Back from vacay and feeling like crap but still here

[countache]

Hi everyone. Got through family vacation. No more oxy. Tapered off while on vacation but went my first day clean yesterday flying back and felt like I had the worst flu ever. Have 5 vicodins left and took one as soon as I got home which arrested the symptoms right away. Woke up with flu symptoms pretty bad again this morn and took one more Vicodin. I will get through the next 4 days and then no more pills in my house and no way to get more. I am determined to find a meeting today. Been excercising and very active on my trip and in good humor. It's amazing how .5 mls or one Vicodin can arrest the symptoms so quickly after 5 years on and off taking up to 50 mls oxcy a day. I know I should just throw the last 4 Vic's away and tough it out but like everyone here, the constant feeling of sickness is miserable. How did I get myself into this mess. It's amazing how we can be so highly functional and totally normal while taking these horrible things and no one on earth can guess we are dependent. I watched 6 episodes of intervention on my flight back from vacation. Those people are at the end of their rope. Doing desperate things to get their fix. It's the same disease no matter what. People still love them and they can get well after a nightmare existence. I have to focus on the good that will come when I have my clean life back. Thank you all for being here. It is so hard to get through this. It's a blessing to know that I am not alone.

[gatorgirl47]

And make yourself feel better. But the longer you use the worse it will be. If I made it you can to. I am weak and have no willpower. One hour at the time. I was very scared to take another pill to help with withdrawal so I tried Nyquil. It made the first 3days bearable. You can do it.

[gatorgirl47]

I have been to this site reading quietly for over a year. I am an addict. Addicted to any opiate I can find. 8 days ago I gave up, threw them all away. ( 200 dollars worth)! Now 8 days later I am feeling a lot better. My reason for finally posting here is because Murphy, you won't sink, I promise. I know you feel like you will. It's so easy to go find a pill

[VICourageous]

countache & murphy..
The physical will be over soon. These meds change both Body & the Chemical makeup of the Brain. It is the Mental that will come & go, as you will be opening up new feeling again. Feelings that might be hard to adjust to, as we have knocked down so many "Happpy Chems for so long. We lived numbed out but for some all buzzed out to. This is the part that will take awhile. For some it is Months and Months and for others it can takes Yrs. Many factors play here. Just "be here now"..be in the day and take it day by day. YOU will be feeling so much better real soon. It is just that first few months or yrs that we have to hang onto Patience. The changes will come but WE have to be the on to work at it. I found it to be one of the hardest jobs I have ever had, but the blessing that roll in are so worth it. Try NOT to put a TIME frame on this, that will only make you more frazzled. The Brain will adjust back on it's own time, however, eating healthy foods with tons of antioxidant in them will help..Building up a great immune system is a must right now. Some vit/min will help relax you and other will give you energy. BUT no matter what you do, your brain & body has it's own time frame and it WILL happen!!  YOU will start to FEEL so much better. Keep busy and try to listen to music, exercise and get some sun, as this will help bring back up those "Happy Chems" like the serotonin and endorphin, dopamine and so much more. Keep on foot in front of the other and NEVER look back. Do not feed your brain with any mind altering substances because that will kick in the pleasure part of the brain (mid-brain-survival part)and off you go thinking about all kinds of ways to give it the pleasure back that it wants and it will hound you for hours. Lots of new info about all of this in a more scientific way, but you can pick up so much from the readings at any of those meetings too. I wish you the best, and just know you will soon stop riding them waves on that surf board, and be walking on the beach..Feeling that warm sand between your toes once again. Ya!! Be Good, Be Safe and ALWAYS keep your Guard UP!!
Bless U Both!
Vickie

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl....how did the meeting go????? anyway the cold hands and feet are part of the withdrawal....I detoxed in the middle of the friggin desert and froze my a$$ off....I hope you fleushed the pills  your brain will not recover as long as your putting the poison in your system  just know your only going to feel crappy for a few days physically the detox is a 4 to 7 day deal but the ''energy crash'' and lack of sleep can go on a wile  recovery comes in baby steps  it is very cyclic with good days and bad days  just know the more days you get the better you will feel your doing the right thing with the N/A meetings  it is the single best thing you can do for your recovery ....how did your visit with your brother go????  im sure he gave you some good sound advise with 20 yrs clean  anyway keep posting for support YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!
..........................................GNARLY.......................................

[countache]

Thank you. Yes the meeting was a good first step and my brother has been great. He is back in Pheonix now but I have been talking to him every day. I didn't flush those pills but haven't taken one yet today and I am trying very hard not to. Have a runny stomach but I am still functioning ok. I will try to get to an other meeting today. Just afraid of running into someone I know in my community as I run many businesses , entertainment and non profit for kids but whatever right ? We are ok in this together. Enough with the shame already. Time to start loving myself and stop beating the crap out of myself for my mistakes. Those stupid 4 Vicodan will just prolong this misery. You are right. My coward brain is just telling me to keep them in case I get really sick but I guess it can't get that much worse than what I am already going through. Thanks again and bless you

[murphy667]

god help me, i'm in the same boat, but closer to the sinking end

[countache]

You are not going to sink Murphy.  You are here. This is definitely hell and I am afraid too, but there was a time when our bodies and minds didn't need this crap. We have to get back there. good luck and you are so not alone. There are a lot of amazing people here. Keep posting.

[Helpinghand2016]

Good luck. Hard decision. But the faster you stop the faster you go through withdrawal. Not sure tapering isn't a good idea though. Think about it first.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl  god to see you back....I would flush the rest of the pills  they are only prolonging the withdrawal....im glad to see your open to the meetings  it is a life line for the addict....try a hot soak for the symptoms  it really helps  keep posting for support.........Gnarly

[countache]

Thanks heading to a meeting now. You are certainly right about prolonging the symptoms. I guess I am just a coward . Hopefully I can flush those 4 freaking pills when I get back from the meeting. I will sneeze my way over there now. Bundling up because it's freezing here and even in my warm apartment my hands and feet are like ice cubes and my nose is raw from wiping with a tissue :(. Talk later