Am i real? does this exist

[RastaP]

Well i've went on a week and a weekend of one of my crazy party rampages... now i'm sick again i got bruises everywhere i feel like deathhhhhhh. Why did i let it win.. i do not know... i make no sense i guess. I just feel kinda pointless.. i feel like i have no future.. I've always felt this way. like i know i should make my future but i dont see the point... Like there is nothing.  I don't have a thing going for me. I don't really want to do anything. I just want to sleep.. sleeping is like another world ya know. like you escape reality... but maybe sleep is the real reality.. but what is real.  Is real a thing? is this world real am i real.... i dont feel real i feel like i'm not really here.  What if i live in a TV show... like a TV show to us isnt real but there is a story created inside someones. head and in someones head is a thought of a person.. what if i'm a thought in someones head? what if thats what this whole life is just a thought and each thought is a different thing happening. I dont know where i'm going with this i feel pointless... and does love really exist? does happiness exist??? does sadness? emptiness..... I need something just something.. i want something to know that i am real.. Is this life even happening?! am i asleep or awake.. is sleep real? what is being awake? if I thought that a feeling was the opposite of another feeling would i feel the feeling another person feels when i think the opposite about one thing? umm yeah.. i just feel like maybe i want to believe in god.. but i can't and i wish i could because i feel so pointless... i dont really feel him. i try. maybe sometimes but i dont know if he wants me. or if i think he's there.. or if i'm an experiment ran by ALIENS?!um i sure hope not aliens are creepy. but i guess there everywhere these days.I dont know what i'm doing right now. I'm speaking of crazy things. but i cant stop. I wanna just beeeeeeeee normal normal. i hate drugs. i hate them so. I love them so.  i wanna disappear into a world that has no drugs.. maybe if i try hard enough i will. but that world doesnt exist i'm sure. i'm having a very hard time.. i wish i wasnt alone... no one listens to me.they only tell me to shut up. my family... they do not understand me. only show me shame. I know i hate myself for the drugs already nooooowwwwwwww they hate me too. great. so many thoughts to ponder.. I had a woodtick today.

[carr]

Go get some professional help.


carrie

[gizzy32]

I don't know, are you real? Why do you have bruises everywhere. Rasta, we have tried to give you advice, you have had people worried about you here and by your posts your getting worse. I mean are you actually thinking these things or messing around? There is help out there for you and it's more than the drugs. Even though you say your family does not understand you, they can help you girl. Your too young for this and your thoughts are scary. Please come back and let us know your ok. I don't know what else to tell you:(

There is a life waiting for you, but until you make some sacrafices and accept you need to get some help, I am not sure what else you can do for the time being. Addiction is a viscious cycle and it only gets worse, not better, until treated. Please be strong, we are still here for you.