Any advise to help me quit?

Ok, posting on here is actually a big step for me. I am finally ready to give all of this up for good. I have been taking any kind of opiate that I could get my hands on (mostly hydro's) every day for so many years now that I can't even remember how long. (sad right?) I almost got a divorce because of it. Thankfully, my wife has given me a second chance at life. I tried to taper down and of course that didn't work. So next, I tried to get away from all temptation for a week to detox. Unfortunately, when I got back I relapsed. Continued my abuse for a few more months and continued to lie to my wife because that's what we addicts are best at, but I want so badly to quit. The problem is that I just don't have the energy to function in normal society without something. Well, I'm just sick and tired of having to depend on a little pill to live. I want to live my own life. A friend of mine told me about suboxone so I decided to give it a try. I illegally purchaced some from a guy I know and have been taking 1/2 of an 8mg each day and I have been doing great with just that. I only have 3 left and when those are gone, I'm not getting anything else if I can help it. I don't know how I am going to feel by then when they run out but nothing can feel worse than loosing the family that I love so much. Can someone please give me some advise to help me from relapsing again? I want so badly for this to work out. I don't want to loose everything that I love and I'm just scared that I won't be able to stay clean. Someone please help!!!

[bmc1976]

One thing that you will need is aftercare to keep from relapsing. This forum is a great place to start! There are so many wonderful people on here and no one is will judge you. Most of know exactly what you are going through and will help you every step of the way. I'm sure others will recommend NA. Many say the withdrawals are the easy part. It's the long term care that is the hardest. It's kind of late so most are off to bed right now. There will be many on tomorrow that will give you better advice. Just know that you are in the right place for help! We are all like one big family always looking out for one another. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Best of luck to you!
brian

[sadinmichigan]

What brian said is right..Only a few of us nightowls.lol..The mental part in my opinion is harder than the w/ds..I am clean 18 (at the end of the day) from taking many many hydro's.i did quit cold turkey..but that is what I chose..I spared already myself over 180 pills in this time.and i have been taking them for 6 yrs..You can do it..i do not know what suboxone is like and you will have people answering..i suggest pm wait2long...You will live and then be done with the physical part..You will need to address the mental part..that is my problem now..But I am doing it.This is a great forum with great people..good luck..

[Lsufan3103]

I am starting to realize that the hardest part is going to be after the fact. I have completely detoxed once and not long after, I relapsed because for so long now, the medicated feeling is the only feeling that I have known. I am surprised at how low of a dosage of suboxone it has taken me to feel normal. Should I maybe taper down the last three that I have or should I continue taking them the way that I have been? And what should I do afterwards to not relaps?

[bmc1976]

I don't really know anything about suboxone except from what I have read. There will be others on here that will help you with that. So on that I can't really give you any good advice. I have never been to NA either but I know others will recommend to try and find a meeting in your area. Make sure you stick around this forum. It is some sort of a na meeting itself. I know it has and is helping so many people as part of their aftercare plan. You will see what I mean tomorrow when more people are on. You will get so much advice and encouragement!

[sadinmichigan]

stay with us..help is on the way...i got a hold of a wonderful person who i think can help

[wait2long]

hello and welcome...
first thing i need to know is how long have you been taking suboxone and has it always been at the same dose, 4 mgs per day?

[Lsufan3103]

thanks you guys, it's people like you two that this place was intended for if i had to guess. I don't understand why people get so angry when all we try to do is help. That's what this is all about right? Helping each other?

[Lsufan3103]

I've been taking it for a week now, 4mg in the morning. Half of an 8mg, cause thats when it's the worst. Right when I wake up. And I've got enough to last me for another week and then that's it. I don't have a Rx for it, it was given to me by a friend who wants to see me quit cause he knows that I want it so badly.

[sadinmichigan]

your welcome...hang in there friend...and yes we all try to help.(well most of us) theres always a cook somewhere once in awhile lol

[wait2long]

my advice is to start to taper your morning dose down starting with tomorrow morning...1 week on sub and i really think you will be fine,
have you tried to stop taking it at all yet?

but you still need to taper slow...its just the best overall way to do it, even when on sub short term.  tomorrow cut 1 mg out of your dose, (if you have to use a razor to cut it, then please do) stay on 3 mgs for 5 days, then take another 1 mg off your dose, stay there for about 5 days...do this until you are down to 1 mg, at this point take 1 mg every day for 3 days, then 1 mg every other day, then every 3rd day, then every 4th day and so on, etc....did this make sense the way i explained it to you?  if not please ask as many questions as you need to...

