i'm glad you guys wrote. i feel so so so down. i was glad to read it takes time. i keep thinking that 7 completed days is fine, and that this 8th day should bring normalcy. i keep crying and worrying about EVERYTHING. it's not even one thing. it's the future, it's the week of withdrawals that wasted time with my family, it's how i feel right now, it's worrying about sleeping, my back pain, EVERYTHING.
just before hopping on here though, i read prescription drug wd can take up to 3 weeks and some other stuff about how our bodies stop producing endorphines and seratonin naturally, so we're off balance. I hope that's what's going on. i was to live again. i feel like death warmed over.
Exactly what Laurel said-sometime you'll have to fake it. But I find that when I feel I'm done and I just want to crawl in a hole, I get dressed, ready, put on the fakest smile and cheery attitude and then the fakeness starts to fade and you actually want to smile on your own. You force the fake David for a while, and real David will poke back though slowly. That is the key though...slowly. I'd get to a point where I thought I couldn't cook dinner for my hubby and child, but made myself do it. I grunted and moaned but after it was done (nothing fancy), I was happy I could at least do something so small soberly. Then I gave myself of a reward of a hot shower and pjs for the rest of the night....You cannot take on the universe at first..you have to start in the smallest ways possible. And by you walking and eating and even considering going out with your wife and kids, well you're more than on your way!!! The journey is beginning. We're all still here and thinking of you, keep us posted. And don't be so down on yourself....you're battling a disease here!!!
Recovering from opiates is not a fast road, this is true but you will see the improvements. Accupuncture does not always work the first time, it takes some sessions so i would advice you not to give it up yet. The amino acid protocol has some good advices you could follow, David, they help even with feeling down. It is really noormal going through such an emotional feeling down phase. It is no fun at all but again, this too shall pass... the rebound pain , i really hope you will feel better about it in some days. Keep pushing yourself a little every day, doing different things has a positive effect on our frame of mind, talk to your inner david in a positive mood, if you have to fake it, do it :) Breaking the cycle of negative thoughts is really important... Maybe you could cook something easy for April and the children when they are back ? Just hang in during those days and don't think if you can... we are here with you, you know :)
Just the fact that you went out and got something to eat, then today stopped at the YMCA...you're doing the 'getting your life back together' part. You're actively interested in going back to your old self. It takes a long time to get right back where you were. Every day is a new one, and just look back to your first couple of days. You've gone though physical hell. It all comes, but in teeny tiny amounts.
Everything you're feeling is totally normal. You are mourning the loss of your DOC that brought you relief, physically and mentally. Of course you feel bad for yourself, you have a disease and you're the only one that can fight it. Just the desire to want to join your kids and wife at the park shows improvment. Don't be so down that you can't join them quite yet. It will all happen in due time. We were used to being on so much pills that even taking then as prescribed alters your pain receptors and clouds you alittle. Then we get used to being on them all the time and so our bodies and brains get dependant. So it's going to take time to get things back. I think you already are getting back. Layer by layer you'll come back to the old you...but it takes a lot of time!!! Keep going, you're doing so well
hi. im not sure. lousy sleep night again even with sleep aids. i went for my first ever accupuncture today. i feel the same (back pain I mean), and i hate when i have to tell my wife "it didn't work" so to speak. that happened when the back surgeon said he couldn't see enough to want to do surgery. we were all hoping for the "fix it" surgery a while back.
i stopped by the ymca to look at family memberships, etc. just got home and no one is here. it's so pretty outside, so i'm sure April took the kids to the park or something. i want to call and join them, but... idk... it's like i literally can not under no circumstances help feeling sorry for myself and just sit here thinking, wondering, worrying...
i can sense my appetite coming back. i was never a "healthy" eater, so i'm not sure how radical i can get with that. laurel, i'm just kinda scared that i'll never get fully better. a lot of people depend on me, and if they knew what shape i was in... anyway, pity party again i guess :) i think (i think) if it wasn't for the chronic back pain, i would have joy. i don't know how to get mentally tough about it. i was mentally toughER about it before the oxy, then I was euphorically healed on the oxy, and now i'm worse than either of those states. big sigh.
thanks for checking on me... david
you are pushing yourself and this is good, how are you doing, David ?