Alprazolam Help

[Hilliard55]

Hello, Im currently on day 8 of been clean from a year long addiction from OxyCodone/Contin anyway ive been useing alprazolam lately for my anxiety but the doctor is hesitent about prescribing me Xanax because its addictive and i understand that.. my question is what is a good way to approach a doctor in this situation.. Xanax has really helped me deal with cravings ect.. and id rather take it then buprenorphine. thanks!!

[Bodymechanic]

Someone please correct me if I am wrong but I believe alprazolam is generic xanax.  Your doctor is correct, it is very addicting.  Much more so than buprenorphine.

[afriend]

Yep, bodymechanic is right, alprazolam is the generic form of zanax. Your Dr. doesn't know this? Anyway, zanax is a benzo, and is addicting if taken every day or for prolonged periods of time. I've taken it for withdrawals and it worked well for me. Be careful because sudden benzo withdrawals (after taken for long periods or high doses) are brutal and can cause siesures and even death, unlike opiate/narcotic withdrawals. There are other benzos out there such as valium, ativan, klonopin ect. that may be better for your anxiety and easier to taper off of. We're all proud of you for being clean for 8 days!!! Keep up the good work..You don't say if your male or female so, love, hugs and friends,(take your pick) Have a great day!.. afriend..

[Hilliard55]

i know all Zanax is alprazolam ect, i must of done over 20 hours of reading on benzodiazapines ect, my main question is how should i approach the doctor, he gave them to me only twice now and in very limited quantities///  Are you suggesting i take Clonzopam instead of alprazolam? is one less addicting,?? i was thinking about asking him for a 2 week Rx for each month as i know you take them " as needed" and i understand that.. Im very very very afraid he will denie me them because i messed up on the first Rx he gave me.. he promised to give them to me if i didnt use oxy with them but i did, and me being the very honest person i am I admited to him that i did use them togther, which made him say no the second time around but then he said yes at the end of the session after i spent the whole hour explaining to him on how they helped keep me from useing more then usual amounts of oxy... He said he can refer me to a addictionologist who will prescribe me Buprenorphine, and im very interested in that so i dont relapse. and as a antidepressant..  But if i take that(burpe) and i happend  to run accross an Oxy pill which i probably will, will i not feel the oxy at all? My body most still be addicted because im still feeling Extreme fatigue in the morning, i can barely move, until i drink about 2 or 3 cups of coffee, which i dont want to do anymore.. Thanks to everyone who replies!!! PS im still locking for that euphoric feeling.. Im also wondering if an addictionogist will prescribe methadone on an outpatient basis.. ive heard it can be done but is extreme rare.. - Hill btw im a male and im 19 yrs old THANKS !!!!!

[freezing]

I advise against methadone on an outpatient basis, b/c you cannot count on lifetime supply and would be forced to the liquid handcuff daily dosing at the clinic with the lines, etc.  That stuff stays in your body organs for six months with commensurate w/d's.  So I have read and also experienced first hand.

I prefer valium over xanax.  I don't feel burnt out from the valium like I got from the xanax, plus, it is much less addicting.  

The xanax or valium will not eliminate opiate addiction or w/d's.  If I had a choice, I would take the benzo addiction over the opiate addiction by far!!!  Unfortunately, I don't have a choice.  The benzo's are not a substitute, at all, for opiates.

The addiction doctor sounds like a good idea, presuming you are ready to get rid of your habbit.  I, like you, am torn and tormented day and night.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Hilliard55]

Hi well i am ready to get rid of it and im not :( Ive lived most of my life in a depressed state of mind, in 4th grade i was drawing pictures of guns to my head ect... and im not in college. and feelings it more intensely.. its ruined all my relationships with girlfriends ect and just friends start to go away..  when i started useing oxy i only took it once in the morning about 15mg for several months,  I NEVER felt that good in my entire life, i was preforming better then i ever had in school and in my social life, i was excelling in everything i did and i was sooooooooooooo sooo so happy, i think about useing all day now, but no i cant afford it or can i get it from my origanal source.. thats why i was considering burpenophine, do you think this is a good idea?? i know its all a mask to my brain but its better then laying in bed nightly and thinking about suicide and spending all day afraid of everything and being a reculse... So basicly i would like to continue being an addict but only for the emtional reasons.. - hill

[cannedheels]

Hi Hill. I'm Sharon and I'd really like to talk with you privately  via email. (Particularly about how the oxy effected your relationships and the reclusiveness.) I'm going through the same thing. I hope to hear from you and thank you soooo much.

Sharon     ***@****


ps  Thank you Thomas03

[Thomas03]

If you're suicidal now, or in your pre-opiate past, that's nothing compared to how you'll feel after you've become addicted to Xanax. Xanax is an anti-anxiety drug with self-perpetuating effects. Xanax addicts eventually experience WD symptoms in between scheduled doses. Xanax WD is characterized by intense feelings of fear and anxiety and, as others have pointed out, can include life-threatening seizures. I had three of them.

Getting off of any benzo after long-term use makes opiate detox seem like a trivial experience. Benzo WD is unadulterated psychological hell. Benzos work on a different part of your brain than opiates, creating a completely new addiction on top of your first. I recommend benzos to people for SHORT-term use during opiate detox, but that's it.

