Addicted to oxy

It started about 6 months ago. My boyfriend of 17 years had used oxy before at different periods and of course he loved them and would eventually have to quit. Each time it was pure hell He always swore he'd never do it again. after coke being his drug of choice i loved when he would switch to oxy to come off coke. coke always made him paranoid, lying all the time, and staying out all hours sometimes even days. coming home having spent $700.  we went through a huge breakup during one of his coke episodes. he sobered up and came back around showing what a new person he was. he cut all drugs out. I immediately wanted to back together but waited awhile to do so. eventually we moved bak in together there was alot of hurt feelings. he was sad because i had ran to a new guy right away and rubbed it in his nose. honestly it was years of dealing with his addiction i left and found a new guy because i was hurthing very very bad. oxy just seemed to fall on our doorstep and this time i decided to try it. i think to be closer to him. nothing prepared me for that wonderful feeling from sniffing oxy!!! you feel happy, calm, stress free, energized, talkative, pretty. you feel like life is wonderful and so appreciative for everyone in it. no problems too big! I had just had a baby and we were about to move to another province for my boyfriend to work. so imagine how wonderful it was to destress and feel like i could conqure anything. we made all our plans for moving , packed up my house and drove 3,600 miles away and moved to a city i've never been to all while snorting oxy. we also had the best conversations that changed our whole relationship. we mended alot of hurts by really listening to eachother and expressing all our feelings we normally hide. fast forward another 3 months and we used every single day all day long. I totally feel like crap in the morning. i can make 60 mg last all day.I scratch off small lines about every 1-2 hours then go to sleep. pretty much all our money goes to the pills and rent. we stopped paying most of our car loans. everything coming ouy of our accounts come back nsf. my bf recently started methadone so we would have money to live abit. he;s been quiting that on and off because of reading how bad it is to quit and how much it makes him sleep. to be truly honest i don't want to quit i like how i feel and 60 a day isn't too much. but he's getting very down about our situation. he sleeps all day and only feels happy and talkative when he does a couple pills. i know he's right we cant afford it anymore and i hate chasing the drugs. i put myself in situations i don't feel good about. so because of him i see it can't go on. we quit at 5 pm last night and it's 230 pm now, im in hell so excuse spelling and sentences that don't make sense. 1 day clean and all i want is oxy!!! i am hurting everywhere. but nobody describes how it feels your skin is crawling and your mind is screaming oxy. i am happy i went poop today. i can go 4 days without going so this is good. and atleast today i haven't been counting pills and rationalizing how much i can do. I'll probably use again but strictly once a month or less. it's better then alcohol. i used to blackout sometimes on alcohol and the next day feel worse then i feel today. keep you posted on my hour by hour day by day withdrawal goes!!!

[dominosarah]

Do you really want to get clean and stay that way?  There is no way you can go back to using once a month or less........

[sassy2424]

Too be honest no i don't want to quit. i like the drug in small quantities it actually seems like an antidepressent and antianxity pill. it must mimic how these pills act on the brain. truthfully i went from being very bored all the time to being able to sit with my children for hours and not complain. everything is easy and the world is good. yes the problem sort of is the tolerance issue. for the last 3 month i haven't been high at all. just taking enough not to feel sick but still feel like going to the store.i could live at that level everyday i don't miss the high i just like feeling normal non stressed and positive person that usually i'm not. if i had a legitimate script that only cost me less then a 100 dollars a month i would do it. we pay 60$ for an 80 here on the street. who can afford that. our habit is costing us thousands.I wish i' d never had tried it that way i wouldn't know how good it makes you feel. it's hard to give that up. alcohol makes me a totally different person with no consequences and pot makes me paranoid with a headache. oxy makes me feel happy and energetic at the same time my brain is function and i know the difference between right and wrong.nobody here can't say they know it's better then any drug they've ever tried. somedays i would be happy to have chronic pain just to have a script for oxy and never have to stop.

[overopiates]

Wow.To be honest u don't wanna quit well good news your not gonna.Any1who says they don't wanna quit won't.You clearly don't know what cronic (chronic) pain is if u would b willing to have it to get oxy.I'm thrown off by what u said but at the same time your being so honest I admire that.Not sure what to say.You don't want to quit even though u will go to any length to get them,ur broke,as much as ur spending on just 1pill is enough to take ur kids out and do so much.U have convinced yourself that u spend time w/ur kids u r happy like oxy makes u a better parent.They make u a selfish parent.Time w/mom high isn't quality time.I guess u will have to hit whatever your bottom is and I hope that doesnt mean u,ur bf overdosing,gettting busted buying,losing your kids,driving high killing urself,someone else etc.I wish u the best of luck but u don't want to stop and until u do this isn't a sucessful journey

[killmypain]

