Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Actually this isnt a question but just thoughts

I see somay people struggling or who are terrified of the withdrawals coming off Suboxone. I thought I might post my daily thoughts and struggles as I begin my process of coming off this stuff once and for all...in hopes I can inspire others.

Here is my story. I am a 38 year old female. I got addicted to oxys and hydros. I love pills.
I am a wife and mother. I do not have chronic pain. Never had it. I just like the buzz and energy I got from narcotics. Thats the truth. I love downing one or two hydros with my morning cup of coffee. I felt I could conquer the world. I was the energizer rabbit on steroids and lots of prozac. Then it happened those 2 pills didnt give me that buzz, then I needed 3 then 4 at one time then I switched to oxys, then those stopped working like they used to..and thats when I realized I had a problem. I tried to stop cold turkey. Couldnt do it. The WD's were to much. Then I thought I had the will power to do it and I was going to set up a taper plan...didnt happen. I ate them all in one day and hated myself for it. I was disgusted with myself really. After the cold turkey and taper process attempted time and again I called a sub dr and made an appt. One and a half years later and I am ready to get off the subs again. Tried once but couldnt deal with the RLS. I am so tired of the side effects. The weight gain, the urge to smoke..just weird side effects. So here I am day one without any subs. I cant say I have felt great. I dont have much energy at all but that could be the Clonipine lowering my BP making me feel tired. Last time I tried to get off of subs I didnt know about the Clonipine. I am hoping with this aide I can do it htis time. I wasnt going to take a Clonipine today but the Restless legs already started and even in my arms. I was going crazy and wanted to crawl out of my skin and almost took a crumb of a sub but I took the Clon instead and I am ok now. Not great but bearable. The day is almost over and I pray I can sleep. There is nothing worse then being up miserable when everyone else is asleep but if I can I suffer through. I am the one who created this mess I am in. I am the one who can get me out of it. I would like to journal my process, not only for myself but maybe I can encourage someone else who was terrified of the sub WD's to get off too.

Day one almost done and counting. I know day 3 and 4 is when it really hits you and i'm gonna lie I am terrified of it! But damn it I am doing it this time!
84 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
514273 tn?1311609635
Wish I had read your  post sooner.  This is my third go around at detoxing.  My first time, didn't last to long because of the RLS.  I thought will power would work.  Got my butt whupped in 4 days.  Second attempt, I was ready for it.  Talk to my doc, got some xanax, flexeril (muscle relaxer that knocked me on my butt), and Requip for the RLS.  RLS lasted for 10 days, but with that combo of meds, I manage to get some sleep in.  Wasn't much, but those 4 hours were like heaven.  By week three, you should be sleeping on your own.

Best of luck to you, the light is around the corner
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Glad I could make someone laugh. I get so miserable sometimes that I just bust out in hysterics at the whole situation.