If you got an anti-depressant effect from Oxy, you may get one from bup without creating a benzo addiction. In any event, it sounds like you're burned as far as getting much of anything out of your current doctor. Once you tell a doctor you're addicted to ANY drug, you will never get any addictive drug from him again -- at least not on a steady basis.

Your doc's already getting set to refer you to the addictionologist. You can't talk him out of it now. If you can afford an addictionologist, by all means see one. Not only can you get the bup until you're out of the woods Oxy-wise, but he may be able to help your underlying depression and anxiety with something non or less addicting.

Talk to some survivors and current residents of benzo hell at www.benzo.org.uk. I know you feel good on the Xanax. Everyone does. But it has a vicious backlash that can literally kill you before you get around to killing yourself. Good luck.

Thomas

[Hilliard55]

Hi sharon, im trying to write back to you from my aol account but it wont let me!! are you online right now? what is your exact email adress, i tryed all the possibilities and its still rejecting me! - hill

[Hilliard55]

Hi thomas, do you think my idea of asking for a 2 week Rx each month is a safe bet on not getting addicted? also i really dont want to doctor shop but i might if i have to... im only taking 1mg a day of xanax, ive heard that anything under 4mg is safe.. you seem to be well imformed on benzodiazapines, do you suggest any one benzo that is okay to use lets say every other day? someone suggested Klonpin( clonzopam ) which ive taken a lot of... also what if i ask my doctor to keep me at the 1mg level is that dangorous?? should i ask for only 0.5mg a day?? is that better?? thanks to all of you!! im checking the board every 30 min! TIA - Hill

[Wardman]

Xanax is an awful drug.  I was taking  1mg  most nights for 6 months  a few years back.  I never took it in the daytime.  I never got a buzz or anything to make me want top take it.  I decided to quit cold turkey.  It was awful for days.  Even a low dose of 1 mg is enough to cause WD after 6 months.

[cannedheels]

My fault Hill, I had that account programed NOT to accept email. I fixed it. You should have no problem now.

Sharon       ***@****

[Sugarbeens]

Please listen to Thomas about xanax.  I just went through severe withdrawal from only two weeks taking it and I took two weeks of ativan before that.  I have never experienced anything like this, as I felt like I was dying the anxiety was so bad. My last pill of xanax was Wednesday and today is Sunday and I am still hurting and feel so scared and fearful.  I have always had an anxiety problem, even from a small child and I am now in my 40's. I use opiates too, and go through withdrawal from them.  It is no where near as bad as what I just went through with xanax and i was only taking 1.5mg a day.  My doc did not tell me that I shouldn't stop quickly.  God was it scary and still is.  However, Thomas, I do have severe anxiety, especially when not taking my pain meds, but, I know I need to stay on them.  So what I am going to try to do is just take my pain meds and no ativan or xanax.  I was so scared!!! Please be careful anyone taking something for anxiety.  It leaves your body so quickly that it shocks your body very bad for weeks, I believe.  I don't know what it would have been like if I had been on these meds more than the 4 weeks.  Your body becomes addicted quickly. Bless you all.  Thanks Thomas for letting me know, and others how bad withdrawal is from xanax.  How are you?
Sugarbeens

[Thomas03]

sugarbeens, sorry you're having such a bad time. Xanax is the tranq from hell. Your taking Ativan, another benzo, prior to the Xanax may have just added to the "brain shock" when you stopped.

Here's what I learned the hard way: Ativan and even Xanax have and are being promoted as less addictive than Valium because Ativan and Xanax have shorter half lives. They leave the body in a very short time. This makes them handy for dealing with panic/anxiety attacks as needed, but it makes both of these drugs very dangerous when they're chronically used for long periods, ie, several months or years. After cessation, the brain simply cannot compensate quickly enough, causing terrible anxiety, fear, muscle tension, ear ringing, diarrhea and, my personal favorite, seizures. There's nothing like living in terror for 4 or 5 days and then blacking out into a seizure.

It's even sadder when you realize that most of this danger can be avoided by first switching to the very long half benzo, Valium, and then slowly tapering over several months. That takes discipline, but it's necessary.

Sugarbeens, it bothers me that you've stopped the Xanax so abruptly and are now just waiting for the misery to stop. You were on a relatively modest dosage, so I doubt if you're in danger of a seizure. But the safest thing to do is to get your doctor to put you on a equivalent dose of Valium and let you taper over a few weeks or even months.

You asked how I was doing. I have been off of both hydro and Valium for a couple weeks. As far as the lack of opiates go, I actually feel OK. After 30 years of chasing narcotics nonstop, I'm actually at peace with the idea of not using anymore. That's a very big deal for me. Of course, I didn't get to this point easily, willingly or without lots of help. Being immersed in AA for six months back in '95 made me truly conscious of my addiction for the first time. Being with so many fellow addicts made me realize I wasn't a freak or monster and helped me to forgive myself and lose the shame that poisons and paralyzes us all. This forum as well as the others I'm on continue to do much the same thing for me. I am not much of a program or group follower, and only occasionally go to meetings. But AA was the beginning of any meaningful recovery for me and I will always be grateful to Bill W. and company.

