Amphetamine (too much of)

[JawD]

Hello people.  Over Xmas I split from my partner and found the best escape was having a "bender" which included amphetamine (base?) and ecstasy.  I do know it was the wrong way to go, and now I feel I am suffering for it.  At the end of the night I was ill, rapid heart, panicy, sweating, almost like a "bad trip".  The problem I have now I think is related to this.  Most of the time I struggle to take a deep breath and my vision can be fuzzy / speckled.  I have had bouts of depression and often feel unmotivated.  I sometimes get tingling on my skin and hot flushes.  Also can feel detached and things are very surreal. I have been to the Doctor with the symptoms but didn`t mention what I thought the cause was.  I really feel like I am cracking up at times.  I am going for blood test on monday.

I am just wondering if anyone has had the same / similar problem and what direction I should be looking to go in?

Previous to this I did take "recreational" drugs but have now stopped altogether due to what I am now going through.

Thanks for taking time to read this.  Any help is appreciated.

[jennyfla]

I like that, it's always better getting through something was you have people that are there to walk besides you and hold you hand when you really need it!!!!
:)
As for the snowy day, well that's one thing i don't have to worry about, and hey, get your butt down here because it is so beautiful today and will be all weekend.
When i read that it snowed up there, it's so hard to think about snow when it's so warm here!
Now we do sweat in florida quite a bit, and the hot weather can get old, but hey, sweating is good, it helps rid of the body of toxins.  How did i get on that gross subject... lol!!!!!
Have a great weekend and stay warm!
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

remember you don't have to do it alone,,,,once we get past the withdrawals,,which I believe is a huge deterrent for getting clean,,yeah  alot of times the thoughts of it keep us form using again  at least for a time but once we get past thatwithdrawal we have so much to work with to help us to stay clean,,it is a matter of how badly we want it,,even if we don't feel like going to meetings on a freezing cold snowy night (if we do meetings) we can talk ourselves out of it real fast..but we would go out and get our drugs on a bad night,,,we get complacent,,procrastinate etc...ane we really are not Wimps.just remember we   that little word  "WE"  is really one of the biggest words in the english language  it really packs a wollop...it means so much   think about it,,,and let it be your word for the day  LOL   now you'll walk around saying  We  We  all day  LOL    love ya            cin

[jennyfla]

Thanks Cin, and as always you are right!
I just wish i wasn't such a wimp sometimes, although i know i have a great deal of strength inside, it's just hiding behind the drugs and the fears!
I have a determination and drive that's incredible, i just need to focus and steer it towards beating this thing, then everything else will follow.  It may not be all good, but even as i say this, i think it will be in the end!
Thanks, as always, for caring!  :)
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

I think it's that good old fear of the unknown that keeps us down,,,and it's not until we realize that alot of times our fears are unfounded is when we can remove that obstacle from out path.....love  cin

[jennyfla]

Hey JB!!!
I also spend a lot of my time living in the past and wishing i could start all over again.  Take me back about 10-years, then hit the restart button, if i only knew...
JB, I'm afraid of getting clean in a way because my husband is choosing not to go that route.  I'm afraid of the big huge barrier it will build between us.  I know this isn't healthy, plus, it's no good for the kids, but i can't help but be afraid!
(((HUGS))) to all!!!
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

hey guys   as usual your posts are written so nicely,,,i do have alot to be grateful for   and It's not that I forget  I am just so overcome with this and that to really stop and smell the roses   and eacy day i get out f bed  I say  I'm gonna read more to Alec or Take Jen somewhere and then the day whizzes on by and i didn't take the time to smell the roses again,,,but I'll tall ya this,,,everynight when I put these kids to bed  and kiss doug good bye when he leaves for work  I never ever forget to thank God for what he has given me,,,love cin

[skipper]

J.b.--
hey were you complenting me or my wife who posted by mistake under  
my name? the complement is probably for my wife, irish rose! either
way thankyou!

so are you still getting grease under your fingernails? the past couple of days i've actually had some work at my job. spring break has left me without student workers. i hate to admit it, but it kind of felt good to sweat and huf & puff. i seem to have gotten out of touch with the physical side of the job.

keep an angel on your shoulder
        kip

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

See, it isn't so bad after all!  We still have so many tools to work with if only we'd try.  You don't acquire those "tools" by living the perfect life.  None of us would even be here for that matter, if we were saints.  Even the least of us has a world of knowledge and needs to be heard and appreciated.

Yes, I spent eleven months in Viet Nam.  But you know, I spent several days in the VA hospital last summer and was in grief over the many Vets who have no one.  Just waiting to die!  I really do feel grateful that I have what I have.  But for the grace of God, there go I!  It's hard to picture and even care about unless you've seen it firsthand....just like our lives and dealing with addiction.  

J.B.

[IrishRose]

Oops sorry Kip, sorry everyone! That post was from me, Kip left the forum up and I mindlessly posted under his log in. Duh IR

[skipper]

Thank you once again for steering me back to remembering what I have to be grateful for, all the gifts and tools I've been given to  deal with whatever pops up in my path. I spend a lot of time at the VA due to my job. As I walk by the rows of people , mostly men, waiting to be seen, helped, cared about, some there with family, many, too many with no one I think of a song by John Prine, called " Hello in There". I try to make eye contact and at least smile and acknowledge them. Some days it really breaks my heart. I waste a lot of time wishing I could go back to certain points in my life and have a "do over". But of course it would be on my terms and maybe I am indeed exactly where I am supposed to be at this point and all that **** has brought me here to this point. So change a thing, nope me neither I guess. IR.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I thank you for so eloquently expressing the emotion that I could not!  I really do have it in my heart to help my fellow man(oh, how trite!).  No, just saying "hello" and a few minutes of communication and a handshake can make all the difference in the world. I don't think that I could behave like this day after day but, I'd like to think that it's in my nature to be able to love and care about people. I think that we are born with this feeling but that living life in general makes us rather cynical and uncaring.