Hey sassy..... your addiction is showing! Hey we all feel that way when we use..... I love the high off of pain pills in general. You started with oxy, that's powerful stuff. That feeling, that you described....we all feel that....at least I do. I love the energy I get off the pills. I wait tables and deal with the public all day. My job is awesome if I do a pill first. I have energy to stay up for days completing a school project. I have energy to play with my kids and run around all day.
Here's the thing.....it's killing you. It costs too much $ for one. For another, when you mix the pills and alcohol, your liver is working quadruple time to get those toxins out of your system. Your liver is gonna be 80 years old when you're only 30! What happens when you run out? What are you willing to do to get another pill???
If nothing else I'm saying makes any sense to you....know this. see how sick you are without taking them? your body is physically dependent on this crap. I am on day 3 of complete hell without my pills and I know I can never use again or I will get even worse and maybe lose everything before I can quit again....my kids.... my home.... my life....
It's over. I'm done. You are too.... deep down you know.... this isn't your boyfriends problem anymore.... it's yours. It's time to take control of your life.
Good luck to you. I'm rooting for you!

[mellie4]

Oh boy, you are fooling yourself.  I can tell you first-hand, chronic pain isn't a picnic.  And narcotics don't always take care of your pain.  You may feel like you're doing everything better now but you're not.  It's the drug.  Eventually that energy will go away and you will be numb emotionally.  Read the posts here.  I'm not addicted but I've been on many narcotics and wish I didn't have to be.  Your kids deserve better.  I promise you if you keep on this path you will regret it.  I have missed a lot of my kids' things due to pain, surgeries and the medication.  At a point, they just make you apathetic.  And I hope you never have to suffer with chronic pain and have to work, take care of kids, cook ... all life's tasks while in pain and on medication that often doesn't cover it.  Your tolerance will keep going up.  Even if you could keep up this illusion, what's going to happen if someday you REALLY need some kind of pain medication for a legitimate reason:  broken bone, surgery ... life brings many surprises.  Doesn't it frighten you to think that they may not be able to cover your pain because of your abuse of it?  I hope you can really see what's happening here.  There has to be a part of you that doesn't feel right about it or you wouldn't be posting.  Keep reading and hopefully you'll see what could happen.

[lynnalb15]

Hey I know exactally where your at ccause I was there a bout 2 years ago with oxy. At my complete lowest living in a shot hole apartment surrounded by my low life druggie friends. And I remember that love affair I had with those beautiful green and yellow pills. They were my best friend and I'd steal lie and hurt the ones I loved for them. They high they gave me were like heaven on earth.

But really your not thinking straight. I've been sober now from oxy for almost two years. Went to rehab to get clean and it worked for a bit. Then I got out and started on loratabs thinking I could just use once in awhile. Yah right!

It wasn't untill I found out I was pregnant that I dropped the drugs. And even being pregnant I slipped once. And I'll never forgive myself. But that high just wasn't the same. Seeing what I was doing hearing my addiction back in my head telling me just one moretime. Made me sick. Life is way too beautiful to spend it high. And it's a struggle daily for me to stay sober. But from what ive seen of sober life it's way better than sitting around living for a Dam pill that will eventually just kill you one day.
But the previous posters are totally right. You won't get clean untill your ready. So good luck. I hope you want it bad enough one day to make it happen.

[Sad_Woman]

Those good feelings will disappear, I promise you. The euphoria will be gone yet you'll need more and more of the drug just not to get sick. Oxy will lead you to hell on earth. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it's an evil drug. I'd spent three years doing lines of oxy. It started off small, I did it occasionally. Then I conned my way into a script and before I knew it I was snorting almost 200 mgs a day. LOng story short, I almost lost everything. I became a shell of myself and only now am slowly rebuilding my life. Do not let this drug rob you of your life. Stop NOW before you destroy your life. I wish to God I had listened when I was warned. Hopefully your smarter and will stop before it's too late.

[sassy2424]

i know it seems i dont want to quit but i do there``s lots im sick of biggest reason is i never have money it`s all dedicated to drugs. im just  saying if there was a legit way i could have them i would. i was never a druggie before this. i hate even gravol. there`s just something about the seens of wellbeing i love. i don`t even do it to get high. yes i have gone overboard getting high once in a while but i haven`t don e that in a long time and i don`t miss the high part. maybe this is just day 1 talking. im just entering the start of day 2 and i hope to god after i wake up i feel a little better. i`m going to power through to the other side and i refuse to give up. i want to see what my life is like without it.im just scared i won`t like it as much

[Sad_Woman]

Yep it's the drugs talking. Your getting high, that's where the fuzzy feelings come from. No matter what, you keep going. Please please believe me when I tell you I can relate to your feelings of apprehension about quitting. But believe me, your worst day sober is better then your best day high. Being addicted means we are robbed of everything in the end. And even if you could get them legit, it would never be enough. My script would be long gone in two days and I'd be blowing the rent and bill money on pills. They were all I cared about. Although I love my kids with all my heart I was not "there" for them like I should have been. I was too high all the time and before I knew it I spiraled down so far. I have so many regrets but the worst was not stopping when I was early in addiction. I thought I could handle the drugs. I was never so wrong in my life. Get some aftercare and don't use no matter what. Using just feeds the beast and drags you back into addictive hell. It'll never end that way. Stay strong and fight for your life, the people here are amazing. You have only been into them 6 months. Long enough to be hooked but short enough time to turn back fairly easily. Take it and run with it. Your kids need you to do this.