I am still experiencing some mild benzo WD. However, with Valium, I know I won't seizure. Just an edgy feeling now and again. Valium is big, slow and safe. I've been doing a lot of aerobic exercise the last week, and am, as always, amazed at how good that makes me feel. Simple stuff like a 1 hour walk in my steeply hillsided community does amazing things for my sense of well being, optimism and sociability. And I don't have to beg a goddamn doctor or pharmacist for it. **** all those guys anyway!

Actually, back when I was struggling with a pretty steep Valium dosage and running out on weekends, some Vics helped A LOT. I bet your pain meds will help you now.

Hilliard, since you're determined to get benzos from your doctor, first go to www.benzo.org.uk, print out Dr Heather Ashton's paper on safe benzo detox with Valium (she's the leading authority in the field), and show your doctor. Ask him to switch you to Valium under whatever supervision he feels good about. But it's not an answer to your Oxy habit, just temporary help for the WD symptoms.

Best of luck to both of you!

Thomas

[Sugarbeens]

Hi Thomas and thanks for the response.  I am so proud of you and I hope after 30 years you can stay off, but, just know I know even two weeks can be a victory.  One day at a time.  Do you think I could have a seizure still, when it has been almost a week and I wasn't on them for long???  I do go get my refills on narcotics tomorrow, but, was not going to ask for a benzo because of the fear of the addiction and what it did to my body.  If I should ask for valium, please let me know, or do you think I will be OK.  I can't believe what they did to me, it was and still is awful.  I feel better somewhat when I got out today, but, feel bad again now just laying around.  Maybe now I am just afraid, lonelY??? Could that be most of it???  I read your post all the time still Thomas and I know you have many struggles, but, you are so smart and knowledgeable on not only drug abuse and withdrawal , but, many things.  You have a creative mind and you help many people on this forum.  I guess I need to look into the other forums, but, my life with work is busy and I try to not be on the internet too often.  Take care and bless you for all the love you show people here, including me.  One thing I can say about addicts, they really do have a lot of love to share.  So many times I read where addicts are selfish people because they don't think of anyones but themselves or they would stay off drugs.  But, from what I have experienced, many addicts are the most loving and caring people, and just don't take care of themselves.  They care more about others than their ownselves.  I know that is me.  Love to all.
Sugarbeens

[Thomas03]

Thanks, sugarbeens, you're not so bad yourself!

As for whether you truly need the Valium or not, I would think not. You used for a relatively short time and didn't get near the dosage I was slugging down when I stopped. I would judge it this way: Are the WD symptoms still increasing in intensity, leveling off, or decreasing? At least in my experience, the WD symptoms steadily increased until I felt paralyzed and suffocated, so rigid I could barely move, my ears were ringing so loudly I was having trouble hearing people speak, then I blacked out. I awoke on a stretcher being carried down to an ambulance.

If your symptoms have leveled off or decreased, I'd say you're OK and don't need the Valium. Like I said, your pain drugs will help somewhat -- at least the Vics did when I used them during benzo WD.

If you're waiting to get your pain meds, is it possible you're "missing" those as well? Acquiring a poly drug habit is the worst move you can make. When you're in WD from 2 or more drugs, you can't judge anything. You can't tell what symptom is from what drug.

You may continue to experience episodes of benzo WD for a few days. As long as it's not still building, I think you're OK. But play it safe regardless.

Thomas

[Obnoxious Bob]

55 hours. Feeling better than yesterday believe it or not. Hardcore one week tapering must have helped. Way better than last weeks detox attempt.No sleep since last night but slamming some beers has me getting more tired. Anxiety better than yesterday for me but not my wife. She seems to have no trouble sleeping. I'm jeleous! Wondering if the group could tell me what is safe recreational use of opiates? How many days in a row, how many times a week, or how large a dose can you go without the WD's. How about H? Anyone with expeience?  Want to make sure I don't do this to us again.

Thanks all, Your are really helping.
Bob

[dancinginthedark]

In answer to your question as to how much/often, etc. an OPIATE addict can use recreationally, the answer is very simple.

NEVER. NADA. ZIPPO. RIEN.

Capiche?

I hope that was not overly harsh but your original post does not say anything about which drugs you & your wife are quitting.  However, your symptoms tell me it was an opiate addiction.  So, at 55 hours clean you're already trying to discern how to use recreationally?

Isn't that what you were both doing to begin with - unless your pain probs worked in tandem - causing you 2 to take a long weekend off to cold turkey one more time?

As to "H".  I have no idea what that is.  Heroin?  Hemp?  Just ask!  I have no experience with either.  I've always been too frightened to try anything more exciting than pot, which thankfully, I hate.  However, I'm no less of a junkie just because I was strictly prescription made.

With such a question, I don't know why you're quitting in the first place!  This group is full of people fighting desperately for every hour, sometimes every minute of freedom from goddamn pills.

You've heard of chasing the dragon?  Well, if you've ever been addicted to opiates & use them again, the dragon will be chasing you.

