Anyone have Rehab experiences to share with me?

[Wardman]

I am debating the issue of going to rehab.  I have excellent insurance, so I am lucky.  I just can't get over three days without massive debillitating deression.  I am weighing all my options.  Any feedback would help.  I Have CTed a few times and if I can make it a week I can last a long time without even thinking of drugs or cravings.

[Kurt Cobain]

A little more info here would be nice. . .what kind of drugs, how long and how much, and so on. . .the same kinds of things, in other words, that any intake counselor (the first person who evaluates you for rehab) might ask.  As a veteran of four rehabs, all I can say is they DO offer helpful advice, a supportive environment, and the community of people who DO know what the hell you're going through.  By that same token, as a veteran of four rehabs, I feel it necessary to say that, until YOU are "ready" to change, rehab is only a stopgap measure.  How can I tell if you're "ready"?  I can't, and neither can anyone else who isn't you. . .it's hard enough for *you* to "know" as it is, and any counselor or other addict who tells you that they can see you "are" or "aren't" ready is completely full of ****.  In my second rehab, I was told at the beginning that "9 out of 10 of you here will relapse" after the rehab was over.  Of course, I saw myself as the "one", when not a year later I was definitely one of the "nine".  I won't be so presumptuous as to swear by those numbers. . .but it is a very hard road.  I would never discourage someone who has the stirring of desire for a rehab, even if I were to KNOW that they would eventually relapse. . .ESPECIALLY if I knew that.  Each of my experiences led me to different people with unique stories and ways of coping.  If you feel inclined to do a rehab, it's generally a good sign that you do in fact need to go.  Your insurance situation is a blessing -- take advantage of it!  Learn all you can, be open to new ideas and experiences, and see where you are led from there.  Godspeed.

Kurt

[Wardman]

I am taking either hydrocodone or oxycodone, about 70-90 mgs a day, on and off for 10 years.  I do not do any other type of drugs.  Thanks for your info Kurt.  And yes, I was referring to in-house rehabilataion.  I really want to quit, but can;t get over that initial push.  Depression is my problem.  I have been prescribed lexapro but it's a catch 22 situation. I don't want to take the antidepressant till I am drug free, but it's the narcotics that depress me and I can't stop!

[rodewc]

Yes. I do. They were not positive experiences, and I too had good insurance. Perhaps I wasn't "ready." In fact I know I wasnt.

I felt they ran junkies thru rehab like cattle w/ a prod. It was dehumanhizing: IE : no Pert shampoo (as in--> I might drink it)  (instead I was "sold" their shampoos) turned out to be verrrry expensive.

Additionally, all perfumes were "confiscated," and I had to "ask" for a spray of mine. Even then I was "watched" and they seemed (they being the staff) "put-out" by the request of time away from their desk chores. I am a "girly" type of woman, so this was a "chore" they hated from me.

Let's see what else, ah yes.. No Music (headphones, etc) and No novels.. It was the Big Book, or nothing.

There were mandatory "classes." These, imo, were wastes, not w/ a human teacher, but largely w/ vids such as "Your Liver on Alcohol" etc.

It simply did not seem individualized or personal to me. Like the counselors. All seemed scripted.

Granted, I went there w/ the wrong attitude and for the wrong reasons (I was not and am  not an alchy) Not that being an alcoholic is better, or worse, than a pill head. They s'posedly treated both there.

I am simply relating a personal experience w/ a 14 day rehab.

There were other dehumanizing experiences, ones I have heard that exist, commonly, in other well-known rehabs. Ones I would rather not rehash. Like standing in line for daily meds, often meds that weren't needed, imo.. but they were part of the "program" (a part in Frey's book that was sooo true)

I am not a fan of rehab or FORCED reading (IE : Big Book). I don't mind, in fact love, reading anything. I have recently admitted to myself, and hubby, that the Bible was "above my head" and as a literate (well sorta literate) person I thought I should read and understand the Bible. He gave me one that is riveting: "Life Application- Study Bible.. International Version".. Published jointly by Tyndale House Pub;ishers, Inc and Zondervan Publishing House. Harcovers are by Tyndale House and leathers by Zondervan. It truly readys like Frey's novel. And, I am the LAST person who I EVER thought would recommend a Bible as rec reading for anyone.

I am NOT, NOT, (at this time) religious. It was my desire, like reading, say, "Tess D'urbervilles"(sp), "Jane Eyre". "Moby ****", "Pilgrim's Progress", etc that in order to be a somewhat literate, one should understand the Bible. I didn't. Not really. I mean I knew the "stories," but the gaps were outrageous. So was the history and geography.

And tho' I was brought up in Sunday school, church, etc... w/ all the Bible stories, et al.. they simply never clicked 'til I got my hands on This Book.

Similar to "A Million Little Pieces" (autobiography @ addiction by James Frey)

My point in this ADD-HD^^^^^ post is that I felt as a reprimanded child by not being allowed to have personal items such as books and shampoos in a rehab center, and to be shown "vids" when I wanted "teaching" and human interaction and personal attention.

