Addicted to Percocet/Vicodin

This is a major step for me, to writing this. Because I've been in denial about it for over a year now.
I've been addicted to vicodin/percocet for about a year now, and the dosage has slowly increased every few months or so. My boyfriend does not know, and neither does my mother. None of my friends know. None of them know that I can't wait to get off work, so I can go home and take a pill. I rationalize it by saying "its just one pill a day". Even though I'm up to 10/650 of percocet a night now.
In the last few days, I've noticed that when I am not taking the pill, I am sick and antsy. Like I'm going to throw up, or have anxiety. But when I take the pill, I'm fine for the rest of the night.
The fear of not getting refills scares me, but unfortunately my doctor will not say no to me when I ask.
It started when I got an ear infection years ago, and they gave me vicodin which I did not enjoy much. But then I was given it again a year ago when I complained about pain in my ear. Next thing I knew I was being asked if I wanted refills.
I am not blaming it on the medical system at all - I am angry at myself. Why did I not STOP myself? I have the power to do that.
I am mostly scared that my closest friends and family will find out. I know that my boyfriend has a suspicion. I will never admit it to him though; I would be scared of him taking off.
I sent an email to a treatment center where I live, but feel that since I work during the day and am incredibly busy all the time, that this will put a wrench in everything. I want to be involved in getting better and off this stuff - but I am scared to death of the withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms, and I am scared of throwing up or not being able to go into work while I am withdrawling. I'm scared all together, I guess.
Just wanted to share my thoughts, and I hope I don't have to go through this alone.

[beatingthis]

So you are taking 1 pill day? for 3 years? Is that right?
Sorry I need a bit more info to give you some help.

If this all you using, you w/d's should not be that bad. You are going to have them.
If you have pills left, start by cutting the pill in 1/2.

You don't have to through this alone. Tons of great people here.
I went from 10 to 12 sometimes more a day now not taking any and it is almost 3 months.
You are in the right place.

Terry

[liscamdave]

While your dose is low, its still a daily dose of an opiate which your body/mind have become accustomed to. It can and WILL get much, much worst if you let it. Get out now. Stop NOW while your addiction is so small the w.d will be doable. Read as much as you can on this site. Knowledge is power. Read our struggles and losses so you can see where this road may inevitably take you. Trust me, we have all been there and it all started for each and every one of us with just one pill. Stop yourself now before it gets to two pills, then three...and so on...We are here to help if you need it...

Lisa

Welcome to MH.

[firefish]

First of all you are not alone.  Most of us have been there, done that.

It does indeed sound as if you are having a relatively low dose compared to most of us.  :-\  You will have withdrawals, and they will pass.  When I quite vikes it was three days of physical discomfort (sounds mild now, but when I was there, I sometimes wanted to chew wood, tear my hair out, and curl up in a ball, all at the same time).  Then about two weeks of just feeling crappy, almost like a mild case of the flu combined with a really crabby personality.

But oh man oh man what wonderful feeling when you reach that first day where you wake up and as you go about your morning suddenlt relaize you are NOT thinking about the pill.

You may want to reconsider telling loved ones.  There may be some ranting and raving for a minute or two (the How Could Yous) but they love you and will want to help.  It's rough.  I told no one until I was well into my third week and knew I could make it.

[worried878]

as u stated..this is not ur dr's fault...if u r having a problem with them it is up to u to let him know bout it...most people do not have a problem with narcs/seems that way to us cos most of us here do have a problem/but in reality we r the minority

glad u r catching it now..1 pill becomes 2 pills then 2 becomes 10 in a heartbeat...u look back and it seems as tho it happens overnight..dont go there..then u r takin 10 just to feel ok..no buzz or happy feeling..just to feel normal..then they are a noose around ur neck that wont let go...u could cut down like 1/4 pill each wee and have lil if any physical wd..mentally u probably wil;l..and that is where aftercare and support come into play..keep posting

[openeyefilms]

Thank you for your comments everyone, I will keep posting. One thing I did want to say is that no matter what the dosage, my body is rebelling and hating it. Even with the low dose I am still crabby, fluish, headache, quesy, and incredibly antsy. Its because I was used to 7.5/750 for so long...then i got promoted to 10/650. Now these symptoms are starting and I'm hating it. One hour of calmness just because of the pill, is nowhere near enough for the other 23 hours of nervousness.
I will keep everyone posted, and I have to look at the positives.

[jillian6]

When I was finally ready to quit taking fiorcet, I went to my doc and told them I was abusing them.  It felt like a bit of a radical step but it's given me a lot of stregth to stay off and be held accountable.  My job depends on my staying off the pills and I also asked to be drug tested.  For me, I felt I had to do this.  My husband didn't know or didn't want to know, and my family suspected it but never said anything.

