Actually this isnt a question but just thoughts

I see somay people struggling or who are terrified of the withdrawals coming off Suboxone. I thought I might post my daily thoughts and struggles as I begin my process of coming off this stuff once and for all...in hopes I can inspire others.

Here is my story. I am a 38 year old female. I got addicted to oxys and hydros. I love pills.
I am a wife and mother. I do not have chronic pain. Never had it. I just like the buzz and energy I got from narcotics. Thats the truth. I love downing one or two hydros with my morning cup of coffee. I felt I could conquer the world. I was the energizer rabbit on steroids and lots of prozac. Then it happened those 2 pills didnt give me that buzz, then I needed 3 then 4 at one time then I switched to oxys, then those stopped working like they used to..and thats when I realized I had a problem. I tried to stop cold turkey. Couldnt do it. The WD's were to much. Then I thought I had the will power to do it and I was going to set up a taper plan...didnt happen. I ate them all in one day and hated myself for it. I was disgusted with myself really. After the cold turkey and taper process attempted time and again I called a sub dr and made an appt. One and a half years later and I am ready to get off the subs again. Tried once but couldnt deal with the RLS. I am so tired of the side effects. The weight gain, the urge to smoke..just weird side effects. So here I am day one without any subs. I cant say I have felt great. I dont have much energy at all but that could be the Clonipine lowering my BP making me feel tired. Last time I tried to get off of subs I didnt know about the Clonipine. I am hoping with this aide I can do it htis time. I wasnt going to take a Clonipine today but the Restless legs already started and even in my arms. I was going crazy and wanted to crawl out of my skin and almost took a crumb of a sub but I took the Clon instead and I am ok now. Not great but bearable. The day is almost over and I pray I can sleep. There is nothing worse then being up miserable when everyone else is asleep but if I can I suffer through. I am the one who created this mess I am in. I am the one who can get me out of it. I would like to journal my process, not only for myself but maybe I can encourage someone else who was terrified of the sub WD's to get off too.

Day one almost done and counting. I know day 3 and 4 is when it really hits you and i'm gonna lie I am terrified of it! But damn it I am doing it this time!

[corey411]

Hi Beth, I was never on Sub but ct from opiates quite a few times. Just want to offer you my prayers and support. You can do this. If I can help or if you just want someone to chat with , feel free to contact me anytime. Corey

[bethinime]

Thank you so much for your reply and offer.I dont know how far bottom I am going to hit. I know it comesout of nowhere so I might be taking you up on that chat advice. Thank you for your prayers and support. I am really scared and need everything I can get. Beth  

[dominosarah]

Try not to be scared.  It is all part of the process in flushing your body of all the toxins.  Keep posting and we will help you thru............sara

[Ella789]

Yes, day 3 and 4 will come and go, just remember that!  after day 5 you will know you are going to make it after all and that is such a good feeling.  Come on here and post often during that time, try to sleep some and eat and gatoraid and water will help so much.  You have read the Thomas Recipe in the Health Pages, if not go there and get the necessary stuff like immodium ect.
Best wishes

Ella

[snowflake620]

Don't be afaid I know that is easier said than done but just remember,being clean is so worth it and every one on her is more than willing to help in anyway we can,prayers are going out to you tonight so know that you arenot alone
snowflake

[keeponkeepingon333]

congrats on your first day.  in many cases that is the hardest.  my story very closely parallels yours.  I jumped from 6mg after about 20 months of usage(suboxone).  this is the end of my 8th day.  it has been a struggle even up through today.  I agree the leg thing and lack of energy is sooooooo frustrating, (especially when i felt like superman w/ endless supply of energy on subs)  today i was very frustrated because i didn't feel any better, and had to return to work tonight.  A funny thing happened though after working i actually feel pretty good!!!  my legs are still sore but over all feel a lot better.  the long 1/2 life of subs is what is killer(37 hr)  but there is hope and light.  if i can do this, you can too, i ve been a very weak person when it comes to my addictions, but have had enough it am 100% committed and ready.  I really recommend reading the amino acid protocol and thomas recipe for detox from opiates.  i really think it helps w/ energy and overall mood stabilizers.  it doesn't happen over nite though.  I wish all the best in your struggle, and if you have any questions dont hesitate to hit me up!!!  Gl and congratulations on claiming ur life back------mike

[minim]

Good Luck!! Stay Strong- I've been there too- so if you ever need anything....

[worried878]

great post...it seems as tho we r seeing more and more sub wd posts..so people will need ur posts..and ur info as u go thru it..keep us posted..what mg did u jump off at?

[bethinime]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and support. Mike you have no idea what an inspiration you are to me! I want to be right where you are. I, like you, am very week when it comes to my addictions so coming off subs like this is like climining a mountain with no safety gear. Worried I juped off the subs at 2mg somdays I was even able to do 1mg but on bad days I took a quarter of an 8mg (2mg)

[bethinime]

So today is day 2 for me but because I seem to be obsessively counting hours, minutes and seconds ;) its really been 2 1/2 days and about 1 hour and 34 minutes. I dont feel great, not gonna lie, BUT I dont feel as bad as I thought I was going to. Getting out of bed was rough. It used to be on subs in the morning my joints would hurt...this morning my muscles hurt. Felt like I had worked out really hard. Maybe it was my sleep position though and has nothing to do with no subs. I dont know. Seems when we are in WDs we blame everything on the WDs. Thats just natural to do that. I have terribly bad heartburn as well and that is something I didnt expect at all. I never heard anyone with this problem. Its real irritating but after a few tums I seem to be ok. My advice to anyone coming off subs is to have your arsenal ready. I have a shoebox with clonidine, RLS homeopathic pills, amino acids, herbal cham tea, herbal detox tea, b vitamins, one a day multi vitamin, ibupfofren, unisom (for sleep, I wanted ambien or something but my dr wouldnt do it, maybe yours will) Have anything you can take that will help even a little bit handy so you can take something as soon as you feel those symptoms coming on before they get so bad that you lose your courage and strength.