This is, one side, mine. I am sure you will get many opposite viewpoints, but had I to do again, I would Not choose an A/A based recovery program, but instead a rational recovery based one. Tho' A/A touts 'Take what you want and leave the rest behind".. I do not find that is the case after decades + of evaluating and studying them

Again. I am sorry I if I have bored you w/ this roundabout theory of mine.

NOW.. for my own question.. SO MANY drugs are listed as NON-Narcotic.. Non-addictive, etc. WHAT can ANYONE tell me about a med called BUSPAR? (sp)

Good luck w/ your decision on rehab. Pllllease talk to "graduates" before you enter a program.

rwc~

[MethMan]

As the person before me said, you do have to be ready, extremely focused and fixed on your target BEFORE going to inpatient rehab.
Everyone is different.  For me, I got a lot out of the 5 weeks I was in.  What inpatient offers you is a method of interacting with people that you know are in the same fix as you are.  The environment is really laid back but the time management is intense.
When I was there, all I wanted to do was kick back and try to take it easy.  I found out pretty damn quick that it wasn't a luxury cruise I was on but a very intense focus on the problem I brought.  As an example:  One day there, the withdrawals were getting pretty rough. I had a class to attend but decided I'd just go back to my room and catch some sleep.  10 minutes later.... BANG BANG BANG!  Door opens and it's the councellor asking me what the hell I was doing laying on my ass.  Another 10 minutes go by and I find myself in class.
It did offer me a moment of clarity that helped me get and stay focused.
For your research, I offer the following: http://www.lahacienda.com .  It is located in Texas.  There's also another one in Mexico, but I don't know a lot about that one.
You have several rehabs to choose from, mainly because there are millions just like you and I out there.
I do have to warn you about one thing that bothered me about rehab.  When I went in, I thought "Gee... these guys must know what they are doing.  I better listen to everything they say and take it as truth."   The fact is... take what you want and YOU can use.  Some of the stuff I heard was extremely helpful while other things, I just brushed aside.  (i.e.  instead of the 12 steps, I've authored the "My 6 steps".)
While I do have a higher power in my life and it works for me, that isn't to say that you do or need to have a higher power to get clean. It is YOUR CHOICE.
There are other sites that I've come across that offer alternatives to 12 step programs.  I've read as much info as I could and have found that a balanced, common sense approach works well.  For example, if you go to a 12 step treatment center and argue with em that you are not destined to a life of being an addict, they will bow up and start in on you.  It is my opinion that I am NOT destined to remain an addict for the rest of my life.  I make choices, I act on those decisions and I get a result.  If I change my choices and make different decisions, it stands to reason that I would expect a different result.
Personally speaking (and I'll probably catch hell on this) if you tell someone they're an addict and will always be an addict, what hope do they have of changing a damn thing?  Why bother?
Anyway... my belabored point is this:  Think about why you want to go to rehab, decide which methodology works within YOUR framework, then act.  One thing for sure... you are NOT cursed nor are you weaker than someone else that's kicked a habit.  When you're ready and with the right approach, you'll be successful.  You just gotta decide and want your life back more than what you have now.
Good luck in your search to reclaim your life.
Peace,
Methman

[whatitistoburn]

Buspar is an anti anxiety agent that is non addictive.

Burn

[Rodster]

Rehab helped me, I once quit on my own without any medication to help me thru withdrawls and it was hell, but rehab really made the Withdrawls manageable. I was in for 10days (inpatient with a 5 day detox). I would highly recommend it, but you must make up your mind NOW to quit, and must participate in your recovery and do what the counselors and doctors ask of you.

[Wardman]

Thanks for all your help. I am looking for a place that is more detox than spiritual or 12 step.  Most places seemed to be 12 step oriented.  I am wondering if I should just see an addictionlogist and a psychiatrist.  I have a lot of faith but I am trying to collect myself more from the physical effects.  I took the pills to get a good buzz, not to mask my unhappiness in life.  My clean time over the past 10 years has always been times of productivity and happiness.  I don't say this with 20/20 hindsight.  I know when I am clean I like myself and feel so good about life and amd generally happy.  When I take the pills, I get my hour buzz and am miserably depressed becuase I isolate myself from society.

[Sturgil]

Please do not take this the wrong way. I made hundreds of excuses before I went into rehab for 8 days back in December 4th , 2002. The first of the month I will be 6 months clean. Life is great. The bottom line is this - Have you had enough pain? Are you willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay clean? Are you willing to fire friends, change the hangouts and most of all tell your doctor? In my case I answered yes to all of these.

Do not put a time limit on rehab. It just depends on how you are doing (health and mental state) before they discharge you. If you have time, do it! My rehab experience showed me I was very slowly killing myself. By the way we seem to have the same drug of choice. Opiates are pure hell to come off of. I was scared to make the move to rehab. But remember they will take care of you so that the DT's are easier. Even with the anti-depressants it still took me 90 days or so to level out. Sleep came back around 45 days.

