Am I still clean if I use as prescribed??

[mama23babies]

I had a cyst rupture 2 weeks ago. The pain is almost unbearable at times. The fluid from it is floating around in my pelvic area. My OB wanted to do a hysterectomy 2 months ago but I decided to wait it out until I had some more clean time because I know I will need pain meds after surgery. When I went to the ER with the ruptured cyst they gave my a script for 30 hydros (my doc) and I didn't fill it...Wow I guess I have more willpower than I thought. I have just suffered so much with anxiety since quitting that I am scared to take them again. I guess that's a good thing huh?

Anyway I see my OB on the 12th and I know he is going to want to go a head with the hysterectomy and I'm too the point that I'm ready too. The pain is just getting too much. If I use the meds as prescribed am I still considered clean? BTW I am 129 days clean. Thanks for your help and support in advance.

[ZJILLIAN]

I think sometimes with us addicts that there is some confusion about what exactly is the problem. The problem as I see it is NOT with the drug. The drugs are good, they have allowed physicians to control extreme physical pain--a miracle--in the history of medicine. The problem is us. We can't control ourselves. We are gluttons just want to keep on tasting the good taste. Can't get up from the dinner table.

I think you are being extreme in your refusal of pain medication if I understand your post correctly. It is really not necessary for you to suffer such intense physical pain just because you are an addict and want to feel "clean" In some overly simplified definition of clean. Refusal to use pain medication for legitimate reasonsi is like self inflicted punishment. You are not a bad person, you do not need to suffer. You have proved that you can stay clean, now prove to yourself that it isn't necessary for you to suffer anymore just because you are an addict. That you can use medication as prescribe when the situation calls for it.

It really is another example of our black and white thinking which in itself got us into trouble. Please be nice to yourself, you deserve to feel better. Take pills as prescribed, build in safety measures. You sound like you have a wonderful family. Protect them from your suffering. You can do it clean (in the real sense of that word).

[mama23babies]

Thanks. I know that putting off surgery wasn't a good idea. I just needed more clean time before I went through with it because I knew I would relapse. I am confident in my decision now that I never want to go through this again so I know I will not abuse and my husband will not let me. If I would have went through with the surgery before I wouldn't be having worsening pain and fluid floating around in me that could get infected. Now I am a nervous wreck that something bad is going to happen before my surgery. I thought I was being strong against my addiction though and now I have real pain. I am trying not to get that script filled right now but it will probably be another month before I can actually get the surgery now. It takes forever where I live to have anything done.lol

[mama23babies]

Good to see you posting again.I'm glad you are doing so much better and as always I am glad to have your advise and support. I defiantely know that I don't want to go through this again. I thought the anxiety was going to kill me in the beginning and it's still lingering around.

[mama23babies]

Thanks. I know I will have to be very strong to get through this. I had a minor surgery in July that I managed to make it through without taking the pain meds. Of course they gave me demerol in the hospital but I didn't take anything when I came home. I was so proud. My OB is the one that did the surgery. He knows of my problems but still after I told him he didn't think I would be able to control the pain without them and prescribed them anyway,but I did it without. I'm sure my husband will hold them for me and only give them when I need them as this has been he!! on him too. My anxiety was horrible in the beginning and I was literally almost non functioning for awhile. I would feel way too bad to put him and my children through this again.

[beatingthis]

You bring up a good point. Pretty sure most of us will have to use pain meds for some real reason sooner or later. Have a plan. If you can have someone hold them for you and give you only what you need. It can be done. I have done it. I had major detal work done and getting ready to have the 2nd part of it next Wed.
Being in pain and putting of surgery isn't a good thing either.
Good luck OK?

Terry

[guv338]

You know how I feel about pain meds now.  BUT, if you have to have surgery your going to need some type of pain relief I would think.  I dont technically know if your considered clean or not if using as prescribed, I just know what you have been through and just Hate the thought of you having to do it all over.  I would suggest praying long and hard about your decision.  I will be praying for you also.  Guv

[ZJILLIAN]

My thoughts on this are that of course you are clean if you use as prescribed. That kinda is the definition of clean. The problem of course is to stay at the prescribed level and not start the whole thing again. I think the best way is to have someone hold the medication for you if that is possible.

I am sure that people here will give you lots of help with this.

Pain is pain, and pain medication has its real purpose. We just don't know when to stop.

Have you discussed this with your doctor in terms of pain control and drug tolerance?