15 . I have been lurking on this forum for past week sometimes posting but today i have been in bed all day crying I am so scarred please pray with me. I know i am going to have to reach deep and I just want to Thank you all in advance  ((((group Hug))))

[Pat1956100]

It would be so helpful if you could tell your boyfriend but if you can't then just say you have the flu.  You will probably sweat a lot and have flu like symptoms.  Tell him your not feeling well on day 1 and just go from there.  If you can sleep in a different bed it might be easier so you don't keep him awake.  You don't need him grumpy lol.

[ImDONENoMore]

Have you been reading too much on the forum?  Because as wonderful as this place is, some of the stories will send you into a tailspin before you even get started.  Stop reading, get going and quit, and read again later when you're feeling better.  Don't get ahead of yourself here because I promise you, it will trip you up.  (and stop doubting yourself, you CAN do this)  :)

[Pat1956100]

Awwww sweety it will be okay.  You have a plan and you can do it.
Try to cut back as much as you can this week and then just go for it.
Working on day 1 will take your mind off of it and then you will have at least 2 days to go thru whatever happens.
Fear is the worst part of it.  If it was that bad none of us would be able to do it at home.  You can do it too and there are so many people here to help you.
I was terrified too but now I am terrified of not being able to stay clean.  I'm not afraid of the withdrawals and I have been thru them a few times.
Make sure you stock up and everything people have suggested and keep posting.  Don't be afraid.  3 days and you can have your life back.

[conhall]

Thank you for your support :) and You are probably right been reading too much. I have been crying reading and so on. I have gone and gotten most things that will help OTC stuff and also some Lorazapam for anxiety not sure if they will even help.  I am so worried about hiding the WD from MY Boyfriend I am just not at a place where I can deal with that also. Will I really be able to just say its the Flu baby URGGGGG  3 days 3 days <3

[Pat1956100]

It would be so helpful if you could tell your boyfriend but if you can't then just say you have the flu.  You will probably sweat a lot and have flu like symptoms.  Tell him your not feeling well on day 1 and just go from there.  If you can sleep in a different bed it might be easier so you don't keep him awake.  You don't need him grumpy lol.

[conhall]

I am going to walk awy from computer go talk a walk try and just relax Thanks <3

[ImDONENoMore]

Perfect.  I think Pat gave great advice - the sleeping apart for a couple nights is a good idea.

And I also think you would feel better if you were honest w/your boyfriend and let him help you through this.  Wouldn't you do the same for him if this were the other way around?  Give him a chance - he might surprise you.

[vicki595]

Hi Honey-  I agree with Pat and ImDONE. Try to talk with your boyfriend, you need the support and, honestly, our secrets keep us sick.

Try not to psych yourself out over this. Often times it's not as bad as we imagine!!

[Dane74]

Oh my you sound just like i did when i first decided i had to stop the demons.  First of all you are not weak, you are very strong and you came to the right place and reached out for help, that just shows me that your strong!  Don't over think it, everyone is different with the wd's.  Just take it day by day sometimes hour by hour.  Listen to the others about telling your boyfriend, would you tell him God forbid if you had another disease?  Addiction is real, and i am sure with some knowledge your boyfriend will understand and be able to support you.  The truth shall set you free!  Best of luck to you.

[conhall]

I have been having alot of anxiety I have been doing massive taper taking it way down.  I am maybe getting 4 hrs sleep came home today after long work day which was insane to do  made myself do things went outside just walked so I wouldnt take a pill. Monday is day 1 coming up. I am down to 6 pills today I was taking 15-20  5 mg percs   I need to get some of that protein amino acid drink any suggestions I had someone tell me what kind but honestly my brain doesnt remember . This is o hard but I can do this I have to. I just think of all the things I have messed up on and Now I want to take my life back Its Mine not the lil demon pills Its mine

[conhall]

I keep saying monday will be day 1 but actually reading Sunday should be because I have mon and Tues off ?? any thoughts and also I am feeling I will need weds and thurs off I need to tell a whopper of a reason to call in I just feel going to work for me would be a huge mistake I am in front of customers all day taking care of them I might just go off! UGGGGG

[Pat1956100]

How many pills are you taking a day now?

[Pat1956100]

Okay I just read you said you were down to 6 pills today.  You are probably already starting to feel some withdrawals and maybe that is why you are so depressed.   I think starting Sunday is a good idea.

[4adifferentlife]

Could it be that it's not the fear of wf's, but the fear of life after you take that final pill?? That was my main fear, yes wd's are uncomfortable, but not that bad, I did and had to go places day 1,2,3, didn't want to, but I wouldn't have wanted to go while I was using either, and I found that helped tremendously! Just being around people, talking again, and enjoying it..
Listen, when your mind and even your body will say "you want it, you need it," say outloud, "your a LIAR," this craziness got me here, and I'm  not staying! When your clearer minded, floods of memories will come, and you'll be shocked, I was, the things I done, and thoughts of what I could've done, are unbelievable and the thought of that, scares me to death, I don't want them around me and absolutley not in me... Don't be lied to, if you ask for strength from GOD, it will come.. Your still in my prayers

[conhall]

Thank you <3  

[littlebit667]

I know it is hard, but worrying about the withdrawals is sorta like running in place, you are working hard, but getting nowhere!

I went cold turkey from about 10 a day and found the first day not too bad so starting today may be your best move.  I did find that doing something did help me as long as I had the opiate trots under some sort of control.  