Good luck and Gods Speed.

Sturgil Flockin

[Wardman]

Oh yes I am ready to change.  The funny thing my lack of doing nothing is my trigger.  I don't have any friends who use drugs, there actually is no out side trigger for me that makes me use drugs.  It's my LACK of keeping busy that definitely encourages my use.  I know I am killing myself.  I throw up bile most mornings, I am out of breath, I am in the worst shape of my life.  I have no social life anymore.  I havent been out with any friends in well over a year or so.

[Sturgil]

After rehab they will put you in a 4-8 week IOP or outpatient program. This is where the real work begins. Most addicts stay too busy and have ahard time with free time. I did. But if you ask a higher power, in my case God, he will help you. The first 90 days I did not have a clue what to do or how to act. Looking back I know God did it for me.

I know you said the 12 steps program was a turn off but I could not make it without meetings. Shop around for a meeting you like. Even though I am a pill head I go to AA. Mainly because of the old timers and the strength they provide in my recovery. Remember drugs are only 10% of the problem, I am 90%. I had to learn how to live, act, react, rest, work and so on all over again. Just like I was a child.

I even did the second guess thing on the rehab. If you think you need, then I think you answered your own question.

Every passing moment is an opportunity to change our direction.

God's Speed.

Sturgil Flockin

[bmac]

My two cents on rehab.........I was put into a hospital room and left alone for two and a half days with clonidine and phenobarb,
I watched TV(TEE vee for Peaz) and prayed and sweated. After the doctor didn't come to see me I called the switchboard and ask for the floor charge nurse. She came in and explain that the doctors there really couldn't except my insurance for withdrawals. Now these are the same assholes that took my insurance money for 3 major surgeries two years before. My opinion of Rehab, it is a joke but hey that's my opinion, sue me! LOL  Bill

[Rodster]

Ditto Sturgil, the 12step support program is what has kept me clean for 9 months now, without it I know I would be using again, there are however other alternatives, but ALL require some type of support structure.

[Rodster]

Concerning quitting/rehab, you need to ask yourself the following question: Do I REALLY want to quit?, don't ask yourself this question 1 hour after you have popped Lortab either, this question I believe needs to be asked when your in full blown withdrawls (I asked myself this question all the time while I was using and it never did any good). You will need a very good support structure, these doctors here believe in a system outside the 12 step approach, since I have never tried that I cannot neither endorse or critisize it. That being said if you do decide to use a program that does not use AA/NA 12 step, make sure that they include some type of support system, no matter if you believe addiction is a disease or a behavior problem it all comes down to modifing your day by day routine FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You must be willing to part company with all of your "drug friends", burn your drug bridges (doctors, pharmacies, Bob the pill dealer ect.). and commit to a life of sobriety only then can you have a TRUE chance for a life free of Opiates or any other addiction. Also you can't trade one drug for another (Lortab for Xanax), although some rehab programs now use long term use of Methadone and other drugs, this has shown success with alot of people as long as the drugs are only given to them on a one dose basis, right now your mental state would not be able to make rational decisions concerning weening off (at least most folks could'nt), My suggestion is to find someone you know who was an addict and now is clean, ask him what he did, and how he lives today. You can pick alot of info up on these boards, the doctors here are pretty damn sharp and can help you. Also listen to US the recovering addicts, we can tell you what worked for us and did not, a recovering addict is your best ally, he and ONLY he truly knows what your going thru, (unless of course your doctor was an addict too). If you ever have any questions about this or need any help please feel free to email me at

***@****

I would be happy to help you in any way beat this.
Yes it will be hard
Yes you will feel like **** for at least a week (maybe more)
Yes there will be times when all you can think (and dream) about is drugs.
but
Yes you can do it
And once you get out of primary withdrawls and you body readjusts you will feel better than ever, you will be happy again.

[AmberHunter]

i have been in treatment 13 times that i can remember. i got something out of treatment everytime i went in i suppose... i have had good experiences and god awful experiences (rape) while in treatment. i have met wonderful counselors and have had nurse ratchett once.

i won't even go into the details of all my experiences in treatment. but remember one thing, treatment centers are businesses. businesses that hire human beings to direct the goings on in treatment centers. as long as your insurance allows you to stay in there you will be allowed to stay. the minute your insurance won't pay you will find out that you have advanced to the recovered part real, real fast! b u s i n e s s!

one thing treatment does give you that i think can be life changing is TIME OUT of your life and other responsiblilites. and you don't have access to the dope man in treatment (usually) if you take that time and use it wisely and get as much out of it as you possibly can you stand a slight benefit over someone who does it through NA alone. just my opinion. treatment is a luxury, sorry, but it is. i am not anti-treatment, obviously i have been through my share of them. but the only thing i can honestly say across the board is that going into treatment does give you time out of your everyday life to just work on yourself and be in a safe place. (i have my personal feelings of how safe they can sometimes be but for the most part... they are safe)

if i were ever to end up back in treatment i have to admit, i would do the 30 day program and move onto a half way house and then a three quarter house. something i think about from time to time. but i ain't there yet! lol!!