Keep going with the wonderful thing you two have done.  You must be into your 3rd day now so STAY WITH IT!

Dancing in the Dark

[Obnoxious Bob]

I'm not trying to trivialize anyone's attempt to quit drugs. Our personal story is that we have been drinking and abusing drugs randomly for 20 years +. But never getting into this situation. We ended getting introduced to H.  Yes, the bad one. I just dont like to write it on my computer. 5 months....way easy to get.....cheap..... and WOW!...5 months (with brakes here and there) by accident. Not saying i didnt enjoy it but, the reprocussions were not expected. When I didnt do it for 2 days I found out  that my body didnt like it. Thats when I knew something was up. Then I found myself taking it with me to work so I wasnt sick. I knew that this couldnt keep on. I don't think my relationship with it is over but I am going to do my best not to get into this perdicament again. Please dont take this the wrong way. Going Cold Turkey this week is not a walk in the park. I am a recreational drug user in a fix. I would like to think I can control my use. Is it possible? Am I in deniel? Can it be done? Has it been done? I'm not sure. I would like to think so.

Best to all,
Bob

[kilo]

First and foremost, congratulations on being clean 3 days. I must agree with Dancing, occassional use or chipping of opiates from this point on is out of the question. I can tell you from my personal experience and others that re-addiction happens quite quickly if you pick-up using again, even after being clean for several months or years. The chemical imprint that these drugs leave on your brain is permanent. Once something is learned, your brain cannot de-learn it. I don't want to sound fatalistic, but one must always be on guard if opiates are prescribed for legit pain in the future. As far as tolerance is concerned...it will return to normal pre-opiate abuse levels in approx. 4-6 months if you stay clean. Stay the course, come here often and best of luck.

Hey Dancing in the Dark...rumor has it that you're hanging out at DA.com  I checked it out a few days back and if you can get by all the BS, you can benefit a little. Hope this find you well in your struggles. Take care.  Peace


Kilo

[Sugarbeens]

Thomas , thanks again.  I still have the anxiety, but, when I get out of the house I feel better.  I am not going to get the valium, I am going to do this.  Yes, I went off of narcotics one week prior to stopping the xanax, so I know that is part of it.  Bob, you are in withdrawal and it hurts like heck, but, that is why you are thinking you can use recreationally.  You are an addict, and addicts can't use at all if you are determined to be clean and not readdicted.  Your stories help me, I just hope one day soon I can stop the opiates too.  Thanks and love to all.
Sugarbeens

[Hilliard55]

Thankyou to everyone who responded to my post and gave me your Two Cents! it means a lot to me when someone takes the time and even better really understands where im coming from.. Ive decided to just ask the doctor for a two week or so Rx for the month of march, i think that will help, and ive also decided upon Takeing Burpenorphine at a low does because at this point in my life i cant deal with opiate cravings ect, and id rather have it be controlled by a doctor in therapy, Thank you to all - Hilliard

[dancinginthedark]

Hey there!  I was thinking of you last night as I was cruising thru the msgs.

I'm doing OK.  I had a slip last wk., SO TO SPEAK.  Had just waxed the kitchen floor & was wearing my big fluffy socks & wham...I busted my ass!  (OK, cracked the coccyx).  Christ, does it hurt, even to go to the ladies!  I still had some refills on my T3's & I took it for about 3 days.  Amazing after 38-40? days, how I could take 2-3 & not feel much.  (I'm 105 lbs). However, it did take the edge off the pain. I polished off 20 in about 3 days & by then I could semi hobble & didn't *need* to be constipated if you catch my drift.  I know from exper. this pain could go on for another 1-2 mo. so I decided to go without & just suffer using a pillow under each cheek to try & work (at home thank goodness!)

So far, no prob.  My *real* prob one is fiorinal...butalbital.  Oh my.

Now, how the heck are you?  I hope you're faring well, hanging in there, etc.   You must be at about 10 days...or more?  Hey, if you fell off the pill bottle...I can assure you, it happens to the best of us! :-) Dust yourself off & back to it just as I just did.  Oh, and  now at Day 4 with no withdrawals.

Yes, us fiorinal heads moved over to DrugAbuse.com & we're just loving it.  I never read any of the BS.  Just went straight to it.  We're under "Support" & our thread is near top.  I just wrote yesterday that someone should apprise y'all so you can start a thread for opiates, whatever.  Go & check it out.  It will make you wish you took Fiorinal! :-)

I hope I wasn't too bitchy to Bob.  I just couldn't believe what I was reading!  Anyone heard from Recently Engaged?  He sounds like a sweet kid & I'm really pulling for him. Now, let me know how you are faring!

Best,
Dancing

[dancinginthedark]

Hey Bob,

I wanted to apologize if I came across too harsh in my missive last night.  I was just shocked by the question, going thru my own w/d's, & trying to get work done in front of a computer with a broken ass (tailbone).  

I think I was trying to do the Cher equivalent from Moonstruck, when she slaps Nicholas Cage & says, "Snap out of it!"  

You & your wife should be congratgulated.  You're in Day 3 & I say..Bravissimo!  If you don't feel like clapping, at least pat yourself on the head.