I have not heard of Alteril..is it a natural supplement? That might be just what I need tobreak this "nonsleep" cycle like guv338 sugested. Think I will go up to CVS once the rain stops and see if they have it here. Im desperate. I mean seriously who can function on this little sleep. I am almost delerious right now.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hang in there sweetie you are really almost there I just read all your posts and they are very encouraging and funny! gave me a good laugh a couple of times so thamks for that,haev you tried ALTERIL for sleep? it is an otc youcan get at CVS or GNC or Wal-mart and it works very well for me I get at least 6 hours of sleep a night which is like a miracle to me  keep posting and let us know your progress your truley an inspiration to all of us
snowflake
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sleep started to come for me at about day 11 or so.  Had to get Lunesta to break the cycle though.  It only took a week of that to be able to start sleeping on my own.  Sounds like you guys (Beth & Mike) are at the peak of the worst.  Don't stop now, break on through to the other side.  My dad once told me that life is like a grindstone; it can
either grind you down or Polish you up.  Which it does, depends on what you are made of.  This is the time to make the decision to be Polished Up and not ground down.  You are both in my prayers.  It was only about 2 months ago that I was in your exact place.
I know it is hard to believe that it ever gets better, but IT DOES.  Slowly But Surely.  Mike is exactly right, this is a MARATHON and you can WIN.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks everyone. Im really thinking my insomnia might be from the increase in dosage of the Wellbutrin. But hell I dont know anymore. My body has so much going on right now who knows...all I know is I would kill for some sleep.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
awwww hon.. So sorry your still struggling..its often been referred to as the suboxone spanking.. have you tried like either Tylenol PM or even Nyquil for sleep?? You should at least be getting a few hours by this time.. I know I sound like a broken record here but please hang in there.. It DOES get better.. And you have come so far already.. I see you are trying so hard to stay positive and thats important... I will pray really hard that you pass out for a straight 7 hours tonight..
Helpful - 0
867096 tn?1252202513
I just wanted to send a prayer your way. I hope today is a better day and you are able to sleep tonight. Thanks for sharing your experience. Suboxone effects everyone so differently it seems and I think more people should share their experiences, good and bad. Anyway, Best wishes and God Bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks Mike...I really am trying. Last night I didnt sleep at all...not even 1minute. Finally at 3:30 I said screw it got up took a shower and started a pot of coffee. This is seriously insane! I even took 2 valium and it did nothing for me. Crazy Crazy Crazy! Its definitely gonna be  an interesting day. wds and no sleep....cant wait for this day :) Hope you have a better day and your sleeping better!  
Helpful - 0
892584 tn?1241802596
i soooooooo understand your frustration!  I just got back from work and am so sore.  i just finished day 18!!!  things are starting to improve but vary so much throughout the day it sux.  I go from feeling really good to feeling like ****.  I know what you mean by having all the energy on and be able to accomplish so much when i was using.  thats whatb the hardest thing for me is right now, just lacking motivation and energy!  I know it will come but when???????????  But i will continue on because this i feel is a marathon not a sprint ( although i wish it were, the best things in life never seem to come easy!!!)  please keep plugging away you are soooooooo close after jumping from 2 mg, I know i ve said this a million times but i wish i found this site earlier and thought to taper, not jump from 6 mg.  the sleep is still not there for me either, at least not w/out taking ativan which i really need to stop, i m very afraid of becoming dependent on that for sleep, but it is the only thing that works for me.  I took 10 mg of melatonin w/ nyquil and still could not sleep!!!!!!!!!  every day does get better though, and i know the light is coming soon for both of us , so keep on keeping on and we will soon see that life is beautiful in this new light!!!!!!!!!!! love mike
Helpful - 0
899705 tn?1243537334
I am with you. When will the roller coaster end soon the better.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 11 and the start of 12. I had kinda stopped posting under this post on my journey because I thought it might be getting to long and people just didnt want to read all of it. But then I thought all the many times I had either contemplated or tried to get off subs and if I had the opportunity to read from someone journaling their experience it definitely would have helped me take the plunge...kinda the mentality "if they can do it I can do it" so I am writing again.

As I said today is day 11 and this afternoon was the start of 12. Today and yesterday were not good. Im achy and the RLS is back and honestly I am the bi*** from he** right now. My emotions are a mess still. Last couple of nights I have slept like **** again and with all of it I am really just at my wits end.

I think I had posted on day 9 or 10 that I was feeling good. Silly me thought I had made it.  I would kill right now for that feeling again. I know it will come just not as soon as I want it too. Its like yesterday and today my body hit the rewind button.
Dont know if God is just really pis*** off at me or what but I know I am so ready to be done!

I actually got out and tried to get some sun today and that did help a little. Dont know if its the Vitamin D from the sun or the fact the little bit of sun I got helped me not look so much like the walking dead ....whatever the reason it made me feel a little better.

My sub dr has had me on 75 mg of Wellbutrin twice a day and because I was going downhill fast he upped it to 150 twice a day. Dont know if its helping yet because we all know those antidepressants dont work that fast...guess thats why I loved those little evil pills so much. Within 20 minutes I was back on cloud 9. At first, they were the best antidepressant ever...but as we all know from that cycle, they stop working and we are forever searching for that sweet buzz we got at the beginning...and then we wake up one day and realize we have created a real mess.