seems to me like you got alot of good reponses to your question about treatment centers, good luck to you!

peace,

amber

[suzieneedshelp]

Hello.. I am Suzie and i was recently in a 23 day inpatient program.. stayed for 27 cuz i did not want to leave!  Mine was the Friary in Penscola part of the hopsital network there.  Lakeview Bapt Hosp.  It was awesome!  Right on the water..a former monestary so spiritual.But as u may know a recovery program is non denominational.. in fact if you want your higher power to be the group or a door knob that is ok.  I treid to quit my d o c on my own.  It was very potent synthetic narcotic 10 x's stronger than morphine that i used very day 24 hours per day for 10 years.  And i used a lot.. many times though i was o d'ing.  The Friary saved my life.  The staff had been there for years.  It is one of the top 1% in the nation. Everyone who works there is one of us too so who better understands!
It was truley a sanctuary to be separate from real life and work all the time on recovery.  They do keep you busy with scedules to get us back in a routine or living life.  But they are caring but firm NOT a military mentality at all.  Meetings were from about 8 a m til 9 p m every day but weekends more laid back with more breaks.  Food was great!  I gained weight for sure!
Inpatient Rehab, for me, has been the true beginning of my new life in recovery. Even if you have doubts do it if you instincts tell  you u need it.. many who were there at first did not even believe they were addicts but soon they understood the nature of thier disease.
i hope this helps.  If you like.. e-mail me at ***@**** .. anyone can e-mail me anytime!
Peace and hope!
Suzie

[pammy0690]

Hey girl, just curious did they take your insurance?  And if so for the full 27 days?  Thanks!  Pammy

[suzieneedshelp]

BTW.. now after my inpatient and being envolved in NA i have 81 days clean.
Pammy!  Hey sweet lady.. missed u!   Come visit us okie?
Yees they take insurance and took mine..partially...Still fiercely workin on that!
Love,
Suzie

[bmac]

Hey they helped your head but they didn't do **** for your typing! JK LOL  'gotcha'!

[suzieneedshelp]

WEll... that will never change!  And u lets see wut can i pick on??!  You are sooo boring....there thats it!   Not!
Love,
Suz
P.S. bamaman... when u playin in da big bend?  See yas elsewhere i hope...

[MethMan]

hEY bILL!
hOW yOU bEEN, bRO!
hOPE yOU'RE dOIN' sUMFIN fUN!
hERE'S tO yA, ewe sWEET bLACKBERRY yOU!
A Big YEEEEEEE HAAWWWWW!

[bmac]

This is an addiction forum not a sex forum, now stop it.
Hey guys, I am not really talking to myself here, really!
GGgggrrrrRR.

[peaz]

Dayum!!!!   U 2 R full of it!!!!!!

[pammy0690]

Wut do U no sweet Lady?  PR

[gottadoit]

I have been on Ultram for 8 years. I went into detox for 5 days 2 years ago because I believed I could not do it on my own. They treated me with phenabarbitol and catapress for my blood pressure.  To me it was a very depressing place but it did work. I went home without physical symptoms but the depression was overwhelming.  I went right back on the Ultram.  Now 2 years later I went to a medical doctor who helped me taper.  With the love/support of my husband and a power greater than myself, I am 13 days clean. I am finally sleeping and functioning okay but I am far from over the loss of my so-called friend.  I attend drug and alcohol counceling and NA meetings twice a week.  It helps but a lot of it you really have to force yourself thru. I have found that reading my NA book when I am feeling the lowest to remind me of where I was, is the best thing for me to get me on the road to another day. If I need to cry, my husband just tells me to do whatever I need to do.  I take it one moment at at time. Everyday is a challenge but I am determined to make it thru to get back to what use to be a normal, interesting life. Funny thing was that on Ultram, I thought my life was normal and interesting. Seems I was very wrong. I was the only one that didnt know it. The recipe for everyone is different but it can happen. Good luck.

[mrmichael67]

Wut r u doin'?

[peaz]

Youse guys prolly already know wut's up w/ me, but  I am doin'  weally weally GUD!!!!!  LOL   Hey---email me!!! PUHLEASE..........  Peazy

[athena]

U B A NUT!
What's shaking girl?
Do You need a big hillybilly? I got one I'll share with ya! LOL
Oh I am sooooooo bad..............BUT THE OFFER STILL STANDS!

[peaz]

You need to make up your ever-lovin' MIND!! In a thread down below you said I should "stay away from your man" and now you offer him like a lamb to slaughter.....(well, not QUITE like that!!!LOL)  So----------which IS it????

[MethMan]

Somebody outta slaugter THAT lamb.
Thats one nasty lamb!
(He said Sheepishly.)

