Barbiturate withdrawal and seizures

[gee]

Last year I suffered my first grand mal seizure.  At the time, I was taking Phrenalyn (similar to Fioricet but without the caffeine) for migraines.  There was still barbiturates in my blood when I was hospitalized for the seizure.  Since then, any time I go for several days without taking Fioricet, which is what I take now, I get a seizure.  They're happening about once every two months now.

I do take more fioricet than I should.  Sometimes fifty tablets in a week.

I feel like this has been the cause of my seizures and they've found no other cause.  Could this be causing these seizures, even though the barbiturate was still in my system with the first one?

I have gone to a neurologist, and he knows I take fioricet (he prescribes them) but I haven't told him how many I take.

Thanks.

[hardtostop]

I'm in the midst of trying to stop the fiorocet. I went to detox for it a few years ago and was hallucinating so bad because I just stopped cold turkey. Barbiturates are very dangerous and very addictive. I don't know why I ever thought I could control it. Now I'm trying to stop again. Luckily I do have the support of AA this time. It's no way to live

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

Sounds like you are doing great.  If you're getting bored being in rehab you're well on your way.  Congrats.

[barbara to pain and lortab]

Yes, I agree we need to find other things to give us pleasure. Luckily I have alot of hobbies. I kept busy on my weekend passes going to the jungle and looking for rare plants. My cats and dogs are good company too.

I want to get out of the in-patient unit soon though, as I am really tired of it. I think my Doc needs to start cutting the Klonopin little faster but I Guess she is worried about the seizures since I had a few last week.

She tried my on Depakote for one week and I got extremely ill. I had to call into work sick for the first time in two years. I stopped taking it.

I am at day-33 today from the alcohol so unless something else is wrong with me I think I don't need the anti-convulsants. I am still on 1 1/4 mg Klonopin every four hours, except two times only 1 mg. I hope she can cut it fast without too much suffering.

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

What helps me is to remember that even if I'm not feeling "great", if I'm clean whatever I am feeling is REAL.  Life is meant to be lived on its own terms, without the need to always create an artificial nirvana.  We addicts are so used to a quick fix, a pill or drink to make everything feel better.  Now I get my "highs" from mountain biking, skiing, etc. and have learned to enjoy the little things that make life worth living--beautiful sunsets, good friends, my dog...all the stuff that didn't mean much when I was high all the time.  It really does feel good to get your life back.  Glad you're on your way.  One day at a time.

[barbara to pain and lortab]

My typing went hay-wire or something. Anyway I found myself craving a drink wondering why I could not take just one to feel just a little bit better! Of course I already know the answer, learning the hard way. But it is weird that the craving came at this time since it is the longest I've gone so far without alcohol and it's like my mind and/or body is challenging me. I won't give in though. I have a good A.A. meeting coming up in  short while and things to keep me busy through the day!

Thanks for the warning though!!!!! I've known many who crashed and burned when they were feeling great!

[barbara to pain and lortab]

You are right, today is day-30 and since I am feeling better I felt myself craving today wondering why

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

Thanks!  Believe it or not I'm sitting here blushing.  I'm glad I've helped some.  I'm just trying to give back some of the support and caring people gave me during my active addiction.  God knows I wondered sometimes why they didn't give up on me.  I'm living proof there's hope for everyone.  And Barbara, I can tell from your posts you're starting to feel better.  I'm really happy for you...BUT...please remember, it's when we start feeling good that we all tend to become complacent.  I relapsed more during the good times than the bad.  Please don't do the same.  Take care, Brian

[barbara to pain and lortab]

Thank you for the kind words. It does help get through the tough times. You are right! Brian is a great guy and we are all lucky to have a great forum such as this to be able to read and learn from some of his experiences and knowledge.

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

I just want to say to Barbara that I have read your posts and you have so much courage. I think you could write a book when you are through with this ordeal. You sound like a strong person and I know that you can do it. I just wanted you to know that I am pulling for you.

To Brian, you sound like a really neat person. How lucky Barbara is to have you to help her along.

Sincerely,
Shelly.

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

I am so happy to see that your spirits are up.  I do think you're turning the corner and it's going to be easier (although not always) from here.  Keep positive and remember to take one step at a time and one day at a time.  Take care, Brian

[barbara to pain and lortab]

Yes, I am doing a little better today. My psych Doc put me on Depakote to control my mood swings and the seizures. I had one this evening shortly before going to work. The Depakote should assist in allowing me to get off the Klonopin a little sooner without too many seizures.