I do not have any exper. with heroin but I've read more than many on opiates & I would urge you - now - to think of yourselves as no different than opiate addicts who get their goodies legally from the Dr. & pharmacist.  I live in Cda & we can buy low level codeine OTC here & take as much of it as we want. And cheap.  100 tabs for $6.! 4 of those, equals 1 Tylenol 3.  I was being prescribed T3's for legit pain & taking truckloads of T1's which you buy OTC.  As I realized what I was doing, I did some major reading & with the same laws in the UK, there is a huge problem of legal OTC addicts.  Somewhere, the author explained that X OTC codeine tabs (a very takeable #) was the equivalent of a 20 pound sterling bag of heroin.

I almost fainted & it sure put things into perspective for me.  I was always very proud of the fact I had never even tried anything more exciting than pot.  Yet, all that time, from a place deep inside me, I was certain I wasn't doing anything wrong.  To the outside world, me abusing OTC codeine wouldn't be perceived nearly as harshly as you taking heroine.  And that's a load of B--LS--T!  You & I are in this together.  

One thing that helped me a lot, much to my surprise, is epsom salt baths.  Rumor is it removes toxins.  By Day 5 I was beside myself with agitation & thought, what the hell, can't feel any worse. I actually felt HIGH from the bath & that feeling lasted hrs. Now I take one almost every nt. because besides it relaxing me, it helps with some of my headaches/neckaches/backaches & chronic pain probs.

Use 1 c. of epsom salts
Add to warmish tub filled halfway
Once you're in & comfortable, start adding hot water until you are simmering.
Continue to do this (I go until my face is sweating).
Relax.  Give this 1/2 hr.
Get out slowly & carefully.  You don't want to black out!  
If you've baked yourself appropriately, wrap yourself in a towel, go lie down & let yourself sweat.  Once cool, take a quick, coolish shower & you will feel divine.

I really don't know enough about heroin to proffer any useful advice but I can tell you that the worst of your withdrawal is over at Day 5 so you are over halfway there.  Then you will undoubtedly go through craving, malaise, insomnia, anxiety, increased sensitivity to pain ...(help me ppl!).  But you 2 should be feeling pretty damn spiffy & soon.  However, you'll find your moods & energy waxing & waning & you just need to be prepared for it & ride it thru.  YOU CAN DO IT.

As to can you/has anyone used drugs recreationally after being addicted?  Well...the odds are not with you my friend.  I remember an addiction doc. I saw a few yrs. ago explaining to me that once the pump has been primed, it's always going to be susceptible & he'd never seen anyone do it successfully before. The world is full of anomalies & I'm sure someone out there has done it, but once again.  The odds are not with you.

I remember after quitting valium 90 mg. a day cold turkey & having the f*** vertigo come back full throttle after 4 mos.,I was so sick.  Same addiction doc consulted with ENT & my GP & they agreed to put me back on 20 mg. a day & not 1 more no matter how sick I was. I never once in 3 yrs. took more than the prescribed dose - often less & I had no prob tapering off slowly & it's been over 2 yrs. now.  However, I was at 90 to begin with because a Dr. started this 95 lb'er at 60 & kept upping it & I was scared witless of having vertigo w/out valium & I knew they'd cut me off if I abused it. Also, I was TERRIFIED of getting caught with my pants down (out of valium).  With valium, I could live a relatively normal life, without, I was in full throttle spin cycle 24 hrs. a day.  

However, by the same token & in retrospect, I had switched poisons to codeine & fiorinal so the net net wasn't so great.  That's another thing I'd warn you about.  I have been switching poisons for over a decade & you said you've been using this 'n that for 20+ yrs.  Now & over the next few mos. is when you're most susceptible.  Next thing one of you will have a mishap, get prescribed vicodin & you'll be going to the races with that one, all the while telling yourselves how great it all is because you're no longer using heroin.  Beware!  

As to, are you in denial?  Well, rather than say yes to that, I'd say you don't have enough facts to ascertain that yet.  And reaching out to ppl on this board is one way to get the facts & support.  Stay with us & try to stay off ANY mood altering substances for awhile.  And congrats on doing something I understand to be enormously difficult.  Stay the course.  I'm certain you can both do that because look at what you've already accomplished.

Best,

Dancing in the Dark

[longtimegone]

Hey ObBob, we all started out using heroin recreational brother! Once the monkey sinks his claws into you, he will be hanging close to you for the rest of your life. I've been at it for about 26 years and it don't get any easier to kick but it does get much easier to get a habit when ya think you can start chippin again. Bottom line, if ya really don't want to be going to the Methadadone clinic every morning for the next 25 years like I have then DON'T **** WITH IT AT ALL!! Serious bro, this **** only gets harder so if you are 5 or 6 days into kicking then you have the hard part done. Find something else to do with yourself, after you have been off H for a month or two you will find that you and your wife will be a whole lot more into each other if ya get my drift. Good luck....Later

[Obnoxious Bob]

Yeah I'm sure youre right about that. Abusing just about everything under the sun all my life for the buzz is my forte. I just never did anything long enough to get "hooked" But just my search to be mind altered is my vice. Availability, and cheapness caught me doing it regularly.(oh yeah it feels pretty good too) Whoops. Here I am. Alcohol is another semi daily issue. I'll do my best to stay away from this position again. My anxiety about quitting forever is the hardest. I got alot of other bad habits to break as well. I'm sure you guys havent seen the last of me here but the WD's this week are subsiding for sure. Yes my wife and I are already feeling "closer" :)


OB BOB

[Chezz2]

OB,

I wrote a little something in the throws of withdrawal a few months back if you would like me to repost it.
It has to do with being clean and chasing a high that you will never reach.
You are an addict buddy, it doesn't take a break, it doesn't lose it way, it NEVER forgets..........you do....