[peaz]

Ewe ain't just a kiddin'-----He's BBAAAAAAD!

[bmac]

Well I guess you all survived the weekend. I did! It was tough but somebody had to do it! Hey
'P's UP YET?

[pammy0690]

Aren't you always up?   Pammy

[bmac]

You seem to know me all too well Doll!
BTW there is more to come!  I hope Cindy doesn't ban my ass from here but my life has become an open book and I want everyone here to 'enjoy' it! LOL
                 Hippy Chic!

[MethMan]

What is this?  Did the state of California just pardon the damn Manson clan?

Love,
Tex

[Debbie33]

Hi everyone.  Im new and my name is Debbie ( and im an addict ha ha )  anyways......i had a recent experience with a detox so i thought id add my two cents in here : )   This was my first, and hopefully last, experience with a detox center.  I do not say that in a negative manner at all, what i meant was that i hope i do not relapse so badly that  need to go back.  Let me tell you a little bit about my experience with opiates and then about my experience at the detox center.  I was a "goody goody" for years and years, didnt even drink or smoke pot but did, and still do, smoke ciggaretts.  I had a rough life (lost my virginity at age 12 through rape, mom was an alcoholic, parents divorced, lost a baby etc.. etc... ) so i was pretty much a depressed person....until i discovered percocet, vicodin, fentinayl and eventually oxycontin <---worst of the worse!  I guess thats how a lot of opiate addicts start out, they are depressed and "self-medicate"  and then "BAM" you end up physically and emotionally dependant on the ****.  Anyhow, i used for 3-4 years and my habit was getting out of control, big time.  The problem was i really didnt WANT to stop i just couldnt afford it anymore!  oxycontin is a VERY expensive habit and i was taking between 320-400 milligrams A DAY!  I had NO IDEA there were detox programs and medications to help people who were addicted to oxy's!!  i would sit here and cry "how am i going to get myself out of this???"  I went out on a limb and did a search online, punched in "oxycontin withdrawel" and found this forum actually lol......it is here that i found out about detox's for oxy's, inpatient, outpatient, methadone, half way houses, sobor houses......all of that.  I had heard about such things for heroin addicts but had no idea that there were such things for oxy's OR how much heroin and oxycontin had in common chemically!!!  One thing led to another and i found a detox center about 30-40 minutes from my home, problem was I have 3 children (ages 14,10 and 2)  So i had to decide how serious i was about this and found out i was pretty damn serious lol.....i wrote my mom an 8 page letter telling her EVERYTHING, handed it to her at her home and told her to call me after she read it.  An hour later she showed up at my door, i opened it and found her crying her eyes out and then holding me and we cried together.  See, like i said, i was "Mrs. Goody Goody"  no one had ANY IDEA that i was an addict.  Anyhow, i called the detox etc.. and she brought me up there the next morning and took a leave from work and watched my children for me.  The detox i went to you leave on the 9th day.  At first i was scared to death!!  but soon was made very comfortable from certain people there.  Ill be honest, some people there were, ummmm,  how do i say this?  "not normal"???  i guess that would about sum it up, but there were others there who were "normal" everyday people, like myself and some were there to truley detox, some for a "spin dry"  ( a new term i learned ) and some were homeless and needed somewhere to sleep for a few days.  There were  many different people with many different reasons for being there.  I stayed focused on ME and why I was there..to detox.  Within 15 minutes of being there i was given a dose of methadone, i had never taken methadone and was a bit scared but they said it would make me feel better, and it did.  It was the weirdest thing ive ever taken.  It took away ALL the symptoms of withdrawel.....most importantly ( to me anyways ) it took away any and ALL cravings for oxycontin!!!  yet i wasnt "high"  It was so strange!  no leg cramps, no back ache, no nausa, my fingers didnt hurt and honest to God if someone had come up to me and said "hey i snuck in a few 80's do you want them for free?"  id have said no!!  and i had a pretty hefty habit so to me this was amazing!!!  It was like a miracle drug for me!  It didnt get you "high" yet at the same time it didnt make you feel sick....no withdrawel symptoms what so ever!!  The problem was they taper you off the methadone rather quickly, they have to becuase yo have to leave the detox "drug free" so soon as the methadone began to wear off i began to feel more and more sick, the cravings came right back and i was sent home actually feeling pretty shitty, BUT the good part was during one of the meetings with my councelor i told her i wanted to sign up for the Methadone Maintenance program so i was sent home on a Thursday ( feeling miserable ) but had an appointment at the MMT (Methadone Maintenance Treatment ) clinic on Tuesday...i ended up being dosed on Wednesday, on Tuesday its a bunch of paperwork, meeting with the doctor etc...  I have to back up a minute though, on the Thursday i was sent home i only lasted about 2 hours and i was right back on the oxy's, percs, vikes, fentenayl patch etc... I did that all week actually until my appointment at the MMT clinic.  Today is Sunday, ive been clean for 5 days now on the methadone and i tell you, i LOVE it!!  before my children would say like "mom, next weekend can we do this or that?"  and i would always have to say "we will see" becuase i didnt know if i was going to be dope sick or whatever but NOW......oh God NOW???  now i can make plans way ahead and dont have to worry about being dopesick!!  and God willing will never have to again!!  : )   i know there is a lot of contraversy regarding methadone but im serious, this medication works GREAT!!!  it saved my life ( along with all of you people on this message board. Had i not found this site and you people, i probably wouldnt be here right now, i really really mean that too )  Ive done a lot of reading on methadone so if anyone would like any info etc... or would just like to chat about methadone, recovery.....heck anything at all, please feel free to email me, anytime!!  ive lost most of my friends due to the drugs ( some i had been friends with for over 18 years )  so i dont have many people i can talk to about this stuff.  My email is ***@****   Put something in the subject line that will let me know your from the message board so i wont delete you by accident lol.  Take care everyone and best wishes on your road to recovery!!!!!!!!!  ((((((((((HUGGS)))))))))))
Debbie