[sadinmichigan]

see..i told help is on the way..and she knows what she's talking about..thanks wait2..xo

[Lsufan3103]

It makes sense. I've tried to stop all together before I started the sub but couldn't do it, that's why I started taking this instead. I thought that maybe if i did, then it would be easier to come off of this than it would all the pills that I have been taking. This was a form of step down for me, ya know? Do you think that 2 weeks of sub will be enough to eliminate the withdrawals of all of the hydro's that I have been taking?

[wait2long]

first off let me warn you, my computer is acting a little funky right now, if we lose each other just hang on, i have 4 other computers i can go to if i have to...
give me a few minutes to type my response to you...but be patient, computer is deathly slow right now...LOL!
be back in a few minutes...ok?

[Lsufan3103]

k

[sadinmichigan]

hun..i'm not sure..i hope though..i think you should try what wait2long told you..She will be a great support for you..and so will we..right brian...you still around?
Lisa

[wait2long]

i'm sorry, my question wasnt clear...i meant , have you tried to stop yaking the sub yet?  just stop taking it?
if you have, what happens?

[Lsufan3103]

no, not yet. I've been taking them every morning for a week now. I feel like I can't get out of bed unless I have SOMETHING to make me feel right. If I don't, I feel miserable until I do.

[wait2long]

ok...i am wondering this because right now, you should not be dependent on sub at all, 7 days really isnt long enough for you to get addicted tomit, so i am thinking you should try a quicker taper off sub so this doesnt happen...
tomorrow, i want you to cut back to 2 mgs in the morning...and stay there for 4 days...
it takes 4-5 days to really be able to tell how your body will react to this change...
do you think you can do this?  or do you want to try the slower way?

[sadinmichigan]

WHAT!!! 4 other computers..=LMAO

[wait2long]

yes...i have 3 boys and a husband...LOL!  they each have their own computer...LOL!  
maybe i should set them up all in 1 room, this way i can have 5 conversations going at once...LOL!  dont think i could do it, my boys would be PI**ED OFF!

[Lsufan3103]

You mean to take a 1/4 each day instead of a 1/2? Yea, I can try. I'm hoping that I can be fine with that. My problem is that I couldn't step down on the hydro's that I have been so very addicted to but since I have been taking these, I haven't needed the hydro's. I guess you could say that this IS my step down from them and so far it has been working. I have been feeling ok (not great, but ok) on these. I'm hoping that when I quit these, I don't need the hydro's any more and won't have such a rough withdrawal from them as I would the hydro's. Is there a withdrawal from sub's?

[sadinmichigan]

girl you are funny...LMFAO...

[wait2long]

where are ya hun?

[bmc1976]

night all! I'm heading to bed.

[wait2long]

yes, starting tomorrow morning, take 1.4 of a pill...2 mgs...use that for 4-5 days...if that goes well than i want you to cut your dose in half again, go to 1 mg and stay there for 4-5 days...does this sound like something you could do so far?  i dont want to push you too quickly either...because the key is to stop but at a comfortable rate.

i have to ask though hun, do you have anything set up for aftercare?  what will you do to help yourself stay clean when the sub is gone?  have you given this any thought yet?  because you really need to start thinking about this now.
even when you are off the sub...you still may have the anxiety, and blah feeling.  this is what you will need help in dealing with to prevent a relapse.
what do you have in mind for this?

[wait2long]

goodnight bmc!!

[wait2long]

you have been on sub long enough to bypass hydro witrhdrawals, and you havent been on sub long enough to become dependant on it..so to be honest with you...you are at a really good spot right now.

[Lsufan3103]

well, the problem with the step down is that I only have 2 1/2 left and I'm not prescribed it. I got it from a friend. I don't really know what i should do after, I am so clueless and I don't have anyone around me to give me any advise. Nobody around me understands what I am going through. They all think that I should be able to JUST QUIT. I wish it was that easy!!!