So in a nutshell. I slept ok last night and I was very pleasantly surprised with that. Was a little hard to wake up..but I did it. Took a Clonidine when I woke, now I am drinking lots of coffee and water and so far getting through my day chasing my 3 year old around and doing better then I ever dreamed I would. I am anxious though, I feel like this big bomb is going to drop because so many people say they are fine and then WHAM...so I am real nervous about that. Kinda like a jack in the box you know its coming but still scares the pissout of ya when it does!

oh and I crazy crazy dreams last night. Weird

[td188]

The worst for me is the night sweets. last night all night i was drenched in sweet and woke up with the diarrhea. This is not a fun process. We will never forget these days of wd's. I still can't force myself to eat so I am drinking BOOST high protein drink.

[bethinime]

I know exactly what you mean with the nightsweats. The first time I tried to go off without the Clonidine I had those awful sweats except mine would come out of nowhere during the day too. I could be sitting doing nothing and start getting sweat beads on  my forehead and then just start dripping sweat. It was disgusting! With the Clonidine I havent had the sweats one time. I am so grateful for that. I hated always being the one who looked all sweaty and gross.

[td188]

I don't know what clonidine is. is it a presc. or otc?

[bethinime]

Its a prescription that used to be used as a blood pressure lowering medicine but I think it is used mostly now to healp ease the symptoms of opiots withdrawal..and it really does help. I have never madeit this far before.

[td188]

i bought a heating pad yesterday, that helps with my chills

[bethinime]

Some updates on day 2..its now 2:00 p.m. and I feel like I could fall asleep standing up. I am downing coffee and taking my sublingual b drops and I am feeling no relief. I am also getting kinda of grumpy but I am not sure if thats from WDs or from the fact my body wants to sleep so bad and I cant sleep until tonight. I have my 3 year old to take care of. I cant even get enough energy up to shower. I brushed my teeth and hair and this morning. I look like hell. Now I just fixed my daughter a PB&J and thats was all the energy I had. Back on the couch. I swear by the time this is over my couch is going to have my butt print indented in it forever!  What a blob! This too shall pass...right??

[td188]

Are you taking any vitamins? I am on day two and I have some energy. but I am drinking high protein drinks and korean ginseng which is a energy support vitamin. I felt like you yesterday. I have a 3 year old and a 7 year old.

[bethinime]

Yes I am taking a one a day and a b complex. Now that you mention it I have some ginseng.I am goingotgo take come now. Thanks for the suggestion td

[BaronMunchausen]

The heartburn is likely due to stress. Also; try to eat something! Even just some white bread or toast, if you aren't eating. It will help give your stomach something to work on.

The best thing you can do is try to distract yourself from the passage of time. My advice is start playing playstation heavily. :-)

Keep us posted, sounds like you're doing great so far. I've done both the Cold turkey route as well as a steady detox and both have advantages/ disadvantages.

But it is good to be free.

[td188]

I cannot wait until i feel free! thanks for the support it really means a lot to me. My family does not know what I am going through they think I have the flu. You guys help so much!

[td188]

You may want to get some anti-diarrheal meds too.

[bethinime]

Geesh my typing has never been so horrible...guess I am more tired then I realize!

[bethinime]

i never thought about the HB beain stress related but that makes total sense. Thanks! td I am the same as you..my family has no idea..my husband knows but thats it.

[mchiurazzi]

you may want to try and read the amino acid protocol in the health pages its helped me immensely i am on day 5 off of subs it still aint the best but better than yesterday. but just wanted to let you know the amino acids have been workin great for me thats all ive been usein to help with wds.good luck and rember it does get better!

[bethinime]

so day 5 is easier then all the rest? What day was your worst?

[mchiurazzi]

four was by far the worst also i did a 48 hr full body clense i run 2 miles a day and i follow the amino acid protocol. i just want this over with as soon as possible but yes today is day 5 and its noticably better than yesterday i think i might actually b able to sleep tonight! any questions just ask. but keep in mine that subs are very strong and have a verylong halflife i tapered down to a crumb of an 8mg pill every other day before i started detox.  everyones different keep that in mind

[td188]

is detoxing from subs way different than detoxing from oxycodone and hydros?

[mchiurazzi]

somewhat after im done with this i now will have done both. the problem with subs is they have a half life of 37.5 hrs so your dosages stack up in your system say you take 8mg one day now the next you take another 8 theres still 4mg from the day before in your system and so on it just keeps addin up.  also its about 30 times stronger of an opiate but it does hav a celing effect wich means it wont let you get high. but because of that your opiate recptors in the brain are used to being flooded with opiates constantly.bottom line is if you taper right on subs it will be mild but inevitably longer WDs thank just going cold turkey. if you go straight off the hydro or DOC most of the time its more harsh of WDs but not as long at all 2weeks normally max and very lil chance of PAWS. with suboxone WDs can last up to 4mons to a year depending on the person and more than likely PAWS will follow.