Chezz

[Obnoxious Bob]

I you feel like re posting feel free.



Ob Bob

[longtimegone]

Glad to hear you are doing pretty good this week with the withdrawls. I really am not a good person to be giving advise as I am still using and it seems I'll never be able to kick this miserable methadone. I just want to let ya know man, DO NOT let anyone talk ya into getting on a methadone maint. clinic. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever tried to kick and unfortunately I have had to kick allot of **** over the years. I was a popular man in this area and had lots of friends with whom I enjoyed seeing and going out all the time but since I have been on methadone this time I have turned into a depressed miserable person that nobody would want to be around even if I did go out. For some reason I just want to spend all of my time alone and really don't leave the house except to go to the clinic once a week to pick up my take homes. I have basicly lost interest in everything and everyone. Luckily my business allows me to work from home most of the time because I don't even like to be around people anymore. What I am saying bro is don't get on methadone, you can kick that heroin habit in 4 or 5 days as far as the physical addiction goes. It will no doubt take longer to deal with the psycological symptoms, ie. cravings, constant thoughts, dreams ect... Good luck bro and hang in there. I won't put my two cents in anymore, promise

[lisabet]

I have to disagree with your statement that you're not a very good person to give advice. Your advice to O.B. was excellent, mainly because of the very reason you feel you shouldn't give it....it comes from firsthand experience. Kudos to you for caring enough to help others even while fighting your own battle. Wishing you strength and luck. Take care, Lisabet

[Chezz2]

OBOB,

I might post some of my previous writing when the time is right. I am finally fully wirelessly networked, so no more jumping from computer to computer to find stuff - that is if I FULLY hooked up the network. I just got the initial part done, sharing my cable connection with all my computers. Next I have to deal with the file sharing, ect. ect.
When the time is right I will (re)post them again. They would have made more sense and meant more to you on your 2nd-4th day. For me, those are the days I can't seem to stop writing.

My heart bleeds, my soul pours, and my fingers tell the tale...

Chezz

[oxic]

How's my mangy dog these days???
Are you still holding at 4???

percs

[itsadogslife]

Listen to Thomas. 1 mg. of Xanax a day is a lot. Xanax can cause dependency in as little as two weeks and the rebound symptoms from stopping it will be much, much worse than anything you're going through now. Your doctor needs to get out his PDR and read it.

itsadogslife

[lisabet]

Hey Percs; mangy dog's still hanging in there...smile.  Yep, still holding at 4 - I just can't seem to get in the mind-frame to do any better; I'm hoping one day I'll just wake up and not even think about them anymore (...yeah, right!)  :)
How have you been?  Glad to see you've been on the forum lately; you have a good heart and that comes thru in your posts. I'm snowed in this morning (or rather "iced" in) - we've had a terrible winter here in Southern W.Va. It's snowed, it seems, almost every day...yuk!  I don't mind the cold weather, but this snow is getting too much. Good for the skiers though, since we have two ski resorts here; Winterplace and Snowshoe. I don't do the skiing thing though (I'll be the one sitting inside sipping a hot chocolate!)...smile. Take care, percs, and have a great day.  Love, Lisabet

[Chezz2]

Lisa,

That is awesome you are still holding at 4 a day. Still cut out the shots in the evening I presume as well.
4 a day is great. I think even if you stayed there for a while it wouldn't hurt.
You have made great progress. And it takes a lot to keep your intake the same day in and day out. So you are winning the battle...keep it up,
Chezz

Whats up percs? Remember I am not too far from Winnepeg if you ever make it that way!!! LOLOLOL

[lisabet]

Thanks, dear man, for your kind words and support, and yes, except for a "slip" here and there, I'm staying away from the Jack Daniels.  Nowhere near perfect, but lightyears better than I was several months ago. Only problem I have right now is sleeping. Doctor prescribed ambien, but after reading posts about it, I've been afraid to take it, so I'm usually up prowling the house until 1 or 2:00 in the morning.  Once in awhile I'll take a dose of Nyquil, which makes me sleepy, but don't want to get in the habit of doing that either.  All in all, though, doing well.  How are you doing?  I've thought about you a lot; hope all is well - I know you had a rough run following the passing of your mom.  Take care. Love, Lisabet

[rockonb]

My doctor has just switched me from alprazolam to lorazapam and from paxil (10 ml)to prozac. I switched to lorazapam last night and had a very restless evening. I will begin 5 ml of prozak when med gets here. I smoke and have other adictive behavior. I think that if I make this switch with a positive outlook and get some exercise, I may be able to improve outlook. I have difficulty sleeping and treat anxiety. I am new to forum.