[wait2long]

well if you dont have anyone supportive around you, then you have yo seek support hun...you have to...very few people are able to "just quit", and it does not make you weak because of this..addiction is a debilitating disease...you will need all the support you can get at this point in your recovery...this IS where the real work begins hun...and regardless, it will not be easy...it wont be easy with no support inplace.
can you get into some therapy?  one on one therapy/counseling?
have you ever been to any NA meetings?  is this anything you would consider?
i cant stress this enough...you will need support, and if you cant get it from family or friends, then these people will have to be avoided until you DO have some support in place...

[Lsufan3103]

Well, they support me but they are just going to tell me that I gotta quit. They just don't understand that it's not that easy. And as far as outside support from someone who can understand what I'm going through.... I don't know where to begin??? I guess that is something that I am going to have to try and figure out on my own... The only place I knew to look was on the internet..... so here I am, lol.

[wait2long]

well you will need outside support too hun?
do you have  insurance?

[Lsufan3103]

No, I don't have insurance and I fear that I will need some support to stay clean. I tried once but failed. If I fail again, I fear that I am going to loose my wife and step-children for good. I just don't think that I can do it alone. That's why I gave the sub's a try. I just don't know what else I can do to stay clean when I get off of them.

[sadinmichigan]

does Louisianna have any type of government programs...(not the meth on) You should check it out online..Michigan has them for..of course the  m word.and suboxone..just a thought..or find out how much a clinic charges for there sub..

[wait2long]

well i dont have insurance either...but i did manage to find a place that i can get therapy based on my income...is there anywhere like that in your area?
a state or government run mental health facility?

[Lsufan3103]

I'm not sure.... where do I look to find out?

[wait2long]

for starters, look in the phone book...look under substance abuse, look under mental health, look under addiction facilities...and just ask anyone or place that you call if they know of a place that offers therapy to people that have no insurance, or thatsis based on income....they are around and most states have quite a lot of them,  but you n=may have to do some footwork to actually find them, most places like this dont advertise...
you may even try to call your local hospital, they may be able to point you in the right direction...most hospitals have a substance abuse therapist that may be able to hook you up with the right agency...

[Lsufan3103]

See, that's my biggest problem... staying clean. I don't have much money so I can't seek the help that I think I should so I relapse. I've gotten clean before but every time I end up going back.

[wait2long]

i had the same problem hun...i did. and i NEVER believed in therapy, i always thought it was BS or hogwash...but i have been in therapy since last may, i have also been on sub since last may,i chose long term maintenance with suboxone.
getting clean is nothing compared to staying that way...but there is help out there hun, you just have to find it...money should not prevent you in getting you the help you need...do not give up on that part please...  it really does help.  you have to get to your core issues, and learn ways to deal with stress, cravings, anxiety and the everyday issues and stressors that pushed us towards addiction...
i wont try to BS you either...this is going to take some strength from you to overcome also, some willpower to say no when you feel you cant take it anymore....when you really start to get down and feel like caving...get on medhelp and start posting, immediately...you will get the support you need from the members here, i guarantee it!!!  

[sadinmichigan]

great advice sweetheart!!! i need to do that too.(counseling/meetings) and of course..I am always here or I'd have been done already..

[flmagi]

Welcome to the forum.
If you have 2 1/2  8 mg pills left, that is a total of 20 mgs left.   So do the taper plan that Wait2long gave you. And you should be fine as far as no withdrawels.
Google  Narcotics Anonomous. They will have some where on the site, a sceduale of meetings in your area. They're all over the place and some more than once a day....different hours.  Please look for additional support to stay clean. But keep posting on this forum. It has been a life line for so many. We're here to help you.  After you come off the Sub, you may have some lack of energy, not due to the Sub, but because you would have had that if you just went cold turkey off the hydros. Thats normal. Start taking vitamins, protein and amino acids.
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

[Penelope14]

Admitting to yourself that your adict is one thing, but really knowing it & making changes is for some the 1st step in making changes in our lives. Myself personally I have taken the addiction & turned it inside out, I look now at all the positve versus negative things. I seek alot of help, I go to NA sometimes even AA & counseling & this forum, many can talk the talk, but you really must walk the walk to achieve success & live a drug free life. Penelope

[dove3053]

You have come to the right place for help. The fact that you want to get off the pills is a big step in the right direction.

Good luck,

Dove