You have to just DO it and let it happen.  You want this and part of wanting it is getting to the other side of the physical withdrawals.  We will be here as you do it.  

Secrets keep us tied to the pills.  If you can tell your bf it could help so much.  He is probably going to be confused and worried.  That added to the anxiety for me as I was trying to keep my hubby from knowing and yet trying to keep him calm as he was really worried for me.  It was a vicious circle.  

Whatever you decide....keep us in the loop!!!

[Free2agoodhome]

You're gonna be just fine.  how courageous you are. I didnt tell anyone  (except medhelp and my gated GF) what i was doing...

the way i looked at it ,,,it was my mess..i didnt want to drag someone into worrying about me...... everyones different..........im a guy though.

yes flu....it has all the symptoms....

you are a very crucial point in your life.

just think,,,,ok i will endure 3-5 days of feeling crappy getting better everyday after i turn the corner.....but my whole life will shift in a positive way. Everyhthing i love will be effected in a healthy way,,,,...


I went through that........the fear of a clean life was scarry a bit,..till i relaized "i don't know what will happen if im clean..im sure its good"     but  "I DO know what to expect if i keep commiting slow suicide chasing a feeling"


Keep us posted on your day 1.......Monday right?

Free~

[selfinduced]

YOU are not weak and crying is good. Free is spot on. In your logical mind, just think....Do you want to be getting deeper into a game where your never going to win and the loss may be your life? Now there's the still drug induced mind that will rationalize that you can continue and just do less? Doesn't happen that way. For me the reality of what I wanted in my future gave me the strength to endure what was ahead of me, and guess what??? It was NOT as bad as I thought. You are prepared, you have support here, YOU can do this. Failure is not an option. With each day clean you will feel better. Can you get something to relax you for short term if you need it? I'll be looking for you and cheering you on, if I did this ANYONE can. I'm a total wuss!!!

[kyle505]

I was exactly like you...Although my biggest fear was living without the meds.
I'm up against 6 months clean, and all I can say is why in the world did I wait so long to get clean?
The folks above have given you great advice and support. You can do it, and when you are clean and enjoying each and every day, you'll look back and wonder - what was the big deal?

[conhall]

Thanks Kyle  I am having such a very hard time I feel like a big frking weak baby! I have cried so much lately I am reaching deep down and I feel so depressed. I cant wait for this to pass.  I am down way down probably too fast for taper but I Know I have to do this The ledge is getting closer I will jump! I am so tired I wish I could sleep more than 3 hours.  I had to leave work today we were slow I made up excuse My stomach has been a mess Immodium is godsend :O   Thanks for advice and support this time next week I will be turning a corner :)  I need to get some type Of protein drink to help me. I am not really eating alot and I feel that has alot to do with no energy  Therer are so many energy drinks stuff i want one that has the vitamins and stuff that is helpful any suggestions?

[conhall]

thank you :) SELINDUCED
I have some ativan to relax me havent taken it kinda scarred to sounds funny I Know I have never taken before and a lil wierdo I Know Thx for your advice :) How are you doing ?

[conhall]

thank u

[Pat1956100]

Hey sweety,
You can do this.  I swear you have all the withdrawal symptoms now.  Prolonging it is just making it harder on you.  I know because I did the same thing.  I went from 20 percs to 4 and then 2 a day.  I ended up just going into full withdrawal anyway.  Just jump tomorrow and you will get it over with.
You can do it.  I am going thru it now and feel like I have the flu.  
I will try and post when I can.  Let me know when you are going to start.

[conhall]

Thanks pat  :) I guess I keep telling myself Its going to be much worse and Your right I am already WDIng Just being weak trying to hold on to last of my pills Whats wrong with me I feel so weak :/ Thx for all ur kind words You keep up the good work I am pulling for u also (((Hugs)))

[Pat1956100]

I did the same thing.  If you are bored read back to the beginning of my story.  I kept taking 2 pills a day and it just prolonged my withdrawal.  I totally understand how you feel. I cut my percs up into 4 just so I could take something when it got bad.  I hung onto a couple of pills until my first detox was over and then gave them away.  I believe you will do this when you are ready.  I was so afraid.  Terrified.  It was never as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I am on day 2 now, sitting up, watching tv and on the computer.
If it was that bad I wouldn't be able to do that.  

[conhall]

Thanks Pat <3 You have really helped me since day 1 and I Know I have dragged this out But ur words make me strong :)

[Pat1956100]

So many people helped me and I wouldn't be doing it without this forum.  I meant to suggest to you to buy either Boosts or Ensures.  I drank a ton of them and they are a meal replacement full of vitamins and minerals.  All different flavours.  I liked the vanilla and strawberry for some reason, even though I am a chocolate lover.  

[conhall]

Thanks I have been looking at protein drinks and there are so many wasnt sure what ones worked best Thx

[Sonrissa]

Hi Conhall! I just want to add my support to all the others! Join us and just jump! Get it over with! Just think, this time next week you will feel so much better! You can do this! Detox was not as bad as I feared! We will be here to support you every step! Big hugs! Go for it!!

[conhall]

Thank you Sonrissa  I am so scarred but at same time this time next week i will have turned corner hoping! I take last pill tomorrow :)

[Sonrissa]

so happy for you! Try to relax and do not anticipate anything! Take it as it comes and one step at a time! I promise you that your mind will make it worse than it actually is! We will help every step!! Best wishes!!