[rockonb]

Is there really much diference between alprazolam (Xanax) and lorazapam? Anyone?

[longtimegone]

Thanx Lisabet for being so kind in your reply to me but if there is one thing I hate, it is a hypocrt. I feel like a hypocrit trying to give advise to some dude when I am about as screwed up as a person can be. I don't use any illicit drugs anymore, ie. heroin or coke. But I do drink 120mg. of methadone every day so therefor I am not clean. I have such a habit from the methadone that the doctors were hardly able to put me under for surgery because my tolerance is so high. I wish you the best of luck in getting and staying clean if that is what you desire!!! If ya slip, get up and dust yourself off and try again. I hate to admit it but I don't feel like I have any reason to quit. I spend 22 hrs a day alone, I had more of a life it seemed when I was on segregation at the state prison. Maybe I should start going out to the clubs to find a woman that I can spend some time with. That might improve my attitude and give me a reson to Thanks again Lisa


Jim Ward
***@****

[g.g.]

You need to get your BUTT out of that house!Even for short walks,several times aday!Just sitting in the house is one of your problems with depression!You've got to get out and fill your mind with something other than what your going through!Go to a movie,or go play pool anything just get out at least some besides to the clinic!In my experiance going to the bar and meeting someone you might pick up someone thats in the same boat as we are!Try the supermarket,laundrymat.anywhere but not the bar.Just to dance or visit is ok but not for a relationship!!(Just my opinion!)Take care my friend.  g.g.

[longtimegone]

Hey GG,
Thanks for your words of encouagement but I look at myself as a lost cause!!  If I can help another junkie do the right thing then I feel that I am at least doing something besides breathing valuable air. As far as going to church or the supermarket, I think I would scare the nice folks there...lol  I am a tattooed, 6'7" biker and people seem to be intimidated by me before I can talk to them and show them that I really ain't as bad as they thought! Anyway good luck with your recovery and thanks for the kite, I always enjoy sayin hi to a new friend. Except .......
Take care and best of luck to ya. I wont bug ya again

Jim
Rc

[Chezz2]

Thanks Lisabet,

I am hanging in there. I just got my 3rd set of flouroscan epidurals. Seems to be a good temp. bandaid for the pain for now. Still on meds, doing better with them than before. Especially right after my Mothers death.
My Uncle then took his life about 4 weeks after my Mom passed, about 3 weeks ago. So that has been hard also. He had a real hard time with his sister(my mom) dying. She died in a fire as you know. My Uncle was an alcoholic and really was drinking a lot after my Mom died. Then one night I guess he decided it was his time. He left a note, and then layed himself on top of a firepit.
This is so hard for me to write or even comprehend. You have no idea how hard that was to hear. Then to hear that animals also had gotten to his body was just tooooo much.
So things have been tough, but I will make it through. I thought my Moms passing was hard. But to have my Uncle go as well, and the way he did, is just way way too much. Time has passed, and I am getting better.
I REALLY feel for my Grandparents. For them to lose to children within a month is just unfathomable. That being their 3rd too. About 30 years ago, before I was born, another of their sons was murdered in their house. So they have been through a lot.
Our family has been through a lot, we are all trying to heal. It is slowing getting easier as the days go by. But there isn't a day I don't think about both of them...

Chezz

[g.g.]

Your not bugging me!And your probably just a big teddy bear!!I think your to hard on yourself!God created us all equal so NO ONES better than anyone else in my book!Your right thiugh people do tend to judge before they even know anything about a person!If you dont look like what they think then they tend to look down their noses at you!You sound like you've had a pretty hard knock life.You just need to meet the right people so you can be more comfortable with yourself.I'm here and I listen pretty good if you want to talk.I work too but am always checking in..........Take care my friend     g.g.

[lisabet]

Chezz - I am SO sorry - first your mom, then your uncle; and you're right, the circumstances of his passing would be enough to give anyone nightmares.  I know we haven't "met" except on this forum, but I want you to know my heartfelt sympathy is with you.  You have been so important in my own recovery; I wish I could do something to help you, but I know in these circumstances there is nothing....but at least you know I'm supportive in spirit.  If you ever want to talk one-to-one e-mail me anytime at ***@****.  My love and best wishes to ya, friend.  Love, Lisabet

[lisabet]

Hey, Jim - NO - you are not a hypocrite.  IMO - a hypocrite would be a "poser" who pretends they're recovered and then trys to give out advice.  You are being totally honest, and your advice and comments come from experience.  For being a big ole' tatooed biker guy, you seem to have a lot of heart...smile...You're right about peoples first perceptions of people, but you are what you are, so if people don't want to take the time to appreciate you because of your "imposing" stature, so be it - it's their loss.  I happen to think there's a lot going on under all those tatoos...smile.  If you ever want to talk - e-mail me anytime at ***@****.  Take care - Love, Lisabet

[kilo]

I haven't really wrote to either of you, but if you allow me I would like to add a few things.

