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Avatar universal

Addicted to soma & vicodin

I was hoping someone could help. I am 31yrs old with two kids and I have been addicted to pain killers for at least two years. I have resorted to buying them because I never have enough. I can't tell my husband because he doesn't believe people have "addictions". I know it sounds ignorant but every time he sees something on tv he will make a negative comment on how those people are weak and can stop it at anytime. He is a wonderful husband and father and I have keeping this secret. I have never done any illegal drugs in my life, I got into a car accident & had to see a pain management dr and now I take about 25 pills a day! I'm disgusted at myself for letting it get this far and I feel like my only option is to quit cold turkey. I've tried only got thru one day because the withdrawals were terrifying! I have two small kids to take care of and I can't lock myself in a room and just deal w/ my withdrawal. I wish I could. I guess I'm wondering if anyone knows if I go thru my insurance to an addiction dr will I be red flagged for the rest of my life? The stigma attached to being an addict kills me. My husband is a prominent figure in our community and works in a very small office. Say what you will about HIPPA Laws but the office manager knows everything that is charged on the health insurance and his staff is surely to find out if I ever check myself into a rehab facility. I just can not live a lie and do this to my kids & husbands. It pains me to know I even got this far. Any advice would be appreciated.
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1796826 tn?1578874779
Hey, there's great advice in the posts above, and I always pay extra attention to what an RN says! Keeping the idea that I recommend telling everyone in mind, I'll address the situation where you can't.

First off, would it be feasible for you to see a therapist for any reason? If not, I would want examine a lifestyle where you can't get that kind of help. I have a few friends with top secret clearance who can't, but other than that, come on, please. It's 2012 and everyone sees a therapist for something :) So if you can, find a therapist who does addiction. Most all will certainly do other things, and you can pick and choose the "acceptable" reason to see them. They are bound by confidentiality and only a judge can compell them to reveal what you talk about.

Once you have your covert support in place, it's time to break out the "bad flu". You can't realistically do this more than once in a three month period, so plan it well. You should get five days or so in bed, and your symptoms will probably look like the flu to anyone ignorant of the truth. Get through the physical withdrawal with "the flu", and work on the mental with your therapist.

Post here a lot, and I bet people who went down the same road as you "like Sonrissa" can give you more detailed advice and support than I can as you go. Good luck!
Helpful - 0
3199802 tn?1362250559
Hi and welcome!!  I would also recommend telling your husband. I went over 2 weeks of detox before I told him. It would have been so much better to have him there by my side for that crap!  I was so scared to tell him and I don't even know why. You can't keep this a secret; it will eat you alive!  You took these pills legitimately and became addicted. It's sad but there are a million of us out there. I am a psychiatric nurse and know all about addictions but here I am 22 days clean from Vicodin. You are going to need a support system. I would also recommend a psychiatrist that deals with addiction & Suboxone. I don't know what milligram you were taking but either way 25 a day is a lot. If you decided to taper at home you would have to tell your husband so he could hold the pills. Either way he needs some education regarding addiction. Anyway glad you are here and keep posting!!! This site has been a Godsend for me ;-)
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hi there and welcome! I agree that you should consider talking to your husband! You may be surprised at his reaction! It would be much easier if you had his support! That being said, there are lots of Secret Detoxers here, myself included! I did it by myself! You are taking a high dose and going cold turkey will be difficult! You can expect to feel pretty bad for about a week! You may want to consider tapering down to a much lower amount, and then jumping off! It will be easier on your body during detox, but it takes alot of will power to taper! Lots of people have successfully tapered!

Stick around and post whenever you have a question or need support! There are lots of wonderful, caring, and experienced people here! Take care, and I wish you all the best!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm sorry you are going through this.  It must be hard not to let your husband know but maybe he will be understanding if you tell him?  I was addicted to Vicodin and taking 20+ pills a day.  I thought I would never be able to quit and thought that I would have to enter a rehab facility if I was ever going to quit.  That wasn't the case though.  I saw a doctor that deals with addicts as well as just regular patients and I did go through my insurance.  I don't think your husband's office manager would be able to tell if you found the same type of doctor, one who deals with addicts as well as regular patients.  My doctor put me on Suboxone.  I know there are alot of pros and cons about Suboxone, but to me, it saved my life.  I've been on it since April and plan to be off of it very soon.  My doctor has me on a tapering plan. Why don't you do a little research and see if you can find a doctor in your area who can help you.  And, maybe think about telling your husband.  You need to have somebody you can turn to for support, if not him, maybe a close friend?  Of course, you always have this board to come to also!  Please keep us posted...  Take care...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I don't see how you can go cold turkey from 25 pills a day and keep it a secret, though you might. I was scared to death to tell my family and friends, but it worked out. My wife was mad at first, but really helped once she realized I was going to any length to get clean. Quitting opiates alone is a very difficult task, not impossible, but very difficult. I needed AA, doctor, family, and friends to help me. You have to understand, everyone has dealt with opiate addiction in some way; personally, a sibling, a parent, a close friend, or someone. You started taking them for a legitimate reason, so there's no reason to feel shame. I tend to believe people will be far more understanding than you realize. Doctors, lawyers, politicians, actors, all walks of life fall victim to this problem. If you are sincere and determined, you will get support and be free at last. Maybe this will help your husband realize the reality behind those movies, there is a difference in weakness and addiction. I'm sure you are an amazing person in every other aspect of your life, but pills change a person and quitting is not just a matter of will-power, it is a spiritual awakening. My kids joke about how I used to act compared to now. Life is so much richer and my heart is open again. Anyway, that's my two cents. Make the decision, open up to the truth, and let  this whole thing be behind you. Good luck and keep posting.
Helpful - 0
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