My A.A. meeting was a good one last night and it felt good going again and getting involved. I am much more optomistic tonight. Thanks for the encouragement. I do need all I can get! Good luck to you to, you are doing alot to help others with your knowledge and experience!

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

I have faith you're going to make it.  Life isn't always great but the alternative is worse.  Take care, Brian

[barbara to pain and lortab]

I forgot to add, thanks for the encouraging words and I also heard that statement about God not giving us more than we can handle by one of my former Doctors about 16 years ago when I went through my last major depression. She was right that time! Hopefully you will be right this time too!

[barbara to pain and lortab]

I have told them numerous times that I just want to die and hope a seizure kills me soon. They just simply chart it for the Doctor to read later. I don't want to tell them too much or they will put me on suicide watch and not let me go to work. This is the only thing keeping me going right now. If it was'nt for my job I would have hung myself on the vines in the jungle last weekend or simply started drinking again and wait for the next shakedown to get me! The staff are a bunch of semi or on the job trainee Philippino nurses who they hired simply because they don't have enough qualified help to go around.Most of these murses know nothing about seizures or alcohol withdrawal. They have a critical shortage of nurses here on Guam.

My Doc suggested off-island in-patient care but that is not possible for me at this time of year. Maybe next dry season, January, if I make it that long.

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

Wow, you are having a rough time.  Anyone who thinks narcotic withdrawal is bad should read your posts.  What can I say but hang in there, it WILL get better.  You must try to believe that.  Don't stop taking your meds and let them know you're feeling suicidal.  I know it sounds trite but someone said to me in NA once when I really felt like the world was a horrible place, "God won't give you more than you can handle."  Take care and this rough part will end soon.  Brian

[barbara to pain and lortab]

Things are not going well these past few days. I am on day-21 of sobriety and all I can think about is homicide and suicide.

First the homicide. The other day I had a seizure and asked the staff to let me go outside to shakedown because it is much warmer outside and the Doc gave 24 hour orders for them to let me go outside to shakedown if I want. They were too busy talking about their shift change and told me I would have to wait. I told them the seizures won't wait. They finally let me out and I shookdown while they finished their talking inside their nurses station.

When I finished I knocked to come back in and they took their sweet time in getting there as it was time for the other patients smoke break anyway. I was cussing and carrying on but not threatening anyone. I always go into delirium after a shakedown.

A Nurse asked me to come and take my meds so I did and went and sat down. I asked when my Doc would be in and they said late that afternoon. It was still only 9:00am.

All of the sudden a bunch of people show up out of nowhere and surrounded me. I asked what was going on and one of them, a Gay man said, Your Doctor signed you out you have to leave. I told him he was incorrect and he said we will restrain you if you don't sign the paper and leave. I refused to sign and these ten men all grabbed me like a gang rape and dragged me into a room in which they were going to tie me down. So I figured the most logical choice was to sign the paper and call my Doc later. They literally blackmailed me into signing it. So I signed and they let me out. I called my Doc and she said they were totally wrong that they misunderstood my voluntary entrance and choice to leave anytime as an order to leave right then. So she ordered me to be let back into the facility.

I have a strong desire to kill the Fag who acted in charge of the whole thing although I obviously won't since it is illegal. I found out later he is nothing more than a counselor from another department altogether. He is just jealouse of my job, bacause he even referred to it during the encounter.

I called my attorney, and anyone else I could think of and they all said there isn't too much they can do about it except that I should log everything down from now on.

Well, yesterday two in-patients got in a big fist fight and only got two hours in a locked room each.

So today I am so pissed off, I am going to stop taking my Klonopin and hope to have a killer siezure!!!!! I am currently taking 1 1/2 mg every four hours. I hate this world. It sucks. I just want to die since I can't legally do anything to correct the wrong!

Mental Health of Guam sucks and most of the politicians suck too!!!!

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

God, I thought I had it bad with the narcotic withdrawals.  Since yours is extended, it must feel worse.  Hang in there.  Remember, one day you'll look back on this as a bad memory.  Life is just waiting for you to live it.  You'll be back in the game soon.  Take care.  Brian

[barbara to pain and lortab]

So far I am doing alright. Some of the staff are real pains in the butt but I guess rules are rules and one has to get used to being under someone elses control once in a while. I'ts better than being under the control of the alcohol.