Just my experience and maybe it won't work for you.  But if you doc is prescribing them, my guess is he'd be supportive.  It's hard b/c you know your cutting off your source.  Everyone does it differently.  I've always been a "taper" kind of person instead of c/t.  Hardest part is the mental / emotional part, for me.  Good luck!  Use these boards for support - people here are or have been right where you are.

[openeyefilms]

Hi eveyone,
I am now on suboxone. I admitted to my doctor my addiction, and he put me on suboxone. I've been on it for 2 days now and its very hard. cold sweats, headaches, shakiness, and most of all, i cannot sleep. I go to bed now around 2am and sleep until about 10am - wake up and feel sick and antsy. I hope these symptoms calm down and that I can get back to a normal life soon. Its only been 2 days. I hope after this weekend, my body is done with the withdrawls. I'm depressed and feel so alone.  I woke up this morning feeling like crying. Finally told my mom over the phone and she was understanding. Told my ex-boyfriend, and he was NOT understanding. In fact, he insulted me and told me I was a miserable, disgusting woman, blah blah. I also quit my job last month so I'm low on income. I have a lot of elements testing me, pressuring me to get back on the percocet so I can have some kind of perk in my life. But I'm sticking to the suboxone and hoping for a bit of relief in those moments of sadness and anxiety and body hot flashes.
Just sitting around. No energy, and when I move, I start sweating. Tough times right now.

[bull172]

are you seriously taking sub for 10mg a day of hydro?!

you cant withdrw from that?!

THAT IS SAD!

Your only making things harder on yourself with SUB............

stop being weak, and just stop taking any pills!!

[flmagi]

I have been on Suboxone for 1 1/2 years, so I don't want you to think I'm anti-Sub, but for you to be taking Sub for the small amount of opiates you are addicted to.....you are jumping from the frying pan to the fire. Suboxone is highly potent and highly addictive. I really can't believe your doctor put you on Sub and if he has you on any more than 1 mg a day, he has a serious problem.
I don't mean for this to sound nasty, I'm just very concerned that you're in way over your head with the Sub.
I should also mention, if you are not feeling pretty normal after 2 days, I'm guessing you are on way to much Sub. Your body isn't use to such an increase in opiates. Yes, Sub is an opiate. I highly recommend tapering down within the next week and getting off the sub, before you have a much heavier addiction than what you started with. Very few doctors are very educated on Suboxone.
I'm really sorry you're going thru this and we're all here to help you.
Keep posting.

[Billy23323]

AS a person that has tried every quick fix to opiate addiction out there, let me start off by saying, get OFF of that suboxone AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

I flip flopped back and forth from Heroin addiction to methadone maintenance, back and forth, and I recently tapered down my methadone dose to get onto Suboxone.  Sure, the suboxone will make you feel normal, the same way the pills did because, you're just switching one addiction for another, and in my opinion, you were way better off taking the percocets! After I was on the sub about 6 months, I tapered from 8 mgs to 4 mgs to 2 mgs to 1 mg to 1/2 a mg, to the point where i was simply breaking off crumbs of the pill in the am, but, after 24-36 hours of not taking it, my withdrawals were just as noticeable as with heroin or methadone, and way more uncomfortable in my opinoion... in a wierd, chemical-feeling way... Of course this led to relapse and eventually, now im back on methadone... but... take it from someone who has been simply going from one "medication" to the next, in an effort to be free, I'm just trading handcuffs for more handcuffs, and its not getting me anywhere.... Im just focusing on taking it slow again, but, my advice...

Stop taking it.
TODAY.
Just suck up the mild w/d symptoms from the percocets, you will be PRAYING for it to only be as bad as the perc withdrawals when you are withdrawing from the suboxone, or methadone... or, hopefully it wont take you there, heroin.

Good luck... you can do it. WD from 10mgs of percocet is enough to be uncomfortable. Especially if you are a little person. But, its a drop in the bucket compared to what your in for with anything else.

Good luck.

[openeyefilms]

Hi everyone,
thanks for the comments. I'm not going to stop suboxone...yet. I need something for the withdrawls. And "sucking it up" and dealing with it - NO. Its too hard for me, so if you feel I am being ***** about this, please do not comment anymore.
Also, I took more than 10mg a day of percocet. I was up to 30mg a day.
I'm going to give it a few more days on suboxone, try and take the pill once a day, and go from there. My ultimate goal here is to stop. And if its switching from one drug to another, I just want to stop eventually. Whether that means tapering down the suboxone, then I will.
Thanks.