Addiction to pain pills

[tin10]

My mother worked at an OBGYN office as an office manager dealing with billing and filing prescriptions. She made the right amount of money for all of us kids to be happy. What we didn't know about our mother was that she was a pill popper and not with just one type of pill many different ones. She was taking Vicodin, Xanax, and other types of pain pills and anti- anxiety pills also. My mom would steal prescription papers off of a doctors desk and forge the doctors name and make up a name for her own use. I started noticing HUGE bottles of many different colored pills in her purse and also noticed her behavior change. I was 17 years old and a senior in highschool before she started taking all the pills I had a midnight curfew, after the pills it didn't matter what time I would be home. Physically she was there but mentally not so much. She would slur her words and make no sense what so ever when she would talk to you.
One day I went through all the pills in her purse and picked out one of each kind. I got on to google.com and typed out what I saw on the pill. Sure enough she was mixing pills that werent suppose to be mixed and taking pills she wasn't suppose to be taken like she did. I noticed days later my mom would get into her purse every ten minutes it seemed like and pop a pill in her mouth. I was always too afraid to ask what she was taking just because of what she would tell me, the truth or not.
A month goes past and I get a call on my cell phone and it was a police officer asking for me to come pick up my 1 year old little brother from a Walgreens. I got there and my moms car was in the pharmacy drive-thru, my mom in handcuffs, and my little brother in an officers arms. Before my mom got taken away I asked her what was going on (playing stupid) and she said "It's time for me to change!" So right there I knew it was time. I went and bailed my own mother out of jail that night which was scary to see her walking around in there. We got home and she went straight to bed without saying anything to me at all. She never did say anything about it until she came home early the next day in tears saying she lost her job at the OBGYN office.
My 1 year old brothers dad found out about what happened and took my mom to court for endangering a child and my mom almost loses him. She gets most of her custody taken away and gets put into a rehab. She finishes out rehab and is a year clean last month. Im so proud of my mom and what she accomplished!

I started abusing pain pills the last semester of my senior year about the same time my mom stopped. Im still an addict and dont know how to go about it. I've tried getting help on my own but it hasn't worked. I need help!

[dominosarah]

You have come to the right place.  There is so much support and encouragement here.  What sort of pills are you abusing??  Can you go to your mom and talk to her too?  Am proud of your mom for getting clean and you can get clean too.  It takes alot of work but it is so worth it.  Keep posting here as we are here to help.            sara

[tin10]

I am abusing hydro, xanax, and morphine.
I could go talk to my mom about it, but i'm really scared to. See she got me help the first time by sending me to a rehab, only the rehab wasn't really a rehab. The only thing I did there was talk to a psychiatrist and go home and abuse some more. I no longer live with my mom so I feel like this is just my problem and I need to do something about it.

Thanks for the comment by the way!

[feelingcrazierbytheday]

courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.  Your on the right track.

[tin10]

Only if I could stay on the right track and stop all this once and for all.
I have a family full of addicts only the drugs they consume are way more harsh then what I do. I have told myself for many years I wouldn't end up like them, but honestly I'm on that path.

I'm also pregnant!
Please help!

[mimi1313]

The first thing that you really need to accept is this is very hard to do alone. I would at least try talking to your mom. I'm sure she would understand more than you think given what she has been through. She doesn't want you to go through that. Also, 1234betterlife is a nurse who can help you with the preganancy part of this. You should messsge her, she is very helpful.

Myabe if you have tried for so long you may want to try suboxone. I don't know if you can take that while your pregant but you'll know more after you message 1234betterlife.

Keep posting and let us know what you want to do, it really helps.

[dominosarah]

Please send 1234betterlife a message like mimi said.  She will be able to help.  Keep us posted to what is going on.                sara

[feelingcrazierbytheday]

can ....open......worms.....EVERYWHERE!!!  Wow...was not aware there was more to the story....if I may ask...how far along and what are your plans?  I'm assuming you are keeping the baby?

[tin10]

I'm 2 months pregnant and absolutely plan on keeping the baby.
I want help because I want my baby to have a healthy life and not have a drug addict as a mother.
I also want to help myself! Get over this illness once and for all.

ALSO!
thanks for the help sara and mimi
I messaged 1234betterlife and am just waiting on a response, I'll let you all know what she says.

[dominosarah]

Please keep us posted and stay on this forum.  We are here for you.    sara

[mimi1313]

That's great. Give her some time but she will definitely get back to you and be able to give you some great advice.

And like Sara said, keep posting and stick around.