[bethinime]

I honestly wish I would have never went on the subs. When I was quiting pain killers I knew I was done and over it and wanted my life back... I was just having a problem dealing with withdrawals. I am not a strong person when it comes to being physically uncomfortable. I didnt educate myself like I should have and thought the subs were strictly for withdrawal relief. I had no idea their potency and the nightmare of a withdrawal they have on their own and I dont think my dr was educated as much on subs as he should have been either. He still swears there are mild to no withdrawals from subs.   But unfortunately for me its to late and I have to just suck it up and get off these damn things and pray I dont suffer from PAWS like I hear so many do. I dont know if Iam strong enough for that.

mchiurazzi you said you did a 48 hour detox...what did that consist of? Im interested in trying that.

[mchiurazzi]

i just went to hi-health and asked what would help clean out my system although it will not push the drugs out of your body they told me it will clean other toxins out so the drugs can move out faster. the one i took was a 48hr acai berry detox, it had lemonjuice, honey, ceyanne pepper and acai berry extract in it. hope this help im not sure if thats what did it but i feel pretty good alot faster than the last time i tried to get off of em. also take 5htp it will help with or elimanate PAWS all the info is in the health pages under the amino acid protocol all the stuff listed in it is to get your body healthy again and get your neurotransmitters working correctly again. any questions feel free to ask

[mchiurazzi]

oh ya and i also was extremely under eduacated about suboxone when i got on it. all i'd heard is oh its a miracle drug you wont have any withdrawls! yea not till this time of trin to get off of it did i start to look more into it. if i knew what i know now then i would never touch the stuff!

[bethinime]

Thanks! I am going to look for a acai berry detox like that. I am doing an herbal tea detox which might be helping me some too because I honestly dont feel as bad as I have heard other people feel but then again I havent hit day 4 or 5 yet.

[mchiurazzi]

yea no problem good luck! rember stay strong it gets tough lets put it this way 12 weeks of basic training was a breeze compared to comin off subs on day 4. if you ever need to talk to someone whos goin through the same thing just send a message or if you have any more questions.

[bethinime]

damn worse the basic training...holy **** why did I do this to myself!

[bethinime]

ok so my last sub was Wed early afternoon..so it is now Friday evening and bedtime, which in my mind means I have completed 2 1/2 days? Yes is this right?? I will say although not awful today was a little harder then yesterday so sleep tonight should be very interesting. I know one thing my nerves are done. Everything and I mean everything is making me want to snap and pisses me off! I think I know in my heart of hearts tomorrow, Sunday and Monday are going to be worse but we will see. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. Today I had no energy. I would have small bouts throughout the day most times after I did my sublingual b-complex. when it carried it I hurried and got as much done as possible because I knew when I crashed I crashed hard. So in a nutshell..not great but not as bad as I thought it was going to be. the Clonidine is doing miracles because the last time I tried to get off without I couldnt bear the RLS and this time its hardly bad at all. So my advice so far for anyone contempletating doing this get some Clonidine..Soooo much easier! Im off to bed for the night..and pray I sleep ok. Hope everyone has a wonderful night and no matter what the demons you are fighting stay strong! We are better then any demons that want to bring us down.  

[bethinime]

today has been a little harder. I got dressed and got out and honestly wished I hadnt. The thermo in my car registered 109 flippin degrees!! That will make a healthy person feel like sh**  I was at Target standing in line and I felt like I was about to pass out or puke or both. Dont know if it was the heat, the stinky sweaty crowds with my withdrawals or all of it but I couldnt wait to get back home. Now I have to cook dinner, clean after dinner, finish a load of laundry, clean my daughters Guinea Pigs cage, straighten the house from the day, get my 3 year old  ready for bed and who knows what else will come up between now and then. I dont know where I am going to get the energy from. I have sneezed all day long. But thats only a minor annoyance. I hate feeling weak in the knees and wondering if I am going to puke. I just ate a piece of plain white bread because I havent eaten anything for fear of giving my body amnution. That and the fact nothing sounds good. blllaaach  Will post before bed at the end of my day again. Pray to God I can make it there. This afternoon has been a real test. Im thinking maybe because this afternoon officially starts the beginning of my fourth day. God just get me through. I need the strength. I cant do this alone.  

[bethinime]

well made it through another day. Thank God. Im off to bed and tomorrow officially starts day 4 since Wed was the last day that I took a sub. God give me strength for tomorrow..with You all things are possible.  

[mchiurazzi]

hang in there i know its tough! and i know nothing sounds good but eat! force yourself to, if you cant drink ensure and protien drinks. your body needs the nutrients to help heal itself. hang in there it will get better!

[bethinime]

Thanks! I am drinking some OJ now. Figured it was better then nothing. I got some things to get at the grocery store tomorrow so I will get some protein drinks. It was on my agenda today to go but I just couldnt make it. After Target I was done. Im off to bed now to get one more day over with. I just pray I can sleep ok. Thanks for all your posts. Hope your feeling better now. Your almost at the very end. Usually 10 days right and you start 7 tomorrow. Your on the downhill slide.