So in a nutshell day 11 and 12 have by no means been a walk in the park but from some of the great messages and support I am getting from this board from others who have been down this path the sun will shine brighter one day and its not far off.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 9 and just not feeling so great. Im really REALLY depressed. Im so tired of not having any energy. Just really really tired of it. I know MCH (Mike) mentioned in a post that when he was using he missed out on so much because he stopped doing the things he enjoyed. I was just the opposite and I miss that. I could take a few pills and conquer the world. I could clean house all day, I created a Mommy group, cook a great dinner, clean it up etc etc. I was super mom and super wife.

Im not gonna lie today I am missing that. I was always in a good mood. I was never tired. I never told  my 3 year old "in a little while mommys tired right now" because I never was.  Now I say it constantly. When I was taking pills I played with her, I cleaned, I cooked, I did everything and thensome.  I was somewhat of a blob on subs but I could manage but now I am super blob and it hurts to move I hate myself and everything about this. I dont want to move and I am so tired of this. I mean really really tired. So today has not been a good day. My house needs cleaning. I need to get my daughter out of the house and Im just pissed off its such a freaking effort. I cant do this anymore. I really dont think I can.  Its always going to be hard for me because I know there is this little pill out there (oxy) my favorite that I can put in my mouth and 15 minutes later I can conquer the world and it depresses me I can never do that again because I allowed myself to become an addict. I hate me today!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 8 over and moving right along. Still dont have any energy but from what I am reading that part take awhile.

RLS seems to be done and gone. Thank God.

I had lost about 5 of the 20lbs the Suboxone had caused me to gain but when I got on the scale it was back up 4 lbs again. Which is very disappointing and baffling. Maybe my weight is gonna go up and back down and yoyo for a few weeks until my body straightens everything out. I am sure chemicals, hormones and whatever else are going a little spastic in my body trying to get everything back to normal right now. I abused my body for 2 years I cant expect it to go back to normal overnight I guess BUT I was pretty happy to see the scale going down from the subs and just really disappointed in my body right now.  :(

I hope everyone on their road to recovery is staying strong and keeping the faith. As always..heres hoping for a good night and as always a better night then last night for everyone.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That would be really bad Beth :)  Yes.. see its the little things now.   Lottery? Who needs it!  Luck?  Who cares!  Please just give me a day free from RLS and not wanting to die!  Its amazing how grateful we become just for feeling a little better.  I dont know how people who suffer with RLS all the time make it.  Its awful.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That is so true..it is better then RLS. Thats crazy sounding to someone who has never expeirenced RLS that we would prefer to run to the toilet every 15 minutes but its true. RLS is the worst! Just thanking God I dont have RLS while on the toilet! :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
YA!  So glad to hear.. yup a good night's sleep can feel like the greatest thing in the world.. You've turned a corner and should improve more now each day.. Dont let the stomach thing bug you too much - your body is detoxing.. and its better than RLS lol.. Good job for hanging in there!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 8...I actually feel pretty decent today. I had a hard time getting to sleep but once I did fall asleep I slept really hard. Harder then I have in weeks. I havent really slept good since I started the whole weaning process.
I forgot how good that feels to sleep like that. Im not to achy today and my RLS seems to be giving me a break. I hope its a permanent one but I try to prepare for the worst and just be pleasantly surprised.