[Debbie33]

Hi everyone.  Im new and my name is Debbie ( and im an addict ha ha )  anyways......i had a recent experience with a detox so i thought id add my two cents in here : )   This was my first, and hopefully last, experience with a detox center.  I do not say that in a negative manner at all, what i meant was that i hope i do not relapse so badly that  need to go back.  Let me tell you a little bit about my experience with opiates and then about my experience at the detox center.  I was a "goody goody" for years and years, didnt even drink or smoke pot but did, and still do, smoke ciggaretts.  I had a rough life (lost my virginity at age 12 through rape, mom was an alcoholic, parents divorced, lost a baby etc.. etc... ) so i was pretty much a depressed person....until i discovered percocet, vicodin, fentinayl and eventually oxycontin <---worst of the worse!  I guess thats how a lot of opiate addicts start out, they are depressed and "self-medicate"  and then "BAM" you end up physically and emotionally dependant on the ****.  Anyhow, i used for 3-4 years and my habit was getting out of control, big time.  The problem was i really didnt WANT to stop i just couldnt afford it anymore!  oxycontin is a VERY expensive habit and i was taking between 320-400 milligrams A DAY!  I had NO IDEA there were detox programs and medications to help people who were addicted to oxy's!!  i would sit here and cry "how am i going to get myself out of this???"  I went out on a limb and did a search online, punched in "oxycontin withdrawel" and found this forum actually lol......it is here that i found out about detox's for oxy's, inpatient, outpatient, methadone, half way houses, sobor houses......all of that.  I had heard about such things for heroin addicts but had no idea that there were such things for oxy's OR how much heroin and oxycontin had in common chemically!!!  One thing led to another and i found a detox center about 30-40 minutes from my home, problem was I have 3 children (ages 14,10 and 2)  So i had to decide how serious i was about this and found out i was pretty damn serious lol.....i wrote my mom an 8 page letter telling her EVERYTHING, handed it to her at her home and told her to call me after she read it.  An hour later she showed up at my door, i opened it and found her crying her eyes out and then holding me and we cried together.  See, like i said, i was "Mrs. Goody Goody"  no one had ANY IDEA that i was an addict.  Anyhow, i called the detox etc.. and she brought me up there the next morning and took a leave from work and watched my children for me.  The detox i went to you leave on the 9th day.  At first i was scared to death!!  but soon was made very comfortable from certain people there.  Ill be honest, some people there were, ummmm,  how do i say this?  "not normal"???  i guess that would about sum it up, but there were others there who were "normal" everyday people, like myself and some were there to truley detox, some for a "spin dry"  ( a new term i learned ) and some were homeless and needed somewhere to sleep for a few days.  There were  many different people with many different reasons for being there.  I stayed focused on ME and why I was there..to detox.  Within 15 minutes of being there i was given a dose of methadone, i had never taken methadone and was a bit scared but they said it would make me feel better, and it did.  It was the weirdest thing ive ever taken.  It took away ALL the symptoms of withdrawel.....most importantly ( to me anyways ) it took away any and ALL cravings for oxycontin!!!  yet i wasnt "high"  It was so strange!  no leg cramps, no back ache, no nausa, my fingers didnt hurt and honest to God if someone had come up to me and said "hey i snuck in a few 80's do you want them for free?"  id have said no!!  and i had a pretty hefty habit so to me this was amazing!!!  It was like a miracle drug for me!  It didnt get you "high" yet at the same time it didnt make you feel sick....no withdrawel symptoms what so ever!!  The problem was they taper you off the methadone rather quickly, they have to becuase yo have to leave the detox "drug free" so soon as the methadone began to wear off i began to feel more and more sick, the cravings came right back and i was sent home actually feeling pretty shitty, BUT the good part was during one of the meetings with my councelor i told her i wanted to sign up for the Methadone Maintenance program so i was sent home on a Thursday ( feeling miserable ) but had an appointment at the MMT (Methadone Maintenance Treatment ) clinic on Tuesday...i ended up being dosed on Wednesday, on Tuesday its a bunch of paperwork, meeting with the doctor etc...  I have to back up a minute though, on the Thursday i was sent home i only lasted about 2 hours and i was right back on the oxy's, percs, vikes, fentenayl patch etc... I did that all week actually until my appointment at the MMT clinic.  Today is Sunday, ive been clean for 5 days now on the methadone and i tell you, i LOVE it!!  before my children would say like "mom, next weekend can we do this or that?"  and i would always have to say "we will see" becuase i didnt know if i was going to be dope sick or whatever but NOW......oh God NOW???  now i can make plans way ahead and dont have to worry about being dopesick!!  and God willing will never have to again!!  : )   i know there is a lot of contraversy regarding methadone but im serious, this medication works GREAT!!!  it saved my life ( along with all of you people on this message board. Had i not found this site and you people, i probably wouldnt be here right now, i really really mean that too )  Ive done a lot of reading on methadone so if anyone would like any info etc... or would just like to chat about methadone, recovery.....heck anything at all, please feel free to email me, anytime!!  ive lost most of my friends due to the drugs ( some i had been friends with for over 18 years )  so i dont have many people i can talk to about this stuff.  My email is ***@****   Put something in the subject line that will let me know your from the message board so i wont delete you by accident lol.  Take care everyone and best wishes on your road to recovery!!!!!!!!!  ((((((((((HUGGS)))))))))))
Debbie