[mchiurazzi]

oh ya and i did that same thing on day 4 i got dressed and went to walmart cause i was bored and thought i was feelin better BIG mistake. i didnt wana b around people and i live in phoenix arizona i was sweatin my *** off also, but it more bothered me in walmart i was cold the whole time i was in there but i was covered in sweat. it ***** but it gets better i went out today and i felt great. so hang in there!

[bethinime]

Im so confused my tracker says day 5 but my last sub was wednesday...doesnt that make today day 4?

Im up today and feeling ok but nothing extra. Last night was a little bit of a tough night with the RLS so I didnt sleep great but I did manage to get some sleep.

Today though I think my body is getting ready for me to pull out the immodium because its rumbling  (I know way to much TMI) but hey I said I would journal everything. Pretty and the ugly. Anyhoo my stomach is killing me today all twisted up. Other then that I seem to be ok. Will keep posting. I really hope this journal of my journey is helping someone out there get the courage to do it. Trust me you wont be sorry. I already feel when I get up in the morning that I dont feel like I need to sleep 4 more hours. When its time to get up I feel rested and that is such a new feeling for me. Also from my last sub I took on wed which was 2 mg. I have already lost 3.5 lbs of the 20lbs the suboxone had made me gain. That in itself is worth all this struggling! That suboxone just did not agree with my metabolism and I cant deal with something like that and have no control over it.  

[bethinime]

Im here smoking a cigarette (and I am not even usually a smoker, except  occassionally on the subs) but I cant stop crying. I cant do this. I so envy those people that can take off a few days or a week off from their life and just withdraw. My demands of my daily life are wearing me down. Not to mention I didnt get a mothers day card or anything. Of course now he is scammering around trying to help pick up the house and stuff but after I have to have a complete meltdown. I am way having a hard time today. I dont know if I can do this.

[bethinime]

Should I just take an ativan? or will it only depress me more?

[candothis247]

U Can do this!  Happy Mother's Day. I say Yes to Ativan.  Be -strong and thanks for sharing your story. Hang in there!!!

[bethinime]

Thanks Im gonna go take some ativan now. Thank you for responding. I just feel really desperate right now. I hate this feeling. I was hoping I was gonna luck out htis time but nope here it is. This is the part that test my will everytime!

[keeponkeepingon333]

hi, im feel really bad that you had such a bad  day yesterday!!! day 4-7 for me was the toughest.  I also cried a lot for no real reason beside( just had an overwheming cloud of sadness over me) this will be the hardest thing for you , but will pass !  reclaiming your life will be looked back at as the best mother's day present ever.  PLease stay strong, remember we are doing this together!!!  i am starting day 12 and feel alot better!  still lack energy and achy + in the last couple of days came down w/ bad head and throat cold( amazing, years on opiates never sick, as soon as i get off w/ lots of vitamins mind you, I GET SICK, oh well, guess its all part of being "normal".  any way, I can tell by your posts that you have a lot more strength then you give yourself credit for, march on girl, you ARE doing this.  I am so proud of you, you will be better soon, i promise!!!

best wishes----mike

[bethinime]

Thank you so much for your encouraging posts. Yesterday and last night has been by far the hardest. I think I slept total 1.5 hours if I was lucky. The Restless legs and arms were keeping me from sleeping and driving me nuts. I was so tempted tojust lick a damn sub to see if I could get relief but I stayed strong. My dr had given me ativan but they are such a small mg they are a joke so I took 3 last night hoping to knock myself out and it didnt help. I felt like I hadnt taken a thing. I finally feel alseep for a little while with my arms pressed up under me and my legs tucked up and my butt in the air. (what a sight)It was the only position that would give me any relief from the RLS and RAS. I swear I am beginning to think my ativan are placebos! They are so darn week that I have to at least take 2 at a time and at this rate I am going to be out. Im just hoping when I do run out the worst part of this ride will be over. But I woke up today dog *** tired but proud as can be that I made it through the day and night as hard as they were. I honestly tell myself Mike and MCH are doing this I can too!

I am so sorry to hear you are sick. Isnt that a kicker. But I guess if your gonna be miserable might as well get it all out of the way at the same time :) I hope for your sake its just a short lived cold. Hey it could be worse...you could have gotten it on day 3, 4 or 5 when you were really miserable.

I hope you had a great day yesterday. Mine ended up turning out to be pretty ok after all. Take care Beth

[bethinime]

Damnit to hell! This sux!
My arms and legs are going nuts. Cutting them off actually sounds like a very comforting option. When will this part end? Im so tired because I didnt sleep last night because of this nonsense and from the way im feeling today it appears I probably wont be sleeping tonight either. Im hot, Im cold...my skin feels so highly over sensitive. If something even kinda touches me it annoys me b/c my skin is so dang sensitive. Anyone else do this..or is God just really really mad at me? Come on Day 5 and get over with...day 6 I should start seeing a dim light right???  

[tommm70]

Hey, I just read all of your posts. Try and slow down. You are thinking to far ahead. For right now, just get through today. Keep taking the steps you are taking to relieve the symptoms, and before you know it you will be feeling better.
Try not to "project" how you will feel tomorrow. As addicts, our brain can sometimes be our own worst enemy.
"Sub" withdrawals for me were the worst ever. The bad part is it never got quite as bad as a full opiate, but it got almost as bad, but lasted weeks!!!!