I think those oh so lovely stomach "issues" are going to visit me today. I thought I had maybe lucked out with those this time around but it doesnt appear so. Thats ok though, after those few days I feel I can take anything now. So heres hoping for a good day and as always a better day then yesterday.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Nope no luck for me with the Melatonin either...Nope, Nada,Nothing....and of course I even took more then the suggested dose because I was desperate. Darn sorry to hear your still not sleeping.  I hope you do better tonight. We have to be getting to the point where our bodies are being normal..espiecally you, your in your 3rd week. Those subs are brutal!
Helpful - 0
892584 tn?1241802596
well...melatonin didn't help yet.  I had my worst sleep in a week(  ativan really helped)  i only took 5 mg but was up every hour, tonite i will try taking two, hopefully it will work better.  I hope you had better luck!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have read on another board where someones dr prescribed that same med for lack of energy but of course they never got back on to say how well it might or might not have worked. Hopefully someone has some experience with it.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
1:30 am and here I sit at the computer again. Looks like another long night. I am soooo tired of not sleeping. Took some Melatonin abouot 10minutes like keepingon did and hopefully it will work for me. I think I could feel so much better if I could get some darn sleep!    
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So glad to hear you are feeling somewhat better.  That's very encouraging to hear.  My sub dr gave me provigil to take for a lack of energy.  Maybe someone here can give some insight about this med since I've yet to try it?  I wasn't planning on taking it until I got back to a normal sleeping schedule though.  Wouldn't want something affecting sleep anymore than RLS does!  Keep it up.  Your journey has been very inspirational!  Hope you can get some sleep tonight.
Helpful - 0
892584 tn?1241802596
congrats on 1 week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  its an awesome acomplishment.  hopefully you will get some sleep soon, Ativan is the only way i was able to sleep,  today was 14 days for me and im definitely feeling better, but still struggle w/ motivation and energy, still feeling a little sick too( but not the bad kind, the " normal" kind, i know despite my heavy vitamin and amino regimen my immune system still took a beating!  i just weaned off ativan and bought 5 mg melatonin today for sleep,(and NYQUIL), hopefully it works, i'll let u know.  Anyway awesome job, and you are now the inspiration of many people! SO keep it up, everyday does get better, I reall wish i would of weaned further down from 6 mg, this probably could've been easier, but like you said it 's a lesson not to forget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 7 is almost completely done and I have made it a full week. Holy cow! Of course the night times are always the biggest test for me but I have made it through 6 of them..so bring it on.

Today was easier then yesterday. I dont know why I feel that way because I cant quite put my finger on why its easier. I still feel extremely fatigued and walking up the steps takes all the energy I have. I am honestly so out of breath by the time I reach the top of the stairs I feel like I could pass out. I really hope this WD symptom will fix itself soon. I hate feeling so "unhealthy"  

I still have RLS but it has let up some. Dont know if its the Imodium helping with that or if I am just getting lucky and that part is almost over with for me. As I mentioned in an earlier post my Dr was upping my Clonidine schedule and giving me Ativan (spell?) to help me sleep. As my luck always seems to be he only called the Clonidine refill in and of course the office is closed for the day. I was so looking forward to a good nights sleep tonight for a change but I guess God is really making this journey one I dont forget easily.

I still dont have much of an appetite. Not nausea or anything just food doesnt sound good.  I am sure that wont last long. I have never been one of those types that gets sick and cant eat..I can usually always eat. :)

Tomorrow is day 8 for me and I never ever thought I would make it this far. At alot of times during my Sub treatment and several attempts to taper to crumbs I had resolved I was just going to be on them forever. I am so happy that I was able to get the courage and strength some how to get through this.

I cant wait to be pill free. I havent known me, and just me, in over 2 years.

Today I went to the store and everything looked brighter. I had gotten so used to the fog in my brain and thought it was normal that I had forgotten how bright and stimulating everything really is. It was actually a nice change that I hadnt expected.

I plan to keep journaling this process as I am sure its not the end. But I want to say at this point to anyone thinking of coming off of subs. I really only had 3 really bad days. The first 3 days arent so bad because of the half life of subs you still have some in you..day 4, 5,and 6 were the very difficult days and today was just uncomfortable but not difficult. It has been worth every bit of discomfort I have felt.

I know before I decided to come off Suboxone I would get online and Google
"Suboxone Withdrawals" and I would just read horror story after horror story and I felt so helpless. Then I got to thinking, the only ones who post are the ones who have had or are having a hard time, most of the ones who did it successfully are out living life so we really only read the bad stories over and over. I bet for every awful sub WD story out there that there are 5 not so bad successful WD stories. Im not saying its a cakewalk by any means,not even close, but with alot or willpower and faith it can be done. Thats just my 2 cents.  
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.