All i am use to

I dont know what to do...... i have been sober from meth for years now.... last time it was bad was about 6 years ago almost.... it also helped erase my memory, and old back my thoughts about when my mom first got cancer. Well conditions are getting worse now with her illness, i want to stay clean but thats all i can remember that would take the pain and the reality away. I dont know what to do

[hellc@mst]

Hi there. Sorry to hear that your Mother is poorly. Grief can quite often be the catalyst that precipitates a serious relapse. I always thought that the death of someone close would be all the permission i 'd need to use again.

Thankfully your Mother is still with us and in her weakened state the last thing she needs to be worrying about is you using narcotics again. As tempting as using may be right know im sure its not worth disappointing your sick mother over.

In the event someone close to me died i would really like to think i could honour them by maintaining my sobriety steadfastly lest i return to the already well trodden path of active addiction.

You hang on and seek support from the same people that have kept you from using until now. You must have been doing something right. I hope i dont come off as an insensitive a$$, it is not my intention.

all the best for you and your mum. Regards Jeremy

[moonshyne777]

Are you in any kind of aftercare? Talking with people can make the burden of worry much lighter and help you deal with the pain your in. It's just not worth it to use, you've come too far and have so much to lose. Get through it with some support and post away here, thats what we're here for. Whatever you need to do to not pick up again. I am so sorry your going through this and I know the pain of losing a mom, but your mom is still here so use the time you have to create some more happy memories with her. She needs you and she needs you to be strong and get through this without falling into active addiction again. If you have no form of aftercare going please start. Having people to help you through can make a big difference. God bless you and your mom and my prayers are with you and her. I pray she beats this!

[dominosarah]

There isnt a drug in the world that can take the pain and reality away.  I know first hand as i was still using when my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer a few years back.  I took care of my dad for 10 months and was so messed up on drugs.  One of my biggest regrets.  I too thought it was taking away the pain of watching him go but i was SO wrong.  I cant stress enough how important it is to be there for them with a clean mind and body.  This is something that you will look back on and say sara was right.  I know the pain you are feeling, the hurt, the anger and the unfairness of this.  Let yourself feel these emotions no matter how bad it hurts.  Dont forget to take care of you during this time too.  Do you have someone you can talk too?  You can always pm me if you want to talk or vent, yell, scream or cry.........sara