What are your long term plans to stay away from pills? In the long run, the withdrawals are the easy part. Managing the addiction, which is life long, is a whole other ball game.

Keep going, one day at a time, it will get better!

[bethinime]

Thanks for taking the time to read all the posts and responding. I know what you mean about I am thinking to far ahead but its the only thing that gets me motivated. Your right about not projecting how I will feel tomorrow because all I do is set myself up for dissappointment, because so far each tomorrow has been worse then the day before.

This has been a really hard journey, as much as I prepared myself for it and knew it wasnt going to be easy it has still been very hard. I had actually kinda hoped all the  bad stories I read on the interent were kinda exaggerrated somewhat but I guess I was wrong.

My long term plan away from the pills? I have no connection with those connections anymore. There is not one person in my life right now who would even have a clue how to get pills. I know that may not sound like enough but I honestly have no craving and no desire to use or even associate with the people who use anymore..

[bethinime]

I wish I could say I am starting to feel better but I am not. Yesterday and today have by far been the worst days but I might want to go back and read my posts because I might have said that on day 4 too.

I wanted to type last night, as I usually try to, at the end of the day but my RLS was so bad I couldnt even sit down long enough to type. I finally fell asleep at about 7:00am and its not because the RLS subsided I think it was out of pure exhaustion. Then my daughter woke at 8:00 for the day. Nice and healthy one hour sleep just to top it all off. I hate everything about this. It really ticks me off that my Dr is oblivious to the withdrawals. I got on suboxone because I didnt want withdrawals. My Sub Dr said great and wrote the script. Now over a year later I am in WDs and I am assuming alot worse WDs too then they would have been off of hydros and oxys.

Anyways...I am having a really bad day. Im tired. Im tired of RLS. I tired of feeling so tired. I want this over with .  

[LADYDI4185]

Hi I hope you are feeling better today.  I have read your prior posts and it sounds like you have had a few rough days!  I give you so much credit for quitting, I am trying to taper off hydro's and i am still taking 5 per day (as of yesterday).  My goal today is to only take 4 pills and try to do that for the next few days.  I don't think you realize how well you are doing.  You may feel like s**t but at least you are drug free, I can't say that yet but i do look forward to when i can!!!  Please son't beat yourself up, each minute, hour, day that you don't use is a success!  I wish you all the luck and i am here often if you need to talk.  Ladydi4185

[bethinime]

Thank you so much for the post. I really have had some rough days these last couple of days and trust my will has definitely been tested. Its only human to want to take something to make us feel better and take away the discomforts. I admire you fro being able to taper like you are. I dont know if you read my first post but I tried the taper a few times before I went to suboxone and I didnt have the willpower for the taper. I would end up eating all my pills in 1 or 2 days depending on how many I had. So seriously good for you for having the willpower and strength taper. I am also on here often if you need to talk.

[box2long]

I've been following your progress now since your first post because I found that my story is very similar to yours.  This is my first post.  I have been on sub for 2 years after my oxy addiction.  I  plan on taking my last sub crumb (.5-1) Friday.  This will be my third attempt.  I jumped at four the first time, 2 the second time and hopefully these past two weeks of being on only a crumb will be a little easier?  I don't know.  I read through all these posts and it brings back the terrible memories of the withdrawals this "miracle" drug tends to put us through.  I've even woken up the past two nights with mild RLS!  My wife tells me to stop freaking myself out and that I'm just causing myself anxiety.  It's very hard to explain to someone that has never experienced something like that just how bad it actually gets.  You are one day short of my longest mark off of sub.  I made it seven days coming off at 2mg.  My major slip was getting around people that I felt like I had to be "on" for.  I had the excuse I needed just to take 1 mg and that was all it took.  That was six months ago.  I was back to 4mg and have worked my way back down the last couple of months.  So I've planned for Friday, I've taken two weeks off work, and like you, I also have a shoebox arsenal of clonodine, klonopin, vitamins, etc....I've never used anything to assist me the first two times but after reading the surprising large amount of suboxone veterans posts it seems to be highly encouraged.  I truly hope you begin to feel better soon!!!  Hopefully no more than a couple of weeks?  Thank you for sharing your experiences with us....Bob

  

[bethinime]

Wow I just typed this long message to you and it never posted. Let me see if I can remember everything I said again. First off I want to say I am glad you found similarities in my story with yours and hopefully with my sucess of getting off these subs you will too.

You mentioned you had a major slip when you got around some people you felt you had to be "on" for. I know exactly what you mean I did the same thing when I was down to a crumb and before I knew it I was back up to 12mgs a day and hated myself everyday I put that orange pill under my tongue.

Hopefully your withdrawal process will be alot easier since you are down to a crumb. I jumped off at 2mg because I was tired of weaning I just wanted to be off the subs so bad. Isnt it amazing that a little crumb of a pill can still cause withdrawals? The Clonidine does help. It didnt help 100% but since you have weaned better then I did you might have better luck. I have had the RLS so bad that I dont know what to do with myself. Its in my arms now and I think thats even worse then your legs. At least you can sit on your legs and it helps some. Nothing is  comfortable. Its crazy. It honestly makes me want to go insane. To me this part is the worst part. Please feel free to message me if you need to chat or ask a question during your withdrawal journey. Best of luck and keep posting.  Beth

[LADYDI4185]

Hi!  I wanted to let you know that if your RLS is really getting to you, there is a drug your dr can RX (not habit forming) that relieve your symptoms.  It is called Mirapex RLS and it just for the symptoms you seem to have.  Hope this helps!  Have a great day!!  Ladydi4185

[bethinime]

Well today is day 7 and I think I might be feeling a little better. I feel like I have a little more energy. My RLS is still going strong and driving me nuts. I fear I may be one of those 2 week or longer withdrawal cases with the RLS. God I hope not.