[bmac]

Welcome, you sound like you have it together mostly. Your story is alot like many here.
We always come back here to read or to post to new people. Regardless of why we are here it's all the reason, addition.
Well thanks for sharing your story and if you ever need us we are here. Maybe you can help others thru this hell with us!
Bmac     residentbassist@yahoo. com

[SarpyJesse]

Nice writing, Rachel (33).... Your style is unmistakable!

Good to see you back, but why not post under one of your old Pseudonyms so we "oldtimers" could say "Hi"?

Hope you're doing well.....

~~~Jess~~~

[Chezz2]

Jess,

You are toooooooo much. I guess you can spot her a mile a way............
Chezz

[bmac]

You know if I posted to her, it has to be her. Remember the LOVE/HATE relationship we had months ago? I couldn't ever figure out if I was turned on or turn off by her. I love to fight with her type!
LOL
Rachael if it's you, welcome back Sexy! ***@****
                 Your Bmac!

[Chezz2]

Bmac,

I thinks it was love at 1st sight!!!  ;)

Chezz

[bmac]

Yeah, I wish she'd come back. I need a good fight every once in awhile. I do miss her..............Not! LOL

[Kbuffy]

It feels so good to know that there are other people out there that have the same problem I do or did....not sure which? Anyway, I am also new here. I found this site 3 days ago, and cried for hours while I read comment after comment. See, I have only had my computer for 2 mths. and never been online before. This is all very new to me. I do not have anyone that I can talk to about my addiction. My friend and family are either addicts that are in denial, or very mean and judgemental. My husband takes vicodin, soma, and smokes a butt-load of pot, but he says he is NOT an addict-only me. He also calls me names daily, dopehead,junkie,loser etc. So I don't get much support there. I just sent an email to DEBBIE, because she had left her email address here and I would love to have someone to talk to that can relate to where I am. Let me now explain where I am, in my addiction. I started to abuse vicodin or norco 10/325 about 3-4 yrs. ago. I started taking them for ruptured or herniated disc in my back and also degen. disc disease. I went to a pain management doctor and he started me out on Ultram, which did not ease the pain, so switched me to the norco. He would give me 6-8 per day and of course I got to where I was running out at the end of the month. I would buy them from friends when I could. After a while, his PA added methadone along with the norco. I loved it!!!!! There was nothing I couldn't do. Never felt so good in all my life! Then my mother decided to call him and tell him I was abusing the meds. and he dropped me! I called to check on my refill for the month and by then I was out and sicker than a dog. The nurse informed me that the doctor felt as tho I was abusing the meds. and she gave me a phone # and name of another doctor to call for further assistance. I thought I would die that day!!! After I got over the shock, I did call and spoke with the sec./nurse there. She was very nice and seem to know me better than I knew myself, at that point. She told me that I needed to get there to the office ASAP because I would be going into withdrawl any time, if not already. I was already having withdrawl, but didn't know it. I felt real sick, but never thought of it being withdrawl. I guess I was in denial then. Anyway, I was so afraid to go there, not sure what they would do to me. I thought they would tie me to a bed and leave me alone in some hospital bed!! The doctor laughed so hard as I told him that, when I finally went in. He was an extremely nice, caring person. I am so thankful for him!! He really cares about his patients. Well, he ended up giving me 2 weeks worth of Norco and then put me on 5 different meds. that he calls "the cocktail" for detox. I called some places about rehab.(inpat.) but decided to weather the storm at home. I was told to stay on the detox. meds. for 5 days, to sleep thru as much as possible. The first 2 days were the worst for me, and then after day 3 I didn't take anymore of the detox. med. My problem is that due to back pain, I need some type of pain relief and was put right back on the Norco, but not as many, and no methadone. My doctor doesn't write anyone scripts for methadone. Now back in Nov. of 2002 he told all his pat. that he was switching everyone to Buprenex. You had 30 days to decide if you wanted to make the switch or find another doctor. So now, I am on the Buprenex injectable. and it relieves my pain, but I am worried about some of the comments I have read that it is harder to get off of than heroin. I would appreciate any info. Please email me ***@**** and also put something like MEDHELP in the subject line, so I know to open it. That's my rehab. experience and part of my life-story, heehee, sorry! Thanks for listening (or reading) and I am SO GLAD to have found this place, you just don't know how much I needed this!!!!!!!!!!!! I think you are all just awesome for your courage and strength, from what I have read so far!  Bless you all, Kbuffy

