Been a minute

[Sisco504]

About 2 weeks ago I joined this forum and have relapsed and continue to due to certain circumstances going on. I have what you call a live in enabler that happens to be family of all things, that is so far in denial its unbelievable. Because of this I did start to cut off connections but because of this person, I dont want to put them out but at the same time I dont want to keep enabling myself either. No where to go, no insurance, no savings and the only friends I have now are users, *****.

I have been using and then hitting w/d for 3-4 days, but as soon as this person I live with wants em, its like I am damned lol. In the past 2 weeks, I have downed 300mg+ morphine in about 6 hrs, bad I know but it seems like it gets more extreme the more time goes on between these w/d's.

Just wanted to check in and say I havent gone anywhere and I still come here and read if Im using, I know what direction I need to go, its just a question of how I am going to get there.

[beachbrian]

i had been doing them for 2 years.i know you just have to quit.i quit 3 months ago,relapsed and quit 10 days ago.tossing,shaking,writhing etc....bad .you have to want to quit because doing them is so fun,right? i am still reach for my pill box @ 10am,2 pm,4pm etc.i would take 4-5 daily,then one day i was working hard and took @ 10 pills.i couldn't even talk.that was it.God bless all and good luck.youall can do it.

[DayToTry]

I had to bring this back up because I just read it and I love it  ... yeah ...

"You get there by stopping.  Just stop..."

That's it.  I know its difficult, but that's the only thing to do.  Just stop.  

Good one tiredofbeinsicktired

[Sisco504]

"You get there by stopping. Just stop...." This enabler happens to be my mother, one of the things they teach you in rehab/outpatient and after care is to rid your life of people who will enable you to go back. Its just a hard situation for me and I need to remove myself from the equation, this is what has to be worked out.  Trust me I get what your saying but its something thats gonna get worked out even if I have to go stay with my ex wife to get thru detox, she is the only person I can think of off the top of my head I can ask, then having my daughter there I never see, the depression will be almost unbearable..but it will get done. Its a matter of time.

As far as me taking it over the edge with the pills, if I had not had the experience with the morphine, I wouldnt be here talking to you. I took all that I had and if there had been more, I wouldve taken them, now I know better the hard way :/.

ty for the feedback.

[MzHolly]

i love the last sentance of your post, i've felt that way many times. In rehab I learned that every relapse will be worse than the last, so PLEASE be really careful with this back and forth situation you're dealing with. If your tolerance lowers during the time you're not using, and you pick up and use as much as you did before you could put yourself in a very dangerous situation. I can't give much advice as I am currently stuggling to come off vicoden, but there are many people on here who can. I hope you find your way. Good luck.

[tiredofbeinsicktired]

You get there by stopping. Just stop.... thats it. No more opiates. It hurts worse everytime. You already know that. If you really want to, you will quit. Keep reading, keep checking in, it will help you find your way to quitting. The one thing you can truly believe that you read on this forum is life gets way better when you quit. Maybe not at first, w/ds are bad. But when they are over, everyday gets better. For me, (I'm 35 days clean) having a bad day clean is better than a good day using. But I couldn't see that until I cleaned up. I can't trust my actively using self. I would put your survival over anything else. Including anyone else. Do it for you. Your worth fighting for, even if no one else will. A fellow, actively using addict will not help you, you have to help yourself. Sometimes getting clean means getting mean. Its okay to be selfish and protective of you. And you never know, maybe this enabler might become inspired by your strength and quit too.