Abuse

I used to spend so much time trying to figure out why I became and addict and alcoholic. One of the many times I went to rehab, they wanted to spend so much time on my childhood and growing up.. It pissed me off and I was very defiante and didn't want to participate.  I thought, what does my past have to do with today and why even talk about it.  Well apparently that's a sign that I don't want to look at the past.
As I dug deeper, I did find that I had many experiences that I would not face.  I had been sexually abused (by many different abusers)  from the time I was about 7yrs old. until I was about 15yrs old. I also had terrible emotional abuse (and physical)from my mother all of my life(even now sometimes I allow her to do it to me, just a lot less these days). And I was neglected by my father.
When I started to put all the peices together and REALLY take a look at all of the abuse that happend in my life--and there were extreme amounts of it, I began to think how different I was from all the other people that were getting sober with me. I started to differentiate myself from them and started to see the differences instead of the similarities.  
Finally, I remeber starting to talk to some people that had had some of the same experiences that I had.  And I must say, some worse than mine.  You would not believe the MANY, MANY people in recovery that have suffered abuse, rather physical, emotional and sexual.  WE all are survivors!
I've learned to deal with the abuse, and it's not ruined my life.  I have found a certain amount of peace with it.  I'm a little overprotective of my children now, however I am at peace.
Good luck to all you fellow survivors.  We will make it.  We can be happy.  It took everything it took to make me....me.
I love this life.

[sadinmichigan]

Thankyou for posting this..I definitelu can relate to the "why" we use..it makes alot of sense..I am glad that you have taken control of it and not let it ruin your life..
some people seem to hold on to abuse like a best friend and let it continue to hurt them and destroy them..long after the abuse has stopped..and others turn it around and do not let it get them down or do further damage..
and as far as "overprotecting our kids" ...in this day...you have to be overprotective..
Thankyou again for writing this..I am happy you are at peace with this now..take care..
We will make it!!