[kim715]

Oh I'm so glad you messaged betterlife.Don't worry honey she gets back to people real fast and helps so many woman in the same situation as you.Also I'm a mother with 3 grown children and I'm a recovering addict.If any of my children were ever struggling with addiction no matter if it was the first time or the third time or whatever time it was I would want them to come to me.Your mom has been there,knows what you're going through,and knows that relapse often goes along with recovery.It doesn't matter how old you are or where you live in your mothers' eyes you're still her little girl.You take care of you and that little one.I will keep you both in my prayers.I wish you all the best.Keep posting......Peace.....Kim

[tin10]

Thankyou for that.
I guess the reason I'm not wanting to tell my mom is because she always talks so highly about me. I was the only one in the family to go to college right after highschool. I didn't get pregnant or married before I graduated highschool (like everyone else in my family did.) I just dont want her to look at me like I failed her.
I think the reason I went back to the pills right after I got out of the "rehab" my mom put me in is because I didn't have a downfall like she did or anyone else that has done drugs and decided to quit. I'm not saying I do want a downfall at all, but doesn't seem that way?

Still waiting on that reply from betterlife. Hope she sends soon!
I'm just ready!

[mimi1313]

I couldn't have said it any better than Kim. Please consider telling your mom. I know all the reasons you don't want to. But there is one huge reason to tell her and that is becasue you need help and she will help you. Please just think about it, okay.

Hugs,
Melissa

[kim715]

Fortunately enough not all of us have to hit 'rock bottom' before we open our eyes to what  our addiction is doing to our lives.Sometimes someone or something comes along that gives us a wake up call before we hit bottom.For me it was my granddaughters,for which I am so eternally grateful.Honey,you're not a failure,look at what you've accomplished in life thus far.You graduated high school,you went to college.You overcame some hard times being a young woman and being affected by your moms' addiction.I gather this is your first baby.I'm going to tell you something there is no love you will ever experience in the whole entire world like the love you are going to feel the first time you feel that baby move inside of you.You will never fall so hard or so deep in love as the first time you hear that baby cry.Right then and there you just know there is nothing you wouldn't do for that precious little miracle and nothing that they could do to ever make you love them less.You may not always like what they do,but you always love who they are.You're mom helped you before and I would almost bet ,especially because shes been where you are,she would want to help you again.My kids have made the same mistake more then once,but they never failed me.Sometimes they've failed themselves and sometimes I got a little upset about that but they're always going to be my kids and I'm always going to be their mother and I will forever be totally head over heels in love with each and every one of them no matter what.

[tin10]

Telling my mom is going to be a huge deal and I will need to get some help and advice on how to go about that. When she first put me in rehab she caught on to what I was doing and made me tell her what was going on, but I lied to her because I couldn't face not having my drug there everyday. As the days went on her and I grew further and further apart just because I lied to her and didn't ask for help. Finally I couldn't take not having my mom there for me so I blurted out at dinner one weekend that I needed help. She found a psychiatrist through the hospital that apparently did help my problem much at all.
My babies dad knows that I still am taking these pills and I talk to him about it, but when I ask why he doesn't say anything when I take them in front of him he just tells me that I'm making a mistake and I'm old enough to fix it if I really wanted to. I'm wondering if I should have him tell my mom for me and then her come to me about it?
I'm so scared!

[tin10]

Also should I go talk to a doctor about if I've already done harm to the baby already or if I'm too early in the pregnancy for it to matter? Or should I get some help first?
I'm doing this alone it seems like,
except of course for all your guys' help!

[mimi1313]

I know the Xanax isn't good for the baby but at the same time you can't just quit that. You definitely need to taper that down. With the morphine and hydro its likely you're baby will be born addicted and have to go through withdrawls. I know 1234betterlife will be able to help you. Just hang in there.

As for your mom, I think anyone she gets told would be good but it would be better that you tell her.

You can do this, and you're right you're not alone!

[tin10]

I don't so much use xanax anymore it's just when I dont have anything else to take and/or are having a bad day.
I will definitely ask betterlife and get every answer I need possible.
Thanks again!

[joann1975]

If you haven't heard from 1234betterlife yet I know she works alot...so whe will get to you as soon as she can!

Good Luck...I am glad you are getting clean!

JoAnn

[tin10]

I chatted with betterlife just lastnight and early this morning and she told me tapering was the best thing to do. I completely agree but I'm not sure I can find anyone that has lower doses of anything.
Maybe today will be the day I just try and let them go. I know cold turkey is a bad thing to do, but I mean what else is there to do?

[mimi1313]

Is there anything you can break in half? Maybe you could taper that way? Even spreading your doses out during the day will help.

Did you decide anything about telling your mom yet? I know this is hard and you will get a ton of support here but any extra suppport you can get would be great.

[tin10]

I could break them in half, but not having that full dose would drive me nuts and make me take more. I talked to some other people about addicts/mothers and they told me there was a pill I could take that is save for the baby that will wean me off. I want to get more information about it, so anyone that knows please let me know
I called my mom lastnight and told her that this weekend we should go out to lunch and talk about it, she agreed. I plan to tell her there.