Thankfully, we mature and grow and appreciate the very things we so neglected due to ignorence years ago! Enjoy.

J.B.

[cindi]

Ya know  I did think about it  and had it not been for my addiction I would have never met my husband and you know how much I cherish him and my kids...they would not be who they are if I hadn't met doug...nope   I wouldn't change a thing either,          love cin

[OxyDout]

thank you both, and I agree J.B, if there were no addictions, or no temptations, life would be far to boring. Ketta I feel fine actually, I felt fine later that day, but I was really shake when I had woken up that morning, weird......anyway, I definitely wasn't waiting for my next line.....I'm doing pretty well now, but the first couple of days at work have been awful, I'm in sales and when your depressed....its two total opposites. anyway, I hope all is well with both of you.  Take care.

GWH

[cindi]

I never tried Cocaine during my active addiction or fear I would become  drug addict  go figure,,,so I just continued to shoot myself full of demerol and whatever else,,my mom had a terrible time with smoking   I quit very easily  and she had emphysema,,I always wonder what my life would have been like without my addiction,,,hmmmmmmmmm   love cin

[OxyDout]

very heartfelt, can i ask, were you in vietnam? I think a few of you here, were in vietnam, but I'm not sure.  I come from a military background(my family)i have never been in the military, but my grandfather was a sergeant under mussolini in Africa, my brother was a sergeant in the Army (special forces) and my mother was also in the military during vietnam, but I don't know what her rank was. My brother is now a fireman and loves his job, he is a different breed and a great human being.  Anyway, just curious, but if you were, know that I have the most respect for you, I really, truly do.  You have been an incredible voice of reason in this forum and I can't tell you how much that means to me. thank you so much

GWH

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I wonder about that same thing once in a while...what would my life have been like without my addiction(s).  The several times that I did get heavy into a 12 step program, I found myself slowly pulling away from my wife and kids.  It scared me to think that I could do that, especially when I saw so many fellow addicts in divorce procedings when they stayed clean for a while.

If I could change anything about my life it would be to never have been given my first dose of morphine on the battlefield thirty two years ago.  But then again my whole life would have to be restructured to accomodate that one change.  When I think about my kid's and grandkids smiles....I say nope, don't change anything!  

J.B.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

It's good to see you around here again.  I've used cocaine but never got hooked on it for some reason.  I prefer opiates and only use the stimulants when I need to do something that needs me to be kind of "wired".  It may sound strange but I can get about the same effect from ephederine(Mini Thins)which are legal and a whole lot cheaper! It's like some people go nuts over tobacco and get hooked immediately, yet I can enjoy an occasional cigarette.  It drives my poor wife crazy because she's a two pack a day smoker with lung cancer and can't seem to quit them.

I sometimes wonder what kind of world we would have if there were no addictions at all.  Think about it! Sooner or later, we would get so bored that...oh well, who knows?

J.B.

[Ketta]

Okay, the "post a comment" cut me off.
BIG depression. Take the L-tyrosine, helps a lot. Good job staying away from the pills. We'll be here.

[Ketta]

Glad you don't like coke, but it's a narcotic for sure! The aftermath is so bad, that it overcomes the high- at least for me. You'll feel better when it's out of your system. You need to give it 72hours and it should be out. You're likely not getting sound sleep with it in your system either. Take some unisom, have a glass of wine(not 10) and you should feel better in a few days. Also, BIG

[OxyDout]

Hey guys, I have to say I'm the smartest kid alive.  I'm staying clean with the oxy so why not try cocaine??!! what an idiot I am, anyway, I tried it, and I DIDN'T LIKE IT, I didn't do much at all, it was enough to feel it but I still didn't like it, and then in the morning, I was SOOO jittery, my nerves were shot, is that normal?? it was awful coming down from it, but I thought I would feel fine in the morning. Anyway, on a good note, I definitely without a doubt didn't like it.  And I have stayed clean from all narcotics.  I have also gained 7-8 pounds of muscle back from going to the gym, so all is going well and I feel great. !! I hope everyone is doing well, and please post often, I know I will be here, I'm not even close to being out of the dark yet, I am now realizing that this will be a life long battle, but it is going to be the toughest in the near future, probably for the next 6 months. But I'm doing well and I"m determined.........

GWH

[GOD]

Trust me... I know from a big addiction. ULTRAM is nothing to mess with. It takes a little longer to fet hooked on, but VERY long to get off of. Horrible withdrawl (worse than any Opiod-based drugs I've been addicted to.) If I were you, I'd put that ULTRAM away now. I think the reason It is SO addictive is that it makes you feel normal X10. You will be in a great mood, ready to tackle any problem, and feeling no pain. it was almost 2 weeks of pure hell for me. I was up to 15 to 20 per day after only 3 months of use/abuse. Good luck!

Jess

[JawD]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment.  Its really appreciated.  I go for a blood test in an hour and then I guess I`ll see if I can find myself a psychiatrist to talk to.

[hjp]

the consensus on this forum is that ultram is a more severe addiction than vicodin, norco. The withdrawal is more prolonged and more severe......be careful.......hjp

[vikequeen]

Sorry to hitch a ride on someone elses post but everytime I try to post my own question it says the thing is full. I feel like this Ultram has a bit of speed in it and I hate that feeling if I didnt I would be a coke addict not a downer fiend. Does this feeling go away its too much like ritalin which I stopped taking cause I absolutly hate this feeling, I miss my percs and vics already. Badd