My RLS syndrome is so weird because its mainly in my right arm. Heres a thought too..why do we call it Restless Leg Syndrome when its in our arms too? Just a thought.  

Last night I didnt fall asleep until about 5:00 am. Which is still 2 hours better then the night before :)  Its the little things at this point. As I was miserably up last night counting the hours, I got online and Googled some home remedies fro RLS and found that Imodium (immodium) helps somewhat. So I took some of that at about 4:00 and I actually got some relief. Not complete relief but enough to fall asleep. I swear the nights are soooo hard. I start on the bed, move to the floor, back to the bed, back to the floor,downstairs to the couch.  I would sleep on the frontporch if I knew it would help me sleep!

I called my sub Dr today and he increased my Clonidine to .1mg 2 times a day instead of just once a day.Once a day wasnt cuttting it. I will post more later after my day is through and hopefully I am on the out with these withdrawals. I just want a goodnights sleep.

[bethinime]

Thank you for that info. I will see if he is willing to call it in. I dont know if he will though because he seems to think the Clonidine should be taking care of the RLS. Wish me luck.  

[tommm70]

Hang in there! you are doing great. This will pass. I am so happy to see your progress.

[bethinime]

Thanks alot! I saw your posts from last year when you got off of subs. Your an inspiration.

[bethinime]

Day 7 is almost completely done and I have made it a full week. Holy cow! Of course the night times are always the biggest test for me but I have made it through 6 of them..so bring it on.

Today was easier then yesterday. I dont know why I feel that way because I cant quite put my finger on why its easier. I still feel extremely fatigued and walking up the steps takes all the energy I have. I am honestly so out of breath by the time I reach the top of the stairs I feel like I could pass out. I really hope this WD symptom will fix itself soon. I hate feeling so "unhealthy"  

I still have RLS but it has let up some. Dont know if its the Imodium (immodium) helping with that or if I am just getting lucky and that part is almost over with for me. As I mentioned in an earlier post my Dr was upping my Clonidine schedule and giving me Ativan (spell?) to help me sleep. As my luck always seems to be he only called the Clonidine refill in and of course the office is closed for the day. I was so looking forward to a good nights sleep tonight for a change but I guess God is really making this journey one I dont forget easily.

I still dont have much of an appetite. Not nausea or anything just food doesnt sound good.  I am sure that wont last long. I have never been one of those types that gets sick and cant eat..I can usually always eat. :)

Tomorrow is day 8 for me and I never ever thought I would make it this far. At alot of times during my Sub treatment and several attempts to taper to crumbs I had resolved I was just going to be on them forever. I am so happy that I was able to get the courage and strength some how to get through this.

I cant wait to be pill free. I havent known me, and just me, in over 2 years.

Today I went to the store and everything looked brighter. I had gotten so used to the fog in my brain and thought it was normal that I had forgotten how bright and stimulating everything really is. It was actually a nice change that I hadnt expected.

I plan to keep journaling this process as I am sure its not the end. But I want to say at this point to anyone thinking of coming off of subs. I really only had 3 really bad days. The first 3 days arent so bad because of the half life of subs you still have some in you..day 4, 5,and 6 were the very difficult days and today was just uncomfortable but not difficult. It has been worth every bit of discomfort I have felt.

I know before I decided to come off Suboxone I would get online and Google
"Suboxone Withdrawals" and I would just read horror story after horror story and I felt so helpless. Then I got to thinking, the only ones who post are the ones who have had or are having a hard time, most of the ones who did it successfully are out living life so we really only read the bad stories over and over. I bet for every awful sub WD story out there that there are 5 not so bad successful WD stories. Im not saying its a cakewalk by any means,not even close, but with alot or willpower and faith it can be done. Thats just my 2 cents.  

[keeponkeepingon333]

congrats on 1 week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  its an awesome acomplishment.  hopefully you will get some sleep soon, Ativan is the only way i was able to sleep,  today was 14 days for me and im definitely feeling better, but still struggle w/ motivation and energy, still feeling a little sick too( but not the bad kind, the " normal" kind, i know despite my heavy vitamin and amino regimen my immune system still took a beating!  i just weaned off ativan and bought 5 mg melatonin today for sleep,(and NYQUIL), hopefully it works, i'll let u know.  Anyway awesome job, and you are now the inspiration of many people! SO keep it up, everyday does get better, I reall wish i would of weaned further down from 6 mg, this probably could've been easier, but like you said it 's a lesson not to forget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[box2long]

So glad to hear you are feeling somewhat better.  That's very encouraging to hear.  My sub dr gave me provigil to take for a lack of energy.  Maybe someone here can give some insight about this med since I've yet to try it?  I wasn't planning on taking it until I got back to a normal sleeping schedule though.  Wouldn't want something affecting sleep anymore than RLS does!  Keep it up.  Your journey has been very inspirational!  Hope you can get some sleep tonight.