I had a couple of seizures on day-5 so my psych doc raised my dosage of Klonopin from 7 1/4 mg a day to 10 1/2 mg divided into four hourly intervals. That seemed to have stopped the seizures.

I am on day-7, my withdrawal is longer than average usually lasting 10-14 days. I had some delirium days 4-6 but now my head seems clearer today at work.

My psych Doc wonders how I can work under so much Klonopin, she says the average person in my alcoholic state and withdrawal would not be able to work. I am lucky I guess.

After about another 2-3 days my Doc will start slowly taper down the Klonopin. She says it may take up to two months to taper slowly if I don't want withdrawal from that. It also will give me more time away from the booze and less craving as time passes.

I also will be attending A.A. a couple of alcohol/drug rehab courses each week. Things are up and down mood wise but that is to be expected.

I am doing fine so far. Thanks for asking! I'll talk again soon.

[Brian to Barbara]

How are you doing?

[barbara to pain and lortab]

I am out on a work pass right now, Today was a split shift day. I went through hell earlier until checking in, the shakes, sickness and super high blood pressure. They medicated me and I am already feeling much better. I am sure I will shakedown during the next several days and may even go into DT''s but at least I am getting treatment now and plan to stick with it this time no matter what.

Thatnks again for your nice comments. I'll post again soon.

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

I'm so glad to hear you're going back for inpatient treatment.  At least there you won't feel alone, will have professional help and, most importantly, can recover some hope.  Remember, millions have gone before you and made it.  You can too.  Good luck and post when you can.  Brian

[barbara to pain and lortab]

That you Brian for your encouragement. I did call my psych Doc yesterday and asked to go back in one more time for in-patient treatment. We had a good talk and although the place is not perfect, I had to come to the realization that any place that takes control of ones life will have it's ups and downs. I am used to running my own life the way I have wanted to for so long it's hard to come to that conclusion. But while sitting shaking violently yesterday once again I asked myself am I really in control anyhow and the answer was a big fat NO! I woke up this morning to three more seizures in a row and know I will die soon if I don't take immediate action.

Like I said, the place is not perfect, but I think after two trys I know their strategies and policies and can work with them better this time. My Doc promised to treat me with the correct dosage of Benzos in-patient to avoid the DT's like the last time. I am commiting myself for anywhere from 30-60 days with work passes. She will start with heavy dosage and taper slowly over the one-two months to avoid further withdrawal.

Yes, I almost gave up, but decided to try one more time, I do want to live, not die! I will also be resuming my A.A. meetings on passes as well.

Thanks again for your advice and support. I do appreciate it.

[Brian to Sick and Scared]

I know you're not directly asking for help or advice but I sense that you are truly in danger of some sort of serious consequence if you don't get help soon.  When you say you don't know if you'll make it I wonder if you have given up hope.  Please get involved with AA ASAP.  Even if you've been there and think they can't help you, I'm sure if you share at meetings SOMEONE will be able to lend support and help you find a better clinic or doctor.  Don't give up.  I think the worst part of addiction and the part people who have never suffered with it don't understand is the utter hopelessness we feel when we are far along in our addictions.  It is that deep down belief that we will never feel better and can never beat our addiction that keeps us from healing.  The only thing I can say is that despite feeling that way you must believe that you are not unique.  You are like millions of us, addicts with a future because we refuse to let our lives be controlled and dominated by this disease.  If you can grasp onto a straw of hope you can lift yourself out of this morass.  I'm pulling for you.  Brian

[barbara to pain and lortab]

I know exactly what you are going through. I had three seizures yesterday morning and decided to drink them away yet again. The DT's really suck!!!!!! I hope you do well and get past the seizures and DT's soon. Good luck to you.

I went to the beach and laid on the rocks at low tide for three hours praying about my condition. I don't know if I will make it. At least God sent me a new dog out of the clear blue to replace the one my neighbors accidently? poisoned several weeks ago. She even loves my cats! At least that was the first piece of good luck I have had in six months.

Hopefully, that means change will come soon. The Mental health department here sucks. The workers laughed while I was in seizures and when I freaked out in DT's and became violent they restrained me. They did not even know what the DT's means. I released myself that day and now my psychiatrist refuses to give me any out-patient treatment. No benzos, only Neurontin for the seizures. Life really sucks, I hate it and hope a Super-Typhoon comes real soon!!!!!!!!!