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Addicted to opiates for 10 years, ready to stop
I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of living a lie. I've been addicted to tramadol,oxycodone,oxycontin,and hydrocodone over the years. Currently addicted to almost 200mg of oxycontin a day, and who knows how many mgs of Norco. About 20 10mg pills to get me by,if I don't have enough oxycontin. I am not going to Rehab, I am open to attending N/A meetings but going to rehab is not an option for me.I have tried to taper hundreds of times over the years but I cant control myself,even when having my mom hold the pills to help me taper, I berate,abuse,and emotionally beat her up until she hands over what I need. I am a horrible daughter,and I cant take the guilt anymore. Cold turkey is so dark and scary, I've done it without choosing to (because of running out) several times..I get into a psychotic panic and can't take the dark mental place that comes with cold turkey. But theres no other option. Has anyone heard of Kratom? for opiate withdrawal?
you have to tell your doctor so he won't prescribe you anymore chances are he will understand he is the one giving them to you but not all doctors do get it but if you want to get and stay clean you HAVE to tell him i have heard of several horror stories about that kratom that there are severe withdraws with that too tho i have never used it i wish you the best with this journey aftercare is a must to stay clean it took me a while to get that but thank god i do I'm not perfect but i sure as **** am trying my brains out and i have a great sponsor that is with me every step of the way it really helps
Maybe not DIAGNOSED, but treated by my doctor in the future. I'm scared to lose his trust. I was diagnosed with pain meds for incurable lyme disease and It was either that or not be able to move. I'm afraid what the pain will be like without the help of pain meds and living in pain for the rest of my life. My mom thinks I need to just "get control of myself" but I don't think I could EVER be in control
I don't have a dealer or buy them off the streets,couldnt afford the ammount I need to keep me well. I don't know any dealers anyhow, i use to wish I did but now I'm glad I don't! Thank you both for replying to me. I guess my question wasnt exactly clear, although I really just..need the support,badly. I'm so terrified to go cold turkey..I'm afraid to tell my doctor,as well because it affects how you're diagnosed in the future
Your addiction is very similar to mine. I did 300+ IR oxy every way possible till I ran out then did whatever I could find. The monthly roller coster was getting to be to much. After I almost OD for the whatever time I realized my daughter was going to be the one to find me dead. At that moment I changed. Went down to 30 mg a day only orally and have been there for 12 days, even with horrible WD and pills in the house. I called anyone who supplied me, told them the truth, that if I didn't stop I would be dead, and told them not to sell to me I still cared about them but had to stay away for awhile. I tried CT and found all I did was switch drugs. I'm happy to be part of your support group as I need more of my own. You are welcome to pvt message me anytime. Maybe from there we could exchange text if you need to know someone is there for you right then.
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I also used to go cold turkey periodically due to running out, and I can say that the last cold turkey that I chose to do was worse in some ways and much, much better in others. It was worse because it was scarier knowing my goal was lifelong sobriety. It was better because I was finally breaking free, able to feel good about myself, and doing the right thing for the first time in a long time.
This site was also a big help to me. I recommend you post here frequently, read the stories and help other people when you can. All the regular posters here have been through the same thing as you and will be tremendously supportive. Knowing I was not alone was a real eye-opener and really helped me.
I'm not sure how intertwined your mom is with your addiction from what you said. If she IS close to it, you should really think about asking her to get involved with Al-Anon or another support group for family members of addicts. Doing the same things and following the same patterns after you get clean will be a recipe for relapse, so it's important to clean house and truly make a fresh start, and that includes the important people in your life.
I've heard of Kratom but didn't use it myself. My opinion is that it's the old trade-one-opiate-for-another game with that stuff. At the same time, I have heard of people using it to mitigate the worst of withdrawal, so I'm not 100% opposed to it. But it takes a pretty special kind of person to successfully use it for that purpose, and for me, unaided cold turkey is what I needed to do.
I'm sure it seems daunting to quit, but you can do it! There are a ton of people on here who have made it through to the other side and you can too!