[bethinime]

1:30 am and here I sit at the computer again. Looks like another long night. I am soooo tired of not sleeping. Took some Melatonin abouot 10minutes like keepingon did and hopefully it will work for me. I think I could feel so much better if I could get some darn sleep!    

[bethinime]

I have read on another board where someones dr prescribed that same med for lack of energy but of course they never got back on to say how well it might or might not have worked. Hopefully someone has some experience with it.  

[keeponkeepingon333]

well...melatonin didn't help yet.  I had my worst sleep in a week(  ativan really helped)  i only took 5 mg but was up every hour, tonite i will try taking two, hopefully it will work better.  I hope you had better luck!!!

[bethinime]

Nope no luck for me with the Melatonin either...Nope, Nada,Nothing....and of course I even took more then the suggested dose because I was desperate. Darn sorry to hear your still not sleeping.  I hope you do better tonight. We have to be getting to the point where our bodies are being normal..espiecally you, your in your 3rd week. Those subs are brutal!

[bethinime]

Day 8...I actually feel pretty decent today. I had a hard time getting to sleep but once I did fall asleep I slept really hard. Harder then I have in weeks. I havent really slept good since I started the whole weaning process.
I forgot how good that feels to sleep like that. Im not to achy today and my RLS seems to be giving me a break. I hope its a permanent one but I try to prepare for the worst and just be pleasantly surprised.

I think those oh so lovely stomach "issues" are going to visit me today. I thought I had maybe lucked out with those this time around but it doesnt appear so. Thats ok though, after those few days I feel I can take anything now. So heres hoping for a good day and as always a better day then yesterday.  

[refusingbondage]

YA!  So glad to hear.. yup a good night's sleep can feel like the greatest thing in the world.. You've turned a corner and should improve more now each day.. Dont let the stomach thing bug you too much - your body is detoxing.. and its better than RLS lol.. Good job for hanging in there!  

[bethinime]

That is so true..it is better then RLS. Thats crazy sounding to someone who has never expeirenced RLS that we would prefer to run to the toilet every 15 minutes but its true. RLS is the worst! Just thanking God I dont have RLS while on the toilet! :)

[refusingbondage]

That would be really bad Beth :)  Yes.. see its the little things now.   Lottery? Who needs it!  Luck?  Who cares!  Please just give me a day free from RLS and not wanting to die!  Its amazing how grateful we become just for feeling a little better.  I dont know how people who suffer with RLS all the time make it.  Its awful.  

[bethinime]

Day 8 over and moving right along. Still dont have any energy but from what I am reading that part take awhile.

RLS seems to be done and gone. Thank God.

I had lost about 5 of the 20lbs the Suboxone had caused me to gain but when I got on the scale it was back up 4 lbs again. Which is very disappointing and baffling. Maybe my weight is gonna go up and back down and yoyo for a few weeks until my body straightens everything out. I am sure chemicals, hormones and whatever else are going a little spastic in my body trying to get everything back to normal right now. I abused my body for 2 years I cant expect it to go back to normal overnight I guess BUT I was pretty happy to see the scale going down from the subs and just really disappointed in my body right now.  :(

I hope everyone on their road to recovery is staying strong and keeping the faith. As always..heres hoping for a good night and as always a better night then last night for everyone.  

[bethinime]

Day 9 and just not feeling so great. Im really REALLY depressed. Im so tired of not having any energy. Just really really tired of it. I know MCH (Mike) mentioned in a post that when he was using he missed out on so much because he stopped doing the things he enjoyed. I was just the opposite and I miss that. I could take a few pills and conquer the world. I could clean house all day, I created a Mommy group, cook a great dinner, clean it up etc etc. I was super mom and super wife.

Im not gonna lie today I am missing that. I was always in a good mood. I was never tired. I never told  my 3 year old "in a little while mommys tired right now" because I never was.  Now I say it constantly. When I was taking pills I played with her, I cleaned, I cooked, I did everything and thensome.  I was somewhat of a blob on subs but I could manage but now I am super blob and it hurts to move I hate myself and everything about this. I dont want to move and I am so tired of this. I mean really really tired. So today has not been a good day. My house needs cleaning. I need to get my daughter out of the house and Im just pissed off its such a freaking effort. I cant do this anymore. I really dont think I can.  Its always going to be hard for me because I know there is this little pill out there (oxy) my favorite that I can put in my mouth and 15 minutes later I can conquer the world and it depresses me I can never do that again because I allowed myself to become an addict. I hate me today!  

[bethinime]

Day 11 and the start of 12. I had kinda stopped posting under this post on my journey because I thought it might be getting to long and people just didnt want to read all of it. But then I thought all the many times I had either contemplated or tried to get off subs and if I had the opportunity to read from someone journaling their experience it definitely would have helped me take the plunge...kinda the mentality "if they can do it I can do it" so I am writing again.

As I said today is day 11 and this afternoon was the start of 12. Today and yesterday were not good. Im achy and the RLS is back and honestly I am the bi*** from he** right now. My emotions are a mess still. Last couple of nights I have slept like **** again and with all of it I am really just at my wits end.

I think I had posted on day 9 or 10 that I was feeling good. Silly me thought I had made it.  I would kill right now for that feeling again. I know it will come just not as soon as I want it too. Its like yesterday and today my body hit the rewind button.
Dont know if God is just really pis*** off at me or what but I know I am so ready to be done!