[bmac]

You would not believe the number of people who type in that phrase and end up here. This place is for us and we need it to be here whenever we return. Enjoy this and learn something about yourself from others. Please go up top and post something. Everyone is warm and wants to help. Welcome to addiction hell
                    bmac

[jack daniels]

i love my rehab...it's the only way i get through the day....lean on these people they can handle it......you have the same story as most if us...good luck...myself i'm 9 days clean today...but day 8 was very rough!!  But i'm hanging like a tough DOG......WHAT KIND OF HELL HAVE WE ALL GOT OUR SELFS INTO...I HEAR IT GETS BETTER...I HAVE NOT SEEN IT YET...GOD I HOPE I WILL LIVE THROUGH THIS..GOOD LUCK AND PEACE TO ALL....LIFE IS A TRIP....JACK

[Kbuffy]

Thanks! I just wanted to say- Yes it does get better! Hang in there! I wish you could have got some kind of medication to help you thru the hardest days? When I did the detox. my doctor gave me the five meds. I mentioned before (detox. cocktail). Phenobarbital, Dicyclomine,Clonidine,Methocarbamol, and Ultram. They are to help with fever,chills,body aches, muscle spasms,bladder spasms,and for mild sedation. They do help. I can't imagine trying detox. without these, or something similar. The first night of my detox. I didn't think I would make it. I was holding a bottle of Darvacet in my hands, screaming and crying to my husband that I just couldn't do it. It was too hard!! He told me to just take the Darvacet, that I probably would not be successful anyway, and left the room. I did not take them. I threw them across the room, laid there and somehow, cried myself to sleep. I woke up in an hour or two, and a friend had come by to check on me. I asked her to take me to the E.R. I couldn't stand it anymore, and it was only the first night! The doctor at the E.R. gave me a shot of valium, which I had never had before. It helped alot and I was able to sleep the rest of the night. I guess so, with all that medicine put together! I was lucky to get that help. I just knew once that doctor found out that I was trying to detox. he would figure it was my time to "pay the fiddler", ya know? He turned out to be very kind. Well, best of luck to you, and thanks for making me feel welcomed here. Thanks to Debbie and bmca also.

[mscow]

Hey Lis.... This is from your FAVORITE sister-in-law lol... I just wanted to let you know how VERY proud I am of you, I've seen you come a long way and I know that it was REAL hard for you, but you did it. You made it look easy. To get off those pills, that is. You're around them all day long, and you're still not tempted to do them. How do you do it? Anyway, I know that I've aiready told you that I'm proud of you, I just wanted to say it to the whole computer world to let you know that I'm sincere and SERIOUS about it. When I told you, I didn't think you really took it to heart, but maybe this will convince you somehow. Thats all I wanted to say. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! LOVE YA!!!  
                          MSCOW

[monkeyfluffer]

My Gawd, you all have no idea how depressing it is to see people talking about how hard they have it coming down off Lortabs or Ultram... not to make light of your problems but talk to me when you've been on huge doses of Methadone or heroin for 5+ years!  I could probably take a whole bottle of hydrocodone and it wouldn't even put a dent in my withdrawals.  It seems like once you go down the methadone path nobody can help you; rehab is an unattainable paradise that I have no hope of ever being able to pay for and only a small chance of it actually "working", suboxone is not affordable and most doctors will either send you to meetings (which do nothing but frustrate me especially in the throes of full-on withdrawal) or to another methadone clinic when the 12 steps fails you AGAIN.  Which has all led me to believe my only out is death.  Believe me, I have wanted NOTHING more than to be clean for YEARS now, even more so all the times I've "gotten help," but nobody can help me and I obviously can't help myself.  And yes I am spiritual but Jesus hasn't been my answer yet despite all kinds of desperate and sincere prayer.  I have all the willpower, strength, intelligence, and especially desire to kick this BS but I'm definitely losing hope.  So, my fellow opiate lovers, resist the methadone at all costs because I would not wish my bottomless pit of a miserable existence on my worst enemy.