Chezz - I'm so sorry about your Mom and Uncle. To say your plate is full would be a gross understatement. Just please believe that it will get better (I've been there unfortunately) and take everyday as a chance to heal. I've read your posts and your courage and strength is incredible. I don't pray or ask for help that often, but I do talk to God when things seem so out of order in this life. If He's listening I'll remind Him to keep an eye on you and try to bring you some peace.

Longtimegone - I have a suggestion...change your nickname to longtimeleft or longtimeremaining. It hurts me, a complete stranger, to hear someone in so much pain. I know it's kinda cliche', but tomorrow is a new day. I see each day as an opportunity, either an opportunity to linger with the same **** or try to make this day 1% or 5% better than yesterday. If I'm a halfway decent judge of character, you have a wealth of insight and knowledge that could help me and many others on this board. I look forward to hearing that from you and others here. So your 6'7", got a few tattoos and ride a bike...first of all I'm short, to much of a p...y to get a tattoo and I would love to learn to ride. I made a mistake once when I was young to judge a person from a first impression, it still haunts me today. To all the other shallow minded fools who make that error, **** em!
Each day is a gift. I'm going to open mine tomorrow. Please join us.  Peace to you

Kilo

[oxic]

I'm doing great, thx for asking!!
We also got a pile of snow the last few days, north of 49, but i have to confess....not sipping on hot chocolate(a lit'l coffee and Baileys perhaps).
You know Chezz is bang on, you are doing great, with more than a 70 percent reduction in your vike useage.  It is not such a bad thing staying/stabilizing at this doseage. You have an awfully large "family" here, that will support you no matter where you are at.  You have come sooooo far, and i certainly have complete faith in you..........hey, what do i have to do to earn a poem/limmerick...lol
Take care sweetie!!!

percs

Chezz, i posted to you over there

[Chezz2]

Percs,
THanks buddy, I got it.
I am hangin' in there. Good memory BTW. That was almost verbatim  what she said at the time. Tie the noose, and kick the chair!  ;)

I am keeping strong and moving through this...
Chezz

My Grandparents are the ones I am trying to help get through this right now. For them to loose 2 kids so close together, is just unfathomable. They will make it through, but we will do it together, as a family...

[lisabet]

You know, the Bailey's and coffee doesn't sound half bad...smile.  Thanks for the encouraging words; I just can't seem to bring myself to totally go off the vics; at this point I think it's more a physcological addiction than anything. I take 2 in the am - 1 at noon and the last one at 6 in the evening; along with a handful of vitamins and my prozac tablet. The only time I feel any WD's is on weekends if I sleep in later than usual.  The mornings seem the hardest for me. I'm feeling pretty good, but have trouble getting to sleep at night; don't know if you've read my recent posts, but my OB doctor prescribed ambien to help me sleep, but there were so many posts advising me against it, I'm afraid to take them.  Once in a while, I'll take a hit of Nyquil, when I really feel like I have to get a full nights sleep.  I've been so tempted to fall back on my Jack Daniel habit to help me sleep, but I don't keep it in the house; I know if I do - I'm just asking for trouble.  As for the "limerick", if the inspiration ever hits me again, I promise you will be the recipient (or rather, "victim") of it...heh-heh.  Not my strongest quality, you know... :)  A poet I ain't!  Hope you have a great weekend, Percs.  (FINALLY---we're having a weekend here with maybe just a "little" rain/snow for a change...) Who-woooo!  Again, thanks for your kind words; I really appreciate you.  Love, Lisabet

[kramerica26]

it all started with my chronic insomnia, had it for several years. Now hooked on benzos and alcohol. valium, xanax, serax, temazepam, ativan, in very high doses to and i am fkd. 27 years old and going down a bad road.
And my prison insomnia still haunts me most nights. what is wrong with me, i am quite fit and athletic, not over weight, plenty of exercise and still no sleep. I wake up 20 times a night.HELP

Oh and i just started taking ultram sometimes 400mg a day for energy.

[snowdoveee]

i have been a user of aprazolam since i was 19 know im 50 i have tried many times to stop but i just cant do it ,i have very short supply and i know i have to quit ,i have no more willpower to do it,i have been missing a lot of work and i dont talk to anyone anymore of fear i will need to take the medication .everytime i have tried to quit my live was a nightmare ,i just dont have the strenght to do it anymore is life really worht it ,can i really get normal life after are is it total missery from this day on .i live alone and i cant do alone i need help before i decide to do something stupid ty.

[robin41]

Dear Anyone,
I have been taking alprozolam for stress... stress so bad I was having chest pains with no physical tests that showed blockages or cardiac prob.s, no high blood pressure...Just stress factors such as:  A divorce , single parenting, recent car accident $$$ problems, demanding profession, etc... so thought stress was the problem.  NOW - if I don't take the alprozolam (xanax)  I feel sweaty, paranoid, nervous and just terrible... So how long with these withdrawals symptoms continue on...after taking this drug for the past year... I'm scared and want off. I want to be drug free and I don't have a regular doctor anymore they relocated...!  What can I take or do to subside these horrific withdrawals???  ~ Someone