I actually got out and tried to get some sun today and that did help a little. Dont know if its the Vitamin D from the sun or the fact the little bit of sun I got helped me not look so much like the walking dead ....whatever the reason it made me feel a little better.

My sub dr has had me on 75 mg of Wellbutrin twice a day and because I was going downhill fast he upped it to 150 twice a day. Dont know if its helping yet because we all know those antidepressants dont work that fast...guess thats why I loved those little evil pills so much. Within 20 minutes I was back on cloud 9. At first, they were the best antidepressant ever...but as we all know from that cycle, they stop working and we are forever searching for that sweet buzz we got at the beginning...and then we wake up one day and realize we have created a real mess.

So in a nutshell day 11 and 12 have by no means been a walk in the park but from some of the great messages and support I am getting from this board from others who have been down this path the sun will shine brighter one day and its not far off.  

[iamdone]

I am with you. When will the roller coaster end soon the better.

[keeponkeepingon333]

i soooooooo understand your frustration!  I just got back from work and am so sore.  i just finished day 18!!!  things are starting to improve but vary so much throughout the day it sux.  I go from feeling really good to feeling like ****.  I know what you mean by having all the energy on and be able to accomplish so much when i was using.  thats whatb the hardest thing for me is right now, just lacking motivation and energy!  I know it will come but when???????????  But i will continue on because this i feel is a marathon not a sprint ( although i wish it were, the best things in life never seem to come easy!!!)  please keep plugging away you are soooooooo close after jumping from 2 mg, I know i ve said this a million times but i wish i found this site earlier and thought to taper, not jump from 6 mg.  the sleep is still not there for me either, at least not w/out taking ativan which i really need to stop, i m very afraid of becoming dependent on that for sleep, but it is the only thing that works for me.  I took 10 mg of melatonin w/ nyquil and still could not sleep!!!!!!!!!  every day does get better though, and i know the light is coming soon for both of us , so keep on keeping on and we will soon see that life is beautiful in this new light!!!!!!!!!!! love mike

[bethinime]

Thanks Mike...I really am trying. Last night I didnt sleep at all...not even 1minute. Finally at 3:30 I said screw it got up took a shower and started a pot of coffee. This is seriously insane! I even took 2 valium and it did nothing for me. Crazy Crazy Crazy! Its definitely gonna be  an interesting day. wds and no sleep....cant wait for this day :) Hope you have a better day and your sleeping better!  

[mom_of_two136]

I just wanted to send a prayer your way. I hope today is a better day and you are able to sleep tonight. Thanks for sharing your experience. Suboxone effects everyone so differently it seems and I think more people should share their experiences, good and bad. Anyway, Best wishes and God Bless.

[refusingbondage]

awwww hon.. So sorry your still struggling..its often been referred to as the suboxone spanking.. have you tried like either Tylenol PM or even Nyquil for sleep?? You should at least be getting a few hours by this time.. I know I sound like a broken record here but please hang in there.. It DOES get better.. And you have come so far already.. I see you are trying so hard to stay positive and thats important... I will pray really hard that you pass out for a straight 7 hours tonight..

[bethinime]

Thanks everyone. Im really thinking my insomnia might be from the increase in dosage of the Wellbutrin. But hell I dont know anymore. My body has so much going on right now who knows...all I know is I would kill for some sleep.

[guv338]

Sleep started to come for me at about day 11 or so.  Had to get Lunesta to break the cycle though.  It only took a week of that to be able to start sleeping on my own.  Sounds like you guys (Beth & Mike) are at the peak of the worst.  Don't stop now, break on through to the other side.  My dad once told me that life is like a grindstone; it can
either grind you down or Polish you up.  Which it does, depends on what you are made of.  This is the time to make the decision to be Polished Up and not ground down.  You are both in my prayers.  It was only about 2 months ago that I was in your exact place.
I know it is hard to believe that it ever gets better, but IT DOES.  Slowly But Surely.  Mike is exactly right, this is a MARATHON and you can WIN.

[snowflake620]

hang in there sweetie you are really almost there I just read all your posts and they are very encouraging and funny! gave me a good laugh a couple of times so thamks for that,haev you tried ALTERIL for sleep? it is an otc youcan get at CVS or GNC or Wal-mart and it works very well for me I get at least 6 hours of sleep a night which is like a miracle to me  keep posting and let us know your progress your truley an inspiration to all of us
snowflake

[bethinime]

Glad I could make someone laugh. I get so miserable sometimes that I just bust out in hysterics at the whole situation.

I have not heard of Alteril..is it a natural supplement? That might be just what I need tobreak this "nonsleep" cycle like guv338 sugested. Think I will go up to CVS once the rain stops and see if they have it here. Im desperate. I mean seriously who can function on this little sleep. I am almost delerious right now.  

[Reign30]

Wish I had read your  post sooner.  This is my third go around at detoxing.  My first time, didn't last to long because of the RLS.  I thought will power would work.  Got my butt whupped in 4 days.  Second attempt, I was ready for it.  Talk to my doc, got some xanax, flexeril (muscle relaxer that knocked me on my butt), and Requip for the RLS.  RLS lasted for 10 days, but with that combo of meds, I manage to get some sleep in.  Wasn't much, but those 4 hours were like heaven.  By week three, you should be sleeping on your own.

Best of luck to you, the light is around the corner