You came back here so that is a start. WD's are not fun but that is just a part of this recovery....You know how good it feels to be clean so dig deep and come out fighting again.......You can do it!!! Any aftercare plans?? sara
As an addict myself, why babe did you go back, im there right now i know the pain, please dont go back to it, you have done well, dont diss that, day at a time, you will get there again. look at why you are sad you dont need the gear, remember how it makes you feel, its **** and thats a fact, just try and look at your problems with family or people who care and stay away from idiots who use you and are happy to sell you your death sentese, yes im a hypocrite but you try and i will too,,,, go for it xxxxx
i lost count of how many times i went through hell to get clean, swearing that i was done forever (and meaning it!!!!), just to find myself right back where i had been, only worse.
that moment each time when i suddenly KNEW, was just awful. AA's Big Book aptly describes it as "incomprehensible demoralization."
your screen name makes me think that maybe you need to hear a truth that took me a long time to understand and believe: that "addicts are not bad people who need to become good again, they are sick people who need to become well again."
until i really took hold of that truth and made it a part of myself, my "recovery" was all about my being good or bad, strong or weak, stupid or smart, worthy or unworthy.
that never worked for me.
what did work for me was coming to believe that i suffer from a relentlessly progressive, ultimately fatal disease that needs to be acknowledged and treated on a daily basis. if i do that, my disease is not that big of a deal - it's pretty easy to keep the sob in remission. the treatment itself gives me not just my old life back, it gives me a life that is rich and full in ways that i never thought possible.
i did go to in-patient treatment and that was an important part of my recovery. but my time in rehab would have been wasted if it hadn't been followed with equally important ongoing care on a daily basis. for me, that care has taken the form of LOTS of meetings (mostly AA), some counseling, and LOTS of reading (much of which is related to recovery or spirituality)
As the Big Book says: "We are not cured of [addiction]. What we really have is a daily reprieve . . . . "
I am so sorry Sarah, but would love to see you clean up again.. There is no upside in using.. its just hell, you know that .. so rather than worry that you cant stop again, worry worse that you might continue..
Irregardless of how crappy detox is .. living in substance abuse ***** worse..
Hey there...I did. Relapsed after almost 1 year which is alifetime for me,.lol. I'm still dealing with w/d's-the gift that keeps on giving!! You CAN do it again Sara.....don't beat yourself up like I did.We're all here for each other.Welcome back.~A
Sarah, I was 25 1/2 years completely clean in AA. Alcohol is my DOC, but I also did weed and various benzos. Nothing for over 25 years other than a couple of Tylenol 3s for a wisdom tooth. 18 months ago I blew my back out. When my doctor offered up a script for Vicodin 7.5 I remembered that I didn't have a problem with the Tyl-3s, talked to my sponsor who gave it the nod, and I filled it.
It wasn't a "relapse" it was a process. The process started by me planting Tyl-3s in my brain's pleasure department way back when... I slowly got hooked on hydro. I had never used opiates before. Then I also went on Ambien 8 months ago. Thank God I never drank through this disaster. I'm now in the process of winding up getting completely clean and free again. As of today I have 44 days completely clean from Hydro, and I'm on my 3rd week of a taper plan from Ambien.
I had continued the Ambien until my Hydro WDs were finished. I thought I was mostly through, but Ambien is a horrible, insidious drug to get off of. It's just as bad, if not worse than any member of the benzo family (that nice family was also occupying a room in my brain from way back from the old days).
The lesson I learned is: Once we've invited them in our brain to live, these chemicals are always lurking within, waiting to slay us at the slightest opening. All we need to do is open the door and let them loose again, and the disaster begins all over again.
I wish you the best on what's ahead. You have made the most positive move; to get help here and I'm sure elsewhere. You'll be successful! :)
I just posted the same kind of question. I was clean for only 3 weeks...but was starting to feel normal again. Then got two prescriptions filled and you are so right....I went right back to swallowing 10+ a day. I am going to see a doctor tomorrow and for once, I am going to be totally honest. I obviously can't do this on my own.
What are you planning on doing? Are you going to try and quit again?
I am scared, embarrassed, and exhausted from this. I want to feel like I am in control of my life again.
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