Back to Square One - UGHH!!!!!!!!!

[CleanUpTime]

Hello All...On Oct 7, I was 30 days clean C/T off Vics...I even posted my success and was doing great. Long story short, had a procedure done that day and was in a lot of pain. Guess what, got some Vic's and for the past 10-11 days, taking about 7-8 Vic's per day.

Good news, i dont have anymore and really dont want any. Honestly, while I was on them, I was cranky, tired, fatigued, etc. Even with all of that, I couldn't get myself to stop taking them until the bottle was finished.

I am very upset with myself.

Back to square one and how depressing was it to see your ticker say 30 days clean and now it says i'm "breaking free"...ughhh....

I know the W/D's shouldn't bee too bad since I wasn't on them for too long; i know about the RLS, depression and anxiety (maybe I'm going through it right now); but for a period of time there, I really thought I had this beat...I was happy, comfortable and then, BOOM!

Anyway, sorry to keep rambling; I really can't do meetings and hope that I can do this by myself; anyone out there get through this without the meetings?

[cathy5841]

sorry to hear it.  let this be a lesson that we as addicts are weak.  if you ever have to have them again let someone else hold them.  aftercare is really importana.  if you cant do meetings what about a counsellor?  

[kel506]

hey,i am so sorry to hear that.this is my 3rd day off percocets and i am really depressed and tired,achy and always cold.i want to take one so bad but i can't.just take it one day at a time.if you did it once you can do it again.i am always here to talk if you need to.god bless and good luck!!!

[owhatamistake]

Hey....ramble away.  That's what we're here for. :-)  I was 18 years clean and relapsed when my mom died (2 years ago) and am now tapering off Vicodin....and am doing better than I thought I could!  I am very determined!  One thing I am curious about is....did you search out any type of aftercare during those 30 clean days?  I can tell you that for me it was an absolute MUST.....quitting and aftercare go hand in hand if you want to get clean, stay clean and get into REAL recovery.  You have proved that you CAN do this, so get up, brush yourself off and get back on track....AND....find some sort of aftercare!  Good luck!

[CleanUpTime]

thanks for the input, as always, i always get the best help here. It hasn't been 24 hrs yet and I know the worst of the W/D's is yet to come; I'll look into aftercare but i dont know why i can't get myself to do it...maybe i'm too prideful/ashamed? i just feel lost!

[CleanUpTime]

Is it bad to take anti-anxiety med's while going through WDs?

[cathy5841]

cleanuptime, it is fine to take a anti anxiety meds for the w/ds just stop as soon as can....rememebr benzos are addictive and come with their own set of problems.  good luck to ya

[noellabella]

I understand your question completely...I am off vicodens for 29 days now..and the last week have been so anixety ridden my hubby gave me a quarter mg of xanex.i wasnt sleepy,had rsl and just totally uptight and like I was going to jump outta my skin. The xanex really helped. Now I must say that he has them under lock and key and gives me one when my hands are shaking or I am just in overall bad shape but I think its ok to take an anxiety meds to help go thru wds. It helps alot.

[corey411]

Worry about getting through the next few days and focus on the aftercare once the physical is done if it's too much to think about all at once. I would post and allow us to help encourage you through the process of geting it though. I put it off also...relapsed many times....and  it was actually no big deal once I decided to go to meetings. This is alot tougher than just the physical part and I am trying everything available. It's great you decided to get right back up and fight again. God bless. Corey

[CleanUpTime]

Thanks Corey. I think you've helped me in the past...

I've told myself, i'm going to give it one more PUSH; if this doesn't work on my own, then, i will go to NA...

Thanks as always to all!!!

Pray for me

[Mandapanda17]

you'll make it this time! Please don't take anxiety meds! I feel like I'm in a bigger mess with those, even after kicking the vicodin after 5 years. I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm being tapered off of xanax, after only 10 months and never above 2mg a day, it is H3LL to say the least. I can barely function sometimes. Any drug that is a CNS depressant, is evil in my opinion! I wish you the best, you'll make it! I'll be praying for you too! :)

[worried878]

glad u r back on track....it is a wonder why we take them when we know they make us feel bad?  ummm...but we do,,,but possibly it is a good signal that ur pill days are over

[Clamity2]

Congrats on the decision to get clean again. Now you KNOW you can do it. Little D and I will pray for you now.
God Bless  
I used after two weeks and I did have wds again the panic wasn't as bad because I knew it wouldn't last forever.

[CleanUpTime]

thanks everyone for the support! the anti-anxiety meds are lorazpam and my good friend is holding on to them for me and only giving me if i get real bad...i def dont want to get hooked on another drug...i'm def going to stay away from xanax; heard horror stories...

today is officially day 2!!!