[sassy2424]

wow it`s mid day 2 I know it can get out of hand and i guess i was pretty lucky they were 60$ for an 80 and who the hell can afford that me and my bf pretty much shared 120 mgs over the last couple months. there`s the odd friday night that we may do an extra 80 and get the itchy hyperactive feeling and sometomes the nods. but majority we just do 120 and stick with that. I`ll tell anybody that`s out there that even thinks of tapering off it`s cruelity. we tried it of course in fact 2 weeks ago i went from 60 to 40 for a weekend and i just felt mildly crappy all weekend. all i wanted is more. i screwed myself one of those days and had nothing left for the evening and had to take an ativan to go to sleep. after 3 days of mild hell. i felt better doing just 40 but but after a couple days i was shaving small amts of my next day 40. if i could stay at 40 i probably wouldn`t be so keen to quit now but im finding that impossible. it must be some threshold your body;s created. i`ve also tried getting up and not doing any till afternoon time. by then i`m climbing the walls and experiece all the withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms so when i do get it. i do twice as much just to feel normal again. tapering off just shows you how crap really quitting is going to be and that;s what ends up scaring the hell out of you. it gives you glimpses of how withdrawl (withdrawal) will feel. i`m going to vote for cold turkey and recommend it to anyone that asks. honestly i feel better today then yesterday. it`s hell don`t get me wrong but when the first day is excruciating day 2 is much better. at 5 pm tonight it will be the start of my day 3. still sneezing still lethargic. last night the restless legs was torture i had to get up take another ativan and try to go back to sleep. my legs actually feel abit better this am. hopefully i`m on the road to the other side. i can`t speak for how many days people will experience because my habit lasted a total of 6 months. the first 3 we`d go all day not do any then use in the night time as recreation. once in awhile we`d stay up for 2 days with very little sleep and used 4 or 5 80`s. then we made a decision to slow it down plus unable to afford it. that`s when it went from recreation to a daily habit. we started using every morning till bed time. doing 2-3 a day. we moved and dropped to 120 mgs a day for another month. then my bf got on methadone so i started doing 40 mg in 2 weeks i was doing 60 mg then like i said i tried to cut back to 40 but that was hell and didnt last long. on 60 i feel wonderful. my minds clear, i`m myself or so it seems.
i seriously think this drug needs to be tweeked into an antidepressant. if you think about antidepressants theyre pretty much as addicitive as oxy. you think dropping oxy`s hard try going on forums for quitting effexor and wellbutrin. people talk about a zapping sensation in your head and insomnia that makes oxy insomnia seem like a walk in the park. its a wonder the drug companies are allowed to make these drugs

[gnarly_1]

HI.....ITS not often I have a heart to heart talk with someone im usually a bit more softer and gentler but girl you got to wake up ....what your doing can kill you in more ways then one did you know that percseription drug overdose is killing more people then all other dugs combined !!! it can cause heart failure respiratory arrest ..kidney failure and cirosic of your liver this is not a game your playing it is your life on the line......you say you content to just have enough to keep the sick off and get high once in a wile as this disease progresses you will get progressively worst trust me I road the narcotic train for 16 1/2 yrs and im VERY lucky to be alive there will come a time no mater how much you do you wont be able to get high
this stuff gives you the illusion that everything is right in the world....the only person your fooling is yourself others around you know something just quite ant right with you....you are at a crossroads you need to get this monkey off your back wile you still can your robing your kids I raised 5 and know I did I live with that guilt now forever im not telling you this to rile you up but rather wake you up.....I wish someone would have done it for me 14yrs ago when it was starting to get bad if you want to live not wind up in jail or in an institution or out on the street you need to stop thats the bottom line here there is no suger coating it when someone is up on the fence sitting here convincing them selfs they can use recreationally when they want to it spells trouble for this whole forum and I will address it as such as addicts we need to chage the way we think and reason we can reasoon  are selfs into anything you need to take a long hard look at your life b/4 drugs and where you are now.....withdrawals never killed anybody its 4 to 6 days of the flu we have people go threw it everyday here when and if your ready I will help you get clean if not I hope you live threw what your doing to yourself it dosent take an overdose to ''blank'' and go into resprtoy failure it happened to me and I was very lucky my son waked in and woke up a blue dad im willing to help you need help desperately please dont take this the wrong way im just trying to save your life here..........Gnarly