[worried878]

I didnt notice it, but is the father in the picture?  getting pregnant alone/at 16/was scary and it happened to me...i do think that it may help u get the determination u need to quit.....i remember i didnt smoke or drink once i found out.....it was kinda easy...but this is different as u r physically addicted to this stuff but hopefully it will be a good motivator that u r with child......u r so young...and so much life ahead of u....i would ask my mom for support if i could...and be safe..posting will help alot too and and support groups that u can find right now...u r in my prayers

[tin10]

Thanks so much for the post, I really appreciate it!
Yes the father is in the picture. He and I have been together since 7th grade which is a little over 7 years. He is very supportive with me getting help, but when I ask him why doesn't he say anything when I get the pills and take them he tells me I'm grown and I will soon learn from my mistakes. Maybe he knows that taking the away from me will make everything worst and he just wants the best for me.
(who knows)
I know I'm young, but thats not the point. The point is I need to quit so my baby doesn't have to go through what I put it through. It didn't ask to come into this world addicted and I don't want it to.
I need help bad!
I'm scared!

[kim715]

I'm glad you talked to betterlife and that you have decided to tell your mother.If better life told you it would be better to taper then thats what you need to do.The first trimester is a delicate time for the baby and going cold turkey might just be too much for them.Did she give you a taper schedule? If she did honey you need to follow that schedule.I know you said your boyfriend is supportive of you getting help but doesn't say anything when you take the pills.However,like most of us,it doesn't sound like you are going to have the willpower to do it on your own.Don't beat yourself up about that,most of us don't.Thats why the majority of us choose cold turkey,but in your case thats really not a wise choice.So this next part is for your boyfriend.

               tin10's boyfriend,
  I think it is wonderful that you are being so supportive of her and want o see her get help for her addiction.Addiction doesn't just affect the addict it effects the whole family as obviously both of you know.The best thing for her to do because of the baby is taper off of these pills and she is wise enough and honest enough to admit,that like most addicts,she doesn't feel she has the willpower to do that on her own.One way this could work is if you control the tapering and you hold the pills.This isn't going to be easy.There will be times that she may argue with you or beg you to give her more and you can't give in to her.You can never give her more then the schedule calls for.You will have to develop a tough exterior and not take anything she says or does to you personal.This is just the addiction talking not the person she really is and not the way she really feels about you.It's very hard to watch someone you love go through withdraws.You want to do anything and everything to relief their suffering.In truth thats what you will be doing by not giving in.You will be relieving her suffering for good by helping her to break free of these pills and take control of her life back.It is imperative for you to stand strong in order to protect the health and well being of the woman you love and your baby that she is carrying.They both need to be able to rely on you to do this in order to come out of this ok.We are here for both of you so please don't hesitate to reach out here when things get a little rough,which they probably will.We're here to help and want to see you all get through this and be a happy healthy family.Peace....Kim

[lady67]

tin10 I am sure many others have told you this and will tell you this, but we all mean in in a loving and supporting way.  The first thing you need to do is get clean for your child.  Think of the problems you had with your mother when she was abusing the pills, is that something you want for your child.  Just readin your posts, I can tell you are a very caring and strong person.

Secondly, you need to stop this before your child is born and goes down the same path as you and your mother.  It is known that addiction can run in families, and you want to break this cycle so your child has less of a possibility of being an addict one day.

I wish you the very best of luck and feel free to talk to me ANYTIME you want.  I will be there to listen and I will not judge.  My motto is this, "don't throw stones at someone when you are doing the same thing they are doing."

God Bless You
Susan

[lady67]

bump

[Coolio Hernendez]

Wow....Thank God i didnt know about pills when i was 19 b/c i would have been a complete pill head...I quess you can look at like your getting it out of the way early....

Your young and strong....take advantage of your youth and quit now......You dont want to be that old junkie lady...LOL...

Good Luck........


PS: You came to the right place...

[tin10]

Thanks so much for the support!
I am trying out new things and hopefully they will help!
I will keep you all updated every minute I can.
I know it will be hard, but I HAVE to do this the right way!

Thanks again!

[marcatj]

hun - you HAVE to get help.  you are putting your baby in danger.

YES, talk to your doctor.  you can bet, they've heard it before... it not (and i would guess they have) go to another who WILL help you wean off.

there are so many resources to get help.

and you - having seen what kind of pain your mom put you through - know what that's like.  you don't want to do that to a kid.  as well, you don't know what this is going to DO to your child...

talk to your doc.  and/or go to meetings.  and/or go to therapy and/or an addiction specialist.

there are many ways to get clean.  and you can do this.  think of how your mom was popping pills.. you don't want to be like that. its' a shame she never talked to you about it.  they say "we're as sick as our secrets."  and it's true.

and we'll help you here.  but please get outside help too.  you have to. for you, and for your child... your child has every right to be born healthy and happy.  no one should take that away from a baby...

do it tomorrow.  it really will be ok... but you gotta do something.  and right away.

good luck sweetheart... and know, many of us have been through this.  you're not alone.  and you now have to get